[16] The Other Pokereviews, Part 69

A Black/White novelization, a fic about how pokephiliacs are just as oppressed as gay people, and something about the legendaries that might have been interesting if it hadn’t used stream-of-consciousness as an excuse for incoherence. Also, a lot of anime fic.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12627505/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Mystery-Dungeon-Prophecy-of-Five

You may want to read this: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142912324/1/Stop-Asking-For-OCs

[“…”]

This is a visual art convention that doesn’t work in prose.

[“Ok, I am definitely dead.”]

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

[it’s species]

You want “its”. “It’s” always means “it is”.

This is a bad opening, doubly so if you expect people to submit characters. Single lines of dialogue do not, in fact, tell us anything about the characters, and vague pontificating does not tell us anything meaningful about the story. To submit effective characters, we need something to work off of. What themes will this story discuss? What are the group dynamics of the existing characters we can play off of? What is the story ABOUT? People need to know the answers to these questions if they are to make characters you can use.

I recommend reading this, also: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12627606/1/To-Catch-a-God

This is really jumbled and confusing, even for stream of consciousness. It’s hard to understand all the points you’re making, and this is more a treatise than a story.

A lot of the stuff here doesn’t seem to match up with canon, either. You say [There are tales, sure, of people who can talk the language of pokemon, or pokemon who can talk the language of humans, but it’s worse than two people conversing in their second language and probably the same as two pokemon of different species trying to understand each other. It’s possible, on some superficial level, but there’ll always be something that doesn’t translate over properly and it’s worse with inter-species communication because there’s a different mentality at work as well.] but all pokemon can understand human speech perfectly, and in the anime at least, have no interspecies communication barriers. N could also understand all pokemon, and the way he describes it makes it sound like empathic reading rather than something that could get lost in translation.

(To say nothing of the fact that block of text is a rambling mess. Stream of consciousness doesn’t mean you can’t ever go back to edit; stream-of-consciousness writers often edit their work heavily to maintain coherence while still preserving the appearance of rambling thought. It’s a delicate technique, not an excuse for word vomit.)

The constant waffling over if they’re really gods or not also doesn’t make sense. While I’m glad to see a story finally thinking about this instead of pigeonholing them into Earth religions, some of them, particularly Dialga and Palkia, cannot really be described as anything else. The conflation of “legendary” and “god” is purely a fandom thing, and based largely on lack of information. There are a lot of fans who believe legendaries like the bird trio are merely rare creatures rather than gods. Even if they are gods, there may be gradations, some being more akin to what we would call “spirits”. (Compare Darkrai to Groudon and Kyogre, for instance – they are clearly not in the same league.) The characters who inhabit this world would be intimately familiar with those distinctions already, and would not make the same conflations.

[Still can’t kill them and cull their fur or peel off their meat and fry it on a flame.]

Also, how do they know this? They’re not much tougher than normies in the games. Obviously it doesn’t take a master ball to catch them in the games either, but when you diverge from canon the onus is on you to establish the rules of the setting, since readers can no longer turn to canon to fill in the blanks. If the legendaries really are invincible, that’s really different from canon and rather does lend credence to the idea they’re gods, no?

Basically, this is a very interesting concept, but I think you need to take some time to hash out the details of what you want to say and how to say it, because right now it’s not coming across very clearly. This thread may also be relevant to your interests: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/162324520/1/Pokeworld-Religion

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12628985/1/Poke-High-Pikachu-x-Harem

[“I’m so sorry. Are you OK?”]

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

[he sweat-dropped]

This is a visual art convention that doesn’t work in prose.

[After class (recess time)…]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

This is really bizarre. I get that you’re really into the gjinka aesthetic, but, uh, you are aware that text is a non-visual medium? We can’t actually see the aesthetic. This is a standard anime-style romance where everyone just happens to have pokemon names. If the important part of your story is a visual aesthetic, you should really make it a comic, not a fic.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12626697/1/The-Power-of-One

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[“Now it begins.” A male voice mutters.]

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12626795/1/The-Forest-on-Fire-Rocketshipping-One-shot

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[James’ point of view]

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12627392/1/Who-am-i

Try harder.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12627395/1/Constant

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags

[“Hey, loser,” Someone says.]

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12627460/1/the-last-of-a-kind

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags

Not using capital letters makes me not want to read your story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12627855/1/Tom

You’ve got coding errors. Preview your story before posting it.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12627864/1/Ash-and-Serena-s-new-life

Your title isn’t fully capitalized.

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12628104/1/Master

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon. However, this belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12626901/1/Pokemon-Unova

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[and without saying a word; I rolled out of bed]

This is improper semicolon usage. As a general rule of thumb, you should be able to replace semicolons with periods and still have the resulting sentences make sense; for instance, what I’m doing here. What you actually want here is a comma.

[one of my two best friends; Cheren.]

And this should be a full colon.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[“Hm, that shell deflection could be a useful counter in the future.” I thought to myself.]

You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[It’s ok…]

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

[Thanks mom]

When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

[“Pokémon are subject to the selfish commands of trainers… They get pushed around when they are our “partners” at work]

When you quote inside a quote, you use single quotes instead of double quotes; otherwise, the reader will be confused about where the dialogue ends. (If you quote inside a quote inside a quote, you go back to double quotes.)

The battles here feel a little dry. You should endeavor to make battles more than just a mechanical exchange of moves like they are in the games, as dynamic, creative battles are more interesting. This may also be worth reading: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/143300790/1/Battles-Are-Boring

I also find it out-of-character for N to be giving his pokemon orders in battle.

It seems like you’re just novelizing the game, which isn’t very interesting. Black/White has more of a plot than most, but most of your time is still going to be spent on gyms and badges, i.e., game achievements that hold no inherent meaning in a story. You should think about what you actually want to say and do with this story and what unique ideas you’re bringing to the table. Otherwise, it’s highly likely you’ll peter out like so many similar fics. Read this for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/143219856/1/Actually-Writing-an-OT-Fic-Part-1

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12629112/1/The-Equilibrium-Of-Pride-And-Shame

[He must stay hopeful admist all the Despair around him. ]

“Despair” should probably not be capitalized here.

[Chapter 1: Prologue]

These terms are not synonymous. This is explained further in this post: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters#164376286

[I had spent my entire life growing up in a village of Lucario and Riolu; myself being a riolu but a year older than the few other riolu at the time.]

You’re generally good at not capitalizing pokemon, but you did so here. Also, this is improper semicolon usage. As a general rule of thumb, you should be able to replace semicolons with periods and still have the resulting sentences make sense; for instance, what I’m doing here. You want a comma here, instead.

Opening the story with an infodump is an instant turnoff. If backstory information is relevant, it should come up within the story itself. Show, don’t tell.

[“This is the third time this week…”]

Why is this bolded? Is this a thought? Thoughts are typically in italics, and do not have quotation marks. Bolding common actions is usually unwise in prose, as bold is very distracting.

What does this have to do with Pokemon? Your characters are all acting exactly like humans. This looks like a story that would be better served by a mundane setting. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165030563/1/Original-Fiction

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12628877/1/Abandoned-Flame-Ch1

Why is there a “Ch1” in your title? You should be aware that posting chapters as separate stories is grounds for deletion.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[“human/translated Pokémon speech”

Pokémon speech/telepathy/aura’

Thoughts]

I guarantee you do not need this key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong. These formats also seem very similar to each other, which is just rife for confusion. The most successful fics I’ve seen use a different symbol for pokespeech such as {} rather than just a different text format. (You also seem to have some formatting problems in the second line.)

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[“Dude, hurry the hell up and get to the dumpster before we get spotted.” one of them spoke quietly.]

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[I seriously can’t believe you’re actually doing this..]

Ellipses are always three dots, never more or less.

[Why is it this one anyways?” The male questioned]

“Male” and “female” are very awkward epithets. Also, “questioned” is what police do; it’s a synonym for “interrogated”, not “asked”.

[the Pokémon inside the dumpster gnawed its way out of its confines of a plastic bag]

Obvious outcome is obvious. This is why criminals typically kill people before dumping the bodies. Why did they leave this one alive?

[Chapter 1]

Posting multiple chapters in the same document is also grounds for deletion. The chaptering feature exists for a reason. Use it.

[As you would walk towards this home]

The general you sounds extremely awkward in third person. I recommend rephrasing this.

[the owners son]

Missing apostrophe.

[Even his own had sister had been making accomplishments of her own]

Something seems to have gone wrong here.

[Veria looked over towards her mistress and smiled then pointed to her ear, letting the maid know she wanted to speak. Without hesitation, the maid pulled out a small, silver and pink earpiece and flicked the device to life and slipped it inside of her right ear, “What is it, Veria?” she asked.]

If everyone knows pokemon have human-level intelligence and the technology to talk to them is widespread, why are they still owned like pets? Because when your pets have human-level intelligence, that is called slavery.

[Veria smiled mischievously and made sexual motions with her feelers to her chest, “Perhaps I’ll find special ways of waking you up in the morning if you ever try and sleep in, Mistress Amelia..” Veria grinned. Amelia huffed in embarrassment]

And of course this immediately goes straight to the gutter, I presume because owning the thing you’re screwing is your kink?

Like, do you understand how weird this is? The existence of pokeballs means Veria cannot meaningfully consent. Amelia has complete control over her movements and physical needs. If this is supposed to be an equal relationship, Ameila should let Veria wander freely instead of only letting her out when it’s convenient, and she should have the translator on by default.

[“Also, before we leave this room, I have to return you back into the ball. You know how Lady Cassie gets if she see’s any of her butlers or maids with their Pokémon out.”]

So why doesn’t she quit?

Love means making sacrifices for your partner. To work this job, Veria has to be treated like garbage. If Amelia refuses to find another job, she’s decided that that’s an acceptable loss. And if she has no other options because everyone is like this, that makes pokemon/human relationships even more unethical – the dominant culture isn’t just against pokescrewing, it’s against pokemon. Veria is wholly dependent on Amelia for protection from a world that thinks she deserves no rights. Even if Amelia is a perfect saint, that’s a horrifyingly unequal relationship.

[Veria’s hackles went on end as she began growling in annoyance, “Fuck that bitch and her homophobic husband and their bullshit about purity and how love is to be with a man and a woman, and how humans can only love humans..”]

Which makes this quite frankly look like you co-opting oppression to make it all about you. This is not about intolerance against two consenting adults. This is about intolerance towards a whole class of people. This is interracial marriage in the era of slavery, not homosexuality.

[“At least Kyle and his sister have more of an open mind to the idea of humans and my kind being together.. I think his sister and her Manectric might have a thing going on between them.. especially with the way they talk in private.”

Amelia smirked at the idea and giggled, “Guess I’m not too shocked they have been close since she chose him as a starter.”]

…Given that starters are usually babies, this reads like parental incest. That is the other issue with literally owning your significant other from the moment they meet you.

[“Oh Arceus, please let me sleep just a little longer..”]

Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to just use “God”. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/162324520/1/Pokeworld-Religion

[-Flashback-]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

You have a few other errors throughout this, such as missing quotation marks or not making a new paragraph for a new speaker. You should proofread more thoroughly.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12629929/1/Remastered

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12630208/1/Jessie-and-James-Give-Birth

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

9 Comments

  1. CrazyEd says:
    This is really bizarre. I get that you’re really into the gjinka aesthetic, but, uh, you are aware that text is a non-visual medium?

    It’s a manga so perhaps it’s not the best example, but Pokemon ReBURST seems like it might be a pretty good way of doing Pokemon while still making it primarily about humans and having a gijinka aesthetic. It’s how I’d do it, at least.

    I also find it out-of-character for N to be giving his pokemon orders in battle.

    How would you novelize one of the fight scenes involving N?

    And of course this immediately goes straight to the gutter, I presume because owning the thing you’re screwing is your kink?

    Something amusing that occurred to me, tangentially related to this, is that despite being given the title of “Servant”, the heroic spirits summoned by the Holy Grail are theoretically far less skeevy to romance so long as the master expends the command seals. Hell, you can go even further and find a secondary source of mana so they’re not even dependent on the Master for energy. If anything, Caster holds more actual power over Kuzuki than he does over her.

    And then there’s Tamamo no Mae, whose narrative purpose is basically to be her Master’s waifu, who doesn’t think she needs the grail because she’s already gotten her wish, but if you wanted to remove the “it’s okay he has power over her but she doesn’t care because he doesn’t abuse it” thing, then it’d be no problem to just ask her to use her Holy Grail wish the same way Gilgamesh did.




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    1. How would you novelize one of the fight scenes involving N?

      The pokemon act entirely autonomously, with N just watching.




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      1. CrazyEd says:
        So he just randomly meets pokemon in the area he’s going to have a fight in, he asks them politely if they want to come with him, they say yes, and then when he needs to fight they leap into the battle of their own free will and fight for him?

        That kinda feels like the “a great person because he’s never impeded by his morals” thing. It’s really easy to be against pokeballs when you’ve got a power that completely obliviates the need for them.




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        1. I mean, yeah? That’s pretty much canon. He probably asks them if they want to battle, not just if they want to travel with him. And he does walk the walk on this: his team changes every time you fight him, and he only has pokemon that can be found in the immediate area. The only time he actually keeps and trains a team is at the very end.




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          1. CrazyEd says:
            And yet, he always manages to find a competitive team just milling around the area he needs them. How lucky for him. Would he be able to do such a thing if he didn’t have his special unique power?

            Is there ever a fight where he only has a single pokemon twenty levels under your average level? Is he ever slightly burdened by his choice to not capture any of the pokemon who agree to fight for him? You say he walks the walk, but in the very next sentence, you say he ends up keeping and training a team of pokemon.




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            1. And yet, he always manages to find a competitive team just milling around the area he needs them.

              …Yes, and? So do you. Pokemon are everywhere.

              Is he ever slightly burdened by his choice to not capture any of the pokemon who agree to fight for him?

              No, and in doing so he exposes the entire training system as unnecessary. His ability does still cost him in that it makes him an enemy of the state. He did not have to take a moral stance and put himself at risk (Farla’s character Enos is a thesis on that alternative). He chose to do that because he felt his ability gave him a moral imperative to do so. That’s real sacrifice.

              You’re being way too absolutist here. There’s no indication that all pokemon inherently hate battling. It would be quite reasonable for some to agree to stay with him and help him free pokemon.




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            2. CrazyEd says:
              Pokemon are everywhere.

              And pokemon in the wild are basically never at an exact level to pokemon owned by trainers in the same area. On top of that, the game mechanics are intentionally designed so that trained pokemon are more powerful than wild pokemon at the same level. And yet, N is always able to find not just one but three or four pokemon that are a total match for yours who are willing to battle for him. Every time.

              No, and in doing so he exposes the entire training system as unnecessary.

              Yes, for people who possess his special powers that make the training system unnecessary.

               

              His ability does still cost him in that it makes him an enemy of the state.

              It’s not his ability that makes him an enemy of the state. It’s not even his ideals that make him an enemy of the state. It’s his association with Team Plasma, who hide behind the same noble goal in their scheme to take over the world.

              His crime isn’t trying to get people to stop catching pokemon (because he assumes they must’ve been mistreated because the true leader of Team Plasma only let him interact with pokemon who had been hurt with humans), his crime is stealing the pokemon people have caught.

              It would be quite reasonable for some to agree to stay with him and help him free pokemon.

              Then why don’t they?




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            3.  

              Yes, for people who possess his special powers that make the training system unnecessary.

              Training existed before pokeballs and pokemon understand human speech. You don’t need to understand pokemon for them to consent to travel with you.

              Then why don’t they?

              Why do you assume they don’t? Perhaps he does indeed take some time to train up the pokemon in the area before fighting you (though I’d like to note that in the second and fourth battles, they are the same levels as the wild pokemon). He does have a klinklang in the final battle, which could very well be the same klink he picked up in Chargestone Cave.

              Like… I’m not entirely sure what you’re trying to argue here. That N is a hypocrite and no different than the trainers he criticizes? I’d argue the text does not at all agree with you there, but even if it was ambiguous, do you really want to be that depressing? I’d rather believe there is at least one person in the entire canon who is actually ethical.




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            4. CrazyEd says:
              Why do you assume they don’t?

              Because aside from a klinklang which could possibly be the same pokemon as the klink used in the previous fight, he’s never shown with the same pokemon twice. If they were coming along on the adventure with him… well, they’d be with him.

              He’s fought five times throughout Black and White. They could have easily given him a pokemon to start with, based on the same “local pokemon only” rule, and then added another pokemon from whatever area you face him in each subsequent time you fight him, and levelling up the previous pokemon to scale. He still keeps the theme of befriending local pokemon, but those befriended pokemon stick with him for the entire journey. He doesn’t just recruit them for a single battle to go tossing them back into the wild.

              Hell, they could’ve gone whole hog and created overworld sprites for the team of pokemon who decides to follow him around, and have him make a party-conga like in Dragon Quest or something. That would’ve been a neat touch.

              Like… I’m not entirely sure what you’re trying to argue here. That N is a hypocrite and no different than the trainers he criticizes?

              No, I don’t think so; or at the very least, he makes his best faith effort to not be (at least until the very end when he does keeps and trains a team at the very end) and acts in what he earnestly believes is the best way to express his ideals and philosophy. But it’s very easy to act like he does when you have his abilities with Pokemon. Of course you don’t need to catch pokemon in pokeballs and they all seem perfectly willing to fight for you if you just ask.

              … And yet… in the end, he does it anyway. Why is this? Why does he not just stick to his not-catching-pokemon guns and suffer whatever negative consequence and failure results from that? Why does he, instead, chose to do the very thing he’s spent the entire game trying to prevent others from doing?

              And, most importantly, why is it okay when he does it?




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