Last time, the game opening.

Well, now I can walk around.

The computer has nothing for me.

The bed is apparently brand-new.

And my shelves are full of pokemon picture books. Guess I’m not a big reader.

…the other shelf produces the text Are these books for Pokemon to read? First, why would I have those when I have no pokemon? Second, whose POV is this from? If it’s my room, why would I be unclear on what the stuff in it was?

Walking toward the door triggers Mom to run over.

Do you know Professor Juniper? She’s a famous Pokemon researcher. Actually, she’s an old friend of mine, and she called me today for the first time in ages! This is out of the blue, but, Farla! Do you want to have a Pokemon?

No way.

What?! That’s a shock!
I’ll ask you again. Do you want a Pokemon?

I can see you really value my personal opinion and autonomy, Mom. Other POVs sure are great, aren’t they?

OK! Step one completed! Well then, do you know what a Pokedex is?

Please let this mean I can skip the explanation.

I knew you would!

Right…

Isn’t it amazing how it automatically records Pokemon you encounter?

WHY THE HELL DO YOU EVEN BOTHER ASKING?

Yet another question!

STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS THAT DON’T MATTER

You want a Pokedex, right?

I have had it up to here with your pokedex blather!

I don’t mean to be selfish, but I’d like it if you were a bit more agreeable.

…Okay, fair.

Having a Pokedex means traveling around the world! Think about that for a second. So I’ll ask you again… You want a Pokedex, right?

Look, just do what you want, you obviously decided already.

OK! Step two completed!
Farla! Your course of action has been set! A girl named Bianca has come here to meet you! She’s Professor Juniper’s assistant. I was told to simply look for a big, green hat!
That’s right! You’re going to go look for Bianca. And then you’ll get a Pokedex and a Pokemon to be your partner! Oh! Your Xtransceiver’s in your Bag, right? Do you know how to open your Bag?

YES FOR GOD’S SAKE I KNOW HOW TO OPEN A BAG

The girl’s name is Bianca.

Holy shit it actually worked.

I was told you should look for a big, green hat!

Are you repeating this information just to spite me for not letting you repeat the directions on how to open a bag?

She might be lost because this is her first time here. Go look for her!

And I’m free. Finally, gloriously free.

Let’s go get a pokemon..

Outside is the guy who tells me science is cool. Now you can play with hundreds of people at once? Uh, okay.

Let’s try a house.

Hey there, Farla! Going to have Gary brag to you about his Pokemon again today?

Huh, named him well it seems.

If you have a Pokemon with you, you can even walk outside of town!

Implying a lot of you guys are trapped here, since I see no sign of pokemon.

So my rival has an upstairs to his house…

Upstairs is a little kid who wants to get to battle eventually and a girl at the kitchen sink.

What kind of relationship do you want with the Pokemon you meet?

Unquestioning obedience.

I’m happy just having them by my side!

Yeah, but what did they want?

Well, I see no sign of my rival. Let’s keep going.

Hi, Farla!

And here’s rival guy and some little kid. The hair on these sprites gets worse by the minute.

Gary: Hey!

…So, by the fact we’re still using the Name: format, probably more long scripted bits with multiple people talking.

You get a Pokemon yet?

Soon.

There aren’t any Pokemon Trainers around here, and I’m getting bored.


Huh, so everyone is stuck here? How do they deliver supplies? This would make a lot more sense if it had a qualifier like “my age”.


What’s that? … A person named Bianca is giving you a Pokemon? Really?!

Gary’s Sister: Farla… If you get a Pokemon, take really, really good care of it, OK?

And what will you do if I don’t? Look vaguely disapproving on occasion?

Gary: Yeah… OK! Let’s go get your Pokemon! There’s something I have to do! And to do that, I need someone I can trust besides my partner Pokemon.

Oh my god you disgrace the name I gave you.

A person I can trust!

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

That’s right! I’m talking about you! You seem like you’ve got good instincts!

If the game makes me team up with you for a double battle, I’m killing your pokemon first.

Failry turns to his sister. You head on home.

OK, big brother!

Someone screencap this, I want it added to the list of why people should stop saying the games have grammar.

Bye-bye, Farla!
Gary: All riiight! Let’s go find that person named Bianca!

God I hope the game lets me crush your spirit like Silver’s.

Let’s go!

Yes. Let’s.

What’s the average sprite got to say?

Your mom’s really good at getting Pokemon to rest and making them feel better!

Hey, my mom has something resembling personality! Thanks, game! Even if all you did was describe her usual role.

Another guy tells us the trainer school isn’t open yet.

…and trying to walk by makes Failry tell me the school was just finished but it’s not open. Yes, I got that.

No one is allowed inside until a Teacher, or better said, a Gym Leader, starts working there.

So that seems to mean gym leaders are a subcategory of teacher. That doesn’t make sense, game.

Getting near the pokecenter provokes another conversation from him.

Gary: Wait! I was just in the Pokemon Center, and there wasn’t anyone like that in there.

Game. Do you want me to look for someone or not?

Then there’s a girl on the street with this gem: Trainers are the ones who have their Pokemon partners battle. I hear Gym Leaders are really strong Trainers! Really, you heard that?

A guy next to her says: People go on journeys and become adults. Yes.

In a house: I wonder if there’s a Pokemon that was dropped on the ground somewhere… That sounds like an awfully specific thing to wonder.

My flaky fortune telling says that you’ll meet a Pokemon! I don’t know what the game is even trying to do here.

I try to go to look at the outlook area, wagering Bianca’s further on, and Failry promptly compliments me for realizing this is a famous area and Bianca must be there. Then he refuses to let me walk away, insisting that no really, he’s sure she’s there.

So indeed, she is.

The area is showing off the 3D to only moderate effect, because I’m hovering behind everything instead of able to look right over the fence. Still, there’s a pond in the distance that looks intriguing.

Also, the lamppost is lit despite it being day.

Fine, I’ll chat.

???: It’s sooo pretty! Hey there! Don’t you agree? Oh! My name is Bianca!

For a second I was sort of hoping for mistaken identity shenanigans, where I run all over after greenhatted people.

I’m the assistant of the Pokemon Professor — Professor Juniper. By the way, I’m looking for someone. Do you know a person named Farla?

Well, you might say that’s untrue.

Oh, wait! You’re Farla! Wooow, you’re ex-act-ly like what I heard!

You mean spiteful and bad-tempered? Yeah, probably.

Bianca: Nice to meet you! I have a really important request to ask you! Will you help us complete the Pokedex?

I’ve been unpaid labor for five generations now. Tell the professors to hire someone already.

N-no way… I-I must have misheard you. Right? This is a very important request.

This game is so spineless.

I get that the character has to get the thingies to progress in the game. So, just have Bianca say I only get a pokemon in return for helping with the pokedex if I refuse, then she waits until I change my mind.

Or else just have her totally ignore me and hand it over. Anything but just repeating the question. Does Nintendo think this counts as player participation?

Will you please help us complete the Pokedex?

Since you’ll just keep mishearing otherwise…

Oh, wow, thanks! Your support will help Professor Juniper’s research move forward!

Didn’t I already do this for her?

Anyway, filling up the Pokedex is totally fun!

…and then the conversation ends?

Bianca: OK, then! Ta-daaa! In here is the Pokemon that will be your partner!

And she holds up a really fancy case thing.

She looks perky but not subcompetent like last game, so maybe things have improved.

Fire pig was awful. This time I’ll go with Snivy.

Oh, wow! You and Snivy are a perfect match!

Yeah, Mom certainly’s been gossipping.

By the way, would you like to give a nickname to the Pokemon you chose?
Oh, OK, gotcha. You’re not going to give it a nickname.

This choice at least you respect. I guess you realize forcing me to nickname it will end badly.

She keeps doing this head bowing thing where she pulls her hat down? Why is she doing that? Is the game just showing off their animation ability?

Bianca: Now you’ve got your Pokemon, so I’ll give you this, too — a Pokedex!

Finally done?

Bianca: You want to know what it does?

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

arg it doesn’t even pretend to let me skip this

The Pokedex is a high-tech device that automatically records the Pokemon you encounter!

FOR CHRIST’S SAKE THIS GAME IS AN EXPLICIT SEQUEL TO A SERIES THAT’S OVER A DECADE OLD WHY CAN NO ONE FIGURE OUT THAT MAYBE ONE OR TWO PLAYERS MIGHT ALREADY HAVE HEARD THIS?

So Professor Juniper wants you to carry this Pokedex, visit lots of places, and meet all the Pokemon in the Unova region.

Yes, I know! Are we done here? The conversation seems done, but you already cut out last time before even giving me the stuff…

Still, that Professor Juniper! The normal thing to do is to get an OK before sending someone clear out here, right?

But you obviously wouldn’t take any other answer, so what does it matter?

Well, looks like I’m freARG FAILRY.

Gary: Heeey! How long are you planning on keeping me waiting, anyway? Hey! What’s that? So that’s your partner, huh? That’s great! My sister already said so, but take really, really good care of your Pokemon! Got it?

By using it to fight you, right?

What’s that you’re holding there?

And now Bianca gets into the conversation.

Bianca: It’s a Pokedex!
Gary: Please give me a Pokedex, too! I want to get stronger!

That’s a non sequitor.

If I have a Pokedex, I can learn more about Pokemon… That’ll me me tougher, right?

Nope.

Bianca shares my bafflement, a question mark appearing over her head.

Bianca: Um…who are you again?

Oh Bianca. All is forgiven for your role in the last game.

I’m Gary!

You disgrace the name and I’m restarting.

I’m going to travel the Unova region with my Pokemon partner in order to search for something very important!

Oh hell no. You want to be a champion and let me crush you, that’s what.

Bianca: Well, OK! I don’t really get it, but going on a journey is always good! Anyway, I just happen to have another Pokedex on me! It looks like Pokemon distribution has really changed compared to two years ago, so the more, the merrier!

Please let that mean decent early game pokemon please let that mean decent early game pokemon.

Oooh, I thought of something cool! You both have Pokemon, right? Why don’t you have a Pokemon battle?
Gary: Let’s see how good a Trainer you are! I’ll use my Tepig that I raised from an Egg!

Hm, my boysprite looks nicely challenging.

As I near victory, he pops up again: I won’t forget the pain you put my partner though!

THEN DON’T CHALLENGE ME!

This was your choice! You decided to have a pokemon battle! You sent your pokemon out! If it’s suffering, YOU are the one who’s doing something wrong!

Gary: I lost… This is different than battling with wild Pokemon!

Mostly because mine was probably higher level than the L2 whatevers you’ve been tormenting. But it’s okay to put other pokemon through pain, huh?

Well, whatever. I’m just happy to know you’re a Trainer I can count on! Cool. I’m heading off first! Get stronger!

Hm, that was actually somewhat Gary-like, if you assume passive-aggressiveness there.