https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12062306/1/Road-To-The-Coloured-Kingdoms
[it’s conclusion]
You want “its”. “It’s” always means “it is”.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[LEGEND-
‘thought’ “talk” ‘telepathy/aura’ ‘noises/sounds’ -sentence breaks ~~Important Happening~~]
I guarantee you do not need this key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong. Furthermore, using quotes, even single quotes, for thoughts is confusing, because it makes it look like characters are talking out loud. Italics but no quotes is standard.
You don’t have to label chapters, FFN will do it for you.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[~~Flashback~~]
It’s jarring to explicitly label scene changes like this. It’s better to use generalized scene transitions; time and place should be obvious from context.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
This is so riddled with errors I can barely understand what’s going on. You need a beta reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12062371/1/The-world-s-portal
Your title isn’t fully capitalized.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[outside the buildinh]
???
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
This is full of run-on sentences, which makes it hard to follow. You should read up on proper comma usage and/or get a beta reader to help you.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12062588/1/The-Farer
Your opening is in present tense, but the rest of the story is in past. Be consistent.
[your dads]
Either this is missing an apostrophe, or that S shouldn’t be there.
[What mom, no way!]
When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.
[2 days]
In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. If you have a plot, start there; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event.
You should also probably include more narration. Currently, the story is almost entirely dialogue, which isn’t very engaging.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12062852/1/Millennium
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or knight. Or lab.
[faint growls- and two]
This is a really weird way to use dashes. Most stories I’ve seen use spaces on both sides.
[a voice cringed in my ears]
What does this even mean?
[I failed. Literally.]
This doesn’t make sense, as “I failed” isn’t a metaphorical statement.
[Blaziken’sPokéball]
Missing space.
[He searched the bed for his glasses, and puts it on.]
The rest of the sentence is in past tense, so the latter clause should be as well.
[for..?]
Incomplete ellipses.
[what in the name of Arceus]
Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to assume they have a religion like Christianity and just use “God”.
[thanks for saving me again, Prof.]
This is like saying you’re going to the Dr.’s. In speech, you need to spell titles out.
[in a room. Alone. Well, Gible doesn’t count. And a bed. What possibilities does Arceus want with him, a growing teenager, in his early age of fift-
[…]
“YUKIHIRA-SAN, DON’T GET UP!” Kyou’s sudden scream made Yukihira lean back into the bed again. Even Gible was startled. “Y-You… your c-clothes…”
A loud “KYAA!” was all Kyou could hear before a strike hit his face, plunging his vision into oblivion. When his eyes somehow regenerated, he could see his mom handing over a set of new clothes for Yukihira. She was blushing slightly- covering her body with the white bedsheet.
“Er-hem,” a voice baffled from behind Kyou. Knuckle cracks can be heard. “Boys should get out and be good, do they?” Kyou gulped. He could swear his mom was with a Metagross there, readying a Meteor Mash- it was certain doom for Kyou, if he did not obey.]
This is not nearly as funny as you think it is. No one actually thinks or acts this way.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12063258/1/Pokemon-Generation
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Your tenses are inconsistent, which is extremely distracting and disorienting. Pick past or present and stick with it.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
[its lasting Faith]
This isn’t a proper noun and therefore should not be capitalized.
[Humans and Pokémon]
…Well, at least you’re being consistent. But you wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or human, apparently.
Opening your story with an infodump is disengaging and likely unnecessary. Your story is going to be about the plot and characters, so that’s what you should get readers invested in from the get-go. If these details are going to be important to the story, they can come up organically over time.
[the breathe of the air]
“Breath”. Breathe is a verb.
[“Why have you come?” The one with the pink headtails asked.]
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
This doesn’t seem to have anything to do with Pokemon. It looks like a completely original high fantasy story. Ficpress and Archive of Our Own have places for original fiction, but FFN is very strict about a fanfiction-only policy.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12064312/1/A-Race-Through-The-Continents
You’ve got coding errors. Preview your story before posting it.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12063498/1/Trapped-A-Pokemon-Tale
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. Cutting a chapter in the middle of a scene isn’t a cliffhanger, it’s just bad writing.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12064444/1/Ash-x-Gary
Try harder.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12064900/1/Blood-and-Snow-Omega-Origins
You don’t have to label chapters, FFN will do it for you. If you must, you should at least center it properly.
[“Speech”
Thoughts.
Telepathic Conversation.]
I guarantee you do not need this key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong. Furthermore, I advise against using bold for basic actions, as bold is extremely distracting and rarely used in prose.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[When the smoke cleared, you could see two Pokémon on the battlefield, one, fully black with gold rings on its foxlike body, was standing on all fours waiting for a command from her Trainer, a 16 year-old kid with, lightly tanned skin, brown eyes and extremely dark brown hair, in a white hoodie, blue shirt, and dark blue jeans.]
This is a run-on sentence. You have many similar problems throughout, and it makes the story virtually incomprehensible. Read up on proper comma usage and/or get a beta reader.
[Michael’s POV]
I would advise against switching POVs within a single chapter, as it’s very disorienting and leaves the narrative choppy. I also strongly recommend against using multiple first-person POVs, as it’s very easy to forget who’s narrating each particular block when we’re not constantly being told the narrator’s name.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph.
Yeah, this is incoherent. I genuinely cannot understand what is going on.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12065160/1/Ash-Has-Amnesia
[Written as a script]
Script format is banned. This site is for prose, not screenwriting.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12065285/1/Bored-of-You
[Ash is a bodyguard of Serena, the daughter of a Multimillionaire. Serena joins the wizards academy in Japan after transferring from America. It is an AU and will include pokemon and magic.]
…Look, if you want to write original fiction, just write original fiction. There’s no shame in it and sites such as ficpress and Archive of Our Own will let you host. But embossing the serial numbers on like this is just baffling.
I also strongly recommend against using multiple first-person POVs, as it’s very easy to forget who’s narrating each particular block when we’re not constantly being told the narrator’s name.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12065307/1/The-Two-Legendary-Pokemon
This is completely incoherent. Try harder.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12065612/1/Untitled-collab
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[This was the Underground League; and here you either won, or you didn’t survive long.]
This is improper semicolon use. As a general rule of thumb, you should be able to replace semicolons with periods and have the resulting sentences still make sense; for instance, what I’m doing here. A comma would be more appropriate here.
[a small, but heavy bag of coins; today’s winnings.]
And here you need a full colon.
[The stairs opened up into the backroom of a popular bar, he opened the door and entered the mostly empty bar.]
This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition. Also, repeating sounds sounds awkward (see?) so you might want to reword this so you’re not repeating “bar” in quick succession.
[stopping to breath in the fresh forest air]
“Breathe”. Breath is the noun.
[payed well]
“paid”
[“Jake? Lucy?” He called out]
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
This is much more original and interesting than most of the fic here, and I’m glad to see you’re not only integrating exposition into narration properly but also including lots of information in the first chapter. This doesn’t seem terribly relevant to pokemon, though; unless humans and their relationship to pokemon will have a major role, this looks like it could be a standard fantasy story about humans with magic powers.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12065922/1/Pokemon-Journeys-Kanto-Edition
[16 year old Toby sets off on a Pokémon adventure]
Trainers start at ten in canon. This implies that there will be no tension to your story, as if a ten-year-old can handle the challenges of a pokemon journey just fine, someone with six extra years of life experience definitely will. Difficulties and complications are the stuff stories are made of.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Not obeying this rule makes me not want to read your story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12065945/1/Pokespe-Fairy-Tails
Not using spaces after punctuation makes me not want to read your story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12065928/1/Surreal-Region
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
The Pokemon games do not have much in the way of plot. Simply rehashing the same events everyone is already familiar with is not a good idea. If you have a more unique plot, start where it starts; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12066469/1/Gary-x-Ash-will-you-go-out-with-ms
This is completely incoherent. You need a beta reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12066631/1/Pokemon-Adventures-in-Miska
Please make a more informative summary. The current summary just says your story is going to be exactly like the literally thousands of other journeyfic that are exactly the same.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[I wander for how much longer]
“Wonder”, and that “for” is unnecessary.
[“Its been thirty years now,” says the man, “Silph corporations]
Missing apostrophe. Also, while you’re generally writing dialogue correctly, speech tags end with a period when the two pieces of dialogue are separate sentences. So this should be [“Its been thirty years now,” says the man. “Silph corporations]
Everything is very stilted and awkward, and I have a hard time understanding what’s going on. I recommend you get a beta reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12066664/1/Potential-in-Paradise
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12066710/1/The-Pok%C3%A9mon-Tales-Kanto-Adventure
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You don’t have to label chapters, FFN will do that for you. If you are going to title chapters, you should at least center it properly.
You need to break this up more. Giant paragraphs are disengaging and off-putting.
This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. This is the sort of thing that should be part of your first chapter, not stand on its own.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12066838/1/A-Sea-of-Darkness
You’ve got coding errors. Preview your story before posting it.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12067658/1/the-spark-in-our-life
Capitalize your title properly.
You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.
Not using punctuation makes me not want to read your story.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12067911/1/The-Vengeance-Of-Lloyd-Florence
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[His name was Lloyd Florence, a young man had been a trainer for over seven years and had since then gotten stronger each and every day.]
This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition.
[Everyday had been]
You want “every day”, two words. “Everyday” is an adjective.
Infodumps make for dull openings and are likely to disengage your readers. Relevant information can and should be integrated organically into the story.
[Lloyd had always dreamed of one day having his own children, but that was no longer possible. His reproductive system and sex organs had been damaged beyond repair which meant Lloyd could never experience the joy of making love or having children. His bladder had also been badly battered and mangled by the explosion, so the retired Team Rocket doctors had implanted a cybernetic recycling unit into his now artificial digestive system which recycle both liquid and solid waste into purified nutrients that would keep his body healthy.]
Also, when you just keep going on and on and piling on more misery like this, it becomes impossible to take seriously and turns into a farce. Think about what you’re doing and what relevance these details have to the overall plot instead of just making your protagonist be the coolest angstiest antihero ever.
You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part <i>is</i> considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
[Your dead]
You want “you’re”. “Your” is a possessive. You have a lot of similar errors, which means you need to proofread more thoroughly and/or get a beta reader to help you.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12067995/1/Pokemon-Magenta
You might want to pick a more original title. There are quite literally thousands of titles in this category that are variations on, if not identical to, this one.
[When Caron turns 14 years old he and his friend Kauri begin their Pokemon journey.]
Raising the age of newbie trainers is generally a bad idea. I’d recommend reading this: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/142926917/1/TRAINERS-START-AT-TEN
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Carons foe]
Missing apostrophe.
[7 Months Later]
This is jarring. It’s better to use generalized scene transitions; time and place should be obvious from context.
This is far too short for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. If you have a plot, start there; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event. (It should be noted that the standard badge quest is not a plot.)
Lloyd had always dreamed of one day having his own children, but that was no longer possible. His reproductive system and sex organs had been damaged beyond repair which meant Lloyd could never experience the joy of making love or having children.
Aww man, the story is deleted. It’s unfair to psychoanalyze people based on their OCs, but “my OC doesn’t have a penis and can’t have sex!!! whew! …er I mean it’s sad because Team Rocket did it” sounds like a gender thing.