Thanks for the review, I appreciate the feedback!

Right, well. I have some fixing to do, it would seem. First off, thank you for taking the time to leave me this review. I obviously missed some things in the editing.

Over-capitalizing is a habit I developed just from seeing so many things capitalized. It’s not proper grammar, I agree, so that’ll be one thing to fix up. At first I was confused by the part where you were explaining transitions from dialogue to description, but now I getcha. Again, over-capitalization and some erroneous punctuation.

As for the deal with Rayquaza, I’m really not sure how else to make this work. The Sky Pillar is some ways away from Littleroot town, and Mossdeep even further. Then, considering that Norman and his wife likely spent a lot of money on the tickets, it would be a waste to render them moot by watching it from the air. Not saying that you’re wrong, because looking at it now, it is quite strange, but rather that I don’t quite know how to make it work that it’s not nearly so jarring. If you have any suggestions, I’m open to hearing them.

Again, thank you for pointing these mistakes out. I’ll get to work cleaning up the grammar after I send this message and try to come up with a way for the two to reach Mossdeep in time.

Now that’s a review.I often get people who just praise my work and commend my writing abilities. Though, I do know that it’s flawed in some way. I’m just never able to pinpoint how or where exactly. Given, this story is not my most prized of pieces and I tossed it all up in four hours with little to no reworking.

I wanted to write this and say that I appreciate the time you put into critiquing this work. As mentioned before, a lot of individuals just point out good bits or state how the words made them feel. A lot of the bad stuff is hardly ever highlighted, so I’m not sure where to start working in terms of correcting terrible habits.

So, again. Thank you. It means a lot.

Wow, thanks for taking the time to write this out. I’ll keep these in mind. However I prefer to label the points of view including third person because it feels right to me but I’ll keep everything else in mind. I also write on an iPad so there’s stupid autocorrect but a lot of your review is new to me.I hope you will continue to read this story and correct my mistakes because failure is the mother of success.

First of all thank you for your long and detailed review.

I appreciate the bit on how dialogue is written. I will admit that I didn’t check the punctuation and capitalisation, and neither am I aware of categorisation of speech verbs and non speech verbs. I will say though it was a little confusing to tell what you were trying to say, mostly because there wasn’t any pre-empt, but it got through after a few times of reading.

Regarding the actual plotline, I won’t say anything to defend it. It has its flaws, and you won’t be the first to point them out. That said, I don’t think I will go back and edit the plot line despite its glaring flaws.

I also hope that you can further explain what you meant by the last part of “having [Dawn] say things for [Paul] to shut down first”, which I didn’t understand.

Its my story. And since Pokemon is capitalized all the time same with thee Pokemon themselves I’ll continue doing so. And I’m fully aware about how numbers are supposed to be put in writing but I feel its kind of ridiculous and seeing as how this is just something I’m doing as a hobby I don’t have to do it properly. And if you have a problem with my fanfic overall you don’t have to read it. Good day.

Hopefully no weird wording is found on this PM though.

About capitalization: it is indeed something I didn’t think of about the Pokémon world, and once again I thank you for pointing it. If you didn’t review my probably less than good fic I wouldn’t have found the thread on your forums. I will keep it in mind. However, I did think about the professor vs Professor. I originally intended to keep it as a title similar to Duke and such. However, after pondering on it I dcided to change it as well. After all, words as doctor and professor are used. And not Doctor/Professor.

My story is trying to be based on worldbuilding and lots of OCs, and it seems to be one of the topics you like, but I wouldn’t want to disturb you by asking you to beta read it. There’s also the fact that they are based on a post Pokémon X world, and from your beta reader profile you don’t seem to take them. However, in your forum’s beta reader thread most people seem to be inactive. So I’d like your counselling on this: is there any beta reader I should PM?

Thank you for your time, and I do hope I can write a fic you can enjoy. I will try to read yours as well, but if I ever review them I wouldn’t dare to go too far on the grammar part of them. They will probably be centered on plot/characters.

I’ll try my best I’m only 11

Thanks for the review! I edited the A/N to correct the drabble thing, but thanks for the feedback again :)

Hi Farla! Thank you for the constructive review. It’s really helpful to get some advice on how to improve my writing instead of just ‘this story sux’ or ‘I liked it.’ I’m sorry you didn’t like it. But now your advice will help me make this story better. Since I just posted it I can go back and make some changes. Thank you!

Is there anything else you think I can improve?

Why don’t you tell me how you really feel?

My grammar is better than most shit I’ve seen on this site so why don’t you go correct those that use text talk and what not instead?

Thanks for the review!

i’m pretty clear on what a parasite is, but as i’ve said i didn’t try to edit my story at all and was really just searching for a powerful word to use. i also wasn’t writing this fanfic like i would an english essay, where word choice is much more closely looked upon. nevertheless, thanks for pointing that out.

thanks for your review. First, I’d like you to know that I have problem with language as you can see. I appreciate your kindness to teach me about those, but apologize me because I don’t think I can remember those all… Also, I don’t really care with my language… I only want to share story with the readers :)

sorry, but maybe you’ll find these mistakes again and again. and I made the part that makes me looked lazy and a bad writer (even thought that’s the truth XD).

however, thanks for the review ^^ I really appreciate it :)

but for real, I’m a bad writer and I’m really bad at telling story and bad at language. so don’t be mad at me please X3

Thanks for the feedback! English isn’t my first language and I’m quite new to this whole writing thing so people like you helping is really appreciated! Ehh, I know it’s kinda cut off, I’ll try making it more complete in the next one! Hope you’ll enjoy the rest of the story!

Thank you for your review, I’ll keep your comments in mind!

Wow, with such scathing criticism, I take it that you don’t really like my story. That’s okay though, since you’re taking the time to read it and try to improve it, which I certainly appreciate more than empty flames! :D

“You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.”

I capitalize the Pokemon species name because that’s how all the media does it. So it’s pretty canon to me that at least in the Pokemon Universe and its grammar rules, Pokemon species are to be capitalized.

“This doesn’t make very much sense. The reason an antlion’s pits catch ants is because the ants can’t function well in the sand, but the very fact they make the pits shows they’re good diggers. Two trapinch in the same hole might end up fighting, but the hole itself isn’t going to do much to make the trapinch easy to eat.”

Actually, ants function just fine in sand; the reason it works on ants (and pretty much everything else that gets trapped in there as ants are not the only animals that eaten by antlions) is because the slope of the pit is made perfectly at an angle so as to slide and collapse under the feet of their prey. If the antlion doesn’t get this perfect angle right, the ant can easily climb out and escape (or the pit will collapse in on itself).

Antlions will eat others of their own kind if they fall into each other’s sand traps, and will even eat the adults of their kind as well. That’s the detail I was alluding to with that statement. For sure the captured Trapinch will put up a struggle if it can (more often than not, they end up on their backs when they fall in), but as mentioned in another statement, their jaws make quick work of their prey and the unfortunate Trapinch will not have much of a reaction time before the other bites it in half.

“But she’s got a pretty hefty type advantage on them. She’s not even the sort of creature that’d easily wander into a web, and these guys specifically hunt by charging the webs with electricity which she’s immune to. It’d make much more sense for trapinch to fear being dug up by birds or something.”

Galvantulas aren’t weak to Ground-type Pokemon at all. It’s just that their electricity doesn’t work on them. But of course, Galvantulas can learn other attacks than Electric-types, and they employ these (and their superior speed and agility) if they want to eat a Trapinch. Of course, Trapinch can and will fight back (especially if they’re lucky enough to know a Rock-type move), hence why they’re considered the most dangerous and challenging prey a Galvantula can face.

And indeed, as you state, no Trapinch really gets caught in Galvantula webs on this island. They stay on the beach pretty much exclusively whilst the Galvantulas build their webs in the forest. Even if they get caught in a web, the danger will come from getting tangled rather than the electricity. The only time they face dangers from Galvantulas is if the spiders come looking for them specifically, which is an uncommon occurrence and pretty much happens when a Galvantula is starving and desperate, or is looking for a courtship present, as Trapinch are highly prized meals in their society.

“…really not how sand works.”

“Seriously, sand is porous. That’s its thing. If she wants a dry section, she needs to find a rock under there and use that as a shelter, or else she needs some adaption that lets her make a waterproof seal. If the idea is that the ocean’s getting whipped up by the storm, then she could make a gummy seal that normally works but gets battered apart by waves.”

Really? I was told that sand, while it does absorb water, only allows the liquid to go down so far.

Ooo, a gummy seal? What is meant by that, as I never heard of it. Is it like the sand version of thick mud or clay or something? :)

Thx 4 the review I’m giving you a shout out

Well, thanks for the lecture. I’m just kidding. I just didn’t expect you to have to point out each and every mistake.

First off, the way you talked about not capitalizing a Pokemon’s name, that was my mistake. I didn’t notice that. But seriously, I’m not stupid, I’m pretty sure I know proper nouns.

[It began with out names being complementary colors.]

When complementary colors mix, they create a dull shade. You probably know that. So if others that read this story make the mistake of reading the word wrong, that’s on them, not me. Besides, I literally only put that word in the story ONCE.

As for the crimson part, I meant eyes. That was also my fault, but I didn’t get the chance to reread this story for errors. I’m not perfect, I don’t spot details from a mile away.

With the names between Red and Green, I was mostly trying to go for Red’s thought process. Red and Green are opposites, so I thought he might feel as though it was fate that had separated them. Also, this story was based of a short comic, so I used some of their idea’s on how Red might think.

As for my dialogue, I’m still starting out, so I apologize if it’s not right. But that’s kinda just how I write. ‘Blushes in apology.’

I also apologize if I may have sounded rude, I just wanted to clear up some things. Thank you for the review though, I appreciate it.