A kid who can talk to pokemon feels such a kinship with them he feels more human than pokemon but still decides to beat them up for personal glory, because people are terrible.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12581493/1/fire-red-the-fanfiction

Your title needs to be capitalized.

[red, yellow, leaf, blue, and serena go on a pokemon journey, there will be lemons.]

Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[(yeah, I know thats from the anime.)]

Including author’s notes in the middle of a story is always a terrible idea. Stories run on immersion and suspension of disbelief; interrupting the story and pointing to the wires shatters that, much like an actor breaking character in a theater production.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Generally, this is a mess. You need to try harder and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12581515/1/The-Lost-Lover

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

[I looked out into the open plains the sun coming up to signal it was almost daytime.]

This is a breathless sentence. You need a comma after “plains”, or some other transition.

[Your be back in no time]

“You’ll”

Generally, you’re making a lot of minor grammar errors. While they don’t render the story unreadable, they’re still distracting. I recommend reading up on comma usage and sentence structure, and proofreading more thoroughly. You have a lot of dropped words and typos.

[The flowers were starting to bloom, signaling that all females would soon go into heat. Making my experience much better.]

It makes no sense for him to think this. Animals with mating cycles have no sex drive during normal periods.

[“Ok, but I want you to come with me, if they want me to leave I ain’t coming back.”]

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

Also, she just said she didn’t want to leave and that she’d be sad for the rest of her life if she did. If he’s so determined to ruin her life so he can have a pretty trophy, this guy is a callous, abusive monster and this totally fails at being a meaningful romance.

This is rather insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. This introduced us to the main character but didn’t do much else. What’s the story going to be about? Your summary shouldn’t tell us more about the story than the first chapter. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12581727/1/Lack-of-sleep

Your title isn’t fully capitalized.

[Sorry if the characters are OOC]

I wouldn’t worry. The game protagonists have no personality, so it’s kind of hard to write them OOC.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[‘Good morning, Crystal,’ Professor Oak smiled]

You’re generally formatting dialogue correctly, but when the narration doesn’t describe what’s being said (i.e. the verb doesn’t have to do with speaking), it’s a separate sentence and is punctuated accordingly. So this should be [‘Good morning, Crystal.’ Professor Oak smiled].

[The professor looked unsure, but before he could say anything, his

grandson appeared at the doorway.]

You have a horizontal line between these. Something must have gone wrong in the editor; you should preview your story to catch these problems.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12581831/1/The-Life-of-a-Cockroach

Centering all your text makes it difficult to read.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[A nuclear apocalypse destroys what was once the beautiful islands of Alola and now, with only Pheromosa as the only unharmed Pokémon survivor for the next 200 years and beyond, she intends to do everything she can to revive all of the islands on her own… but she’s not alone…]

This is really hard to parse. You need to slow down, break up your sentences, and focus on what information you want to convey.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[Alola is a beautiful region to begin with. It’s got all the paradise and splendor you would expect from any exotic island and seeing many Pokémon and humans interacting together just warms up my heart the most, even though there’s a slim chance of me having one.]

Why would an ultra beast share our concepts of beauty and paradise? Their world is toxic to humans and it’s implied our world is uncomfortable to them too. Pheromosa in particular finds the world disgusting, according to the pokedex entries.

It might be a better idea to just start the story after the apocalypse (i.e. make your current second chapter your first chapter). Opening the story with a background infodump is kind of boring. It’s good to get to the plot and action as soon as possible. It doesn’t look like these background details will matter too much, and if they will, they can be mentioned in narration or flashbacks as they become relevant. I’d recommend reading this for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12582092/1/Cinque-Diece-Venti

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12582112/1/Do-It-the-Con-Way

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

Please make a more informative summary. Only giving the reader a vague, abstract summary open to many interpretations is very frustrating.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[Then I’ll be the unbeatable”— he flashed his glasses— “Max.”]

I’m very impressed you know how to format this, though.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12582140/1/The-Dark-Steel-Sketchbook-Parody-s

You want “Parodies”. You don’t need an apostrophe for plurals.

[Each chapter will be its own individual story, unless stated .]

Dropped a word here, I think.

[‘So much for peace and quiet,’ thought Steven]

Using quotes, even single quotes, for thoughts is confusing, because it makes it look like characters are talking out loud.

[the other Champions]

You’re generally good at not capitalizing game terms, but this shouldn’t be capitalized either (it’s not a proper noun).

[for the love of Arceus]

Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to just use “God”. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/162324520/1/Pokeworld-Religion

[What the Regigigas]

This is even worse. Please, read your dialogue out loud to see if it sounds like something someone would actually say.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12582529/1/A-Vacation-Encounter

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[“Herdier, Odor Sleuth!”

Herdier appeared in a flash of white light, her nose glowing green as she lifted her head up and pointed her snout towards the ocean. The area in front of her glowed with a yellow light as two levitating figures, a small pink one and a larger purple one, faded into view.]

That’s… obviously a visual shorthand and not how Odor Sleuth actually works. The entire point is that it tracks scent, not any other sense. You’d probably need a supernatural technique like Miracle Eye to dispel a psychic illusion.

[Mewtwo complained, conveying their thoughts to Mew]

Oh, genderless Mewtwo! That’s nice to see. It gets tiring to see people tack genders on all the legendaries after a while.

[No, Mewtwo communicated decisively.]

That sounds really awkward. You’re overusing adverbs and uncommon speech verbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever fancy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.

This is cute.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12582662/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Masuhiro-s-Journey

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[So follow his journey with his younger sister Rimu & later on, Takara who is going after the badges & other trainer’s the trio will run into. Also they will run into Masuhiro’s Friends to]

This is a run-on sentence and generally a mess. You should use “and” instead of &, and you need to slow down, break up your sentences, and focus on conveying information clearly. Your summary also appears to have been cut off.

Script format is banned on this site, and for good reason. You’re an author, not a screenwriter.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12581110/1/11-idiots-play-slender-man-a-youtube-parody

Script format is banned on this site, and for good reason. You’re an author, not a screenwriter.

Not using capital letters makes me not want to read your story. Try harder.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12582921/1/Catalyst-of-Distant-Worlds

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[its up to Ash]

Typo.

Your summary is cut off.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[Pidgey`s]

You want to use ‘, not `. This symbol has wide spacing and looks very awkward.

[“Dammit, now Mom is going to be all upset when she sees that I`m wounded,” Ash thought to himself]

Using quotes, even single quotes, for thoughts is confusing, because it makes it look like characters are talking out loud.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12582949/1/A-Guardians-Call

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Not following this rule makes your story unreadable.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12582994/1/Tranquility

[After meeting a Kirlia in a forest, Will and her begin to bond. They face the world’s challenges together and formal an unbreakable bond. Expect action, adventure, romance, and lemon. This story will eventually contain darker content, so don’t read it if you don’t want to hear it.]

Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[you could hear the wind rustle the leaves]

Using the general you in third-person sounds extremely awkward. I’d recommend rewriting this.

[He put it behind him though, it was late and he had to get home]

This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition.

[tying the bears bear-like Pokémon to a tree]

I think something went wrong with this sentence.

[it’s face]

You want “its”. “It’s” always means “it is”.

[It had no effect, but it saved the Kirlia’s life]

Then it obviously did have an effect. Think about what you’re saying. Even if it didn’t hurt the ursaring at all, it must have distracted it or something to give the kirila an opening.

[“Uh..”]

Ellipses are always three dots, never more or less.

You should probably use some marker to distinguish telepathy from narration. Italics, like you use for thoughts, are standard.

[“Sure…. Umm… what’s your name?”

Oh sorry, I’m Miranda, a Kirl… well I’m a Gardevoir now I guess]

I’m very impressed you had the wherewithal to give pokemon their own names. It’s truly distressing how few authors do that.

However, all sentences need to end in punctuation, not just some of them.

[She didn’t know why, though she assumed that becoming a Gardevoir made her a bit more attracted to males, even human ones.]

Uh, why? Are you attracted to monkeys? It makes no logical sense for something to be attracted to another species under normal circumstances.

This is really awkwardly written. The beginning is written like a summary, not a story – it’s just a dry and clinical list of information. That tends to bore and disengage readers. Then the conversation is essentially script format – you only break from the dialogue to describe simple, immediate actions. This makes it feel like time has paused and the world has faded into a void while they’re talking. It’s more engaging when characters don’t take up a ton of space doing nothing but talk.

In general, I recommend getting a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12583039/1/A-Group-of-Friends

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Not using paragraphs makes me not want to read your story. Put a bare minimum of effort into making your story comprehensible.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12583417/1/I-Choose-You-The-Reawakening-a-Pok%C3%A9mon-story

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[The Pokémon world! A world teaming with the most amazing creatures imaginable! Populating the land, the sea and the air! Wherever you may find yourself, Pokémon will be there too! Including the Kanto region’s Pallet Town, home to this young man: Eighteen-year-old Ash Ketchum! A Pokémon Trainer, hoping to one day become a Pokémon Master!]

You really don’t need to reiterate the anime opening. Everyone reading this is already familiar with the source.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[Flashback/]

This is jarring; it’s better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12583480/1/The-Selfish-Giant

A drabble is a story consisting of exactly 100 words. It’s a writing exercise, not a word for any short story.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. Although, if you do this, you should probably use a different marker for scene transitions.

[The night was cold, a bitter wind chilling the bodies of those dressed for the usual tropical weather of Alola, yet the numbness one girl felt wasn’t from the temperature.]

This sounds awkward (it feels like a run-on), and is a little melodramatic as an opening line, as we have no context for what warrants such dramatic language.

[Their emotions could not be more opposite.]

Same with this.

[Her chest was heaving up and down rapidly, hearing her own heartbeat hammering in her ears.]

Something seems to have gone wrong with this sentence – this is saying that her chest is the thing hearing her heartbeat.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[Without much thought, Lillie immediately went to wiping the droplets off of the trainer’s face with her thumbs; fingers and palms cupping her face.]

That semicolon should be a comma. As a general rule of thumb, you should be able to replace semicolons with periods and still have the resulting sentences make sense; for instance, what I’m doing here.

[“I’m sorry…” She muttered]

“She” shouldn’t be capitalized here.

I’m really confused by this. So in this universe, did Lillie never leave at all? That just makes me wonder why she didn’t, as she had multiple strong reasons for leaving. It’s also a little weird to see them being so intimate, since they’re 11 in canon and you make no mention of them being aged up in this.

Generally, your writing is also a bit too ornate. Describing things too thoroughly can make the story lose momentum, and diminishes the effect. Sometimes less is more, and that’s especially true for thoughts and emotions. Think about your own life experiences – flashes of emotion are so short and irrational that you don’t usually have time to stop and think about them, especially if you’re having a lot of emotions at once.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12583561/1/Gold-Silver-and-Crystal-Prologue

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

[This story is a recounting of my recent playthrough of Pokemon Heartgold, however, I have deviated from the main plot and have added several non-canonical events for the benefit of the story]

And those events are…? Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your story about? What makes it different from the literally thousands of stories with the exact same premise?

And indeed, your first chapter is nothing but recounting the very beginning of the game with no hints of a plot in sight, just like every other novelization that claims to totally have a mindblowing plot just around the corner.

This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. The games do not have a plot. If you have your own, you need to start there or at least get there within the first chapter; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12583617/1/Straight-out-of-Sinnoh-Book-1-Kanto

[Sinnoh a region where many a trainer start their journey.]

Missing comma. You have similar mistakes throughout; I recommend reading up on proper comma usage.

[One trainer chooses to start further away, begin somewhere apart from his home. This choice starts an incredible journey within the region of Kanto. However, not all is so bright and happy, creatures of the dark and beings of the light each worsen the world as more and more eyes land on him.]

Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

[people and pokémon]

So this guy still doesn’t think pokemon are people even though they can understand them? That’s pretty messed up.

[The Pokémon journey]

You’re generally good at not capitalizing pokemon, but you did so here.

[“Don’t forget,” she delivered]

No. Just use said.

[“You’ll see me again,” she nodded]

When dialogue is paired with a non-speaking verb, the narration is a separate sentence and is punctuated accordingly. So this should be [“You’ll see me again.” She nodded].

[Keira, she didn’t have a name then]

Why wouldn’t a social creature with language have a name?

[“Ri, olu/Thank you,”]

You don’t need to do this. Posting both pokespeak and the translation just looks extremely awkward.

[Hearthome city]

All parts of a name need to be capitalized.

[Chapters past this will generally be written in third person, I won’t say I’ll never go with first person for a full chapter again but I’ve found third person works better with me.]

You really, really shouldn’t shift perspective within the same story like this. First- and third-person evoke completely different emotional responses and attachments to the story, and switching between them is extremely jarring.

So just to be clear here, this kid can understand pokemon and likes them better than humans, but he doesn’t see anything wrong with a system that enslaves living, thinking creatures and exploits them for fun and profit? He claims Keira is his best friend, but he plans to force her into dogfighting for his own personal glory. There’s always a fundamental disconnect in these stories; training is done for the trainer’s benefit, but it’s not the trainer who has to strive and suffer for it.

In general, this is really slow and meandering. You jump around in time and place so much that it’s hard to follow what’s going on, and we really don’t need to know the start of the protagonist’s journey in this much detail if it’s never going to matter. It’s better to start where the plot starts and bring up background information as it becomes relevant – he can mention he was an orphan to someone, perhaps, or just think about his guardian for a short moment – instead of dumping all of it on the readers at once before they have any reason to feel invested.

You’re also making a lot of grammar mistakes. I’d recommend proofreading more thoroughly and/or getting a beta reader to help you. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12583938/1/The-Warriors-Of-Arceus-Ascension

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

[Only 18 humans, blessed by Arceus himself, can save the world.]

God I am so tired of this.

Arceus is not the Judeo-Christian God. Arceus did nothing while the universe was being destroyed literally right under its nose. Arceus does not care. If you want to do a chosen one plot, use the poke-gods that actually choose people in canon, like Ho-oh, Lugia, and the Tapu. Please read this: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/162324520/1/Pokeworld-Religion

Any particular reason why Arceus is male in this, by the way?

[OOCish characters]

If you need characters to be a certain personality, be honest about the fact you’re writing OCs instead of making your OCs skin the canon characters and wear them as suits.

Also, summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[-Line break-]

You do know you can insert horizontal lines through the in-site editor, right?

Not using paragraphs makes me not want to read your story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12584050/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Reset-Bloodlines-Frax-Velvet-Interlude

[this story takes place in a broad strokes version of the Sun & Moon Anime timeline with a few game elements]

I would argue that if this is predominately revolving around the anime characters, it belongs in the anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or school. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12584132/1/Ash-Betrayed

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12584198/1/A-House-Full-of-Champions

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[All of the Pokemon world’s champions (and a few extras) have been invited to come together and live in a giant mansion. But these aren’t the champions you’re thinking of. Times have changed and new younger blood has entered the arena in the world of champions.]

Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

You’ve got coding errors. Preview your story before posting it.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12584309/1/Birds-of-a-Feather

[im no longer capitalizing pokemon names.]

Excellent, I do appreciate that. You should probably capitalize your author’s note sentences, though.

[A deep, harsh cry emitted from the mountain tops, the half-second afterwards filled with a dreadful silence before the flapping of countless pairs of wings echoed in the area.]

A dense, compound sentence like this can feel awkward as an opening line. Too much description when readers don’t have a reason to care about it can be a turnoff.

[Coins from meowth, jewels from caves or sableye]

Wow, so they murder pokemon for their stuff? That’s pretty dark.

[The murkrow’s red eyes glinted with malice as she struck her boss with her talons, tearing out a few feathers. Aside from the minor damage to his feathers, the claws hadn’t broken the honchkrow’s skin.]

Feathers are anchored below the skin, so tearing them out does break it. Feather damage is not actually “minor”; they are needed for flight, and take a while to regrow.

This is a nice little snippet. I would say that very few real-life animals act like this, but murkrow are dark-types, so this isn’t so unbelievable.

This person likes us, apparently.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12584719/1/update-book

Non-story entries are banned on this site. Put this on your profile or in a forum post. And if you want us to care about your story, you might want to capitalize your sentences properly.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12584359/1/Champion

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.