https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12023081/1/David-and-Goliath

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Not using spaces after commas makes me not want to read your story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12023309/1/The-Journey-of-Aura

[A young 17 year old aura using boy]

Trainers start at ten in canon. This means that there will be no tension to your story, as if a ten-year-old can handle the challenges of a pokemon journey just fine, someone with seven extra years of life experience (plus magic powers) definitely will. Difficulties and complications are the stuff stories are made of.

[“I know, SO original”]

If even you think the story is boring and cliché, do you really think your readers will feel differently? Think about what you’re doing.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[“Human Speech”

“Pokemon Speech”

“Thoughts”]

You shouldn’t need to include keys like this. If something this basic isn’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong. Furthermore, using quotes for thoughts is confusing, since it make it look like characters are talking out loud. Just italics, or no markings at all, is standard. Also, bold is extremely uncommon in prose and thus very distracting, so you shouldn’t use it for something as common as speech. If the language barrier is vitally important, it’s better to use different markers, such as {} instead of “.

You don’t need to label chapters, FFN will do that for you.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[*Sigh*]

This isn’t a comic book. It’s much more immersive to describe sound effects instead of just saying they happen.

Why does the trainer dynamic still exist if pokemon are capable of human-level intelligence and communication? If they’re perfectly capable of making decisions for themselves but are still treated like pets, that starts to look uncomfortably like slavery.

[“I know you care about me, ever since you lost your mate and cub to those poachers, and my mom took you in, you’ve taken it upon yourself to look after me like I was your cub, defending me from bullies and wild pokemon alike, I know you don’t want me to go, but I have grown up and matured, I’m almost eighteen, and I’ll have a brand new friend to look after me and vice versa, I will still call home every once in awhile to check in and give you guys updates of my journey.”]

That was an incredibly awkward exposition dump, as well as a run-on sentence. This reads better if it’s worked into narration – character can think about or reflect on important details without having to say them out loud.

[We shook hands and I started leading us to the bus station, it was nearing the time for the bus to Lumiose to leave, so we rushed on and took our seats; the ride only took around an hour, and once we got there, we made our way to Sycamor’s lab.]

“Sycamore”, also this is an improper semicolon. Semicolons should only be used to join sentences that are part of the same thought or idea; for instance, what I’m doing here.

[TIME SKIP]

This is jarring. Generalized scene transitions work better; time and place should be obvious from context.

This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. If you have a plot that sets you apart from the literally tens of thousands of stories with this exact same opening, start there. You’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event.

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12023317/1/Ascend

[Authors Notes and other tidbits can be found in my profile.]

For author notes that are that short and specific, I think you’d be better off just attaching them to the story.

I’m pleased to see you’re writing dialogue and capitalizing pokemon correctly.

[“Hey!” he exclaimed, not giving me any time to react before barreling on, “You’re that kid that came in late at the first camp, aren’t you?”]

But! When a complete sentence of dialogue is followed by another one, the narration has to end the sentence. So this should be [“Hey!” he exclaimed, not giving me any time to react before barreling on. “You’re that kid that came in late at the first camp, aren’t you?”]

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12023415/1/Pokemon-Adventures-in-Unova

[14 year old Trey Kaito is finally able to go out on his journey.]

Trainers start at ten in canon. This means that there will be no tension to your story, as if a ten-year-old can handle the challenges of a pokemon journey just fine, someone with four extra years of life experience definitely will. Difficulties and complications are the stuff stories are made of.

You don’t have to title chapters, FFN will do that for you.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. If you have a plot that distinguishes this story from the literally thousands of other stories with this exact same opening and premise, start there. You’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12023507/1/Pechas-The-Rewrite

You don’t have to title chapters, FFN will do that for you.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or darling.

[lil’]

This is an abbreviation of “little”, so the apostrophe goes inside: “li’l”

[brothers head]

“Brother’s”. A possessive requires an apostrophe.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12023571/1/Pokemon-Ranger-Shadows-of-Almia

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

You have a lot of missing spaces after commas. This may be due to a formatting error in your word processor; you should always preview your stories to catch such mistakes.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12023958/1/Domesticated

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[I’m classified as a Pikachu. I’m a small, yellow cute Pokémon with the power to utilize the electricity within my body to use at attacks. My species is quiet and jovial, yet slightly wary of changes in our environment.]

Why would a pokemon describe themselves this way? They sound like a human researcher clinically observing a specimen, not a member of the group.

[I see a human; a male and a rather young one at that.]

This is improper semicolon usage. As a general rule of thumb, you should be able to replace semicolons with periods and have the resulting sentences still make sense; for instance, what I’m doing here. What you want here is [I see a human: a male, and a rather young one at that.]

You have a lot of dropped commas throughout this. I’d recommend getting a beta reader to help you with that.

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

[“And we’re in a Pokemon Center. We caught you and brought you here to get healed up. And now your new name is Pika-kun.” He finished off with a smile.]

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[“Dinner?” I questioned.]

“Questioned” is what police do; it’s a synonym for “interrogated”, not “asked”.

[“Maybe I don’t like it because, I don’t want a name. Because I never wanted a name. Because having a name, only reminds me each and every day that I got captured by a human!”]

Why wouldn’t a language-speaking species have its own name to begin with?

…Hm. Have you heard of the story “Lucki”? It covers a similar topic to this one, though it takes a while to get there. You might enjoy it.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12024240/1/Pokemon-Flash-Platnium

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“This is the first step of my legend!” I think]

You shouldn’t use quote marks for thoughts, as it makes it look like characters are talking out loud.

[Anytime I left the city]

You want “any time” here.

[She wouldn’t even let me become a real trainer until I was 16, despite the starting age being 10.]

Using an older trainer communicates that there will be no tension to your story, as if a ten-year-old can handle the challenges of a pokemon journey just fine, someone with six extra years of life experience definitely will. Difficulties and complications are the stuff stories are made of.

This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. If you have a plot that separates this story from the literally tens of thousands of others with the exact same opening, start there. You’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12024280/1/the-pokemon-that-is-also-a-human

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Not using capital letters makes me not want to read your story.

[Hi= talking

[hi] = thoughts

|hi| =telepathy

\hi\ = aura translation trick

hi = pokespeech

[hi] = pokedex speaking

|hi| pokedex gentry

(hi) =author speaking]

I guarantee you you do not need this key. If something as basic as speech isn’t obvious from context, you have bigger problems. I also strongly advise against using bold, as it’s rarely used in prose and thus extremely jarring.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12024352/1/A-Little-Hoenn-Joyride

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph.

[“Okay, okay so I’m not the best driver! But why can’t Swampert drive?!” Sceptile questioned.]

“Questioned” is what police do; it’s a synonym for “interrogated”, not “asked”.

[-Time Skip 1 hour—]

This is jarring. It’s more immersive to use generalized scene transitions; time and place should be obvious from context.

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

This doesn’t seem to have much to do with Pokemon. Your characters don’t act anything like the animals we see in canon; you could probably call this original fiction if you just removed the trademarked names.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12024534/1/Bounding-Through-Time

You don’t have to title chapters, FFN will do that for you.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[everything went to hell]

When referring to the singular place, Hell is capitalized.

[A lot of people would want to go back in time to the year 30 CE, in order to see whether or not Jesus Christ truly rose from the dead.]

…Huh. Well, I guess? Most people say they’d change something (like killing Hitler), but perhaps you wanted to avoid cliché.

[He is a very good runner, while I am like a cheetah; I can run fast, but I can’t run fast for long.]

A full colon would be more appropriate here, I think.

[He does so much-he works]

Using hyphens without spaces in place of dashes is confusing. To avoid people thinking you’re hyphenating words, you should put spaces around the hyphen, or use a double dash.

[She’s a beautiful woman]

It’s kiiinda weird for her son to open with this descriptor. Everyone else gets a blurb about their personality and interests, but she’s just the generic mom?

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[Finally, the train pulls into the platform.]

The rest of the story is in past tense, so this should be as well.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Back in 2009, the president of the United States had signed a bill that would, over the next several years, begin transforming the world into the Pokemon one, while still retaining the normal infrastructure and culture. This had also been approved by France, Russia, China, Japan, Brazil, South Africa, Germany, Britain, and pretty much every other country in which people played Pokemon. It passed with the majority of the United Nations vote. Now, pretty much the whole world was Pokefied. And it was for the best, in the views of a lot of kids and teens.]

What. How does that work? Why would they even do that? That’s not something you should just casually drop into background exposition!

Though this is more interesting and well-written than most fanfic on here, it’s extremely slow-paced, and I lost interest about halfway through. Keep in mind you’re not required to go over every mundane detail leading up to the main event. We don’t need to know every minutiae of the protagonist’s ordinary day. This is particularly odd when the opening implies this is a retrospective – generally, those stories have the storyteller skip over minor details.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12024560/1/The-Forsaken-Brother

Please provide a more informative summary. Your summary also contains multiple errors. As the first thing your readers will see, it’s particularly important to avoid mistakes there.

[(This story contains some dreams. Dreams are cut off from the rest of the story by a layer of ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ at the beginning and end. Dreams will be in first person in the perspective of the dreamer. The dreamer will be notified in the fallowing manner.

(Dreamers name)

Bla bla bla…]

You don’t really need this. This information should be obvious from context, and keeping track of notation rules is unnecessarily distracting for the reader.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[approximately 5″3′]

If you specify height down to the inch, it’s not approximate. You also don’t need to go into this level of detail; no reader is going to remember it, so it’s just unnecessarily distracting.

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

You have a lot of errors throughout this, and it makes your story hard to understand. I’d recommend getting a beta reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12024587/1/Sasha-s-Story

A drabble is a story consisting of exactly 100 words. It’s a writing exercise, not a word for any short story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Mewtwo doesn’t seem terribly in-character here. Living in an apartment as part of normal society isn’t really something that jives with the secretive hermit we see in canon.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12025065/1/Reclaimed-World

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

[an unbalance]

You want “imbalance”.

[while the rest of the planet is controlled by wild Pokemon]

You don’t capitalize pokemon before this, but you do after. Not capitalizing it is the correct form.

[This information was widely rejected, however and most of these people]

This needs a comma after “however”.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[I think they took pity on me because of who my mom is.]

Why would they, if she’s a social outcast?

Well this is a bit different than the usual fare, but it cuts off pretty abruptly. Keep in mind that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. This chapter is mainly just a setting and exposition dump – you should include some story too so we know what the actual narrative will look like.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12025111/1/More-and-more-we-grow-together

Your title isn’t capitalized.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

This is incoherent. You need a beta reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12025106/1/Broken-Heart-I

I feel like I’m missing something. Is this the sequel to another story?

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to assume they have a religion like Christianity and just use “God”.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12025293/1/Out-of-Many-One

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[The Draconid People are no more. Never again shall they form, nor should their practices ever be adopted. They are forgotten, a footnote in history. This is for the protection of a peaceful society.]

Ah yes, genocide, always a good cornerstone for a peaceful society.

[Trainers will no longer be awarded Pokemon at the age of 10 unless at the specific command of the Governors. In these circumstances, express permission must be carried on their person at all time until they reach the age of 18. This is for protection from the unbridled arrogance of youth.]

Ah yes, wait until they’re bigger, stronger, less easily neutralized, and more likely to have radical political opinions to give them world-destroying weapons, that’ll fix things. Have you never been to a college campus? If anything, 18 year olds are even more arrogant than grade school tykes, and definitely more dangerous.

[Trainers will finish the requisite 12 years of school, beginning at 6 years old in the season of fall, and concluded at 18 in the season of spring. This is for the protection of the trainers, to ensure they are fully prepared to face the world with their Pokemon.]

Except that clearly wasn’t necessary before, so why isn’t it now? This actually brings up an important point: By using an older trainer, you’re broadcasting that there will be no tension to your story, as if a ten-year-old can handle the challenges of a pokemon journey just fine, someone with eight extra years of life experience (plus super schooling) definitely will. Difficulties and complications are the stuff stories are made of. If you want to write about an adult dealing with a super serious plot, it’s better to use an established trainer.

This is really something that should go above your first chapter, not stand on its own. A first chapter is typically expected to contain some story, to hook the reader and let them know what they’re getting into.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12025459/1/Radiance

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[When his trainer died his trainers parents had sold off all of the pokemon that they could and flat out released the ones they couldn’t.]

You need commas in this sentence, and “trainer’s parents” is missing the possessive apostrophe.

[Where was Lori,a poochyena]

Missing space. You should put more effort into proofreading and/or get a beta reader.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. This is barely a single scene, which doesn’t accomplish that.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12025569/1/Team-Delta-Sky

NSFW cover images are banned.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[The 2 girls gave each other a look, beginning that thing where women have silent conversations.]

Hate to burst your bubble, but women don’t actually have telepathy and acting like they’re magic fairy creatures is extremely misogynist.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12025780/1/Spoinkpath

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Learn to troll properly. This is incredibly dry and sterile.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12026454/1/pokemon-legend-of-the-wolfy

[this is my first story on so please don’t juge and give feed back]

It would help if you actually posted a story. It would also help if you put a bare minimum of effort into spelling and grammar so I could understand what you were saying.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12026616/1/Lopunny-s-Tale-Ch-1

Please make a more informative summary.

You don’t have to label chapters, FFN will do that for you.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[your slow]

“You’re”. “Your” is the possessive.

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

[(Louie and Slacks are Slakoths!)]

Including author’s notes in the middle of a story is always a terrible idea. Stories run on immersion and suspension of disbelief; interrupting the story and pointing to the wires shatters that, much like an actor breaking character in a theater production.

Your sentence structure is pretty dry and repetitive; you should try varying your sentences more. This will make the story more engaging.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12026735/1/Rise-Anew

[The dragon of the clouds have been]

Looks like you have some conjugation issues here. “Dragons of the clouds have been”…?

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to assume they have a religion like Christianity and just use “God”.

You’re overusing unusual speech verbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever trendy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.

[a Pokemon he’s never seen before]

The rest of the story is in past tense, so this should be as well.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12026976/1/International-Pokemon-Junior-Academy

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[She had took]

This is improper conjugation. You need to either remove the “had” or make it “had taken”.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[*One Week Later…*]

This is jarring. Generalized scene transitions are more immersive, and time and place should be obvious from context.

[“Hey, Bla-chan!”]

Don’t do this. Gratuitous Japanese is insufferably juvenile and appropriative. You don’t even have the excuse of this being set in Japan, because Unova is the US.

[It’s HP]

Typo.

This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. This does not do that.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12027053/1/Diamond-of-Destiny

[I capitalize the names of Pokémon as they do in canon. It’s not only what they are, but all of the Pokémon’s name, unless changed by a trainer.]

That makes as much sense as every human having the name “Human”. That is to say, absolutely none. Species and categorical nouns such as “animal” or “pokemon” are common nouns and should be capitalized as such.

[PROLOGUE]

You don’t need to do this, FFN will do it for you.

[It will allude you]

“Elude”. To allude is to suggest or hint at something.

Well, that ended abruptly.

Blocked! My reputation has begun to proceed me.