[25] The Other Pokereviews, Part 31

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12250511/1/Red-The-Liberator

[Red is tired of people treating Pokemon with such disrespect.]

Yet he still believes pokemon aren’t people, apparently.

[Please point out any errors. I will fix them immediately, and it will improve the story’s quality.]

This should go in your author’s notes. The summary should be directly relevant to the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or princess. Or mountain. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[A man wearing an officer’s vest and jeans, spoke to his partner.]

That comma shouldn’t be there.

This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. You have barely even introduced the main characters here. The summary should not tell readers more about the story’s eventual direction than the first chapter. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12250876/1/Pokemon-Alola-Journey

This is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12251372/1/Daybreak-Highschool

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[“fine…”]

Proofread.

[my best friend Shinx]

That makes as much sense as you being named “Human”. Yes, I know the Mystery Dungeon games do this. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s ridiculous and confusing. Your characters deserve actual names.

Even by the standards of AUs, this doesn’t have anything to do with Pokemon. The characters are indistinguishable from humans. If your characters bear no resemblance to the canon ones, and your setting has nothing to do with the canon one, then I don’t understand why you’re labeling this as fanfiction instead of original fiction. You’d be better off unfettering this story from an irrelevant canon by publishing it as original fiction with an “inspired by” label on the top.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12251389/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-A-Different-Story-New-Version

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

A new speaker requires a new paragraph. Not following this rule makes your story unreadable.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12251647/1/Lights-new-adventure

Don’t delete and repost, it’s childish.

Your title isn’t fully capitalized.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

This is incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12251860/1/Pokemon-XYZ-The-Story-Of-Riley-And-Ciley

Script format is banned on this site.

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12251821/1/Live-a-Little

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. This chapter introduces us to the main character and hints at what her future conflict will be, but the plot itself does not appear yet. You summary should not reveal more about the story than the first chapter. You should reach your plot by the end of the first chapter; and keep in mind you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

But what you do have is a textbook example of bad YA cliches.

[their petty school drama]

[The short redhead considered herself a total hipster because of her wide collection of indie bands’ t-shirts]

Most pressingly, you’re really not selling me on why I should be sympathetic to Irene. She acts no better than the kids she despises for petty reasons, and if anything the fact she cannot stop sneering at the plebs for one second makes her look far worse.

[I cringed, mildly uncomfortable by the other’s physical contact.]

[I wanted nothing more than to shove her off and yell at her that we weren’t close at all ― I didn’t even know what Tiffany’s last name was, for crying out loud!]

[I flinched; that was rude. “Mhm,”]

Furthermore, I have a hard time hating people when they don’t know they’re doing something wrong. Irene has many opportunities to stand up for herself and assert her boundaries throughout this conversation. If she is physically incapable of doing so, that is a tragedy and she needs to get couseling because she is not going to make it through life like this – but it is not cause to hate the other people, because they can’t understand what’s wrong if she doesn’t tell them, and it’s very conceited of Irene to expect them to read her mind. Yes, to an objective observer she is pretty obviously distressed by some of the things they’re saying, but even social kids are still kids and thus terrible at picking up on social cues. It is not good to attribute malice to ignorance.

[the portly guy that always smelled like cheese]

[a Unova native with a nasally voice]

And oh look, the people she hates are ugly. Isn’t that convenient.

This sets a tone. It sends the message that you’re going to spell out characters’ moralities based on initial impressions and physical appearance for the rest of the story. That is terrible storytelling because it treats the readers like toddlers who can’t grasp subtlety or nuance. But moreover, it is simply irresponsible to perpetuate the idea that outward appearance is a reflection of morality, especially when your target audience appears to be high school students, a demographic who feels the consequences of that mentality quite harshly.

[Sure, they were extremely annoying and obnoxious and sometimes I wanted to punch them]

Just, look, why doesn’t she leave if she hates them this much? I was similar to this character in middle and high school, and I dealt with not wanting to hang out with people by *not hanging out with people*. That is always an option, and perpetuating the myth that it’s not and high school requires you be in a clique for survival is irresponsible if you’re trying to provide wish fulfillment to people like Irene who are in dire need of alternate options. If she’s choosing to be around these people just so she can wallow in spite and hatefulness, there is no reason for the audience to feel sympathy. Suffering doesn’t automatically make you a good person.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12251881/1/Tortured-Light

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

Using quotes, even single quotes, for thoughts is confusing, because it makes it look like characters are talking out loud.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12252021/1/Truth-and-Dare-with-Pokemons

Interactive stories are banned on this site.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12252280/1/Eon-Team

[English is not my first language and I started to learn it a few years ago.]

You should probably get a beta reader to help you. Beta readers can be found here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”]

[“It must run in the blood” Was the thought of a scared Jolteon]

The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12252129/1/Becoming-First-Time-Parents

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12252622/1/Ash-and-Serena-The-Perfect-Family-Chapter-One-The-beginning

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

A new speaker means a new paragraph. Not following this rule makes your story unreadable.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12252667/1/Angel-from-Hell

What does this have to do with Pokemon?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12252843/1/Pokemon-Diamond-and-Pearl

Not using paragraphs makes me not want to read your story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12253090/1/Alola-An-Adventure-Unfolds

You might want to pick a more original title. There are quite literally thousands of titles in this category that are variations on, if not identical to, this one.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. Retreading the same opening shared by literally thousands of other original trainer fics does not do that. If you have a plot, start there or at least get there within the first chapter; keep in mind you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

You have a lot of typos and dropped commas in this, which makes the story hard to follow. You should look here for a beta reader: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12253116/1/The-Story-Of-How-I-Died

[I need a co-writer for my stories]

Check here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

[0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000]

This looks really awkward. You should just use a horizontal line.

[(Flashback)]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

[bluenette]

Drawing attention to anime hair is bad enough without also making up awkward terminology for them. You shouldn’t be using hair color as an epithet anyway; epithets should be directly relevant to the specific scene and character.

[“What do you want Ursula?”]

This needs a comma before “Ursula”, as it’s a direct address.

What does this have to do with Pokemon?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12253529/1/The-Kanto-Adventure

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

[now the situation with Pikachu, do you guys want me to make Ashley catch him? I plan on making a voting poll for you guys to vote on whether or not she should catch Pikachu.]

Interactive stories are banned on this site. Something this important is something you should have planned out already.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12253569/1/Becoming-First-Time-Parents

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12253718/1/Eeveelution-Education

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[I moved down my bunk bed’s steps]

How? Bunk beds use ladders. Eevee do not have grasping hands.

[before trotting to the light switched and flicking it]

Again, how? With her face? Interacting with things above ground level is extremely awkward for quadrupeds. Why are their houses designed like this?

[who was holding a stick of cheese]

How? Eevee do not have opposable thumbs. Furthermore, where do they get cheese from if this is an all-pokemon world? Do they enslave miltank for their dairy products?

[This is a school of training Eevee to evolve]

How? Eeveelutions occur due to events outside the eevee’s control. It should not take a multi-year course to teach the complicated explanation of “find an evolution stone or environmental rock thing” unless you’ve massively changed the mechanics in this universe.

[Pokémon don’t need to eat]

What. Okay, then what powers them? Are the laws of physics different in this universe?

What I’m getting at here is that this is not Pokemon fanfiction. Everyone is acting like exactly like humans with magic powers. This would make a lot more sense published as original fiction with an “inspired by” label at the top.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12253841/1/Road-To-Master

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

[“ummm… yeah,]

Proofread.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12254161/1/Pokemon-Grey

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12254503/1/Mystical-poke-Z

This is incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12254888/1/The-Tickets

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

A new speaker requires a new paragraph. Not obeying this rule makes your story unreadable.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12254884/1/The-Journey-Begins-All-That-Shines-Book-1

[The Pokemon Freedom Coalition, also known as the PFC, have spent years campaigning for the the permanent release of pokemon by their trainers. The movement has been met with much resistance and resentment on behalf of trainers, coordinators, and gym leaders every where…]

And what do the pokemon think about this? If this is just another story where the people the conflict is actually about are completely ignored, that’s terrible writing. If these people are wrong and pokemon training is actually peachy keen, you need to show that instead of just telling us they’re evil because you say so.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. This isn’t even a complete scene; it tells us very little about the overall conflict, and nothing at all about the main characters or what direction the plot will go in from here. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

[the Trial Captains and Kahunas]

And while I’m grateful you’re not capitalizing most pokemon terms, these shouldn’t be capitalized.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12255810/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Black-Diamond-White-Pearl

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

 

One Comment

  1. Oliver Jasmine says:
    For what its worth with naming pokemon, my headcannon is the species name is a respectful form of adress. Well. Not respectful so much as formal or at least unfamilliar. Like only addressing someone as sir for awhile. It makes more sense for trainers (raising an unfamilliar pokemon from another trainer, or being able to ask them their actual name after a long time spent with them) than an md/pokemon only situation (introducing a newcomer to shopkeepers would be all in species name but you’re close friends with your partner and know their real name). That said I couldn’t get through that story even though its short becuase of the sheer lack of any description or indication where things are taking place other than ‘home’ or ‘school’.

    Also I was just choking with laughter over the eevee who had to climb a ladder off a bunk bed and use a light switch. I assumed it was a furry au or someone coming from pony fandom where it goes without question (sure ponies can sew. why not. <_<). And you skipped to how cheese would come from enslaved milktanks instead of how an eevee would open a thing of string cheese when those things are hard enough with thumbs. A shame it was deleted by the time I clicked it sounds really cute and derpy rather than that odd high school in a void!

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