[25] The Other Pokereviews, Part 46

Found a decent one about Mewtwo!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12407436/1/Pokemon-Sun-and-Moon-s-Adventure

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or region. If you object to this, please take it to the thread instead of messaging me.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

This is incoherent. You need to learn how to use commas, and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12407829/1/Serena-and-Ash-Love-is-an-Adventure-Chapter-1

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[However this is my first fan fiction so yes it may be a little bad. (Yes my grammar was on FLEEK) Also I could not find the pokemon subject so sorry about that. :(]

This should go in your author’s note. The summary is for telling people what your story is actually about.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12407875/1/Kanton-The-Tragedy-of-Ashton

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You also shouldn’t include multiple chapters in the same chapter. A prologue is a complete chapter, not a single paragraph.

[immence..]

“Immense”. Also, ellipses are always three dots, never more or less.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You’re overusing unusual speech verbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever trendy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12408062/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-The-Darkness-Within-Intro-Chapters-1-and-2

Posting chapters as separate stories is banned. Use the chaptering feature.

[Pokemon Kanto league journey done in a very unique way with a new main character not in the series and a new way of thinking.]

So this will be exactly like the literally thousands of other stories just like it is what you’re telling me. If you really do have something unique and new on your hands, you should describe it in detail here.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. If you object to this, please take it to the thread instead of messaging me.

This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. You say you have something new and exciting planned, but this looks exactly like every original trainer fic ever. If you have a plot, start there; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12408098/1/The-Metal-Master

This is incoherent. Try harder and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12408175/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-The-Darkness-Within-Chapter-3-Giovanni-s-Proposal

Posting chapters as separate stories is banned. Use the chaptering feature.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12408329/1/Vulpix-Goes-To-Pokemon-School

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[“Hey zubat” said vulpix]

That makes as much sense as you being named “Human”. Yes, I know the Mystery Dungeon games do this. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s ridiculous and confusing. Your characters deserve actual names.

Speaking of which, names are proper nouns and should be capitalized.

This isn’t pokemon fanfic. Your characters are acting exactly like humans. Shoehorning in Pokemon elements is just muddling this story. You’d be better off publishing this as original fiction on Fictionpress.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12408664/1/Snivy-and-Oshawott-Love-Story

Centering all your text makes it difficult to read.

A new speaker requires a new paragraph. Not following this rule makes your story impossible to understand.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12408678/1/The-Age-of-Darkrai

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. If you object to this, please take it to the thread instead of messaging me.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12408685/1/Betrayal-Brings-Rebirth

[Look inside for summary]

No. People should not have to give you unearned clicks just to learn what the story is about.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[Smarter/more competent/psychic/aura Ash]

Then he’s not Ash. If you hate Ash so much, just write an OC, don’t claim your OC skinned Ash and is wearing him as a suit.

[“” – Speaking

“Pika”- Pokespeech translalated

“YOU!”- Emphatic

TIMESKIP/SCENE CHANGE-TIMESKIP/SCENE CHANGE]

I guarantee you do not need this key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[PALLET TOWN]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Not following this rule makes your story impossible to understand.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12408928/1/Ash-and-Mallow-short

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You should probably make a more informative title and summary.

[Hau’Oli City Mall]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

[“That must be Ash. But I am not ready. I’m still too nervous,” Mallow thought]

Using quotes, even single quotes, for thoughts is confusing, because it makes it look like characters are talking out loud.

[“Ok,” Ash said]

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12409069/1/Age-of-Man

[Floors six through twenty lie toppled over a bright red burger shop, glass and rubble strewn about the pavement like blood.]

That’s a bit of an odd comparison. Blood is liquid, so a scatter of rubble will naturally look quite a bit different than blood splatters even if its red. And glass doesn’t look anything like blood to begin with.

[The man is bleeding too, in the human way.]

I’m pretty sure pokemon bleed too.

[Even in their final moments, their entire universe contracts to the self, like a black hole collapsing under its own gravity.]

This is also an odd comparison, as black holes are things that have already collapsed. “A star collapsing under its own gravity” would be a much better simile here – their superficially bright and beautiful lives collapsing into something ugly and consumptive.

[A dark. Or a ghost. Something immune to my powers.]

Ghosts aren’t immune to psychic, unless you’re going with that theory that they originally were supposed to be.

[I reply vibrating the air because my telepathy cannot reach him.]

This needs a comma after “reply”.

This is a bit short for a first chapter, but looks interesting. I like Mewtwo’s dispassionate descriptions.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12409655/1/Xeno-and-DarkSide-ANK-Tower

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. If you object to this, please take it to the thread instead of messaging me.

[Rayquazas new tower]

Missing apostrophe.

[“will be speaking in bold”]

Bad idea. Bold is extremely jarring and unusual in prose, and needlessly distracting. Just use “X said” tags like everyone else.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[Must have taken him weeks to make this place,”]

This should end in a period, not a comma.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12409744/1/The-Hero-That-I-Love

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You’ve got formatting errors. Preview your story before posting it.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12409923/1/Aura-s-Chosen-Continuation

[i want to see how I can improve!]

Well, to begin with, you might want to make sure you capitalize “I” consistently.

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. If you object to this, please take it to the thread instead of messaging me.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12410073/1/Hills-of-betray-mountains-of-love-new

Your title isn’t fully capitalized.

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[Ash is betrayed and raped]

Using rape for cheap drama continues to be really unnecessary and in bad taste.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[few hours later]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

This is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12410166/1/Pokextinction

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. If you object to this, please take it to the thread instead of messaging me.

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[It suited Him]

Errant capital.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, when you quote inside a quote, you use single quotes instead of double quotes; otherwise, the reader will be confused about where the dialogue ends. (If you quote inside a quote inside a quote, you go back to double quotes.)

[HALL OF ORIGINS]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

[In an empty space in a place far beyond human comprehension, the Alpha Pokemon Arceus himself stood in front of every legendary Pokemon currently known.]

This makes no sense. Arceus is not a god in anime canon, it’s just a powerful pokemon.

Having Deoxys attend is particularly bizarre. Deoxys has absolutely no connection to anything divine, it’s just an alien who showed up one day.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12410169/1/Challenges

[There is no rule stating that it shouldn’t be capitalized or not]

Yes there is. It’s called common noun rules. It’s also not “something small” – species names are frequently used as given names in this fandom, so capitalizing all instances of a species creates a lot of confusion.

[The other students at Trainer’s School]

And because people learn through osmosis, it bleeds into improper capitalization elsewhere, as you have just demonstrated.

[I even asked for a Ditto, just to please them! But then they pointed out I’d just transform it into an Arceus or something.]

…How? Ditto can only transform into pokemon they’ve seen. (Also, “an” Arceus?)

This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. Your protagonist has more personality than usual, but you haven’t even resolved the conflict you introduced in this chapter, getting a starter. If you have a plot, you should start there or at least get there in the first chapter; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12410277/1/Pokemon-Shining-Star

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. (Though if you do that, you should choose a different symbol for scene breaks.)

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. If you object to this, please take it to the thread instead of messaging me.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[Mom, dad]

When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

Well, that ended abruptly.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12410371/1/Adventures-of-Chance

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[red headed]

Compound adjectives need to be connected with a hyphen.

[She looked past Chance at the two women behind him, “Anna]

The same rules for dialogue apply when the narration comes before dialogue. The narration here doesn’t describe a speaking action, so it should end with a period.

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

[My Mom]

This shouldn’t be capitalized, though.

[Unova League..]

Ellipses are always three dots, never more or less.

[They waved and shouted goodbye to him one last time as the ship pulled out of port and began to make its way towards the Johto region.]

Uh… Unova is New York and Johto is Japan. If he’s traveling by boat, that’ll take a while.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12411031/1/Lucario-And-the-Great-Mystery

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. If you object to this, please take it to the thread instead of messaging me.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph.

[“I know,” replied the Lucario]

Woah wait pokemon can talk yet they’re still treated as property by humans? Why? This raises a lot of questions that potentially undermine the whole trainer dynamic. I’d recommend reading this for more explanation: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/142476358/1/Pokemon-Intelligence

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

[3 HOURS LATER]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

[Lucario walked up to the door. She wasn’t expecting him so he let himself in with his old key. He was supposed to see an empty beer can on the floor.]

what

So this is no longer Pokemon fanfic. Your characters are acting exactly like humans. Please don’t emboss serial numbers onto your original fiction and call it Pokemon fanfic, that just confuses people. Fictionpress or Archive of Our Own is where you should post original fiction.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12411034/1/Kalos-School-for-Pokemon-Trainers

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. If you object to this, please take it to the thread instead of messaging me.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Well, that cut off abruptly.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12411112/1/The-Legend-of-Ken

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[his father questioned back]

“Questioned” is what police do; it’s a synonym for “interrogated”, not “asked”.

[the now named Ken]

You’re not writing a story with an in-universe narrator, so this just looks bizarre.

You’re overusing unusual speech verbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever trendy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. If you object to this, please take it to the thread instead of messaging me.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12411159/1/Daybreak-Dawn-at-Starlight-High

This is not Pokemon fanfiction. Your characters are acting exactly like humans. If you want to write a slice-of-life high school story, that’s great, but please don’t emboss serial numbers on and claim it’s Pokemon fic, that’s really inconsiderate to the people who are searching for fanfiction. Original fiction goes on Fictionpress or Archive of Our Own.

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please check the thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

If you’re using horizontal lines to separate your author’s notes, you should use different symbols for scene breaks; otherwise, your notes look like part of the story.

[mom and dad]

When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

[“Er… Nice to meet you anyway. You must be Sunny, right?” questioned I]

“Questioned” is what police do; it’s a synonym for “interrogated”, not “asked”. Also, is there a reason you’re formatting all dialogue as “verbed I”? It’s rather awkward.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12411335/1/Omerta

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or police officer. Or black. Before you message me about this, please check the thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[and god, his eyes]

However, when referring to the Abrahamic God, it’s capitalized, as it’s his name.

[There stood a handsome man at 6’6″]

You don’t need to give heights down to the exact inch, no one will remember it by the next page and it’s not actually good for visualizing characters anyway.

[A smirk lied on his face]

You want “lay” here.

[the Jennies expressions]

This needs a possessive apostrophe.

[adding to the other 13 the officers had at the previous crimes.]

I think you dropped a word here.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Skip to toolbar