Featuring one of those “realistic” fics that spends ages explaining how the Australian military chose to genetically engineer an umbreon as an infiltrator because big cats are stealthy.

Also, “In the city of Rustboro, society is changing alarmingly. Humans and Pokémon walk in the same streets and drink at the same bars. Poké Ball sales are at an all-time low. Some Pokémon are even joining the city’s politicians. Matters are not helped, however, by the rise of a new terrorist Team, hell-bent on fully integrating Pokémon into human society…”

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12387672/1/Affinitive-Academy-Beginnings

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[An hour ago]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

[“Well we’re on the coast of the mainland, we have to cross this water,” she made a gesture towards their left,” And then we’ll reach the island.”]

You’re generally writing dialogue correctly, but when you break up a sentence of dialogue with a non-speaking verbs, you need different punctuation than commas, as the narration is a separate sentence from the dialogue. Dashes or ellipses are often used, so a more accurate form here would be [“Well we’re on the coast of the mainland, we have to cross this water–” She made a gesture towards their left. “–and then we’ll reach the island.”]

[“There are three ways to get to Quake Island, the ferry, the normal overhead bridge and then the underground tunnel,” she pointed to the nearing entrance]

You also used a comma instead of a period for the dialogue here.

[and even flight the elite four and champion]

I can’t parse this. I think you lost track of this sentence somewhere.

[‘If these people get accepted, it’s because they deserve it. Dammit pops you’re making me feel inferior here.’]

Using quotes, even single quotes, for thoughts is confusing, because it makes it look like characters are talking out loud.

[Adelaide says]

The rest of the story is in past tense, so this should be as well.

You’re having quite a number of issues with commas, which makes the story hard to follow. I would recommend reading up on proper comma usage and/or getting a beta reader to help you.

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

[Now this is where there are a lot of problems. There are many common pokemon that are overused. Those are:

Lucario and Rioulu

The entire Ralts line

Eevee and eeveelutions (you can select one, but it’s better if you don’t)

Starters (keep them to a minimum, one per person)

So I’ve seen many other writers use this method and I think it’s pretty good.]

It isn’t. There can be legitimate reasons for using overused pokemon, and even characters whose story depends on them in some way. You should judge on a case-by-case basis rather than locking off certain options outright. It’s also much, much more helpful to explain exactly what power level you want instead of just saying “no overpowered teams”, as that’s extremely vague and subjective.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12388910/1/Transformation-of-the-Aura-Guardian

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. If you object to this, please take it to the thread instead of messaging me.

You’re making a lot of errors, particularly with commas. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12387630/1/Daybreak-Virtual

[(14:29, Emerald City Park, Sunny, 105F)]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

[Shinx came to sit next to me]

That makes as much sense as you being named “Human”. Yes, I know the Mystery Dungeon games do this. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s ridiculous and confusing. Your characters deserve actual names.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[So I grabbed my bag]

With what, the opposable thumbs they don’t have?

This isn’t Pokemon fanfic. Your characters are acting exactly like humans. If you want to write original adventure fic that’s great, but you should post it on Fictionpress or Archive of Our Own. FFN is for fanfiction only.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12387465/1/Squadron-Zero-Zero

[“Have you found a candidate yet agent?”]

This needs a comma before “agent”, as it’s a direct address. You have many similar problems throughout; I’d recommend reading up on comma usage and getting a beta reader.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[“We need a mind essentially, at the moment our methods cannot fabricate a consciousness. It still remains a mystery to us. The specimens we have created so far have been fully workable yet lifeless husks of flesh.]

That is nonsense. Consciousness is physical. We can take a knife and cut it out of people. If they can create brains they can create conscious beings. The only way this makes sense is if you’re mixing magic with this and there’s going to be a twist later that souls are important somehow, but it’s a really bad idea to mix magic with science after spending an entire chapter doing nothing but infodumping about the science.

[“We initially went for something like a panther or large cat. We figured that those animals are characteristically built for stealth, infiltration etcetera.]

Good lord they’re idiots. Big cats aren’t stealthy, they’re predators. Were there no biologists on their biology team?

[“Not exactly, see these abilities were embedded into sort of, tissue emitters in the skin of the creature, placed evenly along the body it allowed for a 360 degree ‘psychic’ 6th sense of sorts. It worked, at least from what we can tell, the problem is this tissue glows a hot yellow-white while stimulated.”]

But all their test subjects were mindless, remember? How does a mindless being activate psychic powers?

[“The problem is only while the tissue is stimulated as I said, and this is a side-effect we simply cannot mask up.]

Why can’t they cover it with a layer of non-psychic skin?

[So we started thinking.” Gould again turned to Carpenter. He looked at him briefly, then returned to my gaze. “We started looking into creatures of myth and fiction, stealthy creatures with ‘glowing tissue and telekinetic abilities.’ There was a pretty clear winner.” Carpenter cleared his throat and took over.

“Pokémon national dex entry number one-hundred and ninety seven, also known as Umbreon.” Carpenter’s face was satisfied.

“Umbreon” I responded with amusement. This couldn’t be serious.

“It worked out quite well actually, the special tissue likes to cycle electro-chemical signals around itself to continue working, like a ring. Umbreon literally has glowing, yellow rings. Perfect”]

This is nonsensical on so many levels. If the trait is a problem why are they looking for designs that emphasize that trait? Even if they did, why would they think a stylized fictional design that doesn’t have to adhere to real physical constraints would be a good idea? Even if they did, why would they pick the glass cannon melee fighter with no opposable thumbs from a video game where everything has to be arbitrarily balanced? This is absolutely ridiculous. Try harder.

(Also for Heaven’s sake AN INSECT. YOU WANT AN INSECT. Insects are incredibly strong for their size, can get into small crannies, can fly, and nobody will pay them a second glance even if they glow because real insects do that and even weirder stuff. How did they miss such an obvious solution.)

Also, from where I’m standing this doesn’t look like Pokemon fanfic, it looks like original fiction with references to Pokemon; a crossover at best. This should be posted on Archive of Our Own. And in general, you shouldn’t be spending so much time on exposition in the first place. This chapter is incredibly dry and dull because you spend all your time giving nonsensical explanations for things that don’t need to be explained rather than getting straight to the plot. Focus on what’s actually important and what story you actually want to tell.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12387668/1/Savannah-To-The-Rescue

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Try harder.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12388135/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Integration

[In the city of Rustboro, society is changing alarmingly. Humans and Pokémon walk in the same streets and drink at the same bars. Poké Ball sales are at an all-time low. Some Pokémon are even joining the city’s politicians. Matters are not helped, however, by the rise of a new terrorist Team, hell-bent on fully integrating Pokémon into human society…]

Oh no, people want people to be treated like people instead of animals. How terrifying.

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. If you object to this, please take it to the thread instead of messaging me.

[Make peace with your God]

When referring to a general god, it’s not capitalized.

This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. This is just a single scene, and doesn’t appear to even feature your protagonists or your inciting event. This is the sort of thing that should be part of a first chapter, not stand on its own. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12388146/1/Fate

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

This is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12389018/1/Prepare-For-My-Destiny

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

Don’t center your text, it makes it hard to read.

This is incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12389085/1/Easy-Sun-Report

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. If you object to this, please take it to the thread instead of messaging me.

[I pulled out a piece of paper and started writing on it]

I’m impressed he managed to do that without tearing to paper to shreds, given that zangoose have claws larger than their hands.

What I’m getting at here is that this is not Pokemon fanfic. Your pokemon characters are acting exactly like humans, and it’s therefore ordinary slice-of-life where you use pokemon names occasionally. This is original fiction and belongs on Fictionpress or Archive of Our Own.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12389211/1/The-Internship

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. If you object to this, please take it to the thread instead of messaging me.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12389293/1/Legendary-Prologue

Please make a more informative summary. Your summary should tell us what the story itself is about, not just its general premise.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[A colossal barren rock, orbits a yellow star]

That comma shouldn’t be there.

[a being that is more similar to an interpretation of a God than a powerful extra-terrestrial organism.]

“God” should only be capitalized if you’re referring to the Abrahamic one. The general term is uncapitalized.

Also, this is word salad. Focus on conveying information clearly instead of saying as much as possible.

[both became very similar in terms of human civilisation]

You dropped a period here.

My eyes glazed over by the third paragraph. Look, does this have a plot? If yes, it should hit the ground running. You really don’t need to literally start at the beginning of the planet, that’s incredibly boring because the information is going to be irrelevant to any present-day scenario. Any relevant backstory should be worked into the story organically. I’d recommend reading this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12389392/1/Change

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. If you object to this, please take it to the thread instead of messaging me.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[This is a universe in where quadrupeds ARE QUADRUPEDS.]

I appreciate this, but it doesn’t address the greater problem, which is that pokemon just aren’t suited to high school slice-of-life stories to begin with. And, honestly, saying they’re quadrupeds (and are therefore unable to use tools) just makes it all the stranger why they have culture and architecture just like ours.

[“…”]

This is a visual art convention that doesn’t work in prose.

[‘The inside is even more noisy than the outside…’]

Using quotes, even single quotes, for thoughts is confusing, because it makes it look like characters are talking out loud.

[He took a small piece of paper for along with him for reference]

Aaaaand not even four paragraphs in and you’re already breaking your own rules. How is a quadruped carrying anything? It’s almost like quadrupedal animals are not suited to a high school setting or something.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12389549/1/The-Hideous-Hero

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. If you object to this, please take it to the thread instead of messaging me.

[Pokémon have evolved overtime]

You want “over time”, two words.

[There are two groups in the world. The first is the “regular” or “good” Pokémon. They go to work, get paid and live relatively good lives. They make up most of the world. But there is a region filled with Pokémon that have been treated harshly for generations. The are known as the “Hidiums”; called this because they were dubbed hideous by those in power.

Many decades, possibly centuries ago all Pokémon species were equal. But soon everyone became obsessed with beauty. A war broke out between the species deemed ugly and those that were not. This is where the term “Hidium” was coined to represent those seen as too physical unappealing to be in society. Sadly, the unattractive Pokémon were severely outnumbered and had no choice but to surrender. At first, they were enslaved. They were forced into hard labor and were beaten and sometimes even raped. But soon the “beautiful” Pokémon grew tired of looked at the horrendous faces of their slaves. Instead, they were all exiled to a region with abandoned towns and few resources. There they lived for many, many long years.]

What.

This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. It’s bad writing to start a story with infodumping; if backstory is relevant to the story, it should come up organically. Who are your characters, what is your plot, why should readers care? The first chapter should answer those questions. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12390210/1/Kalos-Queen-Celebration

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

Try harder.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12390363/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-Chronology-Of-Chaos

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. If you object to this, please take it to the thread instead of messaging me.

You really, really shouldn’t combine multiple POVs with first-person perspective. It’s extremely hard to keep track of characters that way.

Likewise, it’s really confusing to feature multiple POVs in the same chapter. I have no clue what’s going on, what the overall plot is supposed to be, or why I should care about all these characters who have only appeared for like one page each.

Overall, this doesn’t read like Pokemon fanfic at all. You’ve designed a very detailed world it looks like, but it’s one that has nothing to do with any canon setting, and your pokemon characters are all acting like humans with magic powers rather than anything like the pokemon in PMD, especially given that they’re acting in very human ways with all the slavery and feudalism stuff. I think you’d be better off publishing this as original fiction.

[‘Class'(Fighter, Mage, Thief, etc.):]

I mean, seriously. This is a D&D thing. Pokemon don’t work like this.

Finally…

[This could (And likely will) get very Game of Thrones-y.]

That’s not encouraging. If you’re trying to emulate A Song of Ice and Fire… ASoIaF is an extremely complex story that was planned out very carefully in advance. If you’re trying to write a story of similar complexity but you’re making it up as you go along, you’re just going to get snarled in your own plot threads and the whole thing will be a mess. I think you should read these threads:

fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/143363660/1/Actually-Writing-an-OT-Fic-Part-2

fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142912324/1/Stop-Asking-For-OCs

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12390960/1/pokemon-crossed-worlds

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

Your title isn’t fully capitalized.

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. If you object to this, please take it to the thread instead of messaging me.

[Ash and friends find a strange Pikachu called Liam who claims to be from another universe where Pokemon is only a video game no more can be said without spoiling the story]

This is a run on sentence, and you forgot to punctuate it.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

This is incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12391284/1/Pokemon-XY-Fire-Water-and-Grass-Season-1

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. If you object to this, please take it to the thread instead of messaging me.

[(italics means the announcer is talking)

( bold means notes)]

I guarantee you do not need this key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong.

Also, all of this is in bold. I think you forgot to close a tag somewhere.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[(Pokemon talk is translated into english, the people still can’t understand them).]

Including author’s notes in the middle of a story is always a terrible idea. Stories run on immersion and suspension of disbelief; interrupting the story and pointing to the wires shatters that, much like an actor breaking character in a theater production.

This is incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

[Well now that they’re stuck in the wild. Will they be safe, will they find where they are supposed to go? Find out next episode.]

Don’t do this. You’re an author, not a screenwriter.

This one was reviewed by bizarre religious spam.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12391350/2/Pok%C3%A9mon-Rising-Supernova-SYOC

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[the fair-skinned lady’s hair flew in the sea breeze as she looked down at her infant, now on his way to leave the region and pursue a dream of his.]

This doesn’t quite work – “infant” isn’t generalizeable in the same way “child” is. When people say “infant”, they mean a literal baby.

[“You know why I’m leaving, mom!”]

When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12391766/1/Pokemon-luner

Non-story chapters are banned on this site. Don’t post anything until you actually have story content.

This is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12391914/1/Don-t-Dwell-on-the-Past

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[Our heroes continue on their journey, but stop for a little sightseeing,” the Narrator says.]

No. This is literature, not a TV show.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You’re overusing unusual speech verbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever trendy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12392183/1/Drawn-Straws

Are you not a native speaker? Your syntax is very confusing and hard to follow. I’d recommend getting a beta reader from here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

[Grass-, Water-, and Fire-type pokemon]

And while I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon, types shouldn’t be capitalized either.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12392332/1/Burning-Ashes

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You don’t need to list character ages. If it’s relevant, it should come up in the story.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

[(Hall of Origins)]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12392435/1/So-Clich%C3%A9

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12392591/1/Contest-Wedding

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[Its the wedding]

Proofread.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12392713/1/A-collection-of-Rocketshipping-oneshots-and-drabbles

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

A drabble is a story consisting of exactly 100 words. It’s a writing exercise, not a word for any short story.

[Another thing I want to make clear is that I use „…” to introduce direct speech! „ are not commas but the German quotation marks, just to avoid confusion.]

No. If you want to write in a specific language, you need to adhere to its writing conventions.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.