Today we’ve got a fic about how N is terrible and needs to become a trainer to understand why training is good and pure and not at all slavery.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12229444/1/The-Theory-of-Evolution
[“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Interregional North Lumiose City Airport. Local time is 6:00 p.m. and the temperature is 20° Celsius. For your safety and comfort, remain seated until the light above your seat turns green. Please check around your seat for personal belongings that may have shifted out of place during the flight. On behalf of Braviary Airlines, I’d like to thank you for joining us on this trip. We hope to see you again in the near future. Have a lovely evening and welcome to Lumiose City, the City of Light!]
You forgot the endquote here.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[“Don’t judge what you don’t understand,” Hilda had said. What exactly had she meant? What secrets did Pokemon training hold- some unbreakable bond, an eternal love? Something beyond the meaningless pain he had seen in the battles. Was it in the way Hilda’s Pokemon climbed back to their feet after his had knocked them to the ground, for no other reason but a reluctance to part with their imprisoner?]
This feels really weird given that N should understand pokemon training far better than any trainer, given that he can, y’know, talk to the pokemon in question. It’s hypocritical of the game protagonist to say he shouldn’t judge what he doesn’t understand when no one involved in Black & White’s plot ever makes an earnest attempt to understand their pokemon or N’s point of view. Why doesn’t he just ask Hilda’s pokemon why they’re so devoted? Why is the question and the answer all about the trainer and not the pokemon?
[So the Zorua had insisted on being his partner and getting a name. Ruse was, admittedly, an uninspired name, but it was fitting. It was also the first time N had nicknamed a Pokemon. All the previous times N had caught Pokemon, he hadn’t named them, for fear of getting too attached.]
Why don’t pokemon come up with names on their own? If they’re social creatures, they should.
[Ruse nodded in understanding as N held his fake ID up and leapt onto his trainer’s shoulder. N flushed the toilet as a precaution and stepped out, knowing that Ruse had already changed his appearance to match his ID.]
I believe what this is saying is that Ruse put a glamor on N? It’s a bit unclear – since Ruse is also male, the flood of pronouns here initially made me think Ruse was putting on an illusion for himself. It might be worth rewording this to make that clearer.
[What was he looking for …?]
Extra space here.
[In Kalos, the law for starting trainers is that they receive an official starter, in case their parents get them a Pokemon that is either too … weak … or too powerful to respect their new trainers. Trainers are also paired with two other trainers of the same caliber and required to meet up often, so it is immediately noticeable if something happens to one of the trainers.]
I really don’t think that is literally law in Kalos, if for no other reason than because it’d be impossible to enforce. Just because it happens that way in the games doesn’t mean that’s how it always have to be forever.
This is better than a lot of other stuff here but it is indeed on the short side. I feel like N should at least start his journey by the end of the first chapter, seeing as that’s the main premise of the story. For more detailed information, you might find this thread useful: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12229444/2/The-Theory-of-Evolution
[My name is N.]
Nobody thinks that’s a weird name? It’s not his full name, anyway, though “Natural” isn’t any less bizarre. Also, if he’s concerned enough about scrutiny that he feels the need to make a fake ID and change his appearance, why didn’t he change his name? If he’s not an international fugitive he shouldn’t have to disguise himself, but if he is then he shouldn’t be throwing out his real name to everyone he meets.
[Thankfully, there seemed to be no parental permission forms, which he might have had real problems with.]
So kids can just run off without their parents even knowing? Why are parents and the government okay with this? A better explanation here would be that parental consent forms are only required for minors, so N won’t have trouble.
[By signing this box, I understand and agree to all rules and regulations, and will not hold the Kalos League accountable for any accidents that may occur, to become a official trainer. The word ‘trainer’ still left a sort of resentment on behalf of his friends, and bile in his mouth.]
Why isn’t he at all concerned about those rules and regulations? I’m pretty curious as to what those are, and they’d give some insight into what the current legal state of trainer-pokemon relations is, so I imagine N should be curious as well. (Also, it should be “an official”)
[Although he had used a fake surname, he saw no reason he couldn’t keep his original signature.]
That’s… signatures are what authorities use to legally identify people. He is going to get caught the moment anyone important sees this. Also, again, not sure why any bureaucrat would accept a single letter as a name – he does have a longer legal name, so he should be using that.
[This time, Sycamore had no trouble digging what he needed out of his desk; he slipped a metal container out from a drawer. N felt a twinge of both guilt and sympathy- how long had they been stuck in there? Was he really just going to grab one and go? Was that right? He shook his head to clear his thoughts]
Why? Asking hard questions about this is exactly what he came here to do, isn’t it? What you’re signalling to me here is that this story isn’t actually going to engage with the issues at all and N will just quietly doublethink his way through any actual conflict, and that’s boring. This is two chapters in, you need to start engaging with your premise.
[Fenniken]
Fennekin. You should add pokemon names to your computer’s dictionary if you’re unsure how they’re spelled.
[N almost protested that, if just to wonder as to why gender mattered when picking who went first, but since Sycamore seemed to think it was perfectly normal, he said nothing.]
N spearheaded an armed rebellion against his government. Questioning social norms is kind of his thing. While it’s reasonable for him to have become more quiescent now, he’s still trying to investigate and understand things, and he can’t do that without asking questions like these – so why doesn’t he?
Also, you should probably give pokemon speech a different format to distinguish them from N’s own thoughts. I’ve seen other fic use tildes or curly braces in place of quotation marks, and that works fairly well.
[On closer inspection, she looked to be a feeling.]
What?
[like things that worth nothing more than a pedigree]
Dropped a word.
Also, a bigger concern here is that real-world pedigree breeding is one of the most inhumane practices on the planet and causes horrible problems for the animals. It would be worthwhile to address this angle in the Pokemon universe: what side-effects occur in magical god-monsters when you’re obsessively selecting for a few traits to the exclusion of all else?
[“That’s not true. Maybe at first, but over time, you can grow to love something for more than what it was given. If I was gifted a jewel for my birthday, I’d grow to love the facets just as much as the fact that it was given to me.”]
This really seems to be missing the point, which is that pokemon are people, not objects. The fact that these trainers are describing them as if they were objects is really proving N right.
[Well, now that we know about Hestia]
Who?
I really think you should read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142476358/1/Pokemon-Intelligence
I think the thing that bothers me most about this is that it’s so one-way. You never see fics where the PC decides to try N’s way of doing things to see where he’s coming from. There’s obviously only one correct way, so good people don’t need to waste their time giving heathen perspectives a fair shake.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12229379/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Sun-Moon
You might want to pick a more original title. There are quite literally thousands of titles in this category that are variations on, if not identical to, this one.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[The girl had long flowing blonde hair]
The story shifts from present to past tense here. This is really jarring; you need to keep tense consistent.
[“I don’t understand this. Where could Miss Lillie be? I know the chairman asked us to find her and all, but it’s not like Lillie to hide from everyone.” one employee asked.]
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[the girl weaved her way inbetween the turns of the garden]
You want “in between”, two words.
[S-Sorry mom.]
When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12230355/1/A-Pokemon-World
Lrn2troll.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12230579/1/The-Aura-Lives-On
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
This should be listed under the Anime category.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12230983/1/Clean-Slate
Please make a more informative summary. Only giving the reader a vague, abstract summary open to many interpretations is very frustrating.
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
[As I make my way out of the words]
Typo.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12231183/1/Troubled-Spies
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[They were orphans and brought up to the ornganisation by Cynthia when she found them crying and veiling over the lost of their family.]
This is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12231187/1/The-Dragons-Lost-To-Us
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[“Speech”
Pokespeech
Thoughts
‘Telepathy’]
I guarantee you do not need this key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong. Furthermore, bold is an unwise choice for something that will come up a lot, as it’s very jarring in prose. You also shouldn’t use single quotes and double quotes to mean different things, as they look too similar. A better option is to use different symbols, such as tildes or curly braces.
[-PROLOGUE-]
Titling chapters in the story itself like this looks awkward; the dropdown menu should suffice.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[I hope she’s ok.]
It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.
[-Altomare, 10 minutes later-]
This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.
This should be listed under the Anime category.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12231303/1/Until-we-meet-again
Your title isn’t fully capitalized.
[Senior year is one of the most memorable year of a student’s life]
Typo.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
This should be listed under the Anime world.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12231406/1/The-Adjacent-World-Temp-Name
[We all know the two pokemon worlds that are pretty much alternate dimensions of each other, but what if the main plot isn’t in any of them, but in a THIRD dimension? The enemy? A group of people with familiar faces. The heroes? Three normal high schoolers. The fate of ALL three dimensions are at risk, and this third dimension could change everything. Summary bad, sorry.]
If you know it’s bad, fix it instead of apologizing. This is, however, a fairly serviceable summary if a pretty generic one. You could stand to be much more specific about what the story will be about. What is this third dimension, what is its importance, and why should we care? How will this story be different from the many, many stories with the exact same premise? Focus on what makes your story different, rather than just ticking genre boxes.
[For example, all of the last names of characters who doesn’t have a last name would be the said character’s name in another language.]
What?
[You many also show support by giving me advice~!]
It sounds like these could be useful to you:
fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142410565/1/Writing-Guide-Part-Two-Story
fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/21887406/1/Writing-Guide-Part-One-Grammar
In particular, it’s good that you’ve made an outline and planned ahead, but if you recognize you’re weak on openings, that’s something you should work on, because openings are really important for catching the reader’s attention and establishing what the story will be about.
[Heiko Wally sweatdropped]
This is a visual art convention that doesn’t work in prose.
[“No way.” Marge deadpanned.]
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[Marge’s House]
This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.
This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. A chapter that’s nothing but calm-before-the-storm slice-of-life stuff doesn’t really do that. Keep in mind you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
[Also, since Kanto through Sinnoh is based off of Japan (I think), I’ll introduce the names in last name, first name form (if you haven’t noticed by now). And, since I wanted to incorporate the Japanese culture, honorfics are used. It’s complicated, this whole culture/language thing…]
That seems really unnecessarily convoluted, especially since English really isn’t built for this sort of thing. It’s fine to acknowledge that you’re writing in English and localize it as such even if the characters are ostensibly Japanese.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12231597/1/The-Murder-of-1920
[P.S I suck at writing summaries so just read the story to understand.]
No. If you know the summary is bad, fix it. People should not have to give you clicks just to know if the story is something they want to read in the first place.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or school. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[Isabella, being the only girl in the group, was very cheery, bright, a little on the aggressive side, and very quiet.]
What do those two things have to do with each other.
[You can say that she’s a cross of a tomboy and a girl because she loves video games and dolls.]
You switch from past to present tense here, which is very jarring. You need to keep tenses consistent.
Also, don’t talk about activities as if they are inherently “boy” or “girl” things, it’s really creepy.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. A dry infodump of character traits and a single slice-of-life scene does not do that. Keep in mind you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12231883/1/Changing
Please make a more informative summary. Only giving the reader a vague, abstract summary open to many interpretations is very frustrating.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[“Yeah, i…am,”]
Proofread.
[he informed]
You’re overusing unusual speech verbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever trendy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.
[a small town known was New Bark town]
Typo. Also, when a name is multiple words, all the words need to be capitalized, so this should be “New Bark Town”.
[He looked back to see if he was being followed and he wasn’t being followed]
Repeating words and phrases sounds awkward; you should reword this.
[‘I don’t know. What do you want to do, Geo?’ she asked him through telepathy.]
You shouldn’t use single quotes to mean something different than double quotes, as they look too similar and are easily confused. Other symbols, such as tildes, work better.
[“I don’t have time for this. Right now, I need to distract him and then make a run for it,” Geo thought.]
Using quotes, for thoughts is confusing, because it makes it look like characters are talking out loud.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12231893/1/Starting-From-Zero-Missing-Professer-Arc
[I don’t have any ideas for a summery so just read it.]
No. People should not have to click through just to know if the story is something they want to read in the first place. Take five minutes to write an actual summary.
This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12232030/1/The-Adventures-of-Ash-and-Stuff
Learn to troll properly.
This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12232213/1/ESS-fanfiction
This is completely incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12232377/1/A-Silver-Soul-and-Un-Coraz%C3%B3n-de-Oro
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
Not capitalizing “I” makes me not want to read your story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12232523/1/Things-that-You-Can-t-Say-Tomorrow-Day
This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12232853/1/Adventures-In-Mericos
You might want to pick a more original title. There are quite literally thousands of titles in this category that are variations on, if not identical to, this one.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12232984/1/Frozen-Conundrum
[Drabble]
[Words: 414]
A drabble is a story consisting of exactly 100 words. It’s a writing exercise, not a word for any short story.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
This belongs in the Manga category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.
I do appreciate that you don’t capitalize “pokeball”, though.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12233085/1/May-s-Justice-In-Alola
This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
This is really bizarre and ends really abruptly.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12233170/1/The-Last-Blast-Off
This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You also don’t need to title your fic in the fic itself.
[*RING RING*, a sound all to familiar to Ash]
This isn’t a comic book. Sound effects should be described in prose. Also, you want “too”.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[his journey’s]
“Journeys”. Apostrophes are not used for plurals.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12233358/1/If-You-Believe
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
Your summary is a run-on sentence. You need to learn how to use commas.
[“Normal speech” | Thinking]
I guarantee you do not need this key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong.
[Beep…Beeep…Beeeeeep the persistent alarm rings out]
This isn’t a comic book. Sound effects should be described in prose.
Not using commas makes me not want to read your story. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12233384/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-A-Series-of-Unusual-Events
Please make a more informative summary. Only giving the reader a vague, abstract summary open to many interpretations is very frustrating.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
[We payed a pretty penny]
“paid”
[“Since you can’t understand Pokémon, we also bought a translator!”]
Woah, if humans can understand pokemon, that’s a major divergence from canon that should radically change the entire trainer dynamic. Why are humans okay with treating things that can talk like animals and pets, and why are creatures of human intelligence and socialization okay with being treated that way? You should read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142476358/1/Pokemon-Intelligence
This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. So far, this is exactly like every original trainer fic ever. If you have a unique plot or idea, start there; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12233401/1/Something-Different
Not capitalizing “I” makes me not want to read your story.
This is incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup