Nicely varied crop today. There’s a grimdark war story that’s currently nothing but a hilariously overdetailed summary, as well as some idiot who thought crowdsourcing whether or not pokemon could talk was a wise idea. Also a good-ish story about the Alola PC freaking out at the nihilego’s similarity to Lillie, though it seems to have mixed up cause and effect. Also also a Team Plasma story, but no idea where that’s going.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12267894/1/Pokemon-Pranks

Interactive stories are banned on this site. This should go on a roleplaying forum.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12268317/1/The-lake-guardians

Your title isn’t fully capitalized.

This is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12268292/1/Trials-a-master-undergoes

Your title isn’t fully capitalized.

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

Not using paragraphs makes me not want to read your story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12268197/1/The-Rising-of-the-Sun

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[(NOT TRYING TO BE SEXIST)]

Including author’s notes in the middle of a story is always a terrible idea. Stories run on immersion and suspension of disbelief; interrupting the story and pointing to the wires shatters that, much like an actor breaking character in a theater production.

[One question: would you like dialogue between Pokemon and Trainers?]

That is a major decision not to be made lightly, as it completely changes the context of the entire journey setup. This is something you need to decide on in advance, not crowdsource on a whim.

If you are interested in the topic of pokemon intelligence, I would recommend reading this: fanfiction . net/topic/11834/142476358/1/Pokemon-Intelligence

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12268391/1/Pokemon-Mythology-Guide

Non-story chapters are banned on this site. This belongs elsewhere; Archive of Our Own allows these kinds of posts, for instance.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12268396/1/My-Only-Wish

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12268554/1/In-Her-Image

[(I don’t know what the heck the ship name for this pairing is, anyway.)]

The ship name is Lillie/Moon. Please, God, let the madness end and just use the characters’ names like every other fandom. Please.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; using an ordinary scene break makes them look like part of the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

[Oh, sure, they’re as much victims]

The rest of the story is in past tense, so this should be as well.

[At the sound of my voice, “Lillie” turned around to look at me with a blank expression on her face. Her eyes were empty and her mouth formed a thin line.]

How is this happening? Did Stella get hit with hallucinogens?

This is interesting, and I think relatable to a lot of players. Nihilego are very aggressive in canon, though, as they possess Guzma and Lusamine without hesitation, so I’m not sure how feasible this encounter is. I suppose you could say this particular one just happened to have an unusual personality.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12268679/1/Poisoned-by-Hatred

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

[Subtitles:

“talking..”

“SCREAMING!”

“thinking/poké-speech”]

I guarantee you do not need this key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong. Also, don’t use bold for basic actions, it’s horribly jarring.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[I’d like you all to take in consideration that I’m brazilian , soooo ..you can expect a lot of flaws in my English grammar.]

Evidently, yes. The story is nearly impossible to follow because of all the errors you’re making.

ESL isn’t much of an excuse. If you’re having trouble writing in English, there’s nothing stopping you from writing in your native language. Writing fiction is one of the most difficult possible applications of a language, and you should be confident in your skills beforehand. At the very least, you should be aware of your limitations and get a beta reader to help you with the parts you have trouble with. You can start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12268722/1/The-Place-Where-I-Belong

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Please direct any concerns to this thread: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

[A boy with medium length brunette hair]

“Brunette” is the feminine form. You want “brunet”.

This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. While it’s nice to see you’re doing something slightly different with your main character, one scene that cuts off before the main action doesn’t tell us much. What makes this story unique, different from the others with the same premise? Who is this person, why did he join Team Plasma, how does he treat his pokemon, what does he think of all this? These questions are all integral to the story and should be introduced from the outset. This whole piece is very in medias res, which is good for an opening but you do need to slow down eventually to tell us what’s going on. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12269353/1/The-Pokemon-Adventures-Rewrite

Please make a more informative summary. Only giving the reader a vague, abstract summary open to many interpretations is very frustrating.

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12269448/1/All-s-fair-in-love-and-war

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12269581/1/Last-wish

This belongs in the Anime category. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu in the “Category” section.

Script format is banned on this site, and for good reason. You’re an author, not a screenwriter.

This is incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12269861/1/Confessing-and-Maintaining-Bonds

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

All sentences need to end in punctuation, not just some of them. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12270050/1/Trainer-X-Lycanroc-Midnight-form-possibly-lemon-XD

Centering your text makes it hard to read.

Not using paragraphs makes me not want to read your story. This is a mess and you need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12270263/1/World-in-Conflict

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[It’s the year 2016, War has broken out among the regions, Hoenn being the Dominating force]

“War” and “dominating” are not proper nouns and thus should not be capitalized.

[Prologue-]

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

This is breathless and full of run-on sentences. You need to read up on proper comma usage and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

Opening the story with a dry infordump is dull and disengages the reader. The core of your story will be the characters and their conflicts, so that is what we should be introduced to early on. If this information is relevant, it should come up organically within the story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12270264/1/Subject-LH53-origins

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[Location:?

Time:?

Point of view:?]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions, especially when all you’re providing with this is “it’s a ~mystery~!”. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

[I am currently writing this first chapter at 12:00 AM so I’m tired and may need to edit this later so sorry.]

If you know it’s a mess because you wrote it in an addled state, wait and fix it instead of apologizing. You’re not on a deadline here, you can wait until the next day to proofread.

And this is indeed a mess. You need to learn how to use commas. If you have trouble with that, you should get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12270385/1/Chagrin

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Without following this rule, dialogue exchanges are effectively unreadable.

If you feel you need more help or feedback, it might be in your best interests to get a beta reader. This is a good forum for them: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12270849/1/That-One-Inevitable-Drabble-Series

[A drabble series]

[Words: 3,443]

A drabble is a story consisting of exactly 100 words. It’s a writing exercise, not a word for any short story.

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“Are you Sol?” He questioned, voice soft but clear.]

Dialogue capitalization rules are unaffected by punctuation, so this should be [“Are you Sol?” he questioned].

Furthermore, “questioned” is what police do; it’s a synonym for “interrogated”, not “asked”. This tone might be reasonable for Gladion in this scene under normal circumstances, but the next sentence makes it clear this is the exact opposite tone you want.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12270908/1/Jude-in-Alola-Land

[Jude is a seventeen year old trainer from unova.]

“Unova” is a proper noun and should be capitalized.

“Scolipede”, however, is not. First, read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“I know,” laughed Brandon.]

“Laughed” isn’t a speech verb (try to laugh a sentence and you’ll see what I mean), so it requires a different construction. This should be [“I know.” Brandon laughed.] or something similar.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12271071/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-SunMoon-Reach-For-The-Stars

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Non-story chapters are banned on this site. This should go above your first chapter, not stand on its own.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12271030/1/Truthfully-Not-Normal

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. You have only barely introduced the protagonist, and have given us no idea of what the actual plot will be or where the story will go from here; that’s not enough for a first chapter. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

I’m also not clear what this has to do with Pokemon. Giving us more information about the setting and characters could help with that.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12271141/1/Bizarre-Misadventures-Ultra-Hunters

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[[Prologue: Eight Years Ago.]]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12271380/1/Pokemon-ORAS-Gijinka-High

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[“Talking”

Thinking]

I guarantee you do not need this key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong.

[Chapter 1: First Day]

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[a height of 5’10”]

Listing characters’ heights down to the exact inch is awkward and unnecessary. No one is going to remember this and it’s hard to picture. You should use a more relevant description instead, like “tall”.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12271540/1/Equivalent-Exchange-Pokeshipping-Edition

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12271815/1/Pokemon-Amourshipping-Battle-your-Way-Through-it

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.