Featuring “the Government Restrictive Institute on Pokemon (G.R.I.P.)”
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12109499/1/A-Story-of-Fire
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or region. Or war. For more information, look here: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[the Gods]
“God” is only capitalized if you’re referring to the Abrahamic one, because “God” is his actual name. Otherwise, it’s not a proper noun and thus should not be capitalized.
[kids toys]
Missing apostrophe.
[´the enemy´]
I’m not sure what symbol you’re using here, but it looks really weird. You should use ‘ or “ instead.
[trainer captured everything they could, rattata, pidgey, and sending them straight to the front lines.]
This should be [trainers captured everything they could, rattata, pidgey, and sent them straight to the front lines.] You’re making many similar errors with syntax and verb agreement; I’d recommend getting a beta reader to help you.
[But i was different.]
And not capitalizing “I” makes me not want to read the rest of this story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12109669/1/Soulbound
[a certain Lucario]
You’re generally good about not capitalizing pokemon, but you capitalized this.
[UI SAW THEM]
Proofread.
[-A bit later-]
This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.
This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. Two very short scenes with no context do not do that. What is this story going to be about, and why should I care? The first chapter should answer those questinos. See here for more information: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12110228/1/The-Stone
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. For more information, look here: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[Also i would like to say sorry for any grammar mistakes or spelling mistakes. ~Sincerly Espeonion -]
If you can’t even be bothered to capitalize “I”, you’re not very sincere. Put a little effort into this.
Also, this doesn’t have anything to do with Pokemon and I don’t know why you’re classifying it as Pokemon fanfic. Your characters are all acting exactly like humans and doing things pokemon never do, such as attending a high school that functions exactly like a human high school. I’m sure Fictionpress or Archive of Our Own would love to host your original fiction, but FFN is for fanfiction only.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12110882/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Mystery-Dungeon-Twisted-Space
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. For more information, look here: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. In case you don’t know the full rules, it’s: Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[“Sorry, Vedette,” their mother intervened]
You’re overusing unusual speech verbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever trendy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12111054/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Mystery-Dungeon-Everlast
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. For more information, look here: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[Should I… Follow the path? He thought.]
The same rules of dialogue apply regardless of what punctuation the dialogue ends in. So this should be [Should I… Follow the path? he thought.]
This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. Who are these characters, what is the story going to be about, and why should I care? The first chapter should answer those questions. See here for more information: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12111130/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Fanfiction-My-first-fanfiction
You should really change your title to something more descriptive.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12114321/1/Fresh-Start-New-Beginnings
[Why couldn’t it be like the good old days? The man thought]
This is all one sentence, so “the man thought” shouldn’t be capitalized.
[Here you go, Olivia.”]
Forgot the start quote here.
[But with the rise of trainer casualties, the Pokémon League decided that new rules should be added, like raising the minimum age limit to 16 for Trainers.]
Given that America still hasn’t passed effective gun regulation after far more casualties, I find this pretty unbelievable – when something is such an ingrained part of a culture, making such a radical change requires far more than just a logical assessment.
[He glanced at the incubator and remembered why he still does this]
Careful with your tenses, you slip into present tense here.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12111308/1/Pokemon-Opal-Explorers-of-Realms
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. For more information, look here: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[Present day see’s humans and Pokemon]
That apostrophe shouldn’t be there.
[an intense flash of light seemed to cover the entire world for almost a few moments]
That doesn’t make sense. What does “almost a few moments” mean? A moment, singular?
[all the Pokemon suddenly fell extremely ill causing mass panic and hysteria.]
This needs a comma after “ill”.
[Weeks went by, there were still no answers…]
This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition.
The story is full of similar errors, making it extremely hard to follow. You need to read up on sentence structure and comma usage and/or get a beta reader to help you.
Labeling chapters looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
[Time to show those jerks whose boss!]
“who’s”
[it’s face]
You want “its”. “It’s” always means “it is”.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12111397/1/Corrupt-Authority
[the Government Restrictive Institute on Pokemon (G.R.I.P.)]
That’s a silly name. Governments are usually very careful to avoid names and acronyms that make them look bad. Remember all the fuss about Operation Iraqi Liberation?
[bearing elemental powers]
That’s really not an accurate description. They’re not limited to earth, water, air, and fire. It makes more sense to say they have “magical” or “supernatural” powers.
[it wouldn’t be farfetched to suggest that pokémon could overcome people]
So whoever’s saying this doesn’t consider pokemon to be people? That seems kind of weird when they go on to bemoan that [Rather than worship them as the gods they are, we have enslaved them].
[“We should savor every moment of this,” Kenta mused]
I don’t think that’s the word you want here. “Mused” means to think aloud.
[“You’re right,” Kenta laughed in defeat,]
“Laughed” isn’t a speech verb, so this sentence needs to be restructured, or the commas should become periods.
[“That’s it!” came the announcer’s excited, booming voice, “This year’s tournament is finished!]
Also, when two complete sentences of dialogue are interrupted with narration, the narration ends with a period, since it ends a sentence.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. For more information, look here: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[Kenta grinned punched him playfully on the arm.]
You seem to have dropped a word here.
That’s a really abrupt ending. This feels like it should be the first half of a first chapter, not a chapter of its own.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12111397/2/Corrupt-Authority
[A/N: Although the default is to label each new update as a “chapter,” this story is not broken down into “chapters” so much as parts of equal length. I intend to update daily at a constant page-length of 4, so you readers will unfortunately have to deal with abrupt stops and starts.]
What? Why on Earth would you do that? Chapters can be and often are of varying length, because that makes the story easier to follow. Chapters should have clear arcs of their own and end at dramatically significant points. Case in point, this part introduces your inciting event and gives a good idea of what the story will be about, which is something you should include in the reader’s first impression of your story. If your first chapter doesn’t grab people, you have no guarantee that they’re going to click through to the next chapter.
Also, you should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[“Mom! Dad! Brendan won! Brendan won!” cheered Hibiki, bouncing up and down in front of the television. He turned around and pointed eagerly at the television, and his parents moved forward to get a closer look at the screen. “Well, isn’t that nice?” said his mother]
Forgot to make a new paragraph here.
[ninety or so years ago, our parents and grandparents beheld a meteor shower above Mount Moon, carrying the bacteria which mutated the genetic codes of all animals in the vicinity. Mount Moon, the very center of the nine pokémon regions, gave birth to pokémon on that fateful night.”
Wait a minute . . . isn’t that just a theory? thought Hibiki, as he and his parents watched the television set in silence. Nobody truly knows where pokémon came from. He’s going on with this theory as though it were absolutely the only explanation.]
How can this possibly be controversial? Ninety years is within peoples’ lifetimes, as the announcer explicitly says. There should be people who remember a life before pokemon and what precipitated it, and there should be clear historical documentation. The European discovery of the Americas took place centuries ago, but we still have very good ideas of how and why it happened; we don’t have to rely on rumors, hearsay, and unfounded theories. Something that happened less than a century ago should not be a mystery to anyone.
I don’t see what this has to do with Pokemon. This looks like an original fantasy story where kids with magical powers go to a regular human school. It looks very possibly like the magical powers won’t be relevant to the plot at all, which would remove even the most tenuous connections this has to Pokemon.
[the History teacher]
“History” is not a proper noun and thus should not be capitalized.
[“Hi, Ms. Ambsic,” I waved my hand.]
Non-speaking verb tags are separate sentences from dialogue, and are formatted as such – so this should be [“Hi, Ms. Ambsic.” I waved my hand.] since you can’t wave a sentence.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. For more information, look here: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. A single short scene does not do that. Who are these characters, what is the story going to be like, and why should I care? The first chapter should answer those questions. See here for more information: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12112107/1/A-Brand-New-Adventure
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. For more information, look here: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[All that left was hiding and walking away. I didn’t really want to turn my back on the Beedrill, but to my desperate eye there were precisely zero hiding spots within a three meter radius.
Carefully, and slowly, I began to turn to my right, searching for a tree without berries and suspiciously rustling leaves. I took one step at a time, ignoring my pounding heart.]
You normally use two line breaks to separate paragraphs, but there’s just a single line break here, which looks strange.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12112145/1/Lost-My-Way
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. For more information, look here: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[“Tonight.” The buneary whispered]
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[There was never anything wrong with my trainer, I would follow Kyle to the ends of the world if I had to, it was the other Pokémon that I couldn’t deal with.]
This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence into multiple parts or use different transitions.
[It was the perfect storm for hazing; they were evolved, they were strong, they were arrogant, and I simply lacked the strength to resist them. They thought I was under their authority as much as I was under Kyle’s, and because of that, I essentially was.]
And sweet perfect Kyle never noticed something was up? He’s either woefully incompetent or willfully ignorant if he’s allowing this to happen. Why does our narrator not resent him for this? Why does our narrator not resent him for capturing him and forcing him into this life he’s so obviously unsuited for?
[I still love Kyle. Abandoning him went against every sense of loyalty that I had, it made me scared of what he would think of me for leaving him, and even more scared of how he would treat me if he ever found me again.]
So is the implication supposed to be that this is Stockholm syndrome, or…?
[Next time…*pant … you won’t.]
This isn’t a comic book. Sound effects should be described in prose.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12112633/1/PokeWorker
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. For more information, look here: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[emotionally-exhausting]
That doesn’t need to be hyphenated.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12112762/1/Pokemon-battles
Your title isn’t fully capitalized.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Battles aren’t inherently interesting in prose, and I’m not sure how you plan to make a story out of them. You should read this: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/143300790/1/Battles-Are-Boring
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12113228/1/Pokemon-Red-Rescue-Tale
You might want to pick a more original title. There are quite literally thousands of titles in this category that are variations on, if not identical to, this one.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. For more information, look here: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[The story of a human turned Vulpix and uh stuff I’m bad at summaries]
If you know it’s bad, fix it instead of apologizing. Summaries are really not hard, and you need to learn how to make them if you’re going to be posting fanfic.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[Prologue: A ninetailed mistake]
Labeling chapters looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
Switching POVs multiple times in one chapter is really disorienting and tacky. The story is much tighter if we stay in the mind of a consistent narrator and get to know them. You should focus on what information is actually necessary and how you might be able to convey it without jumping into other characters’ heads. If it’s absolutely necessary to spread out the information like this, you should use third-person omniscient. For more information, look here: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/143126539/1/POV-and-You
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Also, a new speaker requires a new paragraph. Not following this rule makes your story incomprehensible, and thus makes me not want to read it.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12113360/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-25-Treecko-s-Journey
Please provide a summary that actually tells people what the story will be about.
[tell me what i should change/use]
Also, proofread.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. For more information, look here: fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12113910/1/Victor-s-Travels
Please provide a summary that tells people what the story is about.
[Meet Victor a trainer from Jhoto, Goldenrod City to be exact. He left on his journey with his childhood friend Beldum. Together thwy are traveling the world to fulfill Victors dream]
This is a mess of grammatical errors. You need a beta reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12114133/1/Pokemon-Harvest
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. For more information, look here: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[a withdrawn male]
“Male” and “female” are incredibly awkward epithets and you really shouldn’t be using them in any circumstance. Just say “man” or “boy”.
[A hot breeze blew across a sleepy town, bathed in orange hues of the setting sun, flower petals dancing through the air as various people walked around beneath, most likely hurrying to get their daily necessities done.]
This sentence, while not technically a run-on, is really overwrought and confusing. The end is about a completely different subject than the beginning; that shouldn’t be happening in most sentences.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[“…”]
This is a visual art convention that doesn’t work in prose.
This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. This is pretty much the exact same opening that all fic in this genre has. Who are these people, what will the story be about, and why should I care? The first chapter should answer those questions. If you have a plot, start there; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12114443/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Kalos-Adventures
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or region. For more information, look here: fanfiction|dot|net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread (it’s an FFN forum topic, FFN strips the domain so you’ll need to add that manually)
[they will encounter many different kinds of people and Pokémon]
So pokemon aren’t people in this?
[This follows the story of Nick, and his friends Lindsey and Liam. They will journey across the Kalos Region, and along the way they will encounter many different kinds of people and Pokémon! Will Nick reach his goal of becoming the Champion of Kalos?]
This is saying that this is going to be like every trainerfic ever. If you have some unique and interesting plot idea, you should advertise that here instead of using a generic cookie-cutter summary that doesn’t actually say anything about the story.
[“Quotes mean talking”
No quotes means an action
Bold is used for Pokemon attacks and abilities
Italics is used for thoughts and Pokedex entries]
I guarantee you do not need this key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong. Bold is also not something you should be using for standard actions, as it’s very unusual and distracting in prose.
[Annie looked over to Robert]
Before this, the story is in present tense; after, it’s in past. That’s incredibly jarring and disorienting. You need to decide whether you want past or present and stick with it.
[“He’s going to like that one the best, and maybe in seven years it will help him on his journey.” he stood up]
That “he” should be capitalized, as it’s the start of a sentence.
This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. This is just a single scene that doesn’t tell us anything about the plot or characters. If you have a plot, start there or at least try to get there within the first chapter; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction (dot) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12114758/1/Pokemon-Legend-of-the-LightBalls
[Make description later. XD]
Making a summary takes like one minute. Put a bare minimum of effort into making things easier for your readers.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[Our story takes place, on a planet known as Woderus]
That comma shouldn’t be there.
[six continents, each spread out among 8 great oceans]
In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters, especially if you’re already writing out other numbers.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. For more information, look here: fanfiction|.|net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12114874/1/Of-Ice-and-Fire
[2 children]
In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.
[Ice is a power that is also known for destruction, but suitable for average.]
What?
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. For more information, look here: fan|fiction|.|n|e|t/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[It was wearing a high-tech carry-on bag on its back, wearing an Everstone around its neck, and its back legs were wrapped in bandages. The Eevee’s height was 2 feet shorter than a normal Eevee, looking like a small little fox to a Turtwig, and its fluffy tail was 5 inches longer than a normal Eevee, which is the most noticeable.]
You really don’t want to open your story with a description paragraph; this level of mundane detail just disengages readers. ||
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[“Oh please, brother. I just know I am. It’s here somewhere.” Leslie stated]
That’s not what “stated” means. You’re overusing unusual speech verbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever trendy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.
[She shouts fiercely]
Before this, the story is in past tense; after, it’s in present. This is extremely jarring and disorienting. You have to decide on past or present and stick with it.
[Leslie sighed as she sees Raul’s glasses and picks them up]
How? Do pokemon have opposable thumbs in this?
This doesn’t seem to have anything to do with Pokemon. Just calling your original fantasy gods by pokemon names doesn’t make this a Pokemon fanfic. I’m sure Fictionpress or Archive of Our Own would love to host your original fantasy story, but FFN is for fanfiction only and I’m honestly not sure what you’re doing here.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12115163/1/Conquest-A-Nuzlocke-Adventure
[The Kalos region is in a state of disarray. Team Plasma has all but taken over]
What is Plasma doing in Kalos? Did they win in Unova?
Keep in mind that what makes for a good game doesn’t necessarily make for a good story. The Nuzlocke rules do not make sense for a serious setting, and don’t inherently make for an interesting story besides. The standard journey story is already incredibly boring; what is really added by turning trainers into sociopaths willing to butcher innocents for petty goals?
[Chapter 1: The Meeting]
Labeling chapters looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
[I glance around my room.]
The rest of the story is in past tense, so this should be as well.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. For more information, look here: fanfiction (dot) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[curl up next to mum]
However, when a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.
[It was a time of great unrest in our world, after all. Team Plasma was in the midst of taking over the Kalos region; there weren’t enough strong trainers ready to stop them in their goals. While the gym leaders and Elite Four were doing their best to stave off the inevitable, if more trainers were not trained up soon then we would be facing an utter catastrophe.
In light of this, Professor Sycamore had contacted five youths to take Pokémon and begin training to fight back against Team Plasma.]
That’s utterly ridiculous. If the best trainers in the country can’t stop them, why is the government training a handful of kids instead of amassing an army of adults? There should be plenty of older, established trainers; they can’t conscript them?
[“It’s nice to finally meet you guys! I’m Shauna, and I hope I can catch lots of cute Pokémon!”][…][“I’m Tierno, best dancer in all of Kalos! Or, so I’d like to think at least. I like observing Pokémon moves to see how Pokémon fight!”]
Case in point. How were they even selected for this in the first place?
This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. Despite your somewhat unusual premise, you’ve still only gone through the motions of the same opening every Kalos trainer fic has. If you have a unique plot or idea that sets you apart from the crowd, you should start there or at least get there within the first chapter; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12115482/1/Serin-remnant-of-the-past
Your title isn’t fully capitalized.
[No exact details will be found in this summary, so read for yourself to find out]
No. Take one minute to tell readers what your story is about. Reader should not have to click on your story just to see if it’s something they want to read.
[There was fire, fire everywhere, his mother and sister could be heard screaming, his father laughing.]
This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence into multiple parts or use different transitions. You’ve got many similar errors throughout. I’d advise you to get a beta reader to help with this.
[and Crimson eyes]
Why is this capitalized?
This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. This isn’t even a single scene. If you have a plot, start there or at least get there within the first chapter; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction |(dot)| net /topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12115678/1/An-Illegal-Pok%C3%A9mon-adventure
Your title isn’t fully capitalized.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. For more information, look here: f|a|n|f|i|c|t|i|o|n| |d|o|t| |n|e|t|/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread (holy crap this one actually worked)
[the resume their places]
Typo.
[He knew the children he called “noobs” to will meet Professor Sycamore]
I don’t think that “to” is supposed to be there.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[Com’n, answer]
I think you want “c’mon”.
[He continued dashing; stepping over leaves and twigs through the small patches of sun blocked by the trees.]
That’s improper semicolon usage. As a general rule of thumb, you should be able to replace semicolons with periods and still have the resulting sentences make sense; for instance, what I’m doing here.