A postgame fic about Lillie and Lusamine, an extra unhealthy N romance fic, and a fic that makes Leaf a nauseatingly stereotypical shrinking violet and then calls everyone sexist for ignoring her. Also, a whole lot of trainers screwing their pokemon.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12577758/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Legacy-Book-1

How many times have you reposted this now? Just update it in the story manager.

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[Prolougue.]

Spellcheck. Also, titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You need to learn how to use commas and stop capitalizing random words. Get a beta reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12574396/1/Travelers

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[In my version, Pokemon can talk to humans. It just makes everything easier.]

You’d think that but no, it just raises a lot more questions, like: why are humans okay with literally owning things that can talk? If pokemon are just animals, being owned by humans makes sense. If they are people, training is slavery.

[“Today was a great day, master,” Loui told Aaron. He always loved when Loui called him that. They weren’t in a relationship, but…Aaron would like to be.]

But perhaps that is your fetish, given you not only have the pokemon referring to his trainer as “master” but the trainer getting off on it. This still raises a looot of consent issues you might want to warn for.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12576886/1/Tales-From-Across-The-Ocean

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[It started out with when humans first came out of the bunkers and met Mew, the genetic ancestor of all Pokemon, and the Mew helped them rebuild their society and clean up the nuclear waste.]

And now pokemon are slaves to humans. No good deed goes unpunished, I see.

[Lusamine’s face turned serious. “Lillie… I know I sheltered you a lot as you grew up. But you ran off and became your own person anyways, despite my rage.” She smiled. “In hindsight, I’m pretty glad you did; it was good for both of us…”

She trailed off into thought, and Lillie reflected upon what had happened between them in the past year. She was certainly glad now that she had betrayed her mother’s trust and ran off with Nebby; things had improved between them remarkably in the long run. Lillie was much happier with this version of her mother than the one who said “I don’t have any children!” a few weeks back.]

This is really out of character for Lusamine. According to Wicke’s files, nihilego poison doesn’t fundamentally alter the person, it just removes their inhibitions. Lusamine was always a horrible person, she just used to be better at hiding it.

[“Anyways…” the brunette lady said, stopping suddenly and turning around. She seemed

to be trying to regain her composure.]

Errant line break here. You have a few others elsewhere. This happens sometimes when transferring from some word processor programs; you should preview your story before posting to catch these.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12577776/1/Honest-Trailer-Pokemon

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12577897/1/Red-Comes-Back

This is a mess. Try harder and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12577899/1/The-Truth

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

Non-story chapters are banned on this site. Put this elsewhere.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12577976/1/In-Which-Lucas-Has-News

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[BAD TITLE IS BAD]

It’s fine, actually, but if you think it’s bad, you should fix it instead of drawing attention to it.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[Dawn was known by many the trustworthy girl around Sandgem Town]

Dropped a word.

[Twinleaf town]

All parts of a name are capitalized, so this should be “Twinleaf Town”.

This is a cute subversion of a cliché setup.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12578112/1/All-The-Lies-That-s-Been-Said

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[Warnings: Various triggers.]

That’s a useless warning; triggers are very specific.

This one had a note complaining about lack of reviews.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12578133/1/Costumed-Beauty-The-No-Insubordination-Badge-Lucario-TF

[My First Real TF pic.]

You probably shouldn’t be giving fetish fic a PG rating.

[There’s an Old Costume store]

“Old costume” shouldn’t be capitalized.

[as brown as an otters fur.]

Missing apostrophe.

[But physical appearances were the least of his worries, right now he was here at the “Costume Beauty” to apply for a job.]

This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition.

[Soon that minute became 5.]

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[Mathew sighed, “It’s ok.]

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

[“So what’s the first step on putting this baby on?” Matthew questioned?

smiled.]

Something went wrong here. Preview your story before posting it.

Also, “questioned” is what police do; it’s a synonym for “interrogated”, not “asked”.

This has a lot of errors that make the story hard to follow. I strongly recommend getting a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12578196/1/Left-Alone

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

(This also applies to seasons, by the way.)

[“ok then, thanks for letting me know”]

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

[Me, leaving the building immediately to set off on my first adventure with my Premier Ball hat perched lightly on my head, while both of them stayed behind to settle scores with the first battle of their lives. Bulbasaur settling into my arms as we waited for them to conclude their fight. Blue poking fun at me like he always did, this time for holding too much sentimental value in all of us leaving together, as Red watched on silently.]

[Blue insisting that I watch despite me not having any interest in battling]

[Me declining the offer of training with Bulbasaur and claiming that I only wished to see the world with a companion I’d never forget and my two oldest friends.]

[I remember it. I remember waiting outside the badge gates, barely able to hold all my emotions in. I remember clutching Bulbasaur close to my chest. I remember I began feeling something that caused all my next moves to occur. I remember it was irrational, but that’s what emotions are, after all.

I remember the sudden anger that encased my entire body, how the shadow that had been lying in wait at the back of my head surrounded me and took control of my movements, and without even thinking I ran through the first badge badge gate. I remember how I read the sign saying that anyone who tried to pass through the gates would be assumed as a trespasser. I remember disregarding it in the heat of the moment.]

So… while I like the idea of this fic, this really seems to just be reinforcing gender essentialism. Why did the boys leave the girl behind? Well, because the girl was a mousey hysterical weakling who didn’t share their interests, apparently. That’s not unreasonable, their desires were fundamentally incompatible. Like, why does this come as such a shock to her? Did they not even talk about what they wanted out of the journey or even their interests in general beforehand? That level of miscommunication speaks to a much deeper problem that started long before this. This looks to me like members of a small town becoming friends not because they genuinely like each other but because they have no one else. There’s tragedy here but it really seemed inevitable. I’d say the real solution here is for her to let go of her toxic friends and move on to people who really appreciate her, now that she has access to the larger world.

Quite frankly, you’re kind of responsible for the sexism here. Of course no one would remember someone who was such a stereotypical shrinking violet and did nothing noteworthy. But that’s not who Leaf is. Leaf is a valid alternative to Red; she is just as much a player character and just as capable of all the same feats, up to and including becoming champion.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12578222/1/Fight-Their-Love

Even leaving aside the fact that a story that is mostly “*Static*” is terrible writing, wow is this victim-blamey. Why exactly do you think generic milquetoast teenagers are so irresistible?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12578566/1/Golden-Days

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[efeat appeared inevitable, as the inferno made its way towards the Ampharos, melting the ground above it, at a speed so quick that dodging wasn’t an option. However, the opposing trainer didn’t look worried in the slightest. A small glint appeared in his eyes as he raised his wrist, a bracelet with another mysterious stone inside it, not unlike the one on Ampharos.

“Ampharos, mega evolve and use Protect!”]

Oh come on. The attack is too fast to dodge, but slow enough for not only a mega evolution but a move execution as well?

[“Charizard is unable to battle, Ampharos is the winner!” The referee declared,]

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[What was that strange form that the Ampharos took and what did the bracelet and stone have to do with it? How could it make Ampharos as powerful as Lance’s Dragonite?]

Asking questions your readers already know the answer to is a waste of time. Everyone reading this is familiar with the source material, that’s kind of the point of fanfiction. Get to the point.

Relatedly, opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.

[“Okay mom!”]

When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

So do you have a plot for this? The standard badge quest is not a plot. If you’re just trying to novelize the game, you’re going to peter out. Read this for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/143219856/1/Actually-Writing-an-OT-Fic-Part-1

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12577927/1/The-Asterin-Region-Episode-1

[No one knows how or why but late at night something happened. When people woke up the next day to see their pokemon, they were shocked to see they turned to anthropomorphic people-like pokemon. It seemed to only happen in the Asterin Region as the Sinnoh, Unova, Kanto and more reported no change in any pokemon. Because of this, the government decided on a movement to help the pokemon into society which started with stopping pokeball production. People in Derine city were upset by this as pokeballs were their main industry making them dislike Anthro pokemon. They also imposed on an ‘Anti-battling’ act which made any person who was battling pokemon arrestable without a warrant. The pokemon had only changed anthropomorphically in appearance, they could still use moves they learned and could even evolve. The government also enforced a policy on pokemon where they could only use their moves for defense. Violation of this policy could result in anything from community service to jail time, depending on how powerful the move was.]

Wow, a poke-screwing fic where humans treat pokemon like people. I am shocked.

However, non-story chapters are banned on this site. At the very least, you should have uploaded an actual chapter along with this bit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12579155/1/A-Classic-Hoenn-Tale

[A different approach to the Hoenn Region.]

That approach being…? Your summary should tell readers what your story is actually about.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or region. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

So do you have a plot for this? The standard badge quest is not a plot. If you’re just trying to novelize the game, you’re going to peter out. Read this for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/143219856/1/Actually-Writing-an-OT-Fic-Part-1

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12578791/1/Blazing-Passion

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[Regardless of transportation, he loves his home]

The rest of the story is in past tense, so this should be as well.

[A Trainer and his Pokemon have been drifting apart. What can save their relationship?]

See, the issue here is that this isn’t an equal relationship. The trainer literally owns his pokemon. The pokemon can’t say no. This just looks like Stockholm syndrome.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12579132/1/Pieces-of-the-Mind

[Afraid and confused, a boy awakes to a form not his own. Join him as he tries to solve the mystery of what happened to him, make unusual friends and adjust to his new life or the opposite!. Unknowingly being watched at every point and turn!.]

Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

This is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12579167/1/The-Journey-of-Truth

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[Hello, my name is Red. I am a ten year old boy from Pallet town. I am the hansomest boy on the block with my leek spiky black hair, and light coco skin. My eyes are carmel and have an odd red glow to them. I were a black leather jacket, a with t-shirt and blue jeans. I own a Bulbasaur that is named Bulbifire, because it always beets Blue’s Charmander Flame. Of course I haven’t started my journey yet, as I only just turned ten.]

This is first-person, which means he is either telling this to someone or literally thinking it. That means you have to ask yourself if his narration sounds like something someone would actually say. Do you start your day by narrating your appearance and life story to yourself? It might be better if you just wrote in third person. This thread has advice on the subject: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/143126539/1/POV-and-You

This is full of typos, and generally incoherent. You need try harder and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12579443/1/The-Three-Ketchums

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

If your author’s note is as long as your chapter, that’s a sign your chapter needs to be longer. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

[I have decided to have Serena and Misty be the mothers of two of the children, but I need a third.

If you have an idea who the third woman should be, leaving a review with the following information.

The woman’s name

Why she would work out

1 to 3 Pokémon the child has on them

Maybe the children’s dream]

Look, you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right. You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess. You can learn all about this at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142912324/1/Stop-Asking-For-OCs

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12579659/1/Forbidden-Love

[Zane Ashtin is now a Pokemon trainer and is ready to embark on a new journey. But along the way Ashtin falls in love with a Braixen named Ruby. Ashtin must go through others’ judgement and be brave to speak out into the world. He must speak out and say that there is more to life then meets the eye. What kind of obstacles? You will just have to read and find out!]

Or you could tell us what your story is about, because that’s the purpose of summaries. Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[(POV)

(Thought)

(Speech)

(Location)]

I guarantee you do not need this key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong. I also strongly advise against using bold for standard actions in prose, as bold is extremely distracting. Italics is standard for thoughts. Furthermore, you don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

[(?Dream?)]

This is jarring, and especially pointless when you’re keeping the location a mystery. This isn’t a video game. In prose, it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

[I open my eyes and I was sitting in a pitch black room. I didn’t notice I was sitting in a corner until I tried to walk. I had my legs to my chest. When I tried to get up I couldn’t move a muscle. I was immobilized or paralyzed I couldn’t even move my foot. Then some lights flicker on and a fennekin was standing in front of me. Then the old florescent lights flicker again and the fennekin was missing and instead a Braixen stood in front of me and then slowly walked towards me and whispered something into my ear and then gave me a peck on the cheek.]

This is incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

Anyway. This kind of love is “forbidden” for a reason. Pokemon are literally owned by their trainers. Screwing someone you literally own is rape. Unless you put in the effort to show that he truly does treat her has an equal and has no hold over her, the other characters have perfectly good reasons to oppose their relationship.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12580300/1/Awakened-Emotions

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[Pokemon and people are better off separated.]

The rest of your story is in past tense, so this should be as well.

Also, N would never think this. He always says “humans and pokemon”. This is because he believes pokemon are people, unlike everyone else.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[Although she wanted to win this battle and prove Pokemon and people should be able to be together, she felt horrible for N. She had watched the heartbreaking scene unfold where N held his beaten up Zoroark close with tears glistening in his cloudy blue eyes, and she felt her heart break for this boy too. She thought he was such a kind motivated individual who truly loved Pokemon and White would have loved to be friends with N if their situation had not been so complicated. If they hadn’t been pitted against each other in a deciding battle, she thinks she would have been able to be great friends wit him.]

And none of this makes her wonder if he’s right, not even a little? Why is N the only one whose ideals need to be questioned? Why does understanding other points of view have to be a one-way street?

Using bold for thoughts is really distracting. Italics are standard.

[“You’re my last friend… Do your best, Reshiram!” He tosses his final Pokeball into the field.]

Wait, what? The dragon goes first. This is, again, a reflection of N’s character. It’s the dragons’ battle that really matters. If he really cares about his pokemon and really hates battling, why would he use them as cannon fodder?

[“YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT!” Ghetsis punches N in the face, and N still continues to stare at the floor, like the punch hadn’t even happened. White gasps and doesn’t know how to remedy the situation. Ghetsis growled, not liking his punch going unnoticed, even though N’s jaw was quickly growing red from it. “YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A FAILURE. I SHOULD HAVE JUST LEFT YOU ON THE STREETS LIKE THE GARBAGE YOU ARE!” Ghetsis averts his furious gaze over to White, who is shaking in terror from the horrible man. “YOU LET THIS LITTLE BITCH BEAT YOU? I’LL BEAT HER AND PUT THIS WHORE IN HER PLACE!”]

Gratuitous misogyny is gratuitous. This is doubly frustrating when Ghetsis’ canon speech is much more relevant to this whole issue. I strongly recommend reading it again and really paying attention to what he says about N.

[He barks out several more orders and in a few moments all of Team Plasma had evacuated the crumbling castle, leaving no one except for White and N.]

…And White just lets him get away?

[White feels so bad for N. To her, he seemed like a wilted rose. He was beautiful, his love for Pokemon motivating his actions. He had his heart in the right place, he truly did care about Pokemon. He just wasn’t raised in the right way, he had been tricked and lied to by Ghetsis. Everything was Ghetsis’s fault. She wanted to be the one to tend to the wilted rose. She wanted the wilted rose to bloom for the first time so that it could thrive like it was supposed to. N deserved happiness.]

I know you think this sounds romantic, but it’s really not. This is literal objectification. She’s putting him on a pedestal and forcing him into a romantic cliché to support her own ego. That’s not a healthy basis for a relationship. She should love him for who he is, not for how he’s broken and she can fix him.

[I don’t agree with complete separation, but I also hate it when trainers abuse their Pokemon and I want to fix it.]

And she has expressed this by… doing absolutely nothing to change the status quo that permits those abuses. She needs to put her money where her mouth is for this to have any weight.

[I respect how much you care for Pokemon…]

Yes, so much she totally crushed his pokemon and his dreams instead of just, you know, talking about it? There’s leeway to argue N was closing himself off in canon, but your version seems very much willing to talk. White could probably have shut this down a lot earlier if she was truly willing to compromise.

[even though father always said I was a freak with no heart]

When a title (such as “mother” or “father”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

Also, he didn’t say N had *no* heart. Seriously, read the speech again, it’s important.

[Full Pokemon separation isn’t the answer… I am selfish. I assumed the feelings of all Pokemon.]

If literally every pokemon he came across felt tormented until White, that’s a very reasonable assumption. And it might still be.

[And that is why I lost, and White won.]

I’m pretty sure he lost because White had stronger pokemon. Even taking the myth at face value, I’m pretty sure the dragons are empowered by the strength of their convictions, not the objective truth.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12580757/1/New-Generation

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[Misty:17

Gary: 17

Ash: 18

Tracey:20]

Misty is older than Ash. This information is also unnecessary unless it’s directly relevant to the story, in which case it should come up naturally.

[“Wow, like geez Misty, take it easy,” Daisy reached into her back pocket]

You’re generally writing dialogue correctly, but when narration doesn’t contain a speech verb (i.e. it doesn’t describe what’s being said), it’s a separate sentence and is punctuated accordingly. So this should be [“Wow, like geez Misty, take it easy.” Daisy reached into her back pocket].

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12580780/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Furano-Adventure

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[Ash has just arrived in a new region where he meets new friends and discovers new places. Join him as he ventures throughout the Furano region!]

Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

[Sorry about using bold, it might get confusing..]

If you know it’s a problem, fix it instead of apologizing. You shouldn’t be using bold for narration anyway.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Not following this rule makes your story unreadable.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12580893/1/Pokemon-explorers-of-magic-Bisharps-Guild-of-magic

Your title isn’t fully capitalized.

This is a mess of problems, and your summary appears to have been cut off. I strongly recommend reading this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/21887406/1/Writing-Guide-Part-One-Grammar

and enlisting a beta reader from this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

This one got preempted by someone telling the author to block Farla, but they didn’t mention me! Alas, I have not yet usurped her.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12580142/1/Entwined-Destinies

You need to learn how to use commas. This is full of run-on sentences.

[Ontop of a nearby hill]

You want “on top”, two words.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

The only thing more annoying than a story following the game journey to the letter is one that insists there will totally be a real plot in 20 chapters if you ever get to it, maybe. The game’s plot is mostly just a set of gameplay challenges and is therefore not interesting as a narrative. If you’re going to diverge from it, start there. You’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12581000/1/Western-Crime-Wave

[When it works out, you’re payday is grand.]

You want “your”. “You’re” means “you are”.

[Chains’ POV]

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

[“It’s times like these where I wonder what it’d be like to not rob others like this… To have a normal life. But those times are gone. I’m not the homeless and carefree child I use to be. It’ll take more than just memories and thought to crack me.” I mumbled]

What kind of criminal breaks out in soliloquies during a heist?

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or sheriff. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[I scoffed at the fact that I probably broke a few ribs and strides over to the opening that lead to my hard earned prize.]

The rest of the story is in past tense, so this should be as well.

[letting my nearby carriage know that I’m ready to toss out prize over and hop on]

Toss it out with what? Umbreon don’t have opposable thumbs.

What does this have to do with Pokemon? All your characters are acting exactly like humans with magic powers. This is a low fantasy western, not a story about pokemon. You should publish this on Fictionpress or Archive of Our Own with an “inspired by” label.