Today we have a story that combines moemon and Nuzlocke, because those two premises weren’t horrible enough on their own.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12092275/1/The-Whirlpool-Healer

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Labeling chapters looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[it’s challenging approach]

You want “its”. “It’s” always means “it is”.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12092354/1/Difference

[Night is a normal umbreon. He goes to school]

Then he’s not a normal umbreon. You are writing original fiction, which is against the rules of this site. Fictionpress and Archive of Our Own would love to host this, but you shouldn’t be putting it here.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11943518/11/Bonnie-Kalos-Destiny

Surprising no one, one of the SYOC stories burned out.

I was afraid this would happen.

Look, SYOC stories are fundamentally bad ideas. You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess. To make a good story, you need to know what you’re doing and what to focus on – and you can’t do that if you have a ton of outside influences all pulling in different directions, as you’ve just discovered. I’d recommend against doing SYOC stories in the future.

This thread has more information on the phenomenon, if you are interested: topic/11834/142912324/1/Stop-Asking-For-OCs

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12092506/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Mystery-Dungeon-Rising-Sun

Please make a more informative summary. Only giving the reader a vague, abstract summary open to many interpretations is very frustrating.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[filled with various fruits and .]

Something went wrong here.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”]

[“How did I know that?” He thought to himself.]

The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[It told me I used to be human.”

“Well, whatever the voice was, it was right. You’re a completely normal Riolu now.”]

??? This sounds like the furret is saying the voice was right about him being a human, but that doesn’t seem to be what you want to imply.

[Lance, huh? That’s a nice name you got. Mine’s Meela.]

Oh, you’re giving pokemon actual names! That’s good. You’d be surprised how few people realize that characters need names.

This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. I can assure you that there are literally thousands of fic with identical openings. If you have a unique idea, get to it in the first chapter; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12092934/1/Prodigy-Second-Generation

[Champion, Master and Father]

“Master” and “father” are not proper nouns and thus should not be capitalized. Also, missing Oxford comma.

[And with secrets coming to light, the prodigy of the master sets out with the most unlikely of teacher at his. What he doesn’t realize is his destiny with this teacher was already set with a promise.]

This is incomprehensible. Focus on what information you want to convey.

[His once small and comfortable cottage, now a mansion of teaching and welcoming, and he walks aimlessly around the anthros he’d captured and brought together as more than pokemon and trainer.]

You seem to have lost track of this sentence – “and” doesn’t make sense as a conjunction here. I’d advise reading up on proper sentence structure and/or getting a beta reader to help you.

[As the best of friends, as a loving family]

Also, if you need to capture people to turn them into a “loving family”, that’s kind of messed up. Especially when you’re implying there are romantic relationships going on here.

[“Dad, I’m heading back to Pallet School.” Said the boy readying to bolt out the door, his attempt to evade the scolding of his father’s very strict Pikachu]

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[You just left there Cinder]

This needs a comma before “Cinder”, as it’s a direct address.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12093087/1/Training-Isn-t-Just-for-Moemon-Nuzlocke

What makes for a good game doesn’t necessarily make for a good story. The Nuzlocke rules do not make sense for a serious setting, and don’t inherently make for an interesting story besides. The standard journey story is already incredibly boring; what is really added by turning trainers into sociopaths willing to butcher innocents for petty goals? And when you turn pokemon into little girls with human-level intelligence, your characters just look even more awful.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon moemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[Moemon themselves are ‘ageless’ so they are to be treated as being of legal age.]

Uh huh. Look, if your characters both look and act like children, it doesn’t matter what Very Important Plot Justifications you scribble in the margins, you’re writing child porn and your pathetic attempts at weaseling out of it aren’t fooling anyone.

[my Mom]

If there’s an article in front of it, it’s a common noun and shouldn’t be capitalized.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12093695/1/Burning-at-a-low-flame

Your title isn’t fully capitalized.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Expect nothing but the regular storyline of the anime, because I am lazy to write summaries]

Well, try harder. If you have no confidence in your story, why do you expect anyone else to?

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12093812/1/PokeSight-Tales-of-the-Future

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Labeling chapters looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[(One Year Earier)]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

[(A/N: Yes, Officer Jennys and Nurse Joys still exist in this new Pokemon world. Just thought I’d mention that.)]

Including author’s notes in the middle of a story is always a terrible idea. Stories run on immersion and suspension of disbelief; interrupting the story and pointing to the wires shatters that, much like an actor breaking character in a theater production.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12093878/1/The-Highest-Trainer

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Hey mom]

When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Your tenses are inconsistent, which is extremely disorienting. Decide whether you want past or present and stick with it.

[trainers license]

Missing apostrophe.

This has a lot of errors in general. I’d recommend getting a beta reader.

Also, this is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. Nothing’s really happened so far. If you have a plot, start there; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12094505/1/Pokemon-Quartz

This is incoherent. Try harder and get a beta reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12094732/1/Tessa-and-Lunala-Drabbles

[Words: 321]

A drabble is a story consisting of exactly 100 words. It’s a writing exercise, not a word for any short story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12094762/1/Liz-the-Gardevoir

This story is so riddled with errors it’s practically unreadable. Try harder and get a beta reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12095246/1/Sinnoh-Adventures

You might want to pick a more original title. There are quite literally thousands of titles in this category that are variations on, if not identical to, this one.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[me and mum]

When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. If you have a plot, start there; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12095577/1/A-Temporal-Anomaly

[as earth is consumed]

In this case, you’re using Earth as a name, so it should be capitalized.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12096125/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Academy

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[peaked out]

You want “peeked”. “Peaked” means to reach a local maximum.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12096475/1/Pokemon-Fanfiction-Choice-Awards

Non-stories are banned. Put this in a forum post instead of cluttering up the archive.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12096491/1/A-Brave-New-Journey

[My first story summary in first chapter]

People should not have to click on your story just to see what it’s about. If your summary is too long, cut it down.

Labeling chapters looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12096790/1/Forgotten-Island-Pokemon

[In a world where the existence of Pokemon is forgotten.]

This is a sentence fragment.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[I mumble again waving a hand at an invisible person]

This needs a comma after “again”. You have many similar errors throughout. I’d recommend reading up on proper comma usage and/or getting a beta reader to help you.

The first few sentences of this are in present tense, but everything else is in past, which is really disorienting. Decide whether you want to use past or present and stick with it.

This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. Who’s the protagonist? What’s this story going to be about? Why should I care? This chapter doesn’t provide solid answers to any of those questions.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12096797/1/Pokemon-s-Life

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or fanfiction.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[the girls tears]

Missing apostrophe.

This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. Who’s the protagonist? What is this story going to be about? Why should I care? The opening to a story needs to answer those questions.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12097025/1/Island-Quest

Your summary is a run-on sentence. You should read up on proper sentence structure and/or get a beta reader to help you.

[a boy with silver hair lays on a tree]

You want “lies”. “Lay” means something different.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph.

[gazing at the rat he notices his physique is rather that of a girls, his rump and hips are slightly plump as his shorts hugs his rather plump rear.]

Why are you sexualizing someone who is literally owned by the protagonist and has zero choice in this. That is incredibly creepy.

This becomes more incoherent the further I read. You need a beta reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12097193/1/Max-s-Rescue-Team-revised

Please provide an actual summary.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

A new speaker means a new paragraph.

This is very stilted and confusing. Are you not a native speaker?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12097436/1/Pokemon-Dark-School

[Much better than what the description tells btw. But i suck at em sooo… Ehh.]

Well, try harder. Summaries are really not that hard to write, but they’re very important to readers.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“Speech.” Normal Talking

“Speech.” Thinking.

“Speech.” Speaking through Aura.

‘Speech.’ Announcments]

I guarantee you do not need this key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong. Furthermore, using quotes, even single quotes, for thoughts is confusing, because it makes it look like characters are talking out loud. Similarly, relying on single and double quotes to convey different things is unwise, as they look too similar to be differentiated at a glance. Other symbols such as {} and / are probably better for what you want.

[Everything was quiet as light began to shine onto a 14 year old boy with messy black hair covering the left side of his face and lying next to him was a small pokemon with golden and black fur, long black ears and white spots on his paws.]

This is a run-on sentence.

[*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*]

This isn’t a comic book. In prose, sounds need to be described in narration.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts.

[Dark…..Dark Onyx]

Ellipses are always three dots, never two or four or more.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12097481/1/Exposure

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[When..]

Ellipses are always three dots, never two or four.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Kalos toast*]

Endnotes don’t work well in this format. Most books use footnotes, which only require a glance to the bottom of the page. Endnotes like these require the reader to scroll all the way down, losing their place, and then scroll all the way back up to where they were. It’s very disruptive and really not worth it. And let’s see what you decided was important enough to warrant this…

[1st*= French Toast]

…Something that was obvious from context, I see. Think about what you’re doing.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12097770/1/Off-the-Beaten-Path

[A loose novelization of Pokemon FireRed and LeafGreen]

That is an unwise idea for a story. FireRed and LeafGreen do not have plots, which is a necessary component of a novel. Unless you plan on creating an original plot from whole cloth, this story is doomed; and in that case, you should advertise that in the summary. I know this because I tried writing a Pokemon novelization myself, and it didn’t work out.

[Sound effects will be bolded and italicized]

This isn’t a comic book. In prose, sound effects must be described in narration.

[“Thoughts will have quotation marks and be italicized”]

Using quotes, even single quotes, for thoughts is confusing, because it makes it look like characters are talking out loud.

[as Kanto transitioned from a more service based economy rather than a manufacturing one.]

I don’t understand what this is trying to say. Do you mean “to a more service based economy”…?

[pars became lifeless and dead]

Typo.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or rare candy.

[A few days later…

7:30 am

Pallet Town

Harlow Residence]

If you’re going to do this, you should include the date with these. “A few days later…” transitions are really tacky.

[Point is, their were a lot of single moms in Kanto, enough for it to be nicknamed the land of milfs.]

And we’re done here. Try again when you can write protagonists who aren’t creeps.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12098483/1/More-Than-It-Seems

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[ten-year old’s capturing monsters]

That apostrophe shouldn’t be there.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[There before him stood who was possibly his greatest enemy]

You need to reword this, it doesn’t make sense.

[Giovanni sighed internally.]

…How? This sounds ridiculous.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.