[25] The Other Pokereviews, Part 37

Mostly just miscategorized anime fic today.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12281261/1/Alola-When-Pokemon-Worlds-Collide

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Not following this rule makes your story unreadable.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12281332/1/Amourshipping-Fanfic-in-KalosAlola

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12281381/1/It-Started-With-Us

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

A drabble is a story consisting of exactly 100 words. It’s a writing exercise, not a word for any short story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12281501/1/Eevee-Torture-Files-Chapter-1-How-it-all-began

lrn2troll

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12281515/1/Eevee-Torture-Files-Chapter-3-A-burning-sensation

Posting chapters as separate stories is against the rules. Use the chaptering feature.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12281634/1/A-Serenity-Adventure-in-the-HighSchool-of-Ash

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

Non-story chapters are banned. Don’t do this.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12281697/1/Pokemon-A-Christmas-Special

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[Name/Age

The Ketchum’s

Ash – 43

Misty – 44

Del (Delia) – 18

Kaiden – 16

Logan – 8

The Oak’s

Gary – 43

Serena – 37

Sam – 8

The Harrison’s

Brock – 48

Darcy (Twin) – 18

Brent (Twin) – 18

The Turner’s

Cameron (OC) – 46

May – 41

Simon – 17

Ally – 16

The Silver’s

Lance – 53

Dawn – 39

Lily – 8

Other character’s that make an appearance

Iris – 36

Cilan – 37

Max – 30

Bonnie – 30

Clemont – 37]

You really do not need this. If this information is relevant, it should come up in the story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12281748/1/Love-Me-the-Same

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

Non-story chapters are banned on this site. This should go in a forum post.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12281772/1/A-True-Bond

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[Also, what kind of plot should there be?]

This is something you should plan out before starting your story. I would recommend reading these threads:

fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/143363660/1/Actually-Writing-an-OT-Fic-Part-2

fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/143662066/1/Actually-Writing-an-OT-Fic-Part-3

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12282046/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Gold-Sun-and-Silver-Moon

This is incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12282181/1/I-Dream

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12282380/1/The-Tale-of-An-Alolan-Trainer

Not using paragraphs makes me not want to read your story.

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12282460/1/Hiddden-in-the-ruins

Your title is misspelled and needs to be fully capitalized.

[Pokémon- speech

(Pokémon)- thought]

I guarantee you do not need this key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong.

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[Arceus’s expression remained stoic, but the rage was evident on her face.]

Any particular reason why Arceus is female in this, by the way?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12283365/1/The-Shifter-s-Stone

[When mysterious creatures start appearing on Earth, a teen and his friends attempt to defeat a force that threatens the world’s destruction.]

You might want to make a more informative summary. This is pretty generic and vague.

[Prologue: The Burning Forest]

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[The only way you could tell that there was something alive in the forest was the chattering of the bugs and the sound of something rustling the leaves of bushes and grass along the ground.]

Using the general you in third-person narration is awkward. You can use “one” in place of “you” to get around this.

[The humans that lived in the area had always taken care of the forest, as there had been a myth that the guardian of the forest lived there and had taken desperate measures to make sure that it was kept safe.]

The causality is a bit confusing here – so did the guardian keep the forest safe in once flashy act and now it’s gone, and the humans continue in its memory? Or are they superstitious that the guardian will be angry at them if they don’t take care of the forest? If it has the power to do that, why can’t it maintain the forest on its own?

[the sounds of shouts and yells of men running]

This many things all together is awkward; you might want to trim this down a bit.

[unwillingly being separated from their families by the humans that took them away.]

This isn’t quite passive voice but it has a similar problem – this narration feels weirdly sterile and detached, which is tonally dissonant with the tension of the scene. You might want to reword this.

[motioned to an area of the first that had been untouched by the group of evil men]

What?

[it’s curled silver horns on the top of it’s head]

You want “its”. “It’s” always means “it is”.

[both the creatures and people]

So pokemon aren’t people in this?

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

It feels weird to me to refer to pokemon by the Earth animals they resemble. By all appearances, Earth animals don’t exist in the pokeverse, so the descriptions don’t make sense from an in-universe perspective, and needlessly complicate things. It’s fine to just say “the houndoom” or “the lucario”, we know they’re pokemon since this is in the Pokemon fandom so there’s not much point in hiding things.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12283637/1/Just-an-Illusion

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12283658/1/Ash-and-the-pokemon-known-As-Type-Null

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

This is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

While this might be an interesting idea for a ROM hack or something, for a story you need something a bit more.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12283725/1/A-brave-new-world

Your title isn’t fully capitalized.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[Self Incert]

“Insert”, also these words shouldn’t be capitalized. If you have trouble with English, you should get a beta reader to help you, or write in your native language. Beta readers can be found here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12283988/1/A-New-Adventure

[Also, pokemon are humans.]

Then what does this have to do with Pokemon? Original fiction should go on Archive of Our Own or Fictionpress.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12284142/1/Lillycove-high-school

Your title isn’t fully capitalized.

Including author’s notes in the middle of a story is always a terrible idea. Stories run on immersion and suspension of disbelief; interrupting the story and pointing to the wires shatters that, much like an actor breaking character in a theater production.

Not using paragraphs makes me not want to read your story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12284202/1/For-the-love-of-2-Couples

Your title isn’t fully capitalized.

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12284244/1/Pokemon-Cinemantic-Universe-Trailer

Non-story chapters and script format are banned on this site. You are an author, not a screenwriter.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12284593/1/Before-Forevers-are-Never-Ever-Afters

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12284789/1/The-Real-Hero

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[Flashback]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12284968/1/Pokemon-Shadows-of-Love

[A rewritten version of WinxClubTechna’s Pokemon story]

This information should go in your author’s note. The summary should tell people what the story is actually about.

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12285090/1/Trainer-on-Mt-Silver

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

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