Well, let’s see what everyone else has to say. Plasma grunts I defeated, your thoughts on all this?

That’s what I would expect from someone who binds their Pokemon with Poke Balls!

I wonder if there was the idea that some of them weren’t keeping their pokemon in pokeballs. It’d make a lot of things here make more sense. Another reason to wonder why they did away with the HG/SS pokemon-follow-you idea, having some trainers with their pokemon running about would have been a good idea.

What you’re doing now is nothing more than a futile struggle!

No you.

Okay, oldschool Plasma? Your thoughts on yaoi this serious situation?

Don’t ignore Pokemon’s feelings and separate them from their Trainers!

Yeah, that seems a fair point, since they’re just indiscriminately stealing.

Is this where you come to an understanding by trading blows? This is what being young is, right?

Game you’re too shonen already, stop.

Okay, newschool Plasma, your rebuttal?

Oh! I can feel how strongly this person feels! I-it’s making me doubt myself!

I just said no.

That traitorous Sage! I’m going to pound him into a pulp!

Well, at least you’re focused.

We’re going to conquer Unova and make all the Pokemon ours!

You too! You’re what I look for in an enemy team.

Then our failure two years ago won’t matter anymore!

Not such a fan of you defining yourself based on suckiness though.

I don’t care about you at all! ‘Cause you can’t beat our boss!

Yeah that’s fair. I’ve been sickeningly unimpressive.

We’re gonna freeze Unova solid and steal everyone’s Pokemon!

It’s important to aim high.

Anyway, this is a nice looking area! Some of the trees are frozen and lovely looking.

Ditto!

It can restructure its entire cellular structure to change into what it sees, but it returns to normal when it relaxes.

Ditto is such a cool concept. Since they finally introduced an ability to make it transform, instead of wasting your first turn on a move, it’d be interesting to try to play through the game sometime with a team of ditto.

Anyway.

There’s ice to slide on! For some reason, sliding down a bunch of steps just makes you stop instead of speed up and possibly break something. Sadly, it doesn’t last long. Soon, there’s the magic iceskyboat, but hey, that’s almost as good! Time to kick ass.

God damn Failry’s here. Forgot about that.

Failry, explain yourself.

Go on ahead! I’m going to make them tell me about the Shadow Triad!

Hm. Well, okay. If your stupid vendetta is finally going to make you stop hogging the actual hero duties, I’ll take it.

If you find Purrloin or the Shadow Triad, let me know!

Yeah sure.

Hey, guy he’s fighting, your thoughts?

Cretin! Don’t interfere with Team Plasma’s conquest of Unova!

I wish someone would say that to me.

How about the rest of you?

Struggle and squirm! Kyurem’s ice is more powerful than Reshiram’s columns of fire or Zekrom’s crackling lightning!

How do you figure? I mean, for one thing, if you light stuff on fire, it’ll keep burning, so you’d get way more devastation.

Now, if you mean just in a three-way fight, I guess ice is pretty good against dragon-types, but Reshiram is half fire so it’s not supereffective there, while dragon moves would be good against either one. And fire moves would be equally neutral against an ice/dragon pokemon, and, if Kyurem isn’t dragon at all as was speculated earlier, then that would be supereffective.

H-he’s terrifying! He can’t be human! But he has a silly-looking Qwilfish hairstyle!

I hate this game.

Okay, let’s try the lower area. And it’s two Plasma grunts ready to pounce!

Knave! I do ambush thee!

Where the hell does Plasma even find you people.

Oh-ho-ho! You’ve been ambushed!

Well at least you’re sane about this.

Okay, continuing on is the spyguy whining about how it’s hard and Rood hasn’t sent anyone to help.

I can’t stand it. Everybody around me is always saying bad stuff about Lord N.

You should totally murder them for that.

But Lord N learned the error of his ways and changed course to a better path.

He did?

I thought he got really confused because there were two dragons and he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do and then Ghetsis started ranting about how it was all a plot to be evil and then he decided to take off because he didn’t know what to do next.

Yet they call him a betrayer!

Well, he sort of is, he totally betrayed Ghetsis’ plan.

People really stink sometimes. They selfishly counted on him, and now they selfishly make a big fuss about being betrayed.

Oh this is just crazed fan rambling okay carry on.

Oh! I nearly forgot to tell you! This floor is a maze of pipes. You’ve got to step on switches to connect or disconnect the pipes.

PUZZLETIME YAY

It’s a good think you can walk on the pipes.

Okay.

…that’s it? You can’t even toss a heal my way?

You know what troubles me… How come all of us who were in Team Plasma together–thinking we knew what was right–are now divided into former Team Plasma members and continuing Team Plasma members, both with opposing points of view?

Uh, because things were always like that, with half of you there for the stated goal of helping pokemon and believing in N, and half of you were there following Ghetsis’ plan and kicking pokemon every chance you got?

Where’s the line between friend and foe? I spend a lot of time asking myself that.

Why? It’s really easy. The people raving about how awesome abusing pokemon are = foe. There you go.

As for you, on this floor, you’ll need to enter a password to continue on. And that password is… Ha! You didn’t think I was just going to tell you the password, did you?

Yes…? Because we’re on the same side…?

You’ll have to figure it out from the others!

There are so many people who want to be eaten by a dragon in this game.

Let me see what’s in the other area.

Oh hey! Kyurem’s still hanging out below the floor grating up top, no guards and the barrier’s still down. Team Plasma doesn’t have very good work ethic, do they?

Also, for some reason you can’t use fly from the deck of the boat. So off to heal.

And why the hell is there a metang here?

Well. I use up all my timerballs and most of my ultraballs before it runs out of moves and struggles itself to death. Plus, half my team’s beaten to death in the process, so I have to go back to the pokecenter again. Fun.

Anyway, back to where I was. Seems you can easily walk around the Plasma grunts, but I guess then you don’t learn the password.

The hint:

The password is the name of a legendary Pokemon in the Unova region!

WELL THAT SURE NARROWS IT DOWN!

Presumably it’s specifically one of the only three pokemon Plasma gives a fuck about, but still, fifth gen overflows with legendaries.

See, I’m going to take over the world and then make that idiot N pay! That traitor… Just his face makes me so mad!

I like to hope these quotes are accurately getting across the feeling of playing the game. Namely, you talk to a lot of people who won’t shut up about how much they hate N for poorly explained and repetitive reasons.

Hey, a doctor guy! Heal my pokemon kthx.

If Team Plasma takes over the world, there should be fewer Pokemon injured.

Yes, because most of them will be frozen.

Injured Pokemon have both enemies and friends!

Uh. Okay. So, healing?

Healing. Thanks.

Don’t you think there will be less war if Team Plasma takes over the world?

Yes, mass death has historically led to less war. Theoretically, enough death would end war forever.

Another one says they were in Team Galactic and came here after that fell apart.

For some reason, the pipe thing won’t let you walk underneath the pipes. This makes even less sense when you realize there are Team Plasma guys just hanging out underneath, fine with the idea that at any moment someone else might trip the pipes and leave them trapped.

Also one of the “hints” is that it’s a white dragon. Fucking game thinking I’m an idiot.

Well, at least the pipe puzzle itself is mildly challenging. I managed to lock myself out and had to reset the puzzle! Thanks for not babying me for once, game.

Ooh, Volcarona finally learned a decent move, silver wind.

Fucking password thing wants me to actually type the whole word in instead of giving me a list.

But fine. So, I proceed…

And bam, I’ve tripped an event.

Zinzolin: The device is indestructible! You will never be able to release Kyurem!

There really hasn’t been much to suggest indestructible things exist here. I guess it’s something you’d say if you had no better way of getting them to stop.

Anyway, he walks up. So bored of this guy! There were seven sages, why can’t there be a bit more variety?

You don’t have the sense to know when to quit, it seems.

Neither do you! Seriously, where are other people I haven’t beaten already?

It’s an act of mercy on my part to bring this to an end now!

He’s still only got three pokemon christ game.

Two L53 crygonal my L58 zoroak oneshots, then a L55 weavile my volcarona beats.

Zinzolin: Beaten again?!

You have pretty much the same pokemon as last fight. Of course beaten again.

No matter! Team Plasma will get the last laugh!

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Still nothing happening.