Not much of note today.

Anime count: 11

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13018508/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-The-Adventures

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

You might want to pick a more original title. There are quite literally thousands of titles in this category that are variations on, if not identical to, this one.

[Essentially a novelisation/dramatisation of the different games, plus multiple recounts of past events that are not in the games to form one chronological (hopefully) novel.]

Likewise, you might want to make a more informative summary. Summaries should tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. You can do this through the in-site editor.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

It’s interesting that you’re not starting in the normal place, but this is way too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have more than just a few lines of dialogue.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13018551/1/Speak-to-Me

Already covered by someone else. I’m not blocked.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13019055/1/Diglett

Blocked, name looks familiar but they have no reviews of mine.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13019249/1/A-Terrific-Trio

Blocked, don’t recognize them. Anime.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13019338/1/Rising-Echo

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13019496/1/Poison

Blocked, don’t recognize them. “Mix of games and anime”, thus demonstrating why we need to be able to pick multiple tags.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13019602/1/Pokemon-Eevee-adventures

Blocked, don’t recognize them. Anime.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13019844/1/Pokemon-Go-NY

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

Excessively long ~quirky~ author notes are not nearly as entertaining or original as you think they are. I’d much rather just get to the story. (I’m also pretty sure you can’t copyright fanfiction.)

It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. You can do this through the in-site editor.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[players having already made some hard decisions that impact are game]

Should that be “our game”?

I have no idea what you’re trying to do here.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13020450/1/Nurse-Isabelle-and-the-Kanto-Pok%C3%A9dex-the-Diary-of-a-Travelling-Nurse

Blocked, previously reviewed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13020612/1/Memories-of-the-Frozen-Past

This is anime fic and should be tagged as such so people searching for anime fic can find it. You can do this by selecting your story in “Manage Stories” in your account menu.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13020630/1/Cassidey-s-Lackey

Blocked, don’t recognize them. Anime.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13021148/1/Ashley-and-Sabrin-s-Mindlinked-Sex-Session

Blocked, previously encountered. Anime.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13021368/1/Pokemon-Gold-and-Silver-Rationalist-Fiction

The author has rationally decided to block me based on one person’s incoherent spam. They say they love even non-constructive comments.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13021584/1/Moemon-Valkia-Chronicles

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

Summaries should tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym. Or champion.

[Nuvema Town (Pokémon Black and White)]

This isn’t a video game. You should establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

[“When is Christina going to get back?” A seventeen-year old, 5’7″ boy asked his mom. He wore a navy blue jacket over a crimson shirt, and black pants with crimson sneakers. He had brown hair down to his neck, and green eyes. His name is Diego Salvatore.]

Okay, this just sounds incredibly awkward and artificial, like you’re just trying to dump as much information as you possibly can. I understand the urge to explain basic information to the reader to set the stage, but opening the story with description or exposition is actually not a good idea. Readers don’t actually need to know this stuff just yet to enjoy the story; things like how the character acts and what they’re doing matter much more in the long run. Show don’t tell, etc. This early on, you should stick to information that is immediately relevant. More minor details can come after readers have gotten invested.

Additionally, giving height to the exact inch actually isn’t as good of a description as you might think; most people don’t have an immediate mental image for exact heights, so it’s better if you use a more general description like “average height”.

Finally, you’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[a young girl]

[…]

[(Cup size is B.)]

And wow, we’re done here. You said in the author’s note this wasn’t porn. If that’s really true, don’t describe every single women in the story like a piece of meat.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13021701/1/The-Bully

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[I mean, there are other methods of capturing a Pokemon, but I think that Pokeballs are the most reliable method. Unfortunately, I don’t have any Pokeballs because I wasn’t certified to be a trainer (and Pokeballs need certification to work), so I have to capture it the old-fashioned way.]

The manga has little kids using random pokeballs. I don’t think the pokeworld is really this Orwellian; if nothing else, the black market should be inundated with unlocked pokeballs.

I’m not really sure what the purpose of this is. It just seems to be an unlikable person getting tormented a bunch.

[But Feebas could evolve.

And so could I.]

Feebas also seems a poor choice for this, as it can only evolve through external influence, not hard work. Magikarp seems like it would be a better fit here.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13021811/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-My-Journey

Blocked, don’t recognize them. Anime.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13021877/1/The-Return-Of-Mew

Blocked, don’t recognize them. Anime.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13021911/1/The-Alphabet-of-the-Hoenn-Champions

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

[the brunette gasped with her blue eyes, shimmering in awe.]

[The silver-haired grinned]

You’re overusing epithets. When you are writing a story and refer to a character by a physical trait, occupation, age, or any other attribute, rather than that character’s name, you are bringing the reader’s attention to that particular attribute. That can be used quite effectively to help your reader to focus on key details with just a few words. However, if the fact that the character is “the brunette,” “the trainer,” “the older man,” etc. is not relevant to that moment in the story, this will only distract the reader from the purpose of the scene. If your only reason for referring to a character this way is to avoid using his or her name or a pronoun too much, don’t do it. You’re fixing a problem that actually isn’t one. Just go ahead and use the name or pronoun again. It’ll be good.

[she threw her arms in the air, “This Andromeda is so up close!”]

When narration doesn’t describe how something is said, it’s its own sentence and is punctuated accordingly. So this should be [She threw her arms in the air. “This Andromeda is so up close!”]

[His orbs were locked on the same sky]

Describing eyes as orbs sounds silly.

[“I think we cannot find Little Dipper tonight,” he flatly stated.]

That description doesn’t at all match the tone of this scene. You’re overusing uncommon speech verbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever fancy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.

[her flushed face was replaced by a concerned countenance]

Generally, your prose is purple. More words and more complex words don’t automatically make writing better. It’s better to focus on the emotional core of what you want to communicate rather than floweriness.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13022224/1/Bonded-to-the-Past

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[You’ve heard about the Sentinels right?]

Missing comma here.

[The groups wanted beasts with human-like intelligence, the perfect opponent capable of thinking for themselves.]

No sensible person actually wants this, and they’d have to be particularly stupid to try it if Mewtwo exists in this universe. Giving your tools free will is a pointless complication, and giving your magic superweapon free will while also torturing it into hating you is downright suicidal. Note that the one time we see something like this on a large scale in canon (shadow pokemon), the purpose is to *remove* their free will. I know this is a common trope, but it’s a really dumb one, and very overplayed by now. You should think critically about the tropes you’re using and what they imply.

[I cleared my throat,

‘How’s he looking?’]

This is a little confusing – it’s best to keep a speaker’s actions and dialogue on the same line. The rule about new-speaker-new-paragraph is because a new speaker is a new subject, so you don’t need to do it if you’ve already shifted focus to the character.

[Now Ren wasn’t able to flick back and forth for obvious health reasons, Emblyn seemed happy to take his place.]

Should that be “Now that Ren…”?

[‘Ahhh…that’s good, and the little ones?’

That’s what the two of them called their young Eevees for some reason. I assumed it was a Pokémon thing. Or it could just be them being weird and all. Who knows?]

That’s not weird, though. Humans refer to their children that way all the time.

[not that it made much different with the wind and rain howling outside]

Should that be “difference”?

[Whatever distinctions human’s wanted to make]

Apostrophes are for possessive, not plural.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

This is a decent story, but I’m pretty confused about the mechanics. Is this part of another story or wider universe? If so, you should mention that clearly in the notes so people know where to go if they want more information.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13022415/1/Cursed-Body

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[Eterna forest]

Missing capital here.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13022511/1/Pokemon-XY-ORI

I don’t watch the anime, so I’m not going to be able to review this story on content. Please tag your story as anime fic to avoid this problem. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

This is too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. A character description is a bio, not a chapter.

[I need extra characters for Ori to meet so if you have a OC that Ori can run into, comment and let me know where to look to read a bit up on him/her a description of personality, eye/hair color, height, body type and outfit..etc]

Look, you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. It might seem like it’s harder to think up characters than have someone else do it for you, but it’s actually far more work to try to figure out how to write a random batch of personalities and backstories, then figure out how you can make them fit into your story and get along with each other. If you make up characters based on what you need for your story, it’s not only a much better story for it, it’s easier to do.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13022738/1/pokemon-end-times

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

This looks like it may be an interesting concept, but the grammatical errors make it too much work to read. You should familiarize yourself with grammatical rules, and get a beta reader to help you. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13022792/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-best-wishes

I’d just like to note that this is a fic written in Spanish, and Blaze still gave her spam review (in English).

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13023059/1/opposites

Blocked, don’t recognize them.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13023234/1/Binding

Blocked, don’t recognize them.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13023375/1/Pokemon-Cloud-And-Star-OC-Story

Blocked, don’t recognize them.

None of these people have any reviews, so presumably Blaze has started switching to just PMs.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13023404/1/The-Storm-Bringer

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

[mesmorized]

You want “mesmerized”.

[It happened to me one afternoon in mid-summer when I was a young boy just at the cusp of ten years old, this I remember because I had recently acquired my very first pokemon]

I’m not sure if this is a run-on, but it does sound a little breathless. It might be better to split it into two sentences.

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing the word “pokemon” itself. However, species names shouldn’t be capitalized either, for the same reasons.

[a Litten, whom I promptly named “Littany,” one of the more clever double-entendre from my youth if I may say so]

That’s a good one!

[almost as if on que]

You want “cue”.

[a flying monstrosity who’s bright yellow color]

You want “whose”. “Who’s” means “who is”. You might want to get a beta reader if you have difficulty with errors such as these.

[what terrified me the most was when I realized that the roaring thunder was not the result of far-off lightning strikes, but rather it was the sound of this tremendous monster’s beating wings.]

Ooh, that’s a really neat detail for Zapdos.

This is pretty good, though the prose feels just a bit too overwrought – lines like “obscuring our visual of anything passed my front sidewalk” sound just a bit too stilted and technical to sound natural for someone telling an emotional story. I also don’t really see why it was this terrifying – Zapdos didn’t even do anything to him, and the story must be bunk if Zapdos didn’t kill him as the story said it would. I’d think most kids his age would just be in awe – see how Ash reacts to seeing pokemon like Ho-oh, for instance. There might be some emotional disconnect I’m missing here.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13023539/1/Indoor-Perks

Blocked, don’t recognize them.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13023640/1/The-Unfortunate-Tales-of-a-Servine-Morph

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context. You also probably shouldn’t switch POVs within the same chapter, as it’s really disorienting to shift perspectives that fast.

[Oh, right. Name’s Viro, don’t ask me why. I’m a Servine Pokemorph. Yeah, yeah, I know.]

This narrative style only makes sense if he’s literally talking to someone in-universe, and in that case it doesn’t make sense to be shifting POVs at all. It sounds like third-person might be better suited to the story you want to tell here.

[I got here by shooting up a building owned by the father of the girl who raped me.]

So… he reacted to something bad happening to him by killing a lot of low-level grunts who were probably just doing their jobs? Is he supposed to be a really unsympathetic protagonist, or…?

[the 3 toughest guys in prison]

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. If you’re confused, the full rules are: Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[I glared as I unlocked her cell, but not her handcuffs.]

Okay, so, pokemon and pokemorphs actually change the rules of the setting significantly, and that means you have to change other details for the story to still make sense. I haven’t watched Suicide Squad but to my understanding the characters are pretty low-power and can theoretically be neutralized just by taking away their tools and binding their hands. But pokemon don’t work that way. You can’t take away a pokemon’s powers, short of writing in a specific fix for doing just that. If a ninetales pokemorph wants to light you on fire, she doesn’t need her hands to do that – unless this is a low-power setting and pokemorphs don’t have any pokemon powers, but in that case I have to question the point of making them pokemorphs at all.

If you really want to show how serious this all is, it would be really chilling to see what horrifying conditions the wardens would have to come up with to truly keep magic-users contained – you’d have to bind their mouths, for one thing, since they can breathe fire, and probably use a special material that can’t just be melted. Perhaps they also need to be kept immersed in water to prevent any combustion, which would of course be absolute agony for a fire-type. There are lots of interesting ways you could take this.

[a bookish, intelligent Gardevoir Pokemorph named Cora. Cora had been imprisoned for stealing a book from a bookstore, then shooting the clerk after he called the police.]

Gardevoir have psychic powers. She should have been able to stun or mindwipe the guy.

You make absolutely zero mention of any pokemon powers in this chapter, even saying the dragon pokemorph prefers actual weapons? If you’re not going to use the actual mechanics of the setting, I genuinely don’t understand why you’re making them pokemorphs. If you just want to write Suicide Squad but also they’re all anthros, you should do so in a visual medium where we can actually appreciate that aesthetic, such as a comic.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13023649/1/Spot-Inspection

I don’t watch the anime, so I’m not going to be able to review this story on content. Please tag your story as anime fic to avoid this problem. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. You can do this through the in-site editor.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13024235/1/Serena-s-Hoenn-Adventure

I don’t watch the anime, so I’m not going to be able to review this story on content. Please tag your story as anime fic to avoid this problem. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. You can do this through the in-site editor.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13024326/1/POKEMON-JOURNEY-TO-A-CHAMPION

I don’t watch the anime, so I’m not going to be able to review this story on content. Please tag your story as anime fic to avoid this problem. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[“What do you mean by that Gary?” he spoke]

“Spoke” is, ironically, not a speech verb, so it can’t be used to describe speech like this. You can just use “said” instead here. You also need a comma before “Gary”, as it’s a direct address.