https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12068175/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Soul-Destroying-Version
This is not nearly as clever or original as you think it is. Learn to troll properly.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12068380/1/Morgan
You don’t have to label chapters, FFN will do that for you.
[“Arthur, if thou refuseth to stoppeth thine’s swift running, than I shall be forced to cause thou to do so against thy will!”]
So is this supposed to indicate the story takes place in the middle ages, or are the characters purposefully adopting this speech? Because this is not what Middle English actually sounds like, and it’s incredibly inconsistent throughout the fic.
[“Sounds good, but no thanks”.]
Punctuation always goes inside dialogue.
[leafs]
“leaves”
[Zelda use Shadow Claw!]
This needs a comma after “Zelda”.
[Arthur cleared his throat, “So]
The narration here is unrelated to the dialogue, so it’s a complete sentence and should be punctuated accordingly.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You might want to get a beta reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12069558/1/Meme-Team-The-Mindless-Writings-of-a-Scrub
A drabble is a story consisting of exactly 100 words. It’s a writing exercise, not a word for any short story.
[He always has the purest form of dank.” Snipe said]
That period should be a comma.
What does this have to do with Pokemon? Learn to troll properly.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12069740/1/The-Aristocat
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[‘Oh well, it can’t be worse than utensil lessons…’ she thought.]
Using quotes, even single quotes, for thoughts is confusing, because it makes it look like characters are talking out loud.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12069743/1/A-Summer-In-Sinnoh-To-Never-Forget
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You don’t have to label chapters, FFN will do that for you.
[Sweetie, . I know]
You’ve got some punctuation weirdness here. You should probably also italicize the first quotation mark, for consistency.
[thanks mom]
When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.
[Yes, I imagine people probably tire of reading a story surrounding a Pokemon trainer and their journey to collect all eight badges and taking on the league.]
If you’re aware that something is overdone and boring, why are you doing it?
The reason why people are tired of journeyfic is because the standard badge quest is not a plot. Unless you include a lot of other stuff, it has no stakes, there’s no tension, it’s exactly what we’ve already seen in the games… it’s not interesting. If you really want to grab the reader’s attention, you need something that actually makes for a good story. You can do that in journeyfic, but you need to include something more than the same thing that everyone, including the games, have done, and I see no indication of that in your summary or this chapter.
https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/143106745/1/Things-to-Consider-in-OT-Fic
https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/143219856/1/Actually-Writing-an-OT-Fic-Part-1
https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/143363660/1/Actually-Writing-an-OT-Fic-Part-2
https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
^ I would recommend reading these. They’ll give you a better idea of what I’m talking about.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12070642/1/After-Pok%C3%A9mon-Volume-1
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You don’t have to label chapters, FFN will do that for you. If you must, you should at least make sure it’s centered properly.
[A single figure remained unfathomed as he stood there facing the world below.]
Are you sure “unfathomed” is the word you want here?
[eyes bloodshot and ruined clothes, the days of his hiding were over and now Giovanni had no other escape than into infinite darkness.]
This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition.
[the cliffs edge]
Missing apostrophe.
[Giovanni fell to his knees breathing heavily]
This needs a comma after “knees”. You have many similar errors throughout, which makes the story hard to follow. I’d recommend getting a beta reader.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12070838/1/Pokemon-the-Black-File
[malboro cigarettes]
??? The brand is “Marlboro”, and it should be capitalized since it’s a name. Is this an intentional difference to show the pokemon world is slightly different from ours?
[“W-What?” He growled.]
You’re generally writing dialogue correctly, but speech tags should remain uncapitalized even when dialogue ends in a question mark or exclamation point.
[If his pokerus ever remerged, he hoped security took him behind the proverbial shed, and literally put him down]
That… doesn’t make sense. He wants them to euthanize him, right? That’s the figurative meaning of “put him down”, not the literal one. (Also, “reemerged”.)
[to Journey together]
Why is this capitalized?
[misses Cardie]
“Missus”, also it should be capitalized, as titles are capitalized when appended to a name.
[Why am I going to Aspertia? He wondered.]
Forgot to italicize this.
[they al led]
Typo.
[A native Unovan broke no promise.]
Where does this come from? Americans aren’t the most steadfast of people in real life.
[“darnit,”]
Forgot to capitalize this.
[you guys-” that came out awfull, but if he stopped he would never start again – “so]
I’m very glad to see someone who knows interruptions need special punctuation, but you do have to be consistent about it – both dashes have to be either inside or outside the quotes. (Also, typo with the “awful” there.)
[ways momma dislikes]
When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
This is a lot more interesting and well-written than most of the stuff here, and I’m actually interested in how things will continue. I’m also glad to see you’re not capitalizing pokemon.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12070950/1/Zach-s-Adventure
[All though the story name is basic, is what’s in the story basic? Read on and find out.]
No. Take one minute to tell readers what your story is about instead of forcing them to give you unearned hits.
[Edit Your First Chapter Here]
You might also want to pay more attention to what you’re posting.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12070984/1/Rika-s-Moemon-Adventure
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
This is a mess. Try harder and get a beta reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12071134/1/The-Pok%C3%A9mon-Saviour
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Alakazam sighed.]
You do realize this is the equivalent of someone being called “Human”, right? Yes, I know Mystery Dungeon names pokemon like this, but the Mystery Dungeon games are far from the pinnacle of writing. Give your characters real names.
Your opening exposition is in present tense, but the rest of the story is in past. This is extremely jarring and disorienting; you need to keep tense consistent.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12071748/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Devil-s-Fire
Please make a real summary.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You’ve got a lot of syntax errors, which makes the story pretty incoherent. You need to read up on proper comma usage and/or get a beta reader.
Even by the standards of AUs, this doesn’t really have anything to do with Pokemon. The characters are all acting like humans. If your characters bear no resemblance to the canon ones, and your setting has nothing to do with the canon one, then I don’t understand why you’re labeling this as fanfiction instead of original fiction. You’d be better off unfettering this story from an irrelevant canon by publishing it as original fiction with an “inspired by” label on the top.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12072662/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Venus-s-Paradise
This is incoherent. I can’t understand what’s going on. You need a beta reader.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[(Somewhere on inside the forest)]
You shouldn’t do this, it’s weird and jarring. Time and place should be made clear through narration.
[“!”
*DUARK *DUARK]
Similarly, you should actually describe these with prose. This isn’t a comic book.
Overall, this is incoherent. I can’t understand what’s going on. You need a beta reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12074578/1/lake-love-chapter-2
Posting stories as separate chapters: still banned.
This is the same guy who was doing the Mew and Mewtwo things. They’re awfully determined; even other people are getting fed up with this nonsense.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12074429/1/Pokemon-Night-and-Day
This isn’t a story, and is therefore against the site’s rules. This sort of thing should go elsewhere, like your profile or a blog.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12074453/1/PMD-Meloetta-s-Takeover-SYOC
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[Aria thought, she needed help. “Every single pokèmon but me is under her control…”
“Aria!”]
You’re missing a line break here.
[“Giratina? Are you?”]
You need to reword this, it doesn’t make sense.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12074567/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-GO-Adventures
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[6 months]
In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.
[“You’re one of Professor Birch’s Mareep aren’t you?” Howie questioned the creature as it neared him.]
“Questioned” is what police do; it’s a synonym for “interrogated”, not “asked”.
[Howie asked extending his hand]
This needs a comma after “Howie”.
A new speaker means a new paragraph. Not obeying this rule makes your story too hard to follow for me to continue reading it.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12074603/1/A-Future-Foretold
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[“Bye, mom!”]
When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.
[It’s been 5 years now and you’re 12!]
In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters. Also, raising the age of newbie trainers is generally a bad idea. I’d recommend reading this: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/142926917/1/TRAINERS-START-AT-TEN
[“Okay, you can let me go, mom,” I snickered.]
I don’t think “snickered” means what you think it means. If you’re using words that you don’t fully understand the meaning of, you’re overusing unusual speech verbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever trendy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.
This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. If you have a plot, start there; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12074869/1/placidity
[drabble]
[Words: 963]
A drabble is a story consisting of exactly 100 words. It’s a writing exercise, not a word for any short story.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12075431/1/Bookwritten-The-Brokenhearted
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[Prologue (or whatever you call it :3)]
You don’t have to label chapters, as FFN’s chapter list will do it for you. Also, including author’s notes in the middle of a story is always a terrible idea. Stories run on immersion and suspension of disbelief; interrupting the story and pointing to the wires shatters that, much like an actor breaking character in a theater production.
This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. A fragment of one scene with no context does not do that.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12075937/1/Pokemon-the-new-series-Actually-my-Ocs-00
You might want to pick a more original title. There are quite literally thousands of titles in this category that are variations on, if not identical to, this one.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You shouldn’t include multiple chapters in the same chapter, that’s just confusing. FFN has a chaptering feature, use it.
[something we didn’t believe.]
Missing capitalization.
This becomes more incoherent the further I read. You need a beta reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12066682/1/Leading-the-pack
Your title isn’t fully capitalized.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You don’t have to label chapters, FFN will do that for you.
[The champion of Johto, Lance the dragon master stood in front of]
“Lance the dragon master” is an aside, so it needs commas on both sides.
[Are you sure you’re ready Willow?]
This needs a comma before “Willow”, as it’s a direct address. You have many similar comma errors throughout. You might want to get a beta reader to help you.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12077145/1/Vengeful-Transformation
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph.
[The trainers don’t eat us, they just enslave them.]
That “them” should be “us”, I believe.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12077364/1/Yellow-Diamonds-A-Pok%C3%A9mon-Adventure
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[“I love her—she’s even cuter than the real Rihanna!” I squirted.]
That is not a speech verb. Just use said instead of torturing the language like this.
This is not nearly as clever as you think it is. Learn to troll properly.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12077849/1/Missing
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[I blame it on the horror stories I was told way too often, despite being of faint heart.]
This phrasing is a little confusing – it sounds like she’s saying “I blame it … despite being faint of heart”, when it looks like what you meant was that she was told stories too often in spite of her faint heart.
[The two Meowstic are fraternal twins, mine the female and Sypriana’s the male and older sibling. And after today, who knows when they’ll see each other again―Sypriana and I would be separating at the fork in the road a bit after Ecruteak City, she going to Goldenrod City while I would venture through a few more towns to get back to New Bark Town. My Meowstic had slept in Sypriana’s cabin last night in order to spend as much time with her brother as possible.]
That’s pretty sad.
[Sypriana has already finished our business here, in her hands two carriers each with 6 bottles.]
This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition. Also, in prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.
[my Meowstic mimicking Sypriana and hugs her brother.]
That needs to be “hugging”, for consistency.
[“So, a Chinchou, huh?” My father says]
You’re generally writing dialogue correctly, but the same formatting applies regardless of what punctuation the dialogue ends on. So that “my” should be uncapitalized.
[It’s barely comes out as a whisper]
???
[and . . . my Lanturn…]
It’s really jarring to see two different ellipses formats side-by-side by this. You should decide on one and keep it consistent throughout the story.
This is fairly well-written; you pack a lot of detail into the main character and her life. I also like that this is a story about an established trainer, as there aren’t nearly enough of those.