So, it’s been nearly three months since I made one of these! There was a little activity in June, but afterwards SYOC fic just tanked. Plenty was posted, but everything was dead on arrival. I was holding out for more updates, but it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen. Most of these are unfortunately pretty boring, but the chosen guardians story did update again.
High school fic, submitted Chara. Bonnibel is here too!
“I’m Bonnibel, this is my partner Absol!” she gestured to the dark pokemon sitting below the table. “This hater is Alexandra, and this girl is Chara!”
The male shot her a death glare with his crystal blue eyes, “Bonnie, shut up.”
“Yes?” Bonnie asked, her mouth was stuffed with food, Chara looked at her, “oh no not you sweetie, Bonnibel’s nickname is Bonnie, I take it your name’s Bonnie?”
The writing is incoherent so I’m having trouble telling, but it looks like Chara is saying that last line, so we once again have a softChara capable of normal human interaction. Also they are a girl, apparently.
Chara’s only other line here is to ask why Pikachu can follow Ash through a special sue barrier.
Chara continues to be extremely passive and capable of normal interaction.
Team Rocket attacks this chapter! Chara continues to behave normally.
“The boss wants ya’ dead,” Meowth snorted, “says something about threats or anythin’.”
“So sit still and let us beat the crap out of you!” James yelled.
“Really?” Chara hissed, and suddenly swiped a knife from her sleeve, in a flash some of his hair was cut off, missing his head by millimetres, “try us!”
“You seriously carry a knife in, your, sleeve,” said Bonnibel dumbfounded when she nodded, “fair enough.”
This is the most interesting thing that happens.
This appears to be one of those cases where the author only uses the traits they could have gotten from a random generator. A pity.
After a week of not getting even half the submissions they needed to start the story, the author got impatient and posted a chapter urging people to submit more characters.
This continued. Kidra’s pokemon attacks the main character, then:
Standing before him was Queen, looking twice as menacing as it had in the battle with Brooke’s Zweilous. A soft growl rose up from its throat, and it took a gigantic step towards him. The boy was paralyzed by fear, and he didn’t even breathe as the blue Pokemon advanced even closer.
He probably would have been ended right then and there, but Yuki was saved from the clutches of death by seconds as a second creature arrived on the scene. It… was… another Nidoqueen? Before the former could react, the huge animal had launched itself at Queen and shot a blast of fire in its direction. It raised up its arms to block it, and was knocked backwards by the sheer power of the attack.
The ground rumbled beneath Yuki’s feet, and he stumbled and turned to run. Immediately, he was looking into the narrowed grey eyes of Hagane. He jumped aside as the man rushed forward, pulling a Pokeball off of his belt and tossing it at the two dueling animals. An equally large creature appeared, standing on four thick blue legs.
“Metagross, Bullet Punch!” he called out. The metal Pokemon roared as its front legs turned silver and it flung itself forward. Its limbs moved faster than Yuki could even see, and Queen was pummeled mercilessly into the ground and pinned down beneath the monstrous animal. Hagane’s eyes flashed with anger.
“Kidra, call back your Nidoqueen, now!” his voice was so sharp that the boy flinched, even though his anger wasn’t directed at him. Kidra appeared from the gathered crowd of Guardians, no emotion showing in her emerald orbs. She held out Queen’s capture device, sucking it out from under the steel-type in a flash of red light.
Murmurs jumped in between the trainers, and Yuki could feel his heart threatening to beat right out of his chest. He licked his dry lips and backed even farther away as Hagane slowly moved towards Kidra. Before he could say a word, the young woman crossed her arms over her chest and sighed.
“Okay, in her defense, I totally forgot that Queen was wandering around. I let her out to have some fun, and then I went to go eat. Sometimes I forget stuff when I have a snack. Don’t get all mad at her, ‘kay?” the Poison Guardian said.
“Fun? FUN? She nearly got Yuki killed, and who knows how many other lives she endangered! Your starter is extremely dangerous and does not know how to control herself! Despite what she’s gone through in the past, it is no excuse for allowing her to go on a rampage. Do you understand what you almost allowed to happen?” his voice became lower and lower, until his severe reprimanding was barely a whisper.
“Yo, boss, I’m sorry, okay? I…” she hesitated for a split second, but then continued without further delay, “it wasn’t entirely her fault. Chill out!”
Silence hung in the air for a moment, interrupted only by the sound of the crackling embers that remained of Yuki’s tent. The second Nidoqueen was nowhere to be seen. Hagane slowly looked at Kidra up and down, and released a loud sigh.
“Go to your tent, Kidra. There’s been enough drama tonight,” he murmured. The blonde tossed her hair over her shoulder and walked off.
So Kidra is irresponsible about the one thing she has reason to care about. Okay then. The dialogue here also strikes me as bizarre: why is Kidra acting like they’re blaming Queen when they’re clearly blaming her? What does “Despite what she’s gone through in the past, it is no excuse for allowing her to go on a rampage” even mean? At least the author is finally acknowledging that Queen has a problem.
Havan appears, but this was one that didn’t ask for personality, so it means nothing. I did give detailed personalities for the pokemon, but the only one that shows up is the one without issues, so I can’t read anything from it.
This is the rewrite of an earlier SYOC fic, which had to be scrapped because…
I quickly found that my previous story of Day and Night was a total failure. It had many problems. From the fact that at the time I began writing the story, the games of Pokemon Sun and Pokemon Moon had yet to be released. Which meant limited location names and an unknown regional pokedex working against me. I also had the story styled as a SYOC, which I now realize not only is a lazy excuse to have other people create characters for me. But it also meant that I wasn’t sure how to incorporate these characters into the story.
Someone has finally learned from all this! Progress!
The chosen one story again. Kidra finally gets some development. This is actually one case where you should probably read the entire chapter, as it’s entirely focused on Kidra. I find two things particularly of note:
In a split second she had picked up a small piece of metal lying on the ground and swung it around to effortlessly crack it against the side of the admin’s head and knock him unconscious. He crumpled against his ropes, which were wrapping him up against a giant wooden support beam. As he fell limp, Kidra dropped the metal shard and hummed to herself, casting her gaze on a lone Pokeball that had fallen from his belt. She picked it up and looked it over thoughtfully before dropping it into her backpack and racing out of the warehouse.
Kidra didn’t kill the Team Rocket admin, despite having every reason to. This is most likely a “good guys don’t kill people” issue.
“You think it hurts? You’ve never been a criminal before! You’ve… you’ve never been judged like I have! I’m never going to be able to forget it, either. Every time I look at Queen, it’s just another reminder that she’ll never really be mine!”
This is apparently what the theft issue ultimately comes down to: she’s upset that she doesn’t own her pokemon. Not that the pokemon was tortured into madness. Not that doing the right thing has been incredibly hard. She doesn’t own her. Says some interesting things about the author’s priorities.
I also find it bizarre that the resolution is that she needs to talk to people more, when that is supposed to be her best skill to begin with. While this does fit what I said on the form about distrust being her weakness, she is supposed to be smart enough to deal with people while still keeping secrets — she deals with suspicion by lying, not by clamming up. Part of the problem may be that there just isn’t time or room to develop such a slow-burn character arc in a story like this, so the author is just getting everyone’s issues resolved in episodic format; but that just underscores the problem of SYOC in general.
But I strongly suspect that the bigger reason is because the author genuinely does not know how to write that level of social nuance, probably because they are an introvert themselves. I’m not terribly surprised by that; fanfiction authors are not typically socialites. But I think this is a useful perspective, because I, too, am an awkward nerd, and this made me realize that that’s probably why I’ve been having so much trouble pinning down exactly how I want Kidra to be written and portrayed myself.