Today we have a high school AU that felt the need to specify characters’ EV values but not how a quadruped can use a toothbrush, an edgy grimdark story about all of America (literally, the landmass) being teleported into the the pokeworld, and a humanized pokemon story that thought a humanized gardevoir was a better vehicle for addressing toxic masculinity than a just plain human character. Is it just me or is this batch weirder than normal?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12262346/1/bad-kid

[Back then her husband was still around, and he just watched.]

It seems weird for him to refer to his father as “her husband”; that distance implies a purposeful detachment. Was Mohn abusive too?

[almost like a…uh. a. Never mind that.]

Missed capitalizing the “A” in the middle there.

[“You miss Lillie?”

“She’s better off without me.”]

This doesn’t seem very in-character given what he says after the first battle with Lusamine; he expresses remorse for abandoning Lillie and promises to help her more in the future, which implies he’s not quite this far gone.

[“…”]

This is a visual art convention that doesn’t work in prose.

Otherwise, this is very nice. You write Plumeria well.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12262634/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-Shattered-Memories

Script format is banned on this site, and for good reason. You’re an author, not a screenwriter.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12262941/1/Four-years

Your title isn’t fully capitalized.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or high school. Or figure. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

This has nothing to do with Pokemon. Your characters are indistinguishable from humans. This is original fiction and belongs on Archive of Our Own or Fictionpress, not FFN.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12263289/1/Advanced-Wishes

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[She smiled as she brushed her hair and admired her image, “I know I should be packing, but a girl’s hair comes first?”]

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

[A few minutes later…]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12263335/1/Her-Undeniable-Spirit

This is a mess (and also ridiculously melodramatic). You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12263357/1/The-Concierge

This is incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12263551/1/Pokemon-For-The-Love-Of-May

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[Ages

Ash-16

Brenden-16

Drew-16

Dawn-15

Misty-15

May-15

Gary-16

Paul-18

Serena-18

Brock-18]

Don’t do this. If this information is relevant, it should come up in the story. If it isn’t, this is a waste of space.

[(Lincoln High 3rd POV 1st period)]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

All sentences need to end in punctuation, not just some of them.

This is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12263754/1/Already-dead

Your title isn’t fully capitalized.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

Songfic is banned on this site, and for good reason.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12263808/1/Summer-Love

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[Ages

Ash-16

Brock-17

Misty-16

Gary-16]

Don’t do this. If this information is relevant, it should come up in the story. If it isn’t, this is a waste of space.

[(Eastwood High School 3rd POV)]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

All sentences need to end in punctuation, not just some of them.

This is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12264175/1/In-Alola-Love-Shines-Like-the-Sun-and-Moon

[Yup. That’s about the worst title I’ve ever though of. It… points towards me being female (no offense).]

I don’t see the connection?

Regardless, this information should go in your author’s note, not the summary. The summary should be about the story itself.

Interactive stories and non-story chapters are banned on this site.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12264264/1/A-New-Life

[Noah had A normal life]

That “a” should not be capitalized.

[team rocket as well]

“Team Rocket” should be, however.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

I would recommend reading these threads:

fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/21887406/1/Writing-Guide-Part-One-Grammar

fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12264369/1/Pokemon-An-American-and-Canadian-Solution

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

[Name: James (Not Telling my last name for privacy purposes)(Full Self-Insert)

Nationality: American (The Midwestern United States)

Age:20

Occupation: None

Height: 6 Feet Tall

Hair Color: Brown

Hair Style: Short Messy Styled

Eyes: Blueish Green

Skin Tone: White

Skin Color: Slightly Pale

Body Build: Lanky

Personality: He is a caring person, that tends to talk a bunch. He tends to be blunt and is clumsy to an extent. He is also nervous around women. Tends to be ignorant of peoples feelings.

Likes: Learning History, Video Games, ,Books, Guns, Fanfiction, Dr. Pepper, Mug Root Beer, Pizza Hut

Dislikes: Ignorance, Gun Control, Bullies, Discrimination, People who take advantage of other people.

Flaws: He often has a cynical view of the world and will question when someone helps another if they are high in power, he also can lack motivation at things. He also has a tendency to procrastinate. Also he has a low opinion of himself since he was bullied as a child. Also he has ADHD and Aspergers Syndrome(Before you go raging, I have these mental health issues so YES I do have a right to write about it).]

You’re not submitting this character to anything. This amount of information is excessive. If it’s relevant, it should come up in the story. If it isn’t, this is a waste of space.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[-HeavyJ15 View on the World]

Oh my god did you seriously just quote yourself. You do realize how incredibly self-absorbed that looks, right? I strongly recommend not doing this.

[Narrator POV

View of Earth from Space 10:00 AM CST]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

[Artic poles]

Spellcheck.

[It spoke of a world that had great beauty, a rich culture while also having had blood spilled on its soil many, many times over.]

What? How would someone be able to tell that by looking at it from space?

[But to someone special to the Pokemon world, aka someone that can sense aura would see something VERY wrong.]

You shouldn’t use informal abbreviations like “aka” in narration. You’re also missing commas.

[with drawl]

It’s “withdrawal”, one word.

[it’s orbit]

You want “its”. “It’s” always means “it is”.

[was effected]

“Affected”. “Effect” is the noun.

[it would be the darkest time for the planet since the Second World War]

The second world war did not include a chunk of Earth disappearing, so I’m pretty sure this is much worse.

[the fate’s of two worlds]

That apostrophe should not be there.

This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. If the focus of this story is going to be how Earth humans react to the pokemon world, that should be featured in the first chapter. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

[CURRENTLY SEARCHING FOR AN ACTIVE BETA READER!]

Yeah, you need one. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12264613/1/The-Return-of-Evil-Ash

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12264695/1/The-Ultimate-Half-Breed

[Please note, this is a slightly edited version of the original. I fixed some grammatical and format errors, along with some other bigger changes that will make it a bit easier on the eyes to read.]

You can do this without having to delete and repost the whole story; just import a new document in Manage Stories. Reposting is going to throw off anyone who already faved or followed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12260660/2/Dreamers-And-Nightmares

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

[trailing the Sableye who spun around in circles]

You did here, though.

[She recalled Blake, who’d began to whine at the storm, giving her those big sad eyes like she could change the weather for him.]

Huh. You know, it actually occurs to me — couldn’t she, in theory, if she had a pokemon with Sunny Day? There’s a lot of leeway in how powerful weather moves are based on the games, but that could be an interesting angle to explore. It’d make sense for rangers to have weather pokemon on hand for emergencies like these.

[”Hannah Stryker,” the other girl said commandingly, ”I have four ribbons and six badges.”]

This sounds like two sentences (i.e. “Hannah Stryker. I have four ribbons and six badges.”), which means the first speech tag ends the sentence and should thus end with a period. If you meant it as “Hannah Stryker, I have four ribbons and six badges,” though, this is correct.

[”What – cease tormenting this young lady at once!” A new voice cut in]

Relatedly, the narration here contains a speech tag, so it should be uncapitalized. The punctuation of dialogue doesn’t affect speech tag rules.

[It was an older blonde boy with clothes too immaculate for having been in a storm. He had a gallade at his side, proud and tall. Oh, Helen realized, they must have teleported in without walking through the rain.]

This is a nice detail, but why did he come here in the first place? (Also, you want “blond”. “Blonde” is the feminine form.)

[Tossing the ball with a flourish, he paused in a half bow, as if expecting cheers.]

This is hilarious. You’re writing Havan a bit over-the-top, but that’s still pretty in-character for him. The only thing I’d say to keep in mind for the future is that he shouldn’t keep acting like this if he’s ever in a situation where he can notice it’s getting poor reactions.

[Havan’s face fell.]

This, though, is way too obvious. Havan isn’t an idiot.

[The johto boy]

“Johto” should be capitalized here.

[”Yeah,” smiled Daneel]

This should be [“Yeah.” Daneel smiled] or something similar, as you can’t smile a word the same way you can say one, so they have to be separate sentences.

[cried the blonde man with feeling]

This is a bit awkward, since you haven’t mentioned any blonde man this could refer to in this section. He should probably be mentioned in the initial description of the two humans.

Riley is excellent so far. This is well-written, overall.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12265311/1/Pokemon-mystery-dungeon-explores-of-light

This is completely incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12265630/1/His-New-Life

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

Not using paragraphs makes me not want to read your story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12266083/1/Ashes-of-a-Betrayed-Champion

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

[Easily beating the Elite Four,Trip]

Missing space. You have other punctuation errors in your summary as well. Proofread.

[“I win Ash.” Said Trip]

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or champion. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

[These four are some of the most top looking females throughout the regions.]

Don’t use “females” as an epithet, it’s creepy and objectifying.

[her noticeable curves, and her developing bust, which was a B-cup into C-cup.]

Whyyyy do you feel the need to include their exact breast size.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12266917/1/Pokemon-Sun-and-Moon-The-Story-Of-Team-Skull-s-Miles

Non-story chapters are banned on this site. This should go in your author’s note, not stand alone as a chapter.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12266917/2/Pokemon-Sun-and-Moon-The-Story-Of-Team-Skull-s-Miles

Your lines are getting cut off. Preview your story before posting it.

[5 Years before]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Also don’t bold dialogue, it’s really jarring.

[destruction in it’s human form]

You want “its”. “It’s” always means “it is”.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12267046/1/Pokemon-Dreams-01-Annihilation

[Zack Raines, a 14 year old boy from Nuvema town leaves his home to join the group known as ‘The Saviors’ to fight Team Annihilation.]

That should be “Nuvema Town” – all parts of a name need to be capitalized. This also needs a comma after “town”.

You might also want to make a more informative summary; this one is extremely generic.

[POKÉMON DREAMS 01 ANNIHILATION]

Titling your story in the story itself looks kinda weird. I recommend against it.

[“…..” Speech

“Italic” Thought

“What?” Unknown]

I guarantee you do not need this key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong. Furthermore, using quotes, even single quotes, for thoughts is confusing, because it makes it look like characters are talking out loud.

[200 years into the future Unknown location]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[*BLAM!*]

This isn’t a comic book. Sound effects should be described in prose.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12267107/1/The-Brightness-of-Darkness

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[POV: TBL (To be learnt)]

Don’t do this; incredibly artificial identifiers like this look awful. You also shouldn’t be switching between multiple POVs in the same chapter, as that’s extremely jarring. Stories work better when we’re given time to know a single narrator.

[“Fuck you alarm clock!” I said]

Forgot the period here.

[High Schools]

Is not a proper noun and therefore should not be capitalized. Also, missing apostrophe.

…Who’s narrating the italics? Is Shadow talking about himself in third person? Why?

[who thought it would be funny to tell females that he liked them]

Don’t use “female” or “male” as epithets, it’s stilted and objectifying.

Including author’s notes in the middle of a story is always a terrible idea. Stories run on immersion and suspension of disbelief; interrupting the story and pointing to the wires shatters that, much like an actor breaking character in a theater production.

[Finally, Shadow specifically has been ev training speed, attack, and defence.]

How is this relevant?

[I brushed my teeth]

How? Umbreon don’t have opposable thumbs.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[I put him down and told him ‘what happened’ according to me and thankfully he believed all of it.

“So pretty much you saved me, and helped me to school?” He asked me intrigued

“Yup” I said confidently

“Wow, what can I do to repay you? He asked

“I have something in mind” I told him as I winked at him, and I blushed]

…This narrative does not become any less creepy when you flip the genders. I do hope she is intended as a villain here.

[plus I used my feelers and found out that he really likes me]

How? Sylveon aren’t psychic. I think you might be confusing this with kirila.

You have a lot of run-on sentences and other errors. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

This doesn’t seem to have much to do with Pokemon. Though you are making a lot of references to pokemon anatomy and abilities, you aren’t putting any thought into how that would actually affect their day-to-day life – Shadow’s morning routine, personal issues, and general life are still exactly like a human’s even though he’s a four-legged demonic fighting machine. Even their society seems identical to ours, even though pokemon have far more diverse physical and psychological needs than us. How do roggenrola fit into this society? Hypno? Klefki? Muk? What about pokemon who are explicitly stated to be predatory, like sableye or mareanie?

These are all angles you should consider. If you’re just going to write generic high school cliché, you should write original fiction and post it to Fictionpress; that’ll be less awkward for everyone. If you want to write about pokemon, you should really consider what makes them unique and what you can do with them that you can’t do with other characters.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12267222/1/I-Came-I-Died-I-Came-Back

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12267334/1/Storytime

Even by the standards of AUs, this doesn’t really have anything to do with Pokemon. The only connections are Eve apparently being psychic and Aubergine having similar associations to absol, but the former could be cut from the story without affecting anything and the latter doesn’t need the Pokemon connection; that trope is common in many fantasy stories, and the story could still work in an entirely mundane setting (if they just happened to be in the wrong places in the wrong times), since the point is that Yule has it wrong.

[“Most people thinks it’s weird for boys to wear dresses and do ballet.”]

And this is an outright divergence from Pokemon canon. Nobody in canon ever seems to care about male gardevoir, and their dresses are part of their biology, not a personal choice. Using a humanized gardevoir character as a metaphor for this issue is needlessly convoluted when you could just write about a human character.

This story seems like it’d be better served by by being published as original fiction with an “inspired by” label on the top. Fictionpress and Archive of Our Own are both good venues for this.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12267588/1/My-Skull

You do indeed need a more informative summary. What is your story about? What makes it different from the literally thousands of other fic with the exact same premise? Focus on that.

[A trainer/breeder]

That’s a really awkward construction. “A trainer and breeder” (or “A trainer, sometime breeder” if you want to emphasize one) is a better way of handling this.

[Along side]

You want “alongside”, one word.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

Your tenses are all over the place. This is extremely jarring and disorienting. Decide whether you want past or present tense and stick with it.

[“I know how you feel buddy.” Azure started]

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. You at least introduced an OC here, but you’ve given no indication of how this will affect the plot or what the story will be about overall. If you have a plot, you should start there or at least get there within the first chapter; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters