Jan 23xQEAxA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11744181/

If it helps I’m scrapping this story, sorry your were disappointed and believe me I’m gonna rethink ever doing an oc story. Thanks for your help and have a nice night
-xQEAx

Jan 23FIGHTER OF JUSTICEWell hello Farla, can I call you Farla? Because I’m going to anyways, I don’t have anything else to call you. I’m not really going to complain I actually wanted to thank you. I wrote this story I think two years ago? I never intended it to be funny, since I do agree with you the idea is overused and bland. It was actually a story to get me started off on this site with a simple plot to follow. I only hoped to tweak it up a bit after seeing how much more awful my grammar was those two years ago, didn’t really see a need to get rid of it. I wasn’t particularly worried about grammar over a one-shot story on a fan fiction site that no one would really care about. Okay I guess I was complaining a bit, sorry about that. However I am delighted by the more pleasant nature of this review compared to the last one. I do thank you for your tips on grammar and I’ll keep them in mind for the next stories I write. Feel free to reprimand me on the grammar in this message, by the way. Help is always welcomed. I would also like to commend you on your bluntness, very nice quality to have.

Jan 23Glaceon of shadowThank you for taking the time to read my fanfic and review but some of your suggestions were kinda confusing and two of them didn’t even apply maybe you could be more precise. I’m just saying thnx anyway

Jan 23Glaceon of shadowOK I see what you ment with the number thing but that was done on purpose as its from a game

Jan 23Dreamer-O-FaeA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11725586/

Thank you very much for your review and your advice!

Jan 23Sencil4A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11745669/

These are good for future writing. Thank you. This might send twice because my internet is sometimes slow.

Jan 23celebi4everA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11742643/

I’m doing my best to add more information to these entries. Yes, some more anecdotes from Dawn would give these chapters more depth, but I don’t think a guide would work as well if it were a story rather than a journal entry.

Pokemon names are always capitalized regardless of their position in the sentence. The biographies on Bulbapedia capitalize them, and the games and trading cards do the same.

Jan 23Shamekeeper12A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11742651/

Thanks a bundle for the review. ^^

Looking over your advice, I’m especially confused about the quotations rules you have. I have two bits of dialogue…and they follow every rule you’ve mentioned…unless, of course, you mean to say that it’s not I said “Hello!” but rather, I said, “Hello!”
I would consider adding that to your little copy-pasta, as it seems incomplete (it does not account for dialogue tags before the quotation marks).

Thanks again!

Jan 23NeonZangetsuA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11745672/

….sigh. Kinda expected I’d hear this from someone sooner or later. This was written with pure intentions, believe it or not. Thanks for the criticism anyhow, I’ll be sure to use it to improve.

Jan 23ArnineA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11746014/

Hey, thank you for reviewing! I really appreciate you pointing out my silly mistakes and errors, and for being legitly critical. Most reviews end up stating they don’t like something, but never why. Your review also seemed to pint out a lot of things I was trying to communicate but don’t think I did very well – like how she barely registers she almost died, and recklessly decided to chase after N even though that’s practically the worst decision she could possibly make at the moment. What I was trying to do was show how horribly she was dealing with her father’s death. Instead of facing the facts, she runs away, abandons her duties, and leaves behind her friends and mother. Touko has it in her head that her and N won’t meet again if she doesn’t go after him.

I definitely need to work on getting across what I intend, though, since this was supposed to be the main idea of the story, so I’m really glad you pointed this out to me. I’ll definitely review my story and use your criticism to make it better, so thank you again.

Jan 23TinyAppleSliceA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11745849/

Thank you for your thoughtful review! Unfortunately, this is only a preview of the first chapter, rather than the first chapter itself. Thus, the lack of events is due to the incompletion of the chapter. I assure you that my chapters are at least a couple of pages long.

Firstly, most of my dialogue in this short excerpt breaks up sentences in the middle.

Ex. 1

“Please,” he smiled good-naturedly, “call me Ben.”

vs.

“Please call me Ben.”

Ex. 2

“Look, Ben Dover,” I coughed awkwardly to cover my oncoming giggles, “err, haven’t you ever wanted to be something besides a mathematician?”

vs.

“Look, Ben Dover, err, haven’t you ever wanted to be something besides a mathematician?”

vs.

omitting Ben Dover and err

“Look, haven’t you ever wanted to be something besides a mathematician?”

Secondly, I see your point about speech verbs and appreciate your constructive criticism on the subject. That is the main problem with my dialogue, and, instead of “coughed” or “smiled,” I should use “said,” “yelled,” “whispered,” etc. However, I believe “coughed” and “smiled” give a better mental picture of the scene in the reader’s mind. Therefore, I should change my grammar accordingly.

Ex.

“Look, Ben Dover.” I coughed awkwardly to cover my oncoming giggles. “Err, haven’t you ever wanted to be something besides a mathematician?”

Thirdly, the word “Pokémon” is capitalized. “Pikachu” and “Charizard” are also capitalized. It doesn’t make sense compared to how we do not capitalize “animal,” “mouse,” or “dragon”; however, in the Pokémon world, Pokémon names are capitalized. If you Google “Eevee,” the first link is a Bulbapedia site that includes Pokédex entries from the actual games. Generation III Emerald refers to “An Eevee,” and Generation III FireRed, Generation IV Diamond/Pearl, Generation V Black 2/White 2, and all Generation VI games have a capitalized “Pokémon” in their Pokédex entries. Thus, capitalization of only proper nouns does not apply to Pokémon (or the grammar guy at Pokémon headquarters needs to be fired).

Again, I thank you for your review and will take your suggestions into consideration. The time and effort it took you to give me constructive criticism probably could have been spent eating a cookie. I thank you for not eating that cookie!

TinyAppleSlice

Jan 23Jackatron9000A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11744655/

This is the first time I wrote a story and posted it online. I WAS UP TILL 12 AM! Cut me some slack… But thanks for at least reading it…

Jan 23Pegasusangel1987A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11746161/

This is the first fan fiction I tried and I appreciate the mistakes you pointed out. Luckily most of the characters in the first chapter are not really going to be in the story it was just to show how much she loved Pokemon so yeah they weren’t really created in depth like Tabitha is.You did make several good points and I appreciate your review. As for a beta reader I choose not to use those because I believe practice and others reviews are how to best learn. I hope you are having a good night!

Jan 24Crystal Hope DragonA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10987092/

Thank you for trying to help the new writers, you seem to care a lot since you put the effort into this. Still, there were a few problems with what you said and how you phrased it.
The capitalization issue for the names of Pokemon isn’t a mistake. In English we wouldn’t normally capitalize the names of animals but the show and games both capitalize the names of Pokemon, so for their world it is proper grammar. Also since the only Pokemon commonly referred to in this was Pikachu, it was being treated as his name and therefore would be capitalized anyway.
Next, your grammar lesson was convoluted. Simplify and spread out what you were trying to say. It may be accurate but if no one can understand it it has no value.
I know I sound mean with my corrections here, but so did you. When trying to assist someone it’s best not to be so blunt and negative. Accent both the good and bad of the writing, and try to understand why some mistakes were there. I’m grateful you are trying to help the new writers improve; but try to be constructive, not just critical.
The story did have a lot of problems, but it is a good place to start.