Some decent stuff today, though it mostly still falls into the standard OT traps. There is also a really beautiful and striking ficlet I believe is based on the manga.
Anime count: 4
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12906740/1/Shining-Surprises
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties, this thread has clearer instructions: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
Listing character ages isn’t necessary; if the information is relevant, it should come up in the story.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12906680/1/To-Be-Shaymin-King-SYOC
[Pokemon AU mixed with elements from the Shaman King anime.]
Crossovers belong in their own section.
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties, this thread has clearer instructions: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
[OPENING]
This isn’t a screenwriting. Anime openings are cool and all, but you have to acknowledge the limitations of your medium. This doesn’t work in prose.
Look, you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. It might seem like it’s harder to think up characters than have someone else do it for you, but it’s actually far more work to try to figure out how to write a random batch of personalities and backstories, then figure out how you can make them fit into your story and get along with each other. If you make up characters based on what you need for your story, it’s not only a much better story for it, it’s easier to do. Almost all SYOC stories end up never updating, those that do often die after a chapter or two, and even the ones that continue a bit longer are plagued by meandering non-plots and characters who don’t seem to have any point to their scenes.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12906592/1/The-Champions-Birthday
Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
[the Elite 4]
In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.
[While Sam, the current Champion of Kalos, agreed that being the Champion was awesome.]
This is a sentence fragment; it would be fine if you changed the period to a comma and fused it with the next sentence.
[Sam was sitting in the Champion’s room, she was holding her Holo Caster in one hand and using it to project a blue hologram of a face.]
This is the opposite: a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition.
[Sam rolled her eyes, “I tried]
When narration doesn’t describe how something is said, it’s its own sentence and is punctuated accordingly. So this should be [Sam rolled her eyes. “I tried].
[Yep, that’s right, today is the Champion of Kalos’ birthday]
The rest of the story is in past tense.
It’s a bit confusing to use horizontal lines for scene breaks if you also use them to distinguish author’s notes, as it can look like the notes are part of the story. Unfortunately, FFN strips a lot of symbols, so better scene breaks are hard to find.
[Sam sighed and sat back in the chair that she was sitting in, which she had brought in because there was no way she was going to stand while she was waiting between challengers.]
This kinda raises the question of how literally we should be interpreting the game mechanics. As you demonstrate here, on reflection it does not make much sense for real people to display game NPC behavior of sitting in a room doing nothing until the protagonist comes along. Given the other canons’ emphasis on tournament setups, it makes more sense to assume champion matches are scheduled in advance, and the game mechanic of being able to fight them all at once is merely a gameplay abstraction.
[or at least after Siebold.” she muttered]
You’re generally formatting dialogue correctly, but you made a mistake here. When narration describes how dialogue is said – that is, it contains a speech verb such as “muttered” – it’s considered part of the same sentence. So this should be [or at least after Siebold,” she muttered]. You make this mistake in a few other places.
[A lot of her past challengers have been saying that they’re a bunch of push-overs, Sam of course had no verbal opinion on the matter…however mentally she was creating a list of potential replacements.]
Yesss, throw that shade. The Kalos Elite Four are jokes and should be ashamed of themselves.
[Hani removed her hand and thankfully Sam did scream, but Sam was slightly speechless]
I don’t understand this sentence. Something may have gone wrong in editing.
[I told I was busy with important stuff]
Dropped a word here.
This was sweet, though choosing to focus on the oddest mechanic of the franchise does make the premise a little awkward. It might have made more sense to say Sam was busy with other duties, as most fanfic speculates champions have; just having her be bored to start with makes the opening rather slow.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12906457/1/Project-Gestalt
Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why.
I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.
[Lucina raises two of her six pokeballs recalling Pytho and her Zoroark]
You did so here, however.
[Rocket experiment goes wrong resulting in two humans that can control the power of aura, psychic abilities and zoroark illusions. Story follows one of these characters, Lucina who enters the Pokemon World Tournament. Just a heads up, I probably won’t finish this story or update frequently as I quickly lose interest and run out of ideas quickly.]
These sentences are breathless and rushed. You need to slow down and focus on what you’re saying. Online resources can provide information on sentence structure and comma usage if you have trouble. It’s also best to include meta-information such as the last sentence in an author’s note rather than the summary, as summary space is at a premium on this site.
Relatedly, summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot? Saying a character has powers isn’t enough to get us interested in them; it’s what they do with the powers and where they’re headed that’s exciting. Who is Lucina, what are the stakes of her entering the tournament, and why should we care?
[Just a heads up, I’m garbage with names and a huge fan of fire emblem, so every character I have will have a fire emblem character’s name, and there will be many fire emblem references too.]
BabyNames dot com and similar websites are your friend there.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
[“The Pokemon World Tournament will be starting soon, we better hurry,” a lucario says to his trainer.]
This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition. Content-wise, talking pokemon are an enormous can of worms you shouldn’t open unless you have a very good explanation for why one group of people is being owned by another group of people. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142476358/1/Pokemon-Intelligence
[their psychic, aura and illusionary abilities]
Lists need commas after every item, so there should be a comma after “aura” here.
[015 has also gone into a comatose]
I believe you meant “coma” here. “Comatose” is an adjective.
While it’s nice to see a mad science story where a scientist has ethics, I have to wonder what they thought they were getting into in the first place. Did they know they were working for Rocket, and if so why did they expect any decency? Real-life experiments have to go through painstaking external ethics evaluations and consent procedures for the subjects – was the scientist aware the executives bypassed these things, or were those details fudged? Why were they surprised that hideously mutating people placed them in danger – were they just a low-level lab tech who didn’t understand the full science behind it?
[its somewhere in my mind]
Typo.
[I let you get more sleep and got zoroark to walk in as you and sign in]
If pokemon species are used as given names, they are capitalized (since they’re names) – however, this is confusing and runs into major problems if you ever want to have multiples of the same species, so I recommend giving them real names. You give names for her other pokemon, so it’s strange that the zoroark doesn’t have one.
[“Do you know who I am?” He yelled]
Dialogue formatting rules remain constant regardless of punctuation, so this should be [“Do you know who I am?” he yelled].
[“Dragonite dragon dance,” Lance said.
“Saber, swords dance.”
“What?” Lance said confused.
Gardevoir created swords of psychic energy raising them towards the sky.
“Again,” Lucina called out.
“Dragonite, finish them, thunderpunch,” Lance told dragonite.
“Light screen, reflect and then teleport,” Lucina stated calmly.
Saber teleported and suddenly the audience gasped as hundred of images of gardevoir filled the field. Lance’s dragonite looked on in confusion hesitating with the mass of gardevoirs before him.]
So, a mechanical exchange of moves isn’t actually that interesting to read. This works in the games as a gameplay abstraction, but you will see that in the anime and manga, battles are much more dynamic and involve things you can’t do in the games. You do go on to have the gardevoir use custom moves, but the effectiveness of that is limited if you continue to limit yourself to such a rigid depiction of battles. It would be much stronger if the mechanics behind those move combinations were immediately apparent based on your description of the battle itself, rather than requiring an additional scene of exposition; show, don’t tell. This thread has some nice discussion on the topic: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/143300790/1/Battles-Are-Boring
[“Well, it seems as though the gardevoir shaped the psychic energy into a sword like shape forming the sword into a blade as well, this one taking the shape of a primitive weapon used back in the wars called a katana, used in the Kanto region actually.”]
Also, Pokemon may have some pretty crazy stuff, but plasma swords are ridiculous even for this franchise. I don’t even see the purpose of this when a big advantage of electric attacks is range. This is just silly and makes it look like you want to be writing about lightsaber battles.
[“…”]
This is a visual art convention and doesn’t work in prose.
[They appeared a week ago and collected all the necessary badges within 2 days.]
In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.
This is a bit insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. You do an adequate job of explaining the premise with the opening files, but we need to know what the plot’s going to be about heading forward as well. As Lance and Steven point out… yeah, we really don’t know much about Lucina. While that can serve to instill mystery, it also makes it difficult to get emotionally attached. It would probably make for a stronger story if you fused this with your current second chapter, or added another scene with Lucina. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
Even aside from that, however, this was very disjointed. There are a lot of points, especially in the beginning, where you have “scenes” that are only one or two paragraphs – you don’t need scene breaks for those, you can just say that time or location changed in narration. Your sentence structure issues, which I pointed out at the beginning, are also very distracting throughout, and make your story hard to understand. I strongly recommend reading up on comma usage and sentence structure.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12906407/1/Sayonara-Memories
Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I’m not being judgmental, and I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.
[The streetlights began to flicker on and as the sun has already set]
The rest of the story is in past tense, so this should be as well. You have similar inconsistencies throughout the story, which makes it extremely hard to follow.
[I could not help but groan at myself. I had a crush on Gladion ever since he, Hau and I raided
the Aether Foundation]
Errant line break here.
[blonde boy]
You want “blond”. “Blonde” is the feminine form.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym or champion.
[the note-or rather, love letter-when we were finished our battle]
Using hyphens without spaces in place of dashes is confusing. To avoid people thinking you’re hyphenating words, you should put spaces around the hyphen, or use a double dash.
It’s a bit confusing to use horizontal lines for scene breaks if you also use them to distinguish author’s notes, as it can look like the notes are part of the story. Unfortunately, FFN strips a lot of symbols, so better scene breaks are hard to find.
[“Oh, Moonie!” My mother called out]
Dialogue formatting rules remain constant regardless of punctuation, so this should be [“Oh, Moonie!” my mother called out].
[His eyes widened for a split second, “Gladion didn’t tell you?!”]
And when narration doesn’t describe how dialogue is said, it’s its own sentence. So this should be [His eyes widened for a split second. “Gladion didn’t tell you?!”]
[Once I called out for him, as if on cue, he turned around to face me]
This phrasing is a bit odd – “as if on cue” means there was no obvious reason to perform the action, thus as if there was an outside cue. But calling out to someone is a pretty sensible reason for them to look at you.
This is sweet and you describe Moon’s emotions well, but it’s also kind of sad. Her feeling so guilt-ridden she needs a hallucinatory trip to get closure seems kind of unhealthy. I don’t see why you couldn’t have had her confess to him for real after he came back. But this is otherwise nice.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12906345/1/Epic
Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.
[Alice has lived in a small, isolated town all thirteen years of her life. She never had a desire to become a trainer, but when problems arise, and and opportunity presents itself, she takes it and finds that she is much more interested in the world than she thought.]
You have an “and and” there. Also, summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?
[I was floating. Flying through darkness, without a clue as to where I was headed. There was a light up ahead, and I reached for it. Suddenly I was enveloped in it. I couldn’t see anything, but my blindingly white surroundings were slowly fading into a familiar landscape, my town. I was standing in the same street I had walked down hundreds of times, but something was off. The buildings in front of me were hazy, as if the air around them was hot. I looked behind me, expecting to see my house, but I saw only the dirt road fading away into whiteness. I floated through the town, looking for the inhabitants, but there was no one. The streets that once bustled with activity, were empty. I called out, hoping someone would hear, but no answer came. The scene began to fade back into white. I cried out again, louder this time, but in vain. I was being pulled somewhere, I didn’t know where, but I didn’t want to go.]
Hm. Perhaps you intended this, but this sounds more like a magical, symbolic vision than a dream – it’s too concrete, and the perspective sounds too lucid. A major component of dreams is inconstancy – drifting abruptly between locations and events, with emotional responses detached from their rational triggers. This vision seems quite sensible and straightforward, for a dream.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
[The bed I had just risen from was positioned in the far left corner, it had a wooden nightstand next to it]
This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition.
[To my right, close to the door, stood my desk. On the desk there was a reading lamp (also white), and my PC. I walked over to my dresser on the opposite side of the room. On said dresser, sat a picture of my parents, a stuffed meowth, and a couple of picture books from my early childhood. This dresser, like the other wooden structures in my room, was made from dark oak. Sitting next to my dresser was my laundry basket, which was almost overflowing with dirty laundry. Above that was a colorful poster advertising the Pokemon league. I opened my drawers and picked out the clothes I would wear that day, before heading to the bathroom to shower.]
Opening the story with excessive physical description is an instant turnoff. Do you see how lifeless this sounds, especially compared to the lovely dream opening? It feels like you’re just running through a checklist. The protagonist shows no emotional attachment to or interest in these items. You should think about the principle of conservation of detail – the things you include should tell us something about the story or protagonist. For instance, she says she lives alone, but she has a picture of her parents on her dresser. Why did she choose to keep the picture, and place it on her dresser where she’d see it every day? What might that tell us about her family situation? What emotions are wrapped up in that?
On a similar note, do you need to describe her morning routine in detail? What does this add to the story? It could be notable that she has to do this all on her own, but she doesn’t make any note of this and I don’t see anything unusual about her routine. You should focus on the details that are relevant to the story; those are what will capture the audience’s interest.
[As i walked, i passed]
Proofread. Most word processors correct this automatically; there’s really no excuse for it.
[Good morning Alice.]
This needs a comma before “Alice”, as it’s a direct address.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[professor Oak]
When titles are appended to names, they’re capitalized; so this should be “Professor Oak”.
[I know its late]
Typo.
Overall, you’re struggling with several points of grammar. I strongly recommend getting a beta reader to help you. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
Otherwise, the description here is odd, as I said. Your style feels very “photographic”, like you’re working hard to note down as many physical details as possible but nothing more. That generally doesn’t work well in prose, which is supposed to be a window into a character’s thoughts and feelings. Prose is an impressionist style; it’s much easier to convey the feeling of a place over every possible detail, and it’ll make the story much more engaging to boot. Right now your protagonist feels very detached from everything, and I have a hard time getting to know her.
This is an interesting origin story for a trainer, though. I like that you’re addressing that, yeah, it is kind of weird how trainers will just up and abandon their communities for fame and fortune, and the fact that she’s doing this for loftier reasons implies the plot will be more interesting than the typical gym circuit. It’d be nice to get an idea of what that plot is, though. This is currently too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. You’ve gotten to the inciting event, but the first chapter should generally go a bit beyond that, to give us an idea of what the story as a whole will be about. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12906226/1/Pokemon-Adventure-Begins
Blocked, possibly at a heckler’s request.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12905976/1/Wonderous-Illness
Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.
I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[Mew had her house repaired twice sine she moved here 2 years ago.]
Typo, and in prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.
I’m not too fond of using the term “legendaries” in fic. It’s very much a fandom term, as it’s a shorthand for the canon term “legendary pokemon”. It’s also much too general given the actual range of power of legendaries. Legendaries like latios seem to be merely rare beasts, while legendaries like Kyogre are gods.
[mocking what she says]
The rest of the story is in past tense, so this should be as well.
[if you got to know her, she can be very serious.]
Same here – and the general you sounds awkward in third person, so I’d recommend rephrasing this.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Also, a new speaker requires a new paragraph.
Even by the standards of AUs, this doesn’t really have anything to do with Pokemon. The legendaries here don’t seem to have anything to do with their canon counterparts. If your pokemon characters are acting exactly like humans, why not write them as humans? I strongly recommend publishing this as original fiction with an “inspired by” label on the top instead. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165030563/1/Original-Fiction
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12905778/1/The-River
Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.
I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing the word “pokemon” itself. However, species names shouldn’t be capitalized either, for the same reasons.
[The tall grass rustles in the strong winds, the sound of the grass moving almost overpowering the sound of the river that flowed through it.]
Since this description starts in present tense, it should remain there the whole way through. You have similar tense errors throughout this, and it’s extremely distracting. I recommend getting a beta reader if you have trouble with this.
[The pokemon that had been a Leafeon.]
This doesn’t make sense. It sounds like you may have forgotten to move some things around during an editing pass.
[Waiting for it too come a bit closer]
You want “to” here. “Too” means also.
This is too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. I mean, the protagonist hasn’t even been born yet! We need a bit more to go on. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12905487/1/Pokemon-Academy-Rebooted
You might want to pick a more original title. There are quite literally thousands of titles in this category that are variations on, if not identical to, this one.
[based on my old account’s Pokemon Academy and Education of a lifetime story, this story follows Derrick Winchester An 18-year-old trainer with ambitions of going to the pokemon academy, thinking he going to spend his days battling and learning more about pokemon Derrick gets more than what he bargains for!]
You may also want to make a more original summary. Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[So, you have decided to attend pokemon academy. Well done, Pokemon Academy is one of if not the most prestigious halls of learning]
If “Pokemon Academy” is the school’s name, it should be capitalized in all instances. It’s an odd choice of name, though; the equivalent in our world would be a private institution literally named “Veterinary School”.
[the Island it is on]
“Island” is not a proper noun and should not be capitalized. You capitalize a lot of random words throughout this, which is distracting. You should get a beta reader to help you if you have trouble with this.
I should not have to tell you that sentences need to be capitalized. If you’re not even going to put a bare minimum of effort into writing this, I’m not going to read it.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12907094/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Amour
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties, this thread has clearer instructions: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
Otherwise covered by Talarc.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12905145/1/pockets-full-of-leaves
Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.
I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.
[being smarter than the average Ursaring]
You did so here, though.
It’s a bit confusing to use horizontal lines for scene breaks if you also use them to distinguish author’s notes, as it can look like the notes are part of the story. Unfortunately, FFN strips a lot of symbols, so better scene breaks are hard to find.
[Pallet Ruins (Town, that belligerent child in him said, it’s still a town it’s just not on the map anymore as one.)creaked louder]
There should be a space at the end of the parentheses here.
Wow. This is incredibly bleak, beautiful, and haunting. Even though you give us only the slightest hints and suspicions towards the state of the world, I’m totally drawn in. I am still confused about some details, though, like what’s going on with Silver. Is this based on a particular setting, or did you just invent this world state for this fic?
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12904890/1/Tie
Blocked, though there are no hecklers in the reviews.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12904691/1/Space-between
This author blocked me a few weeks ago.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12904385/1/Painfully-Obvious
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
Unless this is an AU where Serena is aged up (which you should mention in the author’s note), you should tag this as underage.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12904357/1/Whitefur-Book-1
Author blocked me some time ago.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12904167/1/Karma-s-a-Pervert
Explicit sexual content should be rated M, not T, and you should really tag for the fetishes here.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12904087/1/A-New-Leaf
Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.
I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon. You did capitalize it once in the summary, though.
[Kaylen Stormwell is the 15-year old son to a rich family and is afraid of Pokémon. So how did he end up on a pokemon journey with his best friend Andrew?]
Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. This premise is pretty common among fanfic. What’s your plot?
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[I said exasperated]
This needs a comma after “said”.
[He’d been trying to convince to join him on a journey]
I think you dropped a word here.
[“I-i”ll call you back,” I staggered]
I think you meant “stammered” here.
There are a lot of errors throughout this and they make the story extremely hard to follow. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
I do like how proactive your protagonist is being, though.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12903968/1/When-Two-Ends-Meet
Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
[Sinnoh is a region that is home to a wide variety of natural features. From the sprawling Eterna Forest, to the many large lakes that are scattered around the region, Sinnoh is often seen as the region to have the most diverse place when it comes to the environment.]
Not really? Sinnoh is actually one of the least diverse regions; it’s pretty much entirely forest. It doesn’t even have a desert like most other regions do.
[So far, nothing of those myths are to be proven, but for trainers, it remains a place for most trainers to explore.]
This is awkwardly worded – repeating words in quick succession sounds awkward.
[But, the hike, the climb, and the grit needed to traverse the mountain range are seen as well worth the challenge for trainers, a rite of sorts to improve their skills, and sticking around in the hostile area is quite a feat, and overcoming it entirely, more so.]
This is a run-on sentence – the second-to-last comma is a comma splice.
[But all of them shared the same goal; to be a trainer first and foremost, and to go on their own adventure.]
This is improper semicolon usage. As a general rule of thumb, you should be able to replace semicolons with periods and still have the resulting sentences make sense; for instance, what I’m doing here. A full colon would work here.
[The sun shone high in the sky, and yet, it was quite dark.
Or, at least, it was hard to see, due to the shroud of fog that covered much of the area.]
You really shouldn’t backpedal in narration like this, it’s confusing. Fog can actually make places look darker, so it would be reasonable to have the second thought expand on the first rather than contradict it. You could also make some point about how it was impossible to see the sun’s position through the fog, if you like the contrast of the first sentence.
[For areas like the valleys and canyons, which were farther down the base of the mountains.]
This is a sentence fragment.
[He was taller than your average Lucario, standing at a 4’3″, and not a 3’11”]
Exact measurements are ironically more confusing to the average reader, as it’s hard to pull up a mental image for these numbers. It’s better to describe height in more descriptive terms – even just a simple “he was a few inches taller than your average lucario” would flow better here.
This looks like an interesting premise, but the writing is just too confusing for me to keep following. I strongly recommend getting a beta reader to help you. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12903917/1/An-Assassin-s-Tale
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
“AU” is not a carte blanche to write whatever you feel like. This has nothing to do with Pokemon. If your pokemon characters are acting exactly like humans, why not write them as humans? Publish this as original fiction with an “inspired by” label on the top instead.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12903741/1/Ash-the-Electric-Nightmare
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section. If you have difficulties, this thread has clearer instructions: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12903788/1/Pokemon-Tainted-Souls
Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don’t have to feel like I’m making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
[leaving mom to be a crying mess]
However, when a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.
It’s a bit confusing to use horizontal lines for scene breaks if you also use them to distinguish author’s notes, as it can look like the notes are part of the story. Unfortunately, FFN strips a lot of symbols, so better scene breaks are hard to find.
[I smiled at the sight, Ethan was always there for me whenever I needed it or just wanted to hang out.]
This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition.
[His eyes sweeping across the screen as he did so.]
This is a sentence fragment.
[It was better that I finished Professor Elm’s task before I goy carried away.]
Typo.
Hm.
I like the original bits you’ve added here – the opening is quite striking, I like the plot hook, and your description of added details and the protagonist’s commentary are all quite good. But this just makes the flat, unaltered beats of the original story stick out all the more. It feels like you’re going through the motions of the plot because you feel you have to, not because it really engages you as a jumping-off point. The sad truth is that the games… don’t have much in the way of a plot, really. It’s just a bunch of checkpoints and milestones to keep the player on the right path. I think this story would be stronger if you broke from canon more and skimmed over the parts that aren’t going to matter to the original plot you’ve teased; we’ve all already played the games, after all, so we won’t be confused.
I really like the new preamble. The previous one’s statement, “If I don’t mention something at all, it wasn’t that I hated it but couldn’t think of a positive to bring up,” made it look like everything you didn’t mention meant that you didn’t think had positive value. The conversational tone also helps, I think. It makes you appear more relatable. I hope this gets people thinking a bit more before going to immediately take a troll’s words of “advice.” I’ll try to make more time to get more reviews out myself; I feel bad about not having cranked out so much in the past two weeks and leaving you to be the only one doing them. I’ve been pretty busy though, so hopefully after my finals and job stuff, I’ll be able to get a good bit more done.
Reeds it only makes things worse. Furthermore I will make sure that you stop trolling people as well.
You’re hurting people.
[citation needed]
Shut up.
Citation, Blaze. Should be easy to find what made you so certain of this.
Again
Should I list the ones who have blocked you now?
I mean, if you want to waste more time for yourself by telling us something that we already know, that people block us, sure! Go ahead. Remind me again, what are you getting out of this, anyhow?
TBH my policy is usually not to bother banning trolls, but I feel like letting them continue to obsess over this is starting to get… unkind? This is not normal or healthy and I’m not sure about enabling it.
IDK it’s really Farla and Elmo’s bag but the more obsessive this gets the more disconcerting I’m finding it.
I mean, she already said she didn’t care. Clearly, the decent thing would be to free her from whatever demonic compulsion is forcing her to do this.
I could say the same about you both. Ten years… ten flipping years of doing this short of thing and the fact I annoy you for two months at best is insanity?
False.
And ten years of this stuff means what excatly? That your also unhealthy?
I do this for a living, so ten years means a good resume.
Are you planning on a career in… harassing strangers? Disproportionate emotional reactions?
Criticing Fanfiction isn’t a job. That’s also lying on a resume.
Already have a job. Also that sounds more like St’s job.
Sorry but I don’t think smacking cyberbullies is “Disproportionate”. Considering you keep going on about me being a troll let me tell you something.
Your little comment is nothing but you trolling.
Criticing Fanfiction isn’t a job.
Lol, just because you don’t want it to be true doesn’t mean it’s not. I actually don’t work with fanfic specifically, but there’s a lot of people who do — incresingly more as time goes on, actually. There’s some really fascinating scholarship out there.
Or, to put it in a way germaine to your worldview, mean adults get paid dumb money to talk about words! sad!
The Golden Rule of the site.
This is so irrelevant to my comment it actually worries me. Are you just not reading carefully, or do you generally struggle with comprehension?
Its not irrevenat. Your just missing the whole converation.
Explain what you meant, then. If someone misunderstands you, you have to clarify or the conversation can’t continue.
Well, you’re going to have to explain with actual words instead of just quoting a EULA at me for some reason and hoping I can summon spirits to help me divine the intent of it.
I am in fact only following the threads I’m involved in; you’re blanketing the blog with comments and I don’t have the time to decode every one of them.
I think she thinks you work with fanfiction and threw that EULA as a gotcha which is like… Another point docked for reading comprehension.
I already banned her and the rest of the gang from my forum and her reaction was to come over here, go wail on Reddit, and make a new account for the forum. I guess we could try banning her, but she’d probably just use the same amount of energy to get around the block.
Which even after my request to ignore me, which you broke no less then a day.
What?
Try.
Sounds like you’re giving up.
Again not me. I have a different Reddiit User name.
Which even after my request to ignore me, which you broke no less then a day.
I agreed to ban you, and I told you to avoid my forum, which you said you were already doing. I did not agree to your threat that you would forget I exist if I forget you exist, and I stated very clearly beforehand that I would not things because you threaten me. People doing something because you beg them to is them doing you a favor, not you doing them a favor. If you didn’t want me to mention you again, you should’ve asked your friends to stop talking to me about you. When they didn’t, I banned them as well so they’d finally stop PMing you about the fact I responded to them mentioning you, at which point you continued to engage me because you choose to do so.
That wasn’t a threat Farla. A threat would be me saying “or else” to the end. No I wanted a Deal. D.E.A.L.
I figured you were going to do it.
You told me to unsupsribe from it. Farla I have the pms saved on my email. I can literally pull them up. Don’t lie to my face.
Oh so I thought we were doing it as EQUALS. See this is why I decided to to keep coming here. You never treated me with mututal respect. Seriously why are you always so self-enitied? What? Areyou a upper middle class household? Or what?
I didn’t beg you. Then you rip on people and claim to speak for me.
They were not the ones who did it Farla.
I didn’t even know Reeds was with you until I was told about it afterwards. Oh and then you go ahead and keep it arguing with someone else.
Illogical by then you had already broke the deal, and then you think this made anything better?
Again that’s because you broke my request. You have literally don’t honor agreements.
No I wanted a Deal. D.E.A.L.
You were screaming on my forum about how badly you had to act in order to get me to ban you, then Fire4Heaven contacts me begging me to just do what you’re asking and ban you and then going on about how now she’s crying, etc.
The fact you want to sooth your ego by us agreeing it was a “deal” where I pinkie promise to never speak about you again (even if you’re still harassing my friends, and even if your supposed friends keep harassing me and threatening to sic you on me again) on pain of you harassing me twice as hard if I don’t play along with your delusion?
Get therapy.
No I don’;t need it. You know what dead meme time.
No U.
I always wanted to use that.
Oh and Fire was lying to you.
I really don’t know why you think it helps your case to say your friend lies about crying to manipulate people.
Either you’re buddies with some truly awful people or you’re an awful enough person to say your honestly crying friend is a liar, and either way, somehow you think this is scoring you points.
One we are not actually friends. Two, they just went ahead last night and called both, you, me and everyone who ignores us as crazy. Hell, I don’t even know their true name!
Again the only person I’m close to being friends with is Istawill. Fire not my friend.
We’re not friends. I feel like you read to much into people’s elationships.
Considering I’m up agaist self-centered pricks who create their own reasons for people to do things, spend a whole decade on a pointless crusade, and agrue with anyone that asks them to tone it down or stop.
Yeah you completely dismissed this whole comment like alwats.
Blaze, I treated you like an equal and a rational adult when you first came to the forum and started arguing about religion. That led to you throwing a tantrum and going on this rampage. You’ve done nothing since to encourage us to change our opinion of you. If you want to be treated like an adult, you have to start acting like one.
One I didn’t want to agrue about it on the forum. You refused to talk to me without it. Two, you roped me into it. Three, you didn’t even let me tell you about what I had done until after you caught me in a pointkess argument.
I still have the all caps reply forcing me on the thread.
That made me discover how much of an asshile you where. Then that lead me down this path to be your much needed counter.
Given how you’ve acted to me sense I don’t have any means to change my opinion of you. Hell, your delusions are more enternating then anything else.
Funny I can say the same to you as well.
Oh, I do actually apologize for that. See, I thought you were a functional adult who was purposefully refusing my requests, not a womanchild who was physically incapable of following directions.
Regardless, I did not force you to do anything. If you didn’t want to argue about it, you didn’t have to keep responding.
Name calling really? Seriously I just wanted to talk to you over pms and now your acting like a an asshole because I point out I have you acting like a jerk to me instead of just talking to me over pms?
Wow real mature. Oh wait no its not. You didn’t even bother to read the rest of the repkly.
You won’t let us talk without doing it. I wanted to have a converation and you wanted it on your terms. How is that not forcing someone else? How is that even mature of you?
You didn’t let me speak at all! You treated it like a debate and didn’t stop to let me say anything until after you thriw a fit. Then when I did you think this?
One this is you admitting you want the fandom to follow your belief. Two the second part is you not getting the point of the arguements. You can have your opinion just stop forcing it on others.
Which you do all the time.
The last part is pretenous, stupid, and ironically enough the whole argument could have been avoided if you didn’t treat me like I was debating you. No one wants to debate on a fanfic site. They do that on reddit.
Blaze, I feel like I must ask you a question and I’d like you to answer me honestly.
Even after all the “evil” Farla and Co. have done, do you truly believe it’s okay for people to give them death threats?
Have I given them a single death threat? No. All I ask is for account terimation at most. If I wanted that I wouldn’t still be trying to argue for them to stop.
[go to hell Elmo]
This was posted in the Pokeauthors Part 101 comments section under your name.
That is the same thing as a death threat.
Not really. The phase “Go to hell” is actually used as a sign of intesent loothing. Its different from a death threat as a death threat convages the desire to killl someone.
This only convages that I want them to head to hell. Not that I want to kill them.
Its basicallly as far as you can go without threating someones life. I find that pointless.
[Not really. The phase “Go to hell” is actually used as a sign of intesent loothing. Its different from a death threat as a death threat convages the desire to killl someone.]
Ah, I see.
[This only convages that I want them to head to hell. Not that I want to kill them.]
I’m sorry to tell you this Blaze, but… that’s really not something to be proud of. I can understand if you disagree with what Elmo says. Even I don’t fully agree with him.
However… wishing someone dead is a lot more serious than it sounds, especially over something as relatively unimportant in the grand scheme of things like fanfiction writing. There’s a difference between disliking someone and outright wishing he dies.
I outright hate them. I don’t want to kill them. I just hsate everything the stand for, and their actions.
I’m not proud of it… but you know. They don’t really so me any reason not too.
[I outright hate them. I don’t want to kill them. I just hsate everything the stand for, and their actions.]
Okay, let’s try this from a different angle.
I’ll be honest – I received a review from Elmo once and, while I didn’t agree with the whole capitalization thing because I saw it more as an artistic choice, I still found part of his review helpful even though Istwill56 warned me against him.
Do you hate me for agreeing with Elmo, even if only partially?
What part was it? The thing is they tend to just spot nonsense, personal preferences. At best only a few things they ever post is correct… but when they post a link or what not they ruin it.
Part of it was related to typos, but other parts were things that Elmo suggested that made me see things about my story from a different perspective. Things like Pokemon moves, slight logical inconsistancies or how certain events could have been interpreted in a slightly different way, yet still have the same effect I was looking for.
And after thinking about it, I surprisingly found that some of his suggestions actually made my story BETTER than I first thought.
On the things I disagreed with him, I simply gave him a civil reply justifying my actions and he didn’t press any furthur.
Let me guess Pokemon are slaves?
Your story didn’t gain any followers past a few did it?
Inconstant. I tried that and I got into a half a day wortn of arguing!
Actually, no. He didn’t put that in the review.
THEN WHAT WAS IT.
Seriously I’m starting to feel disappointment in this.
[Your story didn’t gain any followers past a few did it?]
What does the number of followers have anything to do with Elmo’s review? If even a few people appreciate my story, I will be grateful. I’m still a relatively new writer and my story doesn’t have many chapters anyway.
[Inconstant. I tried that and I got into a half a day wortn of arguing!]
Do you mean the Forum thread concerning Pokemon World religion in Farla’s forum? Can you please point out what part exactly made the argument happen?
It was a depiction of a move – specifically, Stone Edge. While Elmo pointed out that Stone Edge is portrayed as rocks coming out of the ground in the games, I simply told him that the anime portrayed as rocks beings flung at the opponent.
[Seriously I’m starting to feel disappointment in this.]
May I ask why you are disappointed? Did I say something wrong?
That’s fair. I just feel like I should be sending a note home to her parents or something, idk.
I’m an adult who lives on my own with a roomate. I have no idea why you would even do that? Pointless guester that has no meaning?
I mean, the very fact we’re in this position suggests their parents probably aren’t very helpful people.
No it suggests you have pissed off the wrong person. Oh wait you’ve done that already to a lot of people. I’m just the first to decide to give you a taste of your own medicine.
Yet I see them every sunday and they know what I’m doing. They support it because yeah you’re bullies.
I mean, the very fact we’re in this position suggests their parents probably aren’t very helpful people.
This is a good point.
Act read the danm comment
No it suggests you have pissed off the wrong person. Oh wait you’ve done that already to a lot of people. I’m just the first to decide to give you a taste of your own medicine.
Yet I see them every sunday and they know what I’m doing. They support it because yeah you’re bullies.
Simply put I’m discrediting the justfication.
First things first, one user they reviewed wishes to fight them.
Three stories are gone.
Three users have chosen to ignore.
.And one blocked St after witnessing my review.
Well this one was taken down… Congrats on making them do something like this.
Did the author tell you this themselves? Stories get deleted all the time even when we don’t touch them at all.
Stories tend to get deleted more when the first impression they get is nothing but criticism. Its why users either A) Do say anything, B) give a good job review to those who start out.
And you are welcome to mass spam such positivity, Blaze. Here, I’ll write one for you: “Good job for someone just starting out! I love it!”
Know you lot you wouldn’t cpount it as “People giving reviews” Because let’s be real.
You don’t even belief that anymore.
What does that matter? I thought you cared about these people, not just doing whatever opposes me.
Opposing you and your crew actually does corralate with it. I mean how is that so hard to grasp?
Then you really are wasting your time, instead of spreading positivity. The one you want for the community. That’s a better way to make change than harrassing.
Irony, I counterreview for that reason. Double Irony its lead to users blocking St and the others afterwards.
Trible irony, the harrassers are mad at getting harrassed back. Can’t take someone disagreeing with them in their safe space.
And yet people are still deleting, which you say happens because their first review is mean. You could solve this problem by just leaving a nice first review. But you’d rather they get those evil reviews, and you hope for them to delete as a result, because then you can pretend it’s heroic to tell someone else to kill themselves.
Hence counterreview to show them that your not the only voice on the site.
Look above. I don’t think you fully read any comment.
I’m not on alll the time. I have a JOB. Even when I am I makesure to warn others.
I keep seing these delusional replies. Do you not want to admit your wrong or something? I said this before this isn’t ‘heroic’. Hell again, I have a job, I have my own stories, and a life outside this. I watched the latest Marvel movie just an hour ago!
Okay, but if you have time to obsessively counter-review me and spam every new fic with warnings, you have time to write nice reviews. Heck, you were doing that during some of the slower periods, though you still didn’t cover nearly every fic.
People already make reviews. I need to write a story, have a job, and other things to deal with. In the last month alone I had to deal with family issues forcing me to to back track. I rather read a story in full before reviewing. Just doing it on the first chapter is pointless
plus it doesn’t matter you will do it regardless., so what’s the point of making reviews?
Counter-review is not reviewing the fic. Like, you even put it in the name. You don’t review, you “warn” and say nothing of the story and don’t review everything else because St. Elmo must be put down? And instead of idk actually reviewing the first chapter, you’re here. This just feels like beating a dead horse because I doubt you’ll actually reflect on your actions here.
St’s “reviews” aren’t even reviews. They mostly consist of them yelling nonsense about personal pereferences.
Either arguing that someone shouldn’t choose to capitalize, use Bol, or underline for authors notes, argue about what counts as a an AU, using Arceis however they want, or about them constantly bringing up that whole “Pokemon are slaves” bullshit that most don’t believe, that Game Freak the creators of the series and the universe don’t believe, and that no one wants to be yelled about.
It only reinforces my beliefs. It shows how heartless they actually are and how anyone yelling back at them to stop or do something that notsdickish falls on death ears.
Reflect dsoesn’t mean “Agree with St and Farla” you jackass.
Blaze, if someone says, “You’re doing a bad thing,” then “But the other person is also doing a bad thing!” is irrelevant. You did not address the actual point.
You should know that’s your very existence as a reviewer.
Oh then whAt is the point to you? Because news flash i’ve been adressing every single point and so fall ALLL YOU DONE! Is ignore it or focus on a single senntence!
You have not. Case in point, you still haven’t addressed the point that reviewing the fic itself would be more productive than counter-reviews.
Blaze, you think you counter points, but you don’t. You think far too irrationally and your “counters” are frankly worthless in any system of proper debate. I can actually back that statement up, by the way, something that you cannot do. All you are armed with is the notion that you’re right. You’ve got passion, I don’t doubt that, but passion does not mean that you’re correct. This’ll be the last time I respond to you — hopefully forever, by the way. You really are just a waste of time.
That’s not the point and you know it. We were not talking about this. You just moved it into this!
The actual converation was over if your reviews were harmful!
And Farla proposed that you could, based on your own logic, counter our harm by posting positive reviews. This would be more effective than shouting at us; you cannot change our behavior, but you can change yours. ‘Tis better to light one candle than curse the darkness.
Oh I do counter your harm I pull appart your reviews to show how terrible and stupid they are. Its effectively nonsense!
Oh so your admitting your not doing this to be helpful? Seriously St I can’t wait for the wake up call.
Path to Helll is paved in good intesions St. That’s all you are. You ARE trolls. No amount of yelling at me will stop that.
So not back to the point.
Actually, Blaze, I’ve gotten a lot of PMs by people who hate your counter-reviews and feel they’re only making things worse. You will see these responses in the coming authors posts. (Oh, and here.) Piling more negativity onto negativity does not help. Light a candle instead, Blaze.
Wow, just looked at the PMs, and this is turning into great PR for you; you look like a beacon of reason and moderation in a world gone mad.
It’s a shame unrelated people are getting hit by her harassment, though. Wish this was one of the years the mods logged in.
Who? Ever author that I give them that bothers to reply back praises me.
I feel like posting the responses of my own just to prove you wrong.
Thats as much a take that to you as it is to me!
How would you know your toxicity incarate!
Toss away your demonic candles Elmo! You want a person to review?! YOU REALLY FUCKING THINK THIS MATTER?
If you Farla, Talarc, Reed, everone agree to leave Pokemon Fanfiction alone forever then I will do it!
Yes, I’ve only asked you for this like a dozen times. Please learn how to make them readable, though.
And once again, Blaze, “But you’re doing it too!” is not a counterargument. If you want to be treated like an adult, maybe stop using kindergarteners’ arguments.
Now light a candle.
I’ve done this before… Hell Fire posted a whole llot of them at oonepoint. I’m literally betyaing people. trust… I hate you.
Folllow your own god danm advice for one you hypocritic.
I better not see yoou anywhere near the Pokemon community ever again. I’m taking over this so go away!
In a disorganized mess across a bunch of posts, yes. I want all of them in a centralized location. You can even send them to us and we’ll organize them into a post here that’s actually readable.
Alternatively, you could light a candle.
And then you willl stop reviewing stories?
I already offered/demanded/begged/whatever to take over the reviews. That is the reason you were doing this right? Because no reviewer could be found?
So if I start tomorrow will you cease reviewing, you Farla, Reed and Talarc?
Seriously? Its only 9:30…. *sigh* Or 10:30… or you know.
Reed don’t make promises.
They never work out in the long run.
Alright, how about…
You believe what matters is a positive statement, while we believe what matters is a detailed comment on what works and what doesn’t. A good compromise, I guess, would be a detailed positive comment, focused on what you liked and felt worked in the story.
I will agree not to review all stories posted tomorrow – you’ll have to PM Talarc to see if he agrees, but probably. Instead, you review those stories with detailed comments. That is, at least the sort of length your counter-reviews tended to be.
Elmo your detail is mostly you complaining about either personal preferences on a story that’s your own. If you didd’t complain about Author Notes, Capitalizing pokemon, Arceus, titlling chapters you would have a lot less people blocking/ignoring you. Hell I would be willing to be your friend but
I’ve meet actual trolls, hell even befriended a few… even they draw the line with insulting a writers personal preferences… unless they reall assholes.
Talarc block me… I blocked him….
With or without your review in them? Those lenghs differe based on reviews Also I won’t deal with the authors personal preferences. That’s what got you the hatedom in the first place and those rarely change as is.
Also I won’t deal with the authors personal preferences.
You’re not being asked to do that or disagree with anything the author wrote at all. You’d just have to talk about what you liked about what they did do, in detail so it’s helpfully informing the author of what in particular worked.
Not sure if you’re asking me to block you or claiming that I already had, but I don’t have you blocked. Regardless, I’m happy to hold off reviewing today.
I meant forever… *sigh* You get the person you want to review and people treat it as a temporary thing?
The goal isn’t to make one single person give any sort of review. We think there should be more and better reviews in general. Since you wouldn’t just give more reviews, we’re offering to do something you say you want (not review stories) in return for you focusing on actually reviewing people yourself, which is what we want. If your reviews are really helpful, we could extend that time further than one day, but to start we need to see the reviews you’re giving.
Thats not at all what you said. You said ypou only did this because People complained about noyt having reviews. All the rest of this isn’t what they meant.
It is what we said. You mentioned the problem of people not getting any good reviews and in answer to that problem, we said that us going silent would do nothing about that. Talking about the problem you brought up doesn’t mean that’s the only thing we care about. It also doesn’t mean we only disgree because a different person complained to us about a different thing. If we felt that all that matters was a review count going up, we wouldn’t be focused on giving constructive criticism when we review.
I think it’s good here be many reviews (with different viewpoints) and also good that some of those reviews are constructive criticism (with different viewpoints) to help people who want to improve their writing.
The review agreement we’ve made is a compromise. We would like people to just review, so there’s more reviews and more viewpoints, but if people won’t, we offer to trade off reviewing instead if the person can give helpful, detailed reviews.
I’m just going to offer a suggestion for everyone who isn’t Blaze, because I know she won’t listen anyway: Let’s just ignore her. It would be one thing if we were talking with someone who actually listened, analyzed what we said rationally, was capable of admitting that they might not be 100% right, or possessed enough wisdom to tell what makes a good argument or the difference between criticism and bullying– that might be productive. But here we are, many, many posts later. Blaze is still incapable of recognizing an argument constructed with proper rhetoric (ethos, pathos, and logos). I can actually explain *why* one of our arguments is better than hers (and have actually done so), but she will refuse to listen and will throw some random accusation or “You’re wrong just because” response or some equally insufficient response, then strut around like she’s some prodigy of argument. It’s maddening. It’s literally arguing with an idiot. So let’s stop. When someone comes into the scene who is willing to engage in civil debate, I will happily engage that person in civil, rational debate, but Blaze is just a waste of time. I’ve said this a lot, but it’s my biggest source of “ethos,” I suppose. I started out as their critic. I held them in the same kind of ill-advised and angry mindset. But unlike the Dragon’s Blazes of the world, I was capable of seeing more than two inches in front of what I screamed was right. I wanted to get rid of them. When I did actually converse with them, though, I saw that they were *not* bullies or trollish. Really, all it took was a visit to St Elmo’s Fire’s personal page.
TLDR; Stop feeding the trolls. It’s getting us nowhere and I’m sure our time can be spent talking to people who might actually deserve our attention here. (AKA, not Blaze, Istwill, etc.)
The echo of everyone else that’s not you is rather strong with this comment. The irony that you call me irrational and act like your 1000% right should never be lost to you all.
That’s were your wrong REeeds. It took a visist to their page to prove that they are trolls or dicks. Take a visist to both their pages.
I refuse to go away until you stop acting like trolls.
“Treat others the way you want to be treated” If you treat people like trolls then so be it.
Why are you reviewing people that have blocked you? That’s stupid.
I explained this at the top of the last post.
Which one.
Also now that I was looking back on your reviews… There really isn’t a in universe ae limit to become a trainer. Some of the trainers both in the anime and games are younger then 10. In the games the age of the Protagosts isn’t even constant.
Red/Blue/and Yellow: 11
Silver/Gold and Ruby/Sapphire: 12
D/P/and Platium: 13
Black/White and B2/W2: 15
X/Y: Ambiguous aged teenager
Sun and Moon: 10
The rules with this are so inconstant with younger then 10 trainers that it’s started to be phased out the longer the games and Anime has gone on. Along with the idea that animals exist, or that the world is based on our own (The Pokémon Rangers games are canoailly in the same world as the main game and they kinda throw a ranch into that, then Gen 5 dropped pretend with Unova have a connection to Sinnoh..).
Its all part of the long lists of Retcons the series as built up over its nearly 20 years.
There is already a place for discussing this.
Honestly, the only reason I’d casually accept most characters as starting journeys at 12 – 14 instead of ten (not owning pokemon, mind, just the wandering) is because I’ve always felt that Ash and co. acted more like that age bracket than ten, and that’s really where the Coming of Age Adventure story genre starts off. Just don’t make a big deal explaining why all your characters are 13 instead of 10 and it probably won’t be a problem.
You’re thinking in terms of kids in our world, not kids in a world where this is normal and they’d be taught the basics. We also see a twelve year old with Red in the Special manga, where he’s pretty good at handling himself compared to anime Ash and where he’s already been raising a pokemon for some time before he actually leaves Pallet. And that manga is famous for how he’s traveling in a much higher-stakes world that’s often actively gunning for him, which is needed to balance out his higher age.
The Digimon franchise gives a good look at this as well. There, the kids are older but screw up more, which makes sense for random kids from our world chucked into a hostile alien universe without any supplies. When you take most of that away, like in the second season where they can travel back and forth at will and have experienced members, you end up with challenges that are way too easy for the characters or them acting like much younger kids to escalate problems enough to have an episode (and this is after the entire world has also been made way more hostile).
Some of the trainers both in the anime and games are younger then 10.
Yes, and that’s a thing I actually really like! When we talk about trainers “starting” at ten, it’s in response to someone saying that everyone starts at seventeen. Across canon, either the earliest age is ten or kids can start even earlier than ten if they want.
One that really should’t make sense… unless of course they explained wit with a law change. I brought this up because Emlo did this this once when about two complaints before the writer was talking about law changes.
I always felt the need to point out that you can “Show don’t tell” in a story.
If there is vague law changes and the starting age has been bumped up in story to say 17… well you now know what just happened.
Well, I go into greater detail on that over on the link. Short version, I’m not talking about internal story facts (ie, it’s seventeen because a law) I’m talking about the purpose of making those changes and the pitfalls authors run into.
Their are no real pitfuls… its just them moving the age up.
Also why the hell do you even alllow debate? You guys gang up on any debate making it two or three on one… which isn’t how debate is supposed to work.
There are pitfalls that show up in practice.
Allowing people to speak doesn’t mean preventing anyone else from speaking back. It’s understandable if you find it stressful to have multiple people disagreeing with you at once, but in that case, you should chose to avoid debating on forums and other public areas.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12921429/1/SpiritsOfRhythm-please-reply-back
Can someone please get this user to reply. Fire shouldn’t be posting this but seriously even I been having trouble
Maybe you ought to learn something from this and stop blocking people all the time. If people have email notifications disabled, they have no way of knowing they’re being contacted at all.
Why are you concerned about Fire not being able to contact them? You said Fire wasn’t your friend and a liar.