The instant I make the mistake of leaving the gym, Failry pounces.

Gary: You got all of the badges!

How can you tell I won instead of leaving to heal my pokemon before the battle, or losing?

You’re really something!

That said, of the various stuff I’ve put up with, you assuming I’m awesome and must have won is by far the least enraging.

Usually, you’d go to the Pokemon League now, but… dealing with Team Plasma comes first!

So the game at least isn’t going to try to sell beating them as part of saving the world this game.

And…now Marlon’s arrived from somewhere below (south?) despite leaving in the opposite direction.

Marlon: Sup yo!

WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THAT?

What’s this Team Plasma you’re talking about do?

Game. Game, I want a challenge. Telling me I kicked the ass of a moron is not that.

Gary: Team Plasma does things like steal my sister’s… I mean people’s Pokemon.

I don’t understand what’s up with this line.

This format is supposed to be used when someone starts to say something honest, then corrects themselves. But all he’s doing is switching from the individual instance to a broader statement. Both are correct.

Unless the point here is that Failry doesn’t give a damn about stealing pokemon, just making him look weak in front of his sister, but presumably that’s not it.

They plan on conquering Unova by using Pokemon to freeze it solid!

See, do you notice how that has nothing to do with what you say they’re busy with in the previous sentence?

They’re really evil!

You could have just said that and been done with it. It’s all the plot actually amounts to.

Haven’t you heard of them, Marlon?

Marlon: Nope!

God this is the lamest, most anticlimatic final gym ever.

As I covered while gushing about Blue, in the first gen, the final gym leader IS the boss of the evil team. And then you continue on from there in the knowledge that whoever you face next must be even stronger!

It’s been a slow downward creep from there. Second gen doesn’t have that, but it has DR4GONS as the eighth gym and a tie-in to the caring-about-pokemon plot that didn’t completely suck then, so it still feels suitably important. Third gen…well, the important stuff happens in the same area as the eighth gym, and it’s in a pretty place so it goes with the theme of harmony with nature.

I can’t even remember what the fourth gen’s connection was, so it squeaks out ahead of this one because I’m now actively hating this.

What would be good is more variations on the final gym being controlled by your enemy. Like Pokemon Colosseum, they did this well, if rather over the top in actual execution.

…Marlon’s still talking. Well, back to the transcription-and-raging grindstone.

Marlon: Nope! When the ocean’s your home, you don’t worry about things like that. ‘Cause the ocean accepts all rivers!

To truly hate you would imply you’re worth more than you are. Rather, I have a sort of apathy that motivates me now. My dragon will eat you and I won’t have to hear your stupid words any longer.

So you think Team Plasma’s bad, then?

Excuse me?

They have an COLD-BEAM CANNON that they shoot from their FLYING PIRATE SHIP as part of their plan to DESTROY THE WORLD by covering it in BEAUTIFULLY RENDERED ICE.

They are fucking awesome and I will hear no word spoken against them.

Marlon: Shoots! Not bad… You think that but still fight!

Well hello, pokemon trainer here! It’s kind of what we do. Eye contact = battles.

Plus they’re on the trail of a legendary it seems, and that’s MINE DAMMIT ALL MINE!

But, first, you got to say that in your own words. When you do, you’ll understand better what you want to do and what you’re hoping for!

I will get a legendary dragon and kill everyone who’s wronged, slighted, or mildly irritated me.

Well then…

And he goes away again.

Fun fact: although that ramble about saying things in my own words seems to fit well with my apparently having no reason for fighting Team Plasma, he says it regardless of what you say. If you answer that they are, in fact, evil, the only difference is he says I get it. They’re bad, so you fight ’em. first.

Gary: Man, I don’t know if that guy is laid back or just irresponsible.

Why is “an idiot” not on the list?

I get the impression Marlon’s character designer thought he was really clever with all this. But Marlon’s kind of a reverse of Douchy McFlamehair – he hasn’t been talked up all game as mattering, he’s the gym leader of a place I didn’t even know existed before now. And then I curbstomped him with a single pokemon. If he was a really strong trainer, then whether or not he’s ignoring this problem matters – an irresponsible person with a lot of power is an issue. But by the time I found out about him I was at his level as a trainer, so, who cares? His team didn’t even have any clever tricks to it, or if they did I missed it as my serperior was slaughtering them.

That kinda got me down

Why? Because you look up to gym leaders, even when they’re a guy you know nothing about? Can’t be that you were expecting help, or you’d have asked for it instead of focusing on us getting the badge.

but our opponent is Team Plasma! We have to focus! But, before that, we have to find out where they are!

Before we focus on them?

OK! We’ll split up! You check Route 22! Got it?

Fuck you.

And he heads away.

Well, on to exploring the town. If the game won’t pretend to take me seriously, I won’t take its stupid plot seriously. Rush? What rush? I see no rush.

Controlling the ocean…nature… It’s not possible. People and Pokemon have to figure out how to live with nature!

Uh, but there are pokemon that can control the ocean and nature at large. Also, don’t pokemon already know how to live with nature, given they already do?

There’s someone with a tangrowth they say they’ll trade for a mantine, but I don’t have one.

The houses all have a glass plate in the center to look down at the water. It’s cool, if a bit dangerous looking when you’re putting chairs on there.

There’s this one house where this woman asks you to walk her mienfoo, which you have to do inside the house. And then, while you’re doing this, you have only a few places you can move in a straight line because the place is so cramped. And as you rack up the necessary count, you have to imagine spending your entire life in this place, never allowed to set foot outside because your owner insists it’s not safe, never even having someone else to walk around with unless a stranger wanders in and agrees to play with you for a bit.

It’s the most accurate depiction of actual owners I’ve seen in the series to date.

…Let’s go to the route.

Amoonguss? Did I not catch this already?

It moves the caps on both arms
and does a dance to lure prey.
It prefers damp places.

Aaand suddenly there’s another pokemon in plain sight.

The one radiating such a tremendous presence before you is none other than Terrakion!

My avatar seems surprised…oh, because it was someone actually saying that.

Colress: It’s been a long time.

Yeah, it has! To get back to Blue, recurring characters need to recur. It was nice and simple then: you had Gary show up at various major points and you kept fighting Giovanni at the end of the Team Rocket-related dungeons. You had time to build them up.

Second gen, I think, did even better, having Lance show up early but without fighting him. And your rival had his own plotline without taking over yours.

Here…Colress has showed up once before. The only reason I knew he wasn’t some weird one-off was that he shows up in the opening and also has such a weird character design there must be more of a point to him.

Terrakion is one of the three Pokemon who protected Pokemon from the flames of a human conflict! It seems likely that Terrakion has picked up the scent of danger that emanates from Team Plasma. It’s probably seeking a Pokemon Trainer who has the strength to stand up to them.

Part of what’s confusing here is that the game can never quite work out what it means by “strength”. A strong trainer has strong pokemon, because strong pokemon can only happen if you’re a strong trainer.

The most workable option, which is really found more in spinoffs and fanfic, is a trainer that can win even with weak pokemon, although you’ll also see a lot of saying good trainer is someone who can make weak pokemon powerful, which is very different.

See, someone who’s so talented they can win with weak pokemon will presumably do better if they have strong ones. Someone whose ability is bringing weak pokemon up to par with stronger ones won’t do any better if you just hand them strong ones directly, though.

So, if we go on the idea I’m a super trainer in terms of battling strategy, the legendaries appearing before me works. If my team of six can beat one of them down, then my team of legendaries could beat any opponent!

…shame the legendaries aren’t really that awesome, and shame that using pokemon as stepping stones to getting better pokemon doesn’t work well with the friendship thing.

But anyway, seems that’s why they’re showing up before me, and not because they’re just scared.

It’s very interesting indeed that Terrakion appeared before you!

More like predictable. When that cobalt lion showed up, I was surprised, but the next one was more of a meh.

But anyway! Are you here because you wanted it? Or to stop me from getting it because you’re part of Plasma? Or anything, really.

That aside, do you plan to confront Team Plasma?

I think they have my dragon. Also, only halfway interesting thing going on.

I see. If that’s the case, you must have the power to protect your own Pokemon!

Uh, do you mean that as in “you need to do this” or “apparently you’re capable of this”?

Being protected by Pokemon alone doesn’t make you a Trainer!

Course not. Beating up other pokemon with your pokemon makes you one.

It’s because Trainers are strong, because they care about their Pokemon, that these Pokemon can also be strong!

See what I mean about the game not knowing quite what “strong” actually involves? It changes in every conversation.

Here!

Oh no.

This is from me!

No no no.

Farla obtained the Colress MCHN!

So he’s not a bad guy? Fuuuuuuuuck.

This is a prototype of my device that energizes Pokemon! It doesn’t work on battling Pokemon, but you may find it useful for something!

Huh? So…does it heal pokemon outside of battle, or something?

Well then, I wish you and your Pokemon a safe journey!

And he walks away.

Then he stops again.

Now that I think about it! In the Seaside Cave on Route 21, I saw something that reminded me of when we met on Route 4.

what are oooooooooooh right.

So you literally showed up just so I could get past another roadblock.

Despite the fact the game has no problem making roadblocks up for stupid reasons and having them disappear for equally stupid ones, THIS particular roadblock was srs bsns and needed a key item to get past.

And then he leaves again.

So…I guess I have to catch this pokemon now. This super important legendary that’s appearing because I’m great or something.

Yay?