https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12014502/1/Alex-s-Trip
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. Currently, the summary tells me more about the story than the story itself does. Keep in mind that you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12014642/1/To-Catch-A-Mew
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part iis/i considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Also, dialogue should generally go on the same line as the narration describing it.
Most of your sentences are missing punctuation, making this hard to follow. I recommend you get a beta reader.
[since I am REALLY bad at summaries]
Don’t do this – not only does it make you look childish, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you don’t have confidence in your skills, neither will your readers. Even if you think you’re bad at summaries, try your best anyway. They’re really not that hard, and it’s a worthwhile skill to hone when it determines your readers’ first impression of your story.
You’re alternating between past and present tense, which is highly confusing and distracting. Decide which one you want and stick with it.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part iis/i considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[-In the interworld portal-]
Labeling scenes like this is distracting and kinda jarring. This information should be obvious from context.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12014941/1/Pokemon-Chronicles-A-Glazed-Lie
Nonstory chapters are banned.
[Human thinking ‘Ash.’]
Using single quotes for thoughts is confusing, as it makes it look like characters are talking out loud. Just italics are standard.
[Pokemon talking ”Hello!”]
Using bold for standard components is a bad idea. Bold is very distracting and scarcely used in prose. If it’s vitally important that pokemon speech be marked separately (such as a communication barrier), it’s better to use different markings, such as {} instead of “.
[mt. Moon!]
“Mt.” is part of the name here, so it should be capitalized as well.
[And I’m sorry for bad grammar, I’m not good at writing in English.]
If you know writing in English is going to be difficult for you, you should be proactive and get a native speaker to act as a beta reader. There are also many websites that contain grammar and writing advice you can consult.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11998234/1/Poke-ronpa
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part iis/i considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
I don’t see what this has to do with Pokemon. All the characters act like humans who just happen to have pokemon names, and you double down on that by arbitrarily disabling their powers.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12016216/1/I-love-my-life
Your summary is incoherent.
You appear to have forgotten to post any content.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12015614/1/A-White-Rose
[Farm fields sprawled across the plain, a warm breeze flowed through the forest, whispering news to its curious inhabitants…]
This is a run-on sentence; note that it has two subjects (the fields, and the warm breeze).
[However, there was a side that the ‘friendly’ place concealed behind a beautiful pallet.]
I’m not sure what this means. Google tells me a pallet is a makeshift bed; how can that conceal anything?
[It wasn’t a pretty story, but neither is the world.]
“Isn’t”. Pay attention to tenses.
[but going through it is something no child should have gone through]
This is awkwardly worded and repetitive.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12015951/1/Dangers-of-A-Bet
Stop capitalizing random words.
[A groan could be heard from a young male]
“Male” and “female” are incredibly awkward epithets. Just say “man”.
Ellipses are always three dots, never two or four.
[a hard ‘Thump!’]
The quotes and bold are unnecessary and distracting.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part is considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[Where in Arceus’s name]
Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to assume they have a religion like Christianity and just use “God”.
[ahold]
This is not a word.
[“Just two more hours until I have to get up.”]
Why did he set the alarm so early?
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Kindles expression]
Typo.
[Kitos Shadestar]
Is a ridiculous Sue name.
[about 43 minutes]
That’s not very “about”. How does she know the time with such specificity?
[“Yes mother..”]
When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.
[His dad spoke up without taking his eyes off the television,
“You know, if your underwear continues getting torn up like this you’re not going to have anything covering your ass when someone, or something, out there decides to take advantage of you. It’s just one article of clothing less for them to deal with, keep that in mind son.”]
…Okay so firstly, dialogue should be on the same line as the narration that describes. Secondly, what kind of horrible parent tells this to their child?
[Midyawn, he rubbed his belly, grumbling as he finished yawn.]
“Yawning”, also this is repetitive.
[He only did it minimally to ease out the knots from his slumber]
Missing punctuation.
[a set of cloths]
“Clothes”. Cloths are the materials clothes are made of.
[I am pissed at you master Kitos]
This needs a comma for the direct address, also titles are capitalized when they’re part of names.
…Why does he not care that a being of human intelligence is not only seeing him naked but actively perving on him? Coupled with the “master” shtick and the fact that, whatever he claims otherwise, pokemon are literally owned like property, this is incredibly creepy. Furthermore, why do translators not change the dynamic of pokemon ownership at all? If they’re just as smart and communicative as humans, why are they still treated like dumb animals who have to be owned like slaves?
[He wanted her gaze to go away from there so he walked over to the toilet and sat down.]
And why can’t he just close the shower curtain…?
[You know our master is against ‘pokephilia’]
Oh wonderful, another story about how people who want to rape slaves are so tragically and unfairly oppressed. I’m out.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12016119/1/Pokemon-A-Legendary-Journey
You might want to pick a more creative title to set you apart from the literally thousands if not tens of thousands of titles that are combinations of the exact same words.
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[After grabbing his bag and putting on his running shoes, he said a goodbye to his mom as she kissed him on the cheek and wished him good luck, he ran out of the door towards the Professor’s lab.]
This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition.
[Chris lived in Pallet had long, curly black hair]
Dropped a word.
[He was twelve, having waited two years at his mother’s request.]
Why? Trainers start at ten in canon. This means that there will be no tension to your story, as if a ten-year-old can handle the challenges of a pokemon journey just fine, someone with two extra years of life experience definitely will. Difficulties and complications are the stuff stories are made of.
You have extra spaces after your opening quotes.
[I’ll see Bulbasaur later.]
Do you name your cat “Cat”? The games and anime use species names as personal names for simplicity, but it’s nice to spice things up by giving them actual names.
[Squirtle use Water Gun!]
You need a comma after “Squirtle” here.
[You are my partner after all.” Chris said.]
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. There are literally hundreds if not thousands of stories with this exact same opening. If you have a plot, start there; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12016070/1/Project-SPARK
Your tenses are inconsistent throughout this, which is highly distracting and disorienting. Pick past or present and stick with it.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[personnel questions]
“Personal”. Personnel are military staff.
[I can ensure you it isn’t]
“Assure”. To ensure means to make certain.
The opening here is unnecessarily long. You’re not required to go over all the mundane details leading up to the inciting event, and I can assure you that people reading fanfic for a fantasy story are probably not interested in the mundane details of the protagonist’s boring normal life.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12016226/1/The-Hidden-Master
[This is the story of ash Ketchum a boy who at a young age]
You need a comma after “Ketchum”, and you need to capitalize “Ash”. You have a lot of other comma and capitalization errors throughout this, and it makes the story difficult to read. I recommend getting a beta reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12016280/1/Pokemon-Tale-of-Championship
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or tragedy.
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[Zorua opened its’ little mouth]
You want “its”, no apostrophe.
[“Zorua, quickly, use Detect!” I called.
Just before the blast hit Zorua, it steeled itself, closing its’ eyes and creating a yellow shield that absorbed the Aura Sphere]
That’s not how Detect works.
While I’m glad you understand battles require more detail than just a mechanical exchange of moves, battles with no stakes still aren’t inherently interesting. I’d recommend reading this: fanfiction.net/topic/11834/143300790/1/Battles-Are-Boring
Despite this chapter’s length, it still feels far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. If you have a plot or unique idea that sets you apart from the crowd, star there; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12016309/1/Crazed-Apparitions
You should separate your author’s notes with a horizontal line so they don’t look like part of the story.
[Chapter 1: The History of Eon Chateau (Prologue)]
You don’t need to do this; you can label chapters using the chaptering feature.
[one of the most famous city in the world]
“cities”
In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
This really doesn’t seem to have anything to do with Pokemon. This just seems like a standard murder mystery with pokemon who act exactly like humans; if you removed the trademarked names, you could publish this as original fiction. Original fiction belongs on websites like fictionpress or Archive of Our Own, not here.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12016380/1/Megan-In-The-World-Of-Poke-mon
[A human woman by the name of Megan K. lives in the Real World, she gets captured by Team Rocket who takes her to the Poke’mon World.]
This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition. Also, you don’t need to write pokemon like that.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or world.
[Chapter One. Team Rocket’s Evil Plans.]
You don’t need to label chapters, FFN’s chaptering feature will do it for you.
Your tenses are inconsistent. Pick past or present and stick to it.
Script format is banned. You’re an author, not a screenwriter.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12016384/1/Pokemon-Black-and-White-The-Canon-Story
[It was a peaceful day Nuvema town and a boy by the name of Hilbert, was getting ready to start his Pokemon journey along with his friends Cheren and Bianca.]
This comma is misplaced. I would advise you read up on proper comma usage, and maybe get a beta reader to help you.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. If you have a plot, start there; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. (Keep in mind that even Black and White are pretty light on plot, so you probably want to come up with your own ideas if you’re doing a novelization.)
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12016443/1/Lord-Evolution
This is incoherent. I can’t understand what’s going on.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12016522/1/rising-from-the-ashes-of-former-friendships
Not using paragraphs makes me not want to read your story. Also, separate your author notes with a horizontal line so they don’t look like part of the story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12016760/1/A-Brand-New-Journey-Kanto
[Knock Knock]
This isn’t a comic book. Don’t write out sound effects like this.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
This is riddled with grammatical errors, making it nigh-unreadable. You need a beta reader.
[I can assure you things are going to get very interesting and very fast.]
And despite this promise, you’ve done nothing but rehash the exact same opening seen in literally thousands of other fics that had the exact same idea. If you have a plot, start there; you’re not required to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12017228/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-mystery-dungeon-The-Genetic-War
Your title isn’t fully capitalized.
Please make a more informative summary.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. This is just a brief overview of the story’s premise.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12017257/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-mysteries-Hideki-s-adventure-in-Kanto
Your title isn’t fully capitalized.
[chap 1]
You don’t need to do this, FFN will do it for you.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
You’re overusing unusual speech verbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever trendy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.
This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. This does nothing but rehash the canon opening everyone has seen a million times by now. If you have a plot, start there; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12017380/1/Pokemon-Colt-Chronicle
You might want to pick a more original title. There are quite literally thousands of titles in this category containing the word “Pokemon” and quite literally hundreds if not also thousands containing the word “Chronicle”.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
[My is a retired Ryhorn racer]
Dropped a word.
[Colt your 15.]
“You’re”. “Your” is the possessive. Also, ages are written out with letters.
This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. All you’ve done is repeat the standard opening everyone has seen a million times before. If you have a plot, start there; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12017484/1/The-Blazing-Midadventures-of-Hilda
[Anyway, welcome to The Blazing Midadventures of Hilda, which is based on the ROM Hack Pokemon Blaze Black]
I would recommend against doing this. Just because something contains an interesting gameplay mechanic doesn’t mean it’ll make for a good story, and in fact the two things are often opposed.
[You’re journey]
“Your”. “You’re” means “you are”.
[Hilda opened his eyes to find herself floating in eternal darkness.]
Are you sure “eternal” is the word you want here?
[(I know the official Hilda has booty shorts, but I wanted to make her less… slutty)]
Putting author notes in the middle of the story is incredibly jarring, and also you’re disgusting. We’re done here.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12017966/1/Pokemon-Violet
You might want to pick a more original title. There are quite literally thousands of titles in this category containing the word “Pokemon”.
[laying on some leaves]
“lying”
It’s generally not a good idea to switch between POVs willy-nilly. The story is more engaging if we have a consistent protagonist to follow.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[Once i was all dressed]
Proofread.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12017983/1/Pokemon-Mega-Evolution-Story
You might want to pick a more original title. There are quite literally thousands of titles in this category containing the word “Pokemon”, and also quite literally hundreds if not also thousands containing the word “story”.
[to find he real destiny.]
Typo.
[Almost getting killed by teams, Mafias, and more than one legendary she, a mega evolution trainer, and a champion must work together to save Kalos.]
This sentence is hard to understand. You might want to revise it.
[Prolouge]
It’s “prologue”, also you don’t have to do this, FFN will label chapters for you.
This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. This is barely a single scene.
Your story is extremely hard to understand. Are you not a native speaker? I recommend you get a beta reader.
You should also separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12018109/1/Pokemon-Master-X-and-Y
You might want to pick a more original title. There are quite literally thousands of titles in this category containing the word “Pokemon”.
[As the plane slowed down Calem looked out the window]
You need a comma before “Calem”.
[inVaniville Town]
Missing space. Proofread.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[Sorry this chapter is a W.I.P and I uploaded it as a test, I will fix that within a few days.]
You really shouldn’t do this, it’s really unprofessional. Don’t leave something up if it’s just a quick test.