A fic where the trainer can talk to his partner pokemon, who calls him “Master”. But it’s totally not slavery! Other than that, very boring.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12515962/2/Golden-Oak-High
This is ridiculous. If your story is being held back by lack of submissions, that’s a sign that SYOC is a bad idea for it. If you just want to get the story moving, make your own OCs. Alternatively, you could actually explain what is unique and interesting about your setting. People can’t submit interesting OCs if they have nothing to engage with.
Regardless, you should not do this. Non-story chapters, including meta asides like these, are banned by the rules and guidelines of this site.
This chapter was literally the characters begging people to make more submissions, because the author hadn’t even gotten half the ones they needed. It was so bad there was actually another review that was even meaner than mine. Surprising no one, the author ended up deleting the story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11679068/1/Pokemon-Global-Tournament
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
So does this have a plot? Because stories need those. This isn’t a movie, where you can carry the work through visual spectacle alone, or a game, where you can carry it through interesting mechanics. This is literature, and literature needs a plot. A string of battles is not interesting to read or to write, especially in Pokemon where there are no meaningful consequences either way.
With that in mind, I don’t understand why you’re taking OCs at all. There doesn’t appear to be anything to engage with here; nothing that an OC can interact with in an interesting way. Why do you want detailed personality and backstory for this? Is there going to be a plot separate from the string of battles? If you plan to wing that plot based on interactions among the characters you get, this is going to be a mess, because you have no guarantee that the characters will be at all useable for that purpose. If you have a plot already planned, you need to tell people what it is so they can give you characters that are useable. Even if you just want to crowdsource pokemon teams, you are better off designing those yourself to create the most interesting setups and battles. Without tailoring any of the characters to the story and what you need, this is doomed to fail; you have too little control.
You should read this: fanfiction net /topic/11834/142912324/1/Stop-Asking-For-OCs
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12494805/6/Guardians
[“Okay, in her defense, I totally forgot that Queen was wandering around. I let her out to have some fun, and then I went to go eat. Sometimes I forget stuff when I have a snack.]
This is out of character for her, and I suppose I need to explain why since, in fairness, I wasn’t totally explicit about this in the submission: Kidra cares about Queen a lot and feels immense responsibility for her well-being and any damage she causes. She is very much aware that letting her out is a delicate balancing act, and she would never compromise it for such a petty reason.
(Unless she is lying and did in fact have a good reason for leaving Queen unattended, in which case, carry on.)
[“Yo, boss, I’m sorry, okay? I…” she hesitated for a split second, but then continued without further delay, “it wasn’t entirely her fault. Chill out!”]
This doesn’t make sense to me; it’s very clear that he’s blaming Kidra and not Queen, so I’m not sure why she feels the need to defend Queen.
[no emotion showing in her emerald orbs]
I strongly recommend against calling eyes “orbs”. It sounds extremely silly and forced, and makes the whole scene hard to take seriously.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12533672/1/A-Wild-Kecleon-Reviews
Non-story entries are banned on this site. This should go on a blog or forum thread.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12533676/1/Won-t-be-Nullified
[What if Gladion ran away for a darker reason, what if he wasn’t alone? this story starts seven years before the events of sun and moon. following three trainers through there journey that will take them across regions.]
The last two sentences here aren’t capitalized.
[Aether paradise]
All parts of a name are capitalized; this should be “Aether Paradise”.
[“What going on dad.”]
When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one. Also, this needs a comma before “Dad”, as it’s a direct address, and should probably end in a question mark.
You have many similar errors throughout, and it makes the story very hard to follow. I strongly recommend getting a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction. net /topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[“Please Lusamine think this though, this is your son and his only friend don’t risk there lives.” Wicke pleaded.]
Hm.
You know, canon portrays Wicke as a being of pure goodness and light, but if you look at her actions, that’s not really true. If she’s as important as she seems to be she had many, many opportunities stop Lusamine, but instead she just wrung her hands. Being sorta nice to abused kids doesn’t win you many points when you also passively enable that abuse.
The exact same thing is going on here. This is horrible. Any reasonable person looking at this would tell themselves that it is a moral imperative to stop Lusamine by any means possible, no matter the consequences. She’s not being restrained in any way here. She could tackle Lusamine, unplug the machines, administer an antidote, SOMETHING. But all she does is wring her hands about how this is bad but she can’t do anything? This is a betrayal. She is putting her own… what, job security? …above the kids’ very lives, and the fact she claims to care, to not be a totally heartless monster like Lusamine, makes that betrayal all the more awful. She let the kids trust her, then let them down when it really counted. She does not in any way deserve the kids’ trust or respect after this.
[It was the weirdest feeling, like I was getting stronger and weaker at the same time.]
Uh… what? Contradictory descriptions like this can be clever, but it’s a good idea to provide more detail as to what exactly you mean.
[“Kris?” he questioned.]
“Questioned” is what police do; it’s a synonym for “interrogated”, not “asked”.
[“Because sweet children you wanted to leave us, wanted to waste your time on the island challenges. So you are expendable.”]
??? Lusamine’s family doesn’t even seem to be native to Alola. I can see why Lusamine would be upset at her children going on a trainer journey, but there’s no reason for them to want to unless it’s to escape her grasp in the first place. And, honestly, this makes the story a whole lot weaker. In canon, Gladion’s escape was much more complicated – he put himself at risk to free Null, but he also abandoned his sister to a worse fate. There’s a lot of story fodder there. Gladion wanting to do the exact same thing every kid wants just because is a lot less interesting.
Ah, so finally Wicke actually does something useful. Still too little, too late, and really suspicious that she only helps them after the experiment succeeds. I suspect she has ulterior motives.
[Even pokemon in pokeball can commutate with others, normal human just couldn’t but I could understand pokemon now along with becoming one.]
So now that they know beyond a shadow of doubt that pokemon have human-level intelligence, are they going to treat them like people or are they going to stuff them in balls and make them fight for their own personal glory like every other trainer?
The ending is really bizarre and rambly; you switch to summarizing events rather than telling them, and dump a ton of information on us without explaining. If you just want to skip to them meeting their contacts, you can just do a scene break/timeskip.
Also, where is Lillie in all this? Why does she not factor into Gladion’s thoughts and motivations at all?
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12533752/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Serene-Unity
Read this: fanfiction net /topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please check the thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
[A down on his luck former trainer and his last companion Pokémon reminisce about the past and talk about the future until an earthquake shakes the mountain and leads to both of their untimely demises. Or at least they would have if a mysterious force didn’t arrive and save them both… in a manner of speaking.]
That’s… pretty vague. What’s special/interesting about this trainer? What is the nature of this mysterious force – is this a chosen one plot? What is this trainer actually going to do over the course of the plot? What is this story about, and why should we care? A summary should tell people why they should read the story.
[“Master,” the man heard a female voice say in his mind. “Where are we?”]
…So he can talk to pokemon and therefore knows without a shadow of doubt that they have human-level intelligence, but he’s still making them call him “master” and stuffing them in balls. Well, my sympathy for your protagonist just evaporated. I don’t care about how hard life is for a slaveowner.
[may Arceus rest her soul]
Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to just use “God”. It’s particularly bizarre to do this for Johto, which clearly has its own, separate religions. See here for more information: fanfiction | . | net/topic/11834/162324520/1/Pokeworld-Religion
[Black fur quickly spread across his body, covering him head to toe. His face elongated slightly, becoming a very short muzzle while his ears became larger. His entire body slimmed down, becoming daintier and sleeker in some places but wider and thicker in others. The bone structure changed in his feet, giving them a very animal-like look. His spine extended out, quickly covering in fur as well to become a tail. Two mounds of flesh ballooned out on his chest, quickly gaining a lot of mass until they easily D-sized. Finally, his former sex disappeared inside of him, leaving something else in its wake as his internal organs readjusted to serve a new purpose.]
What.
See, this is why summaries are important. People looking for a standard adventure story are not going to be happy when they find this is a fetish fic.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12533833/1/Redline-City
Read this: fanfiction ( d o t ) net /topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please check the thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
This is a little insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. You’ve introduced the main characters and the basic plot setup, but nothing has actually happened yet, so we have no idea what the greater plot will look like and what the story is really about. See here for more information: fanfiction(dot)net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12533923/1/Found-You
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
Read this: fanfiction net /topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please check the thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
Ellipses are always three dots, never more or less.
You seem to be implying this is the totem mimikyu, which doesn’t match up with canon – the game makes it clear that totem pokemon are different than the regular ones, and you can get an infinite number of mimikyu from the mall.
And I can’t help but find this sad. Mimikyu can talk, which implies they have a high level of intelligence; maybe not human level, but definitely higher than a regular animal. Stuffing that creature in a ball so it can fight for your own personal glory does not exactly strike me as a kind, loving home. Sure, the PC says she loves the mimikyu right now, but what if that changes? What if she gets bored? What if she makes a tactical decision to replace it with a better pokemon later? Is she going to let it go back home, or is she going to make it farm berries for her with other pokemon who hate it forever? This all seems very centered around the human – she wants the pokemon, she gets the pokemon. It’s very convenient that the pokemon agrees to come with her anyway, but she was never going to take no for an answer, was she? [Well, usually I’d be bringing out one of my Pokémon for a battle right about now,] is very telling. Her default tactic is to take what she wants by force. If she’s not going to give the same heart-to-heart to every other pokemon she meets, this rings really hollow.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12533978/1/Some-Dimensional-Help
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.
Having Arceus be literally the Judeo-Christian God is ridiculous and has no basis in canon. See here for more information: fanfiction (dot) net /topic/11834/162324520/1/Pokeworld-Religion
[“Speech” “Thought”
“Pokespeach” “telepathic speech”]
I guarantee you do not need this key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong. You also should never use bold for a standard action, as it’s too distracting in prose. I recommend using a different symbol for pokemon speech instead. And using quotes, even single quotes, for thoughts is confusing, because it makes it look like characters are talking out loud.
[(My POV)]
You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.
Generally, this is incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (dot) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12534012/1/Blink-of-an-Eye
Please make a more informative summary. Only giving the reader a vague, abstract summary open to many interpretations is very frustrating.
[and man with a hard brow, a narrowed brown stare held you before his face, turning your head with his thumb, studying your every detail before his face contorts to a sneer.]
Something went wrong with this sentence. You have dropped words and tense fluctuations, and it’s generally hard to parse. You have similar problems throughout, and it makes the story hard to follow. I recommend getting a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net /topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
Read this: fanfiction (d o t ) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please check the thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
I’m glad that this fic expresses an anti-puppymill stance, but…
[To a park, she’d brought you, and as you dozed against her side, you felt her move away, placing a soft cover over your form. With that came the whispered words, “I’m sorry, bud. You’re wild – this is where you belong, not cooped up in my little place.”]
Why does she believe this? Wild pokemon are caught and raised successfully by trainers all the time; it’s kind of the central premise of the franchise. There are conceivable reasons for why she might do this, but you’d need to explain them; her viewpoint is an extreme outlier compared to every other character in the franchise.
Regardless, this is sweet, and one of the few examples of these stories where the rescued pokemon becoming a battler feels justifiable.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12534408/1/Payback
[his sister was taken prisoner after he was brainwashed by Team Eclipse.]
Missing capital.
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
[Commander Shadow of Team Eclipse otherwise known as Ian were leading grunts towards a small village.]
This needs commas around “otherwise known as Ian”, as it’s an aside.
[If you were near the village you could smell smoke.]
Using the general you in third-person narration is extremely awkward.
[Ian held up his hand and the grunts scattered around the perimeter of the village]
Missing punctuation. Proofread.
Read this: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please check the thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
[Ian nodded to someone beside him and he spread a message. It was a message saying to begin the attack on the village.]
That second part seems pretty obvious. Simple, direct sentences like this make your prose feel really flat and sterile, which seems counterproductive to the tone you want for this scene.
[All of a sudden, from a house next to Ian there was a bang and a girl runs out]
The rest of the story is in past tense, so this should be as well.
[The girl kept coughing for a few seconds before she could breath]
You want “breathe”. “Breath” is the noun.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Not following this rule makes your story unreadable.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You’re making enough mistakes that I’d recommend you get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12534479/1/the-sensational-sister-are-finally-back
Capitalize your title properly.
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
Read this: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please check the thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12534689/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Big-Brother-Hosted-by-Pheromosa
[I am new to this community, and this is my first work. If I am successful and get the hang of how things are done on this website, I will make this a real series. I really hope I don’t crash and burn.]
This information should go in your author note. The summary is for telling the readers what the story is about.
You need more content than this.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12534736/1/horror-help
Non-story entries are banned on this site. This belongs in a forum thread.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12534776/1/So-Why-Were-You-Molesting-That-Dog
[A lucario was waiting at a bus stop, having finished grading the week’s homework early. He was wearing a black pair of dress pants and a white dress undershirt, with a black dress overcoat.]
Yeah, no. This is not Pokemon fanfiction. Your characters are acting exactly like humans. If you want to write a slice-of-life story, that’s great, but please don’t emboss serial numbers on and claim it’s Pokemon fic, that’s really inconsiderate to the people who are searching for fanfiction. Original fiction goes on Fictionpress or Archive of Our Own.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12534913/1/The-Legend-of-Team-Star
Read this: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please check the thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
Script format is banned on this site, and for good reason. You’re an author, not a screenwriter.
This is completely incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12534947/1/Cold-and-Lost-Glaceon-Transformation
[A young Scientist named Koraki just wanted to stay in her work for one night… She just needed to get away from it all… But… Unfortunately life had different plans for her… Or… Maybe someone instead…]
“Scientist” shouldn’t be capitalized here. Also, this is a really vague summary. You should make a more detailed one that actually explains what the plot is going to be about. Only giving the reader a vague, abstract summary open to many interpretations is very frustrating.
[I do not claim t own anything related to Pokèmon. It all belongs to Game Frank and Nintendo.]
Typo here, also it’s “Game Freak”.
[I’m an amateur when it comes to writing so please forgive me… My grammar is also horrible…]
There are many websites and guidebooks that can help you with grammar writing. Here is a good place to start: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/21887406/1/Writing-Guide-Part-One-Grammar
You can also get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
[((DevaintArt account: ))]
FFN doesn’t let you make external links, sorry. The best you can do is list your account name.
[((Fanfiction account: u/8030162/Lemon-Bird))]
And as you can see here, it even gets cranky about internal links. This is unnecessary, anyway, as stories always provide a link to the author’s profile at the top.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[My boss, Zircom was looking at me]
This needs a comma after “Zircom”.
[He had dark skin, with black hair, wearing a lab coat, tucked in this black pants, with a blue shirt underneath his coat… He also had these huge pair of googles covering his eyes.]
Opening the story with excessive physical description is an instant turnoff. This early on, you should stick to information that is immediately relevant. More minor details can come after readers have gotten invested.
You definitely need a beta reader. I’m having a lot of trouble following what’s going on.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12535097/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Begginings-Part-1
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.
[Hello all readers this is my first fan fiction so I hope you will enjoy it.]
Save this information for your author note. You have very limited space for the summary, and it should be used to make your story stand out from the crowd by explaining, in detail, what your story is about.
For instance, this…
[In this story follow a boy named Ash Ketchum in his journey to become a Pokémon Master. He will face challenges that he wouldn’t have imagined.]
…is not a very interesting summary. Are you just novelizing the anime? Thousands before you have tried and all have failed. The anime was not well known for its plot; without visuals, you’re not going to have much going for you. If you are diverging from the anime to do something original and unique, you should advertise that in your summary so people don’t just think this is a boring novelization and pass it over.
Read this: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please check the thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
[This boy whore a red jacket]
That is a very unfortunate typo. You want “wore”, and you might also want to get a beta reader.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Not following this rule makes your story unreadable.
When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12535164/1/Letter-to-a-Chaotic-Dad
[Giructus sent a letter to his father, Chatis the god Pokemon of chaos. Chatis may not be responsible unlike his sister, Arceus.]
This is original fiction. Post your fantasy pantheon story on Fictionpress, Archive of Our Own, or some other site that hosts original fiction. Cluttering up this already unreliable archive with original fiction is really inconsiderate to the people who are searching for fanfiction.
You also have some formatting weirdness going on here; all your lines are getting broken prematurely. This sometimes happens when you post directly from a word processing program. Preview your story before posting it.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12535520/1/Reciprocity
[Riley has just received her first Pokémon and is eager to set out on a journey of her own through the region of Muren. On her way, she’ll meet friends old and new, learn all about her home country – and stumble upon a few secrets along the way…]
Your story sounds indistinguishable from the quite literally thousands of stories just like it that have come and gone.
Look. Do you have a plot for this? The standard badge quest is not a plot. If you’re just trying to novelize the game, you’re going to peter out. If you do have a plot, you should advertise that up front instead of just a vague indication that there will eventually be some kind of plot maybe. Read this for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/143219856/1/Actually-Writing-an-OT-Fic-Part-1
[“Riley! You’ve got post!”
Rose’s voice called up the stairs]
It’s generally clearer if you pair speakers with their dialogue.
[a decently sized box with air mail stamps plastered across it above the address; Carrus Town.]
You want a full colon here, not a semicolon.
Read this: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please check the thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
[Coco chided]
[Riley whined]
[Rose said wryly]
[Riley said excitedly]
You’re overusing uncommon speech verbs and adverbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever fancy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.
This does do a fairly good job of accurately portraying a child’s behavior.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12533580/1/Our-Sakura-Tree
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12533026/1/Wrong-Pokemon
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.
Read this: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please check the thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12533101/1/Please-take-me-home
Your title isn’t fully capitalized.
Please make a more informative summary. Only giving the reader a vague, abstract summary open to many interpretations is very frustrating.
[Instead of living in harmony and cooperating with each other. Nothing but bloodshed came from the hundred years of war.]
These are sentence fragments. You should change the first period to a comma. You’re having many additional comma problems, and it makes the story hard to follow. I’d recommend getting a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup
[Crystals are only distributed to proper authorities and that its use had been banned to prevent inequality between Pokémon and man.]
That sounds a lot like a feudal setup, where the upper class hoards all the weapons and power for themselves. I’m also having trouble figuring out what the second half of this sentence is trying to say.
This looks so different from canon Pokemon that I don’t entirely understand the connection. I think this would make a lot more sense if you removed the pokemon names and published this as original fiction. The setup of humans battling alongside monster buddies has a lot more to do with other stories like Digimon than it does with Pokemon.
Why are you bolding all your dialogue? That’s really awkward and jarring.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12533390/1/Betrayed-But-Not-Broken
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.
[After coming in second in the Kalos League, Ash returns home to his old traveling companions who have turned their back on him. But does everyone feel that way or are there some who are willing to fight with Ash? Yeah ‘Betrayed’ fanfiction, I know sooo original. Maybe I can add something you haven’t seen before.]
If even you are pointing out how unoriginal your story is, that’s a bad sign. Why should we read your story, if we both know it’s not going to be anything new? “Maybe” isn’t encouraging – if you have an idea that sets you apart from the crowd, you should know what it is and you should advertise it up-front. That is, after all, the point of summaries. (It’s also fine if you just like betrayal fic regardless of how overdone it is, but in that case it seems counterproductive to make a jab at the genre.)
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
I do appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12533442/1/Poketeam
[A team of rebel pokemon.]
Please make an actual summary. Readers need to know what the story is about.
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
[Charmander walked into a large white building.]
Their name is literally “Charmander”? That makes as much sense as you being named “Human”. Yes, I know the Mystery Dungeon games do this. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s ridiculous and confusing. Your characters deserve actual names.
[Still thinking about what he had done.]
This is a sentence fragment.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Not following this rule makes your story unreadable.
This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. You need more content than this. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters