Short post today, things have been busy.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12615569/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Aren-t-Real-Right
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
[That was the question that Alex had when he discovers]
Keep your tenses consistent.
This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. This isn’t even really part of the story; it’s effectively equivalent to the voice-over narration at the very beginning of a movie. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12617950/1/Alolan-Honeymoon-an-Amourshipping-fanfic
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Not following this rule makes your dialogue unreadable.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12617919/1/LatiAsh
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
[Hi – pokemon talking
“Hi”- human talking
Hi – telepathy
Hi – machine]
I guarantee you do not need this key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong. I also advise against using italics for this, as it’s standard to use italics for thoughts.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12617785/1/How-i-became-pack-leader
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
Not capitalizing “I” makes me not want to read your story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12617579/1/The-Middle-of-Nowhere-SYOC
If you’re familiar with Farla than you’re probably already aware of this thread, but I’d like to link it here anyway: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142912324/1/Stop-Asking-For-OCs
However, even if SYOCs weren’t inherently flawed, this is a poor setup for one. What is going on in this scene? What is the story about? Your summary gives us little to go off of and this scene gives even less. Your readers need more information if they are to submit good characters.
If you’re desperate for characters, consider Chara submitted.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12617564/1/Le-roi-alpha-et-la-reine-alpha-de-Kalos
You should probably say what the story is about in the summary. The characters, at the very least.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12617453/1/Detective-for-hire
Your title isn’t fully capitalized.
I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing the word “pokemon” itself, but pokemon species shouldn’t be capitalized either, for the same reasons.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
You need to learn how to use commas. You’re using a lot of comma splices, and it makes the story hard to follow.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12617390/1/The-Adventure-of-a-Lifetime
[the letter beckons him]
Forgot to capitalize this sentence.
[Orchid town]
All parts of a name are capitalized, so this should be “Orchid Town”.
[It is a quaint little town]
The rest of the story is in past tense, so this should be as well.
[I’m ten mom]
When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.
[“Thank you,” she gave a light heart-felt smile.]
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
This is very sloppily written. You need to learn how to use commas and other punctuation. In its current state, the story is very hard to follow. I recommend looking here for a beta reader: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12617305/1/Magikarp-Jump-The-Long-Way-Home
[Magikarp never seemed to be hurt, but David still worried. He loved his magikarp and couldn’t bear the thought of it being hurt.]
He loves it, but not enough to give it a real name?
[Pokéballs were tools of so called pokémon trainers. People who forced pokémon to fight to the death. Or fainting, as they called it.]
Uh… those words aren’t synonymous. Given you can easily revive fainted pokemon, I think they do actually mean fainting and not death.
[“Ditto, I choose you!” David shouted.
Suddenly, a ditto burst out of Sullivan’s pocket as the sound of a pokéball erupted.]
That’s weirdly sudden. How did he know this? He’s not at all suspicious in the earlier narration.
[The everstone was broken. Were Magikarp to gain any experience, from berries, training, support pokémon, or Arceus forbid, battle, it would evolve into a gyarados.]
Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to just use “God”. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/162324520/1/Pokeworld-Religion
Also, you can halt evolutions even without an everstone. It’s reasonable to dismiss that as a game abstraction… but the experience methods you’re listing here are pretty clearly just game mechanics too. (Magikarp also need to have a substantial amount of experience first, but if it’s an old magikarp it might be reasonable for it to have reached level 20 already.)
[he wouldn’t want Magikarp to evolve into one of those soulless, unthinking monsters, bred only for combat.]
Gyarados are naturally aggressive, according to the pokedex entries. If it’s only breeding that makes them aggressive, he shouldn’t have to worry about his noncombatant becoming violent unless he seriously screwed up in raising it.
[it’s teeth]
You want “its”. “It’s” always means “it is”.
[And not a moment to soon.]
“too”
I can’t tell what you were going for with this, or even if this is supposed to be serious or comedic. I thought it was nice to see someone who cared about his pokemon and wanted something other than training, but I don’t know if we’re supposed to think he’s dumb for that.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12617294/1/A-Merger-s-Fate
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
[I’ll be putting a pole up about pairings]
You want “poll”. A pole is an object.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[Unknown Location – At the same time –]
This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.
Why does Arceus care about humanity and chosen ones? It’s a pretty hands-off god, even in the anime (where its powers are much lesser than in the games). So many people use Arceus for these plots that it’s just become dull and cliché. You should really think about giving the rest of the pokegods some love. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/162324520/1/Pokeworld-Religion
You also really need to learn how to use commas. This is very hard to follow. You might want to get a beta reader to help you. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup