I still have a huge backlog of these, so let’s clear the dead air by working through them a little. We return to the misty days of October 2016, where I discovered a really weird original fic about the legendaries seemingly written by someone with no direct exposure to Pokemon.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12194643/2/Pokemorph-High

[A tear dropped down Wendy’s face and fell onto her torn up knuckles. She winced from the pain which sent her father into a furious rage.

“YOU DARE DISRESPECT OUR FAMILY NAME BY GETTING HURT FROM YOUR OWN DAMN TEARS!”]

This is hilarious.

[“No father,”]

When a title (such as “father” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12194643/3/Pokemorph-High

[what can you do character descriptions are always boring to read.]

This is not true. Character descriptions have the potential to tell us a lot about the characters from their appearance, and emphasize their unusual traits. When all else fails, you can always drift into pretty metaphors and the like. There are lots of books that can teach you how to make character descriptions interesting; I particularly recommend the Discworld series, the A Song of Ice and Fire series, and Midnight’s Children.

[father will be angry with me]

When a title (which “father” counts as) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12198771/1/Falling-Stars

[the quicker you do what they say then the quick you can go out to play.]

“the quicker you can go out to play” is what you want here, I think.

[So, they’ve finally made their way to Frais, she mused.]

Mused means to think aloud; just “thought” would be fine here.

[after Arceus had gone into his slumber]

[Arceus was furious that a human would do such a thing]

How is Arceus doing anything if this is after it went into slumber?

[“Your welcome.”]

You want “you’re”. “Your” is the possessive.

[The footage was extremely, causing everything to appear as a blur.]

I think you dropped a word here.

The way you’re formatting the TV segments (all-italics behind line separators) seems a little strange. This makes it feel like they’re happening in a completely different world totally removed from everything going on, but it seems like Acacia is watching it in the lab.

I am pleased that you’ve made a female professor OC.

You may recall that this is the review that resulted in an epic meltdown when I tried to submit an OC.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12199806/1/Transfer-to-the-Pokemon-World

[But since I’m new here, if there’s any veterans reading this that want to give advice, it would help a lot!]

Read these:

fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/21887406/1/Writing-Guide-Part-One-Grammar

fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142410565/1/Writing-Guide-Part-Two-Story

It’s also a good idea to separate your author notes with a horizontal line, as otherwise they look like part of the story.

[(Flashback)]

Also, don’t do this; it’s very jarring. Time and place should be obvious from context.

[Spiders, Dark, Heights]

“Dark” and “heights” shouldn’t be capitalized here.

[around 5′ 8″ in height]

If you’re giving a measurement to the exact inch, that’s not “around”. You shouldn’t be giving such exact detail anyway, as it’s pointless and no one will remember it. “Taller than average” is fine, “around five and a half feet” if you must.

[Arceusdamnit]

Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous (especially curses; a three-syllable name is just not a good curse word) and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to assume they have a religion like Christianity and just use “God”.

[Also, your character must have good intentions if you want your character to follow Alex!]

Why? Interpersonal conflict is what stories are made out of. Imagine the amazing plot twists you could pull off if a mole or false friend was included in the main group!

[sorry to all those I just triggered]

“Triggered” is a serious medical term that means the triggering of a PTSD episode or panic attack. Please do not devalue it by using it so casually.

They responded to my character submission but conspicuously ignored this last part and haven’t changed it.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12194237/2/Pok%C3%A9mon-Execution-Network-Ark

Why are you so obsessed with girls’ exact breast sizes.

This is incoherent. You need a beta reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12208079/1/The-Grand-Tournament

[N, the King of Team Plasma, are just a few of the powerful trainers that have graced the Grand Tournament’s stage.]

Why on Earth would N want to participate in a pokemon tournament? He doesn’t even have any pokemon except the Tao dragon after the events of Black and White.

[I would prefer PM’s if possible so I can iron out any details as well as give you credit.]

You can respond to reviews using the dialogue bubble button in the top-right corner.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12214930/1/Zeniths-new-adventure

This is incoherent. You need a beta reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12215617/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-Shattered-Destiny

[Hunger, He decided]

[“It’s me.” he whispered]

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part iis/i considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[His drooping eyes shot open;he immediately threw himself at the water.]

Missed a space, and a semicolon isn’t very fitting here, as semicolons are only used for directly related clauses. “open, and he” would flow better here.

[tail-it]

Using hyphens without spaces in place of dashes is confusing. To avoid people thinking you’re hyphenating words, you should put spaces around the hyphen, or use a double dash.

[Donphan…,]

Something weird happened with the punctuation here.

[it’s sturdy feet]

You want “its”. “It’s” always means “it is”.

[can’t remember….]

Extra period here.

[Your fur is the color of jaybirds and bluejays]

This is a little weird, as Earth animals don’t seem to exist in the Pokemon universe.

Otherwise, this is good. It’s so rare to see stories that actually have significant events happening in the first chapter.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12227559/1/Eeveelutions-Silver

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Not following this rule makes your story impossible to follow, and thus makes me not want to read it.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12227652/1/The-Tale-of-Legends

You might want to pick a more original title. There are quite literally thousands of titles in this category that are variations on, if not identical to, this one.

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

[Nonetheless, legendary pokemon were not so “legendary” after all, for they were quite well known, and furthermore, has been documented quite frequently.]

You want “have been” here.

[I am Dialga, the master of time, or as you humans call me. To speak my truth, I actually do not control time.]

…Okay, but then what’s so special about Dialga then? If it’s just a powerful pokemon and not actually a god, where did the legends about it being a god come from?

[the boundaries between what makes people and pokemon different]

So pokemon aren’t people?

[disappeared….in a way]

Ellipses are always three dots, never two or four.

[had practiced an evil magic that to this day, I am still oblivious to how it works]

“Oblivious” is not quite the word you want here, and the sentence structure is very awkward besides. I’d recommend rewording this.

I’m also suspicious of any mention of human magic in Pokemon fic; all supernatural powers come from psychics and pokemon in the Pokemon universe. If humans have magic powers too, you’re writing an original fantasy story with only tangential relevance to Pokemon.

[Instead, he had the power to control legendaries]

So does any ten-year-old with a masterball if you’re going by game canon. I’m not sure what’s supposed to be so significant about this.

[we call him the dark lord]

[The Dark Lord created]

You need to be consistent about capitalizing this.

[there skin]

“There” refers to a location. “Their” is the possessive.

[I’m hazy about when it started, but I remember the Fairies(Celebi, Jirachi, Manaphy, our lake guardians, Victini, etc.) were the first to go. Then, legendaries like the dog trio(Suicune, Entei, Raikou) and the three legendary birds(Articuno, Zapdos, and Moltres) began missing.]

Pausing the story to deliver dry lists completely wrecks immersion. Unless these classifications and the order in which they were taken are going to be vitally important to the plot, you don’t need to go into this much detail; just say everyone disappeared slowly over time.

[At this point, Arceus began to realize something was terribly wrong.]

How, exactly? Arceus is in hibernation in both game and anime canon unless awoken by the Azure Flute. He’s kind of a hands-off god.

[I guarded Arceus, along with Palkia and Giratina, up above the clouds in the sky temple where the pokemon god rested.]

What sky temple? Arceus resides in the Hall of Origin, which is implied to be a pocket dimension.

[Without warning, rayquaza penetrated the clouds. However, it wasn’t the rayquaza that was loyal to Arceus. No, it was a dark rayquaza]

If Rayquaza is a god in this, then it’s a singular entity and “Rayquaza” should be capitalized, as that’s its name.

[Giratina was the first to react, in his]

Why is Giratina male?

[Giratina was the god of the underworld.]

Uh, no? Giratina is the god of the “distortion world”, which is vaguely defined but definitely not an “underworld” in the usual sense.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

This just gets more bizarre the more I read it. I’m getting the impression you’ve barely interacted with the canon at all. This story would be better served by changing all the names and being published as original fiction. But the place for that is Archive of Our Own or Fictionpress, not FFN.

Also, I don’t recommend using this format to deliver the story; a dry summary of events is not very engaging. If you’re going to go into this much detail over the battle anyway, it would be best to just describe it directly instead of using an after-the-fact narration style.

I never thought I’d have to be a canon pedant in Pokemon but here we are.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12228134/1/A-Lumiose-Date

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

This should be listed under the Anime world.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12228177/1/new-rounds

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

This should be listed under the Anime world.

This is incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12228287/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-the-Series-Omega-Ruby-and-Alpha-Sapphire

This should be listed under the Anime world.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12228348/1/Letting-Go

This should be listed under the Anime world.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12228350/1/Pokemon-Return-of-the-Shadows

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

This is incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12228379/1/Say-You-Won-t-Let-Go

This should be listed under the Anime world.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12228496/1/Lilikin-Island-Little-Misfits

Non-story chapters are banned. This kind of trivia belongs in a forum or blog post.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12228496/2/Lilikin-Island-Little-Misfits

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[it’s calm night]

You want “its”. “It’s” always means “it is”.

[i’ve completely lost it!]

Proofread.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12228688/1/Reflection

This should be listed under the Anime world.

I am pleased you are not capitalizing pokemon, however.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12228764/1/How-To-Not-Start-Your-Pokemon-Journey

[He stretches, old pajamas pulling at the seams and tries to figure out how to get out from going to school.]

This needs a comma after “seams”.

[I don’t remember having a Banette doll]

While I’m glad you’re not capitalizing “pokemon” itself, you’re still capitalizing species. You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

[“Oh come on, Samson’s not that bad.” His older brother says]

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[“Your pokemon has been harassing me since you got it. “Not so bad” are not the words I’d use.”]

And when you quote inside a quote, you use single quotes instead of double quotes; otherwise, the reader will be confused about where the dialogue ends. (If you quote inside a quote inside a quote, you go back to double quotes.)

[It’s the same defense Roger always uses, and so like always, he responds with,

“So it can eat me.”]

Dialogue should be paired with the speaker’s actions. You’re taking the “a new speaker means a new paragraph” rule a bit too literally; the reason that exists is because the speaker themselves is a new subject, so it’s okay to start a paragraph with an unrelated action while still including dialogue.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12228885/1/Coordinating-With-Heart

This should be listed under the Anime world.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12228908/1/colder-days-there-have-been

This shouldn’t be listed under the Games world.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12228918/1/Maddox-s-New-Perspective

[also willing to accept a beta-reader for cleaning up the mistakes]

There’s a thread for them here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

This may also be helpful: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/21887406/1/Writing-Guide-Part-One-Grammar

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

[Using the power of the Pokémon by turning them into weapons under their control and also to rule all over the whole world.]

This is a sentence fragment.

[and ultimately lead the Pokémon winning]

The past tense of “lead” is “led”.

[I’m thirteen years of age who has black slicked back hair]

You’re dropping words. I’d definitely recommend getting a beta reader and proofreading more thoroughly.

[‘I would do anything just to see and reunite with them again’ said mentally.]

Using quotes, even single quotes, for thoughts is confusing, because it makes it look like characters are talking out loud. Also, “said mentally” is a terrible tag; just use “thought”.

Opening your story with a dry infodump is not very engaging. I would recommend looking at this for more detailed advice: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

…And yet despite that, I feel like you’ve provided too *little* information. Apparently humans can have pokemon powers now? Do they interbreed? Why did the pokemon create this incredibly bizarre and elaborate setup in the first place? This is all very bizarre.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12228975/1/Volcan-The-Social-Cyndaquil

Please make a more informative summary. Only giving the reader a vague, abstract summary open to many interpretations is very frustrating.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. They should contain more than just a little backstory and description of the protagonist. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters