Today we have a male self-insert/gardevoir romance that manages to make the gardevoir the rapey one! Truly, it can always get worse.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12547019/1/The-Special-Gardevoir

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[Ryan just got a Gradevoir egg from his parents. After a Major battle she evolved into Gardevoir and she begins to have these feelings for her trainer and he starts having feelings about her. They want to help and protect each other but will their feelings get in the way?]

I’d be more concerned about the fact he owns her getting in the way. He has complete control over her mobility and physiological needs; she cannot meaningfully consent. This is all sorts of morally dubious.

[My Pokemon Journey had started 7 years ago]

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

Not capitalizing “I” makes me not want to read your story. Try harder.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12547517/1/The-Unorthodox-Way

[The road less traveled by. The unpopular one. Not many take these routes but the ones who do are the most mentally strong. They may not be at the start but after all the struggles they will be. Dax Rikki, is a young trainer on the route that his mother took.]

This is really jumbled. Are you not a native speaker? I strongly recommend getting a beta reader to help you with this. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[“…” says the beaten down trainer.]

This is a visual art convention that doesn’t work in prose.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

It’s nice to see a fic where the mom is the important parent, but you really need to put more effort into this. The amount of grammar errors you have here makes the story incomprehensible.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12547547/1/Umbra-Aeternam

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[You lose your life as a human, only to be given a second chance as a Pokémon. How you use this life is completely up to you. Dante has lived a hard life, never really knowing anything except loneliness. One day his luck changes and he receives an invitation to join a clan of others like him. Will this finally be his chance to live instead of survive? Read to find out (bad summary)]

If you know it’s bad, fix it instead of apologizing. You’ll never improve if you just resign yourself to self-deprecation. This is actually a perfectly decent summary.

[Your gonna have to bare with me]

You want “you’re” and “bear”. “Your” is the possessive and “bare” means naked.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. However, if you do this, you should probably use a different symbol for scene breaks.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[There before me was none other than Arceus itself, the literal god of the universe was right in front of me.]

That’s a bit of an overstatement. Arceus is one of many gods from one of many religions in the pokeworld, and it’s not prominent even in its home region. If Brahma appeared before you in a vision, would you be amazed at seeing the creator of the universe? Do you even recognize that name? Arceus is a dead god of a dead religion in one small region of one small country. Unless Dante is Sinnohan, he should not have any reason to even know Arceus exists, for the same reason you don’t know about obscure Japanese deities.

Seriously, religions other than Christianity exist. Don’t jump on the fandom bandwagon of shoehorning Arceus into what’s familiar to you. Other options are considered here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/162324520/1/Pokeworld-Religion

[Arcues told me]

Typo.

[I lifted my head to look at its beautiful form]

Uh, you really think it looks beautiful? I think it looks hideous, and I think that’s intentional. It very much looks like a distorted being that does not play by familiar laws of physics or anatomy, as is fitting for an elder god.

[it’s shining green eyes]

You want “its”. “It’s” always means “it is”.

[‘Rumors are rumors child, I do not know all, for my creations are too unpredictable to truly know everything.’]

What creations? Dialga and Palkia? Arceus barely created anything, it only made the foundations and then outsourced everything to the creation trio before going into a coma. And that’s IF it actually has any of the powers mythology attributes to it; Dialga and Palkia are the only ones with confirmed universe-destroying powers, and Arceus’ inaction during Cyrus’ scheme is mighty suspicious if you ask me. (Seriously, this isn’t Christianity.)

[‘What I do know child, is that you have been, what the humans call, dealt a bad hand in life. You have tried to play your cards right, but you knew it was pointless. That’s why I’m here, to offer you a second chance.’]

Does it also do this for the billions of other people who have suffered the same or even worse?

[“…Why?” I finally asked after working upon all the courage I could. It did its little eye smile and and asked me ‘Why not?’]

A new speaker requires a new paragraph.

[You are my child, and I care for all of my children.]

Just not enough to help them before they die, apparently. How are we supposed to read this? Is Arceus omnipotent like the Judeo-Christian God, or is this the limit of its powers?

[people and Pokémon]

Does he seriously still think pokemon aren’t people after becoming a pokemon himself?

[The Jolteon was probably male from the voice and the fact that it was slightly larger than a female.]

You are aware that in many animal species, the females are larger than the males? It’s really weird to bring human gender stereotypes into this; out sexual dimorphism is actually a major outlier in the animal kingdom.

[Its ok]

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

This is riddled with errors. It’s comprehensible, but you really need to proofread more thoroughly and/or get a beta reader to help you.

I really don’t see how transforming into a pokemon is a step up for a human. Dante is stronger, but he still has to live basically the same cutthroat life he had before. Is the idea supposed to be that he actually liked that kind of wild, uncivilized life, and just didn’t have the strength to succeed at it? Even still, he now runs the constant risk of being captured by a trainer and losing everything – you’re portraying pokemon as fully sapient in this, which makes them second-class citizens and training slavery. I know pokemon are cool and all, but it just doesn’t make much sense to sell this as an objective improvement in circumstances. I’d like to know what Arceus is playing at here.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12547701/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-Memories-Hunt

[The sharp blade mentally pierced through every vein inside my trembling body]

I’m sorry, but this sounds ridiculous. You’re trying way too hard. The phrase “mentally [verbed]” is just incredibly awkward and silly in general. Something like “I couldn’t help but imagine…” would work better.

You’re writing basic dialogue correctly, but you’re making some errors. Here’s the full explanation if you’re confused: Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Note that these rules remain constant even if the narration comes before the dialogue, so you shouldn’t end narration in a comma if it doesn’t describe what’s about to be said.

[Apple Woods]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

[Remedy happily exclaimed]

You’re overusing uncommon speech verbs and adverbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever fancy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.

[“Oh my Arceus!”]

Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to just use “God”. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/162324520/1/Pokeworld-Religion

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

Your prose is a bit disjointed and hard to follow. Are you not a native speaker? I recommend getting a beta reader to help you. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12547914/1/When-Smoke-Gets-In-Your-Eyes

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[It’s gonna be OK]

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12548022/1/Del-s-pokemon-Journey

Your title isn’t fully capitalized.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

This is incoherent. Try harder and get a beta reader. You can start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12548224/1/Triumphant

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

Non-story chapters are banned on this site. If you’re going to post a story, have some actual story content ready. This isn’t an advertising space. This should go in your author’s note above your first chapter.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12548289/1/A-Random-Fic

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12548785/1/My-Life-So-Far

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[(A/N: Uhm…)]

Including author’s notes in the middle of a story is always a terrible idea. Stories run on immersion and suspension of disbelief; interrupting the story and pointing to the wires shatters that, much like an actor breaking character in a theater production.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12548864/1/You-can-call-me-Red

Your title isn’t fully capitalized.

[What if I told you there was a man? A man born from our world? A man who surpassed geniuses, A man with unbreakable determination, A man who barely anyone knew, A man with red eyes and black hair, A man who woke up in the Pokémon world. And decided to rule it.]

I’d say he sounds like a Mary Sue.

[vote for harem in reviews]

Interactive stories are banned on this site precisely to prevent this kind of review-baiting. You can make polls on your profile or in the forum; do that instead.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[“…”]

This is a visual art convention that doesn’t work in prose.

[Police Sation]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration. Also, “station”. Spellcheck.

In general, this is only barely coherent. You need to read up on proper comma usage and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12548906/1/The-revenge-of-the-unwanted

Your title isn’t fully capitalized.

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[“(Italic)” not understood poke speech

“Italic” Aura speech

“Regular” human or understood pokemon speech

‘Bold’ thoughts

‘Italic’ pokemon thoughts

“Bold” moves

“Italic bold” moves told through Aura

~hi~ Flashback

“[phone call speech]” Phone call speech]

I guarantee you do not need this key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong.

[~Flashback to how this all started~]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

In general, this is only barely coherent. You need to read up on proper comma usage and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12548907/1/A-Rock-Hard-Passion

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Not following this rule makes your story unreadable.

[Flashback*]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12549085/1/Emeralds-Tale

Your title is missing an apostrophe.

Please make a more informative summary. Only giving the reader a vague, abstract summary open to many interpretations is very frustrating.

Titling the story itself looks kinda weird; the page title should suffice.

This is a mess. Try harder and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12548906/1/The-revenge-of-the-unwanted

Your title isn’t fully capitalized.

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[“(Italic)” not understood poke speech

“Italic” Aura speech

“Regular” human or understood pokemon speech

‘Bold’ thoughts

‘Italic’ pokemon thoughts

“Bold” moves

“Italic bold” moves told through Aura

~hi~ Flashback

“[phone call speech]” Phone call speech]

I guarantee you do not need this key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong.

[~Flashback to how this all started~]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

In general, this is only barely coherent. You need to read up on proper comma usage and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12548907/1/A-Rock-Hard-Passion

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Not following this rule makes your story unreadable.

[Flashback*]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12549085/1/Emeralds-Tale

Your title is missing an apostrophe.

Please make a more informative summary. Only giving the reader a vague, abstract summary open to many interpretations is very frustrating.

Titling the story itself looks kinda weird; the page title should suffice.

This is a mess. Try harder and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12549087/1/Pokemon-Platinum-The-Neckbeard-story

[As a note I’m using OpenOffice, so any tips on using it along with ‘s awful formatter will be appreciated.]

Switch to LibreOffice. The company that runs OpenOffice is dying and has repeatedly lagged behind on releasing crucial patches.

[Well alrighty then, this is my first serious story that I’m trying to write, so I hope it isn’t complete shit. This is more practice than anything serious, and since it is practice I want anyone that reads it to call me out on my shit if it don’t make sense or if it’s bad grammatically.]

Well for one thing, have you considered that your serious story might warrant a serious summary and title? People who browse through the archive aren’t going to see this author note, only your summary. You should make your summary an effective advertisement for your story. Right now it just looks like this is a lazy trollfic.

[Anther note is that I’ve changed things around to make them a bit more realistic, but not grimderp.]

“Another”. Any time someone claims to make a more “realistic” pokemon world I am filled with trepidation, but I will reserve judgment until the end.

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point. Also, no one will ever care what your character is eating for breakfast.

You have a lot of dropped characters throughout this. Possibly this is OpenOffice’s fault, but you still should have proofread more thoroughly. Always preview your story in the in-site editor before posting. Also, it’s “at least”, two words.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[There are documented cases of Aron’s]

Apostrophes are for possession, not plural.

[I wouldn’t mind meeting the Prof.]

This makes as much sense as saying you’re going to the Dr.’s. Titles must always be written out when they’re not appended to a name.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[and of course my “Trainer ID” otherwise known as my electronic banking card that can be used at a multitude of places as both an ID and a pay card, linked directly to my account.]

Hamhanded exposition is hamhanded. Do you think to yourself in detail what a driver’s license is every time you pick it up? In third person you can do this easily, but you have to work exposition in more naturally if you’re doing first person.

It’s cool that you’re making Sinnoh more authentically Japanese, but the name “Barry” sticks out like a sore thumb. You might want to use his Japanese name (Jun) if you’re giving Japanese names to everyone else.

[your Professor Rowan]

“You’re”. “Your” is the possessive.

[…Me saying “typical Japanese waif” isn’t me being racist by the way, or atleast not intentionally. Like, races of all kinds just have typical looks, and for the Japanese that’s short, with black or brown hair. Skin colors don’t matter, it’s just there’s this typical hair coloring and height that happens for all races.]

If you preemptively go off on long defensive tangents about how you’re not racist in your own internal monologue, you are probably racist.

So do you have a plot for this? Because the games do not have a plot. This is better written than most attempts, but if you’re just trying to novelize the game, you’re going to peter out, and the schtick you’ve chosen just makes the whole thing more tedious. Long sections of internal jabbering about nothing are really boring; I found myself thinking “get to the point” more than once throughout this chapter. Read this for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/143219856/1/Actually-Writing-an-OT-Fic-Part-1

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12549142/1/Our-Sweet-Romance

[A sad lonely boy meets a rich Gardevoir that turns his life arone for the better.]

“Around”. Spellcheck.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[Now it’s up to then]

Seriously, proofread. That I’ve already found two errors in your summary alone doesn’t bode well for your story. Get a beta reader if you can’t do it yourself. You can start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[{Rui’s Point of View}]

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

[for the past 9 years]

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

[(Alarm goes Off)]

Don’t do this. You’re an author, not a screenwriter. Events and sound effects should be described in prose.

[If I don’t finish, I’ll get a 99 in my english class and my parents will punish me.]

“English” should be capitalized, also this is absurdly over-the-top and impossible to take seriously.

[I turned my shower on, and can now inform you all on where I’m at in my life. My name is Rui Santos, I’m currently 14 years old, soon turning 15. I have slightly long spiky black straight hair with two bangs extending down to slightly cover my left eye. My eyes are a greenish hazel color, my skin is caucasian white. My mouth is slightly smaller than average, just like my hands. I have a slim build with thin arms but slightly broad shoulders. I stand at 5 foot 2 inches, 2 inches taller with my sneakers on.]

Opening the story with excessive physical description is an instant turnoff. This early on, you should stick to information that is immediately relevant. More minor details can come after readers have gotten invested. This is all the more awkward because you’re using first person, which means he’s literally thinking this. Why? Is he narrating this story to someone in-universe? Or do you normally describe yourself in your thoughts as part of your morning routine?

[Due to my academic endevores, the private school decided to waive all fees formy attendance.]

So he’s a misery sue, then. My sympathy is draining by the minute as I think of all the kids who are just as abused but don’t have the privilege of getting into their dream schools free of charge.

It’s also very impressive that someone that smart hasn’t figured out how to call child protective services.

[My dorm room is larger than normal with pure white walls, a full bathroom, kitchen and a deck to stand on. My room is on the 8th floor, overlooking the school’s gynassium and many fields for sports. The dorms are 17 floors high with about 100 rooms each floor. Floors 10 – 17 are large dorms with 4 or more students living in each. Floors 1 – 9 are more private rooms, and they’re generally easier to manage in. My bed is a Queen size with three plain white sheets and two fluffy white pillows. A brown wood carved drawer was placed in a corner near the deck’s glass doors. The kitchen had a small sink, dishwasher, oven, small fridge and three cabinets. A pink flower texture decorated the little bit of wall in the kitchen. My bathroom has a full sink, toilet, and bath big enough for 4 people.]

How in the world can the school afford to be this apallingly wasteful? You do know that single dorms in real colleges are extremely tiny, right? Even the most selective colleges want as many students as they can cram into their campus.

And once again, I’m losing sympathy for this selfish dick who’s hoarding a massive private suite all to himself. Has he considered how many other abused and downtrodden kids desperately want to go here but can’t because he won’t share this room that’s big enough for 4 people?

[As I waited in line, a gang of people/pokemon approached me.

One was a man human and leaned against the wall with one hand, “Hey look, it’s the conceited asswipe.”

A Nidoqueen shoved my left shoulder, pinning it against the brick wall behind me, “Aren’t you sweating in that shit!? At least take off the hoodie!”]

So pokemon aren’t people?

[I shuffled nervously, nodding, “…”]

This is a visual art convention that doesn’t work in prose.

[A male Weavile pulled my hood off, “There, now, onto business. You got our homework?”]

Is he not aware that he can get his bullies expelled for this?

[Audino sat on the bed, “Rui, you need to speak to someone. 3 years of silence is too long. You can trust me, I won’t tell anyone you spoke to me.”]

So they know he’s had selective mutism for three years, but have failed to give him a therapist before now because…?

[Her green hair moved with the wind slightly, along with the fabric around her cleavage. Her chest shard and C cup breasts wete confined tighyly by the school uniform.]

How does a social recluse identify cup size on sight. Why do you think describing women like industrial products is even remotely sexy. Why do you think making this the first thing your protagonist fixates on makes him look like anything but a creep who deserves to die alone. Why.

[She giggled, “Am I so beautiful you are at a loss of words.”

I blushed a bit more before looking down, “I… uh…”

She jumped down from the railing and tilted her head cutely at me, “Maybe you should tell me your name first. hee hee~”

I did my best to look away, “Rui…”

Silvia giggled cutely with a small cute smile, “Hee hee, you’re a shy boy aren’t you?”

I twiddled my fingers nervously, “I… yeah.”

She wrapped an arm around me, her right breast pushing against my arm, making me blush bright red as she said, “I’m new here, think you can tell me about this place?”

I looked down, “Well… I…”

A voice called out from the stairs, “Yo, Silvia, you up here? We gotta go, the counselor needs to show you to your dorm room.”

Silvia poured, “Aw, just when I thought we’d become good friends. Ohe well, bye bye Ray.”

I looked down sadly, “My name is Rui.”

She waved it off, giggling, “Whatever.”

I looked back at her to see a teasing wink as she left. I blushed still, my heart racing from such a wonderful interaction. I wasn’t sad anymore, that was a shock to me. Instead of questioning it, however, I decided to embrace it.]

Eugh. This reads like sexual harassment, right down to “it’s okay because he liked it”. I did not expect both sides of this relationship to be awful.

[everyone pretty much hates me. It’s not their fault, it’s my own for being so shy and yet, so smart that I get perfect grades.]

The vast majority of people, even teenagers, are not sadists who hate shy people on principle. If every single person he interacts with hates him, that’s a sign that something else is a problem.

[I shuffled nervously, “I’m not experienced with girls.”

Silvia shook her head, “Then I’ll give you some experience.”]

The fact that she was practically molesting him earlier makes this sound a lot skeevier than you probably intended.

Well, this whole thing is riddled with grammatical errors, a giant misery sue cliché, and skeevy as heck. It’s also not Pokemon fanfic. Your pokemon characters are indistinguishable from humans. If your characters bear no resemblance to the canon ones, and your setting has nothing to do with the canon one, then you shouldn’t be labeling this as fanfiction and doing so is inconsiderate to the people who are here for stories that actually engage with the setting. Publish this as original fiction on Archive of Our Own or Fictionpress.

I find it rather telling that the one fic where the gardevoir is the dominant one is the one where pokemon are equal citizens.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12549536/1/Pokemon-The-Kanto-Region

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[kanto]

Is a name, should be capitalized.

[Strong, Smart, and Aura Ash.]

Then he’s not Ash. If you hate Ash so much, it’s okay to just write about an OC. Insisting your OC is totally Ash is just really confusing, and inconsiderate to the people who are looking for stories that are actually about Ash.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[Also, I will accept OC’s.]

Here’s a bunch: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/128021680/1/Character-Bio-Thread

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12549186/1/Uninterested

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

[Trust me it’s not as stupid as it sounds. At least I hope it’s not. I hate writing summaries.]

Your readers will be the judge of whether or not it’s stupid. Saying this just makes you look desperate. And if you hate writing summaries, learn how to do them properly. All summaries have to do is describe your story in a way that captures peoples’ attention. If you hate talking about your story, maybe you need to rework your story.

[route eleven]

Is a name and should be capitalized.

[Despite my fascination with the dragons, I was much more interested in the people.]

The fact that a pokemon thinks that only humans are people is unbelievably sad.

[“That’s good” she sighed.]

You forgot the comma here. You have many similar minor errors throughout; you need to proofread more thoroughly.

[“Wait, before you go in, I guess I should probably give you a name, I mean, it’d be pretty boring just to call you zangoose all the time,” the girl said as she began to examine me a bit closer. It never occurred to me until then that I didn’t have a name. “Well you seem to have a lot of red on you, how about I call you ginger?” Even though I wasn’t entirely sure why that connection was significant, the name seemed to fit me.]

Why wouldn’t a social creature already have its own name?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12549442/1/The-Reunion-Pokemon-Indigo-League-fan-fiction

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Posting multiple chapters in the same document is against the rules of this site. The chaptering feature exists for a reason. Use it.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12549516/1/Oneshots-and-Drabbles

A drabble is a story consisting of exactly 100 words. It’s a writing exercise, not a word for any short story.

Unless you’re planning to write stories set in other canons, this belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

Centering all your text makes it difficult to read.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12549592/1/Return-to-Darkness

[A storm is coming to the world, an ancient forgotten evil has returned to bring back the world to darkness to shape it in its image of chaos. With the champion missing who will protect the world form the coming darkness?]

Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

Not using paragraphs makes me not want to read your story.

Posting multiple chapters in the same document is against the rules of this site. The chaptering feature exists for a reason. Use it.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12549554/1/Shining-Tales-Rise-of-a-New-World

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

Naming pokemon after their species makes as much sense as you being named “Human”. Yes, I know the Mystery Dungeon games do this. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s ridiculous and confusing. Your characters deserve actual names.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[Chapter One: Royal Duties]

Posting multiple chapters in the same document is against the rules of this site. The chaptering feature exists for a reason. Use it.

Even by the standards of AUs, this doesn’t really have anything to do with Pokemon. This is a fantasy adventure story where people have pokemon powers. If your characters bear no resemblance to the canon ones, and your setting has nothing to do with the canon one, then I don’t understand why you’re labeling this as fanfiction instead of original fiction. You’d be better off publishing this as original fiction with an “inspired by” label on the top.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12550379/1/Ice-Cream-Cake

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[the bluenette]

This sounds really awkward and you should probably use a different epithet.

[Dawn’s POV]

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.