Mediocre to bad today.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8862991/1/Silence-in-the-Ranger-School-Dormitories
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8863036/1/The-Gift
This is terrible. Get a beta reader.
It has a review.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8863217/1/The-Team-Galactic-Politoed-Affair
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[team Galactic]
And when something is a name, you always capitalize both parts of it.
[orange islands ]
And this.
[ Politoed’s children: Seven young Poliwags, who are still to inherit their fathers jumping skills ]
Don’t capitalize seven, and it’s “father’s”.
Proofread better and get a beta reader.
Three reviews!
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8863331/1/Something-Far-Away
A drabble is the term for a writing exercise where you tell a story in exactly a hundred words. This is over a thousand.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
Don’t use ‘ for thoughts, it’s too close to the ” used for dialogue and makes it look like your character is speaking aloud.
[“Great battle, by the way!” Gold exclaimed as an afterthought ]
Use said. It generally fits better than whatever alternative you’re trying to shove in its place.
[Aforemetioned brunett ]
Aside from the fact you really need to learn to use spellcheck, the writing of this is just ridiculously overwrought.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8864031/1/Armonia
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Worth it, though,” she laughs. ]
Just because something’s a sound you make with your mouth doesn’t mean it’s a speech tag. How often do you hear people laugh a sentence?
Use said. It generally fits better than whatever alternative you’re trying to shove in its place.
[“My friend from another town. We applied together but she never told me if she got in, even though I sent her a letter telling her that I did.” I drag a claw down the sheet gently so I don’t rip it and follow the names. Elizabeth Tezzey, Julian Tinos, Abigail Tosca…she’s not listed. She would be between Tinos and Tosca as her last name is Titan. Victoria Titan.
“She’s not there,” I mutter as I pass the list back. Laurel scans it and looks back at me. “She didn’t get in.”
“Oh. Sorry to hear that.”
“She could’ve at least sent a letter if she couldn’t come down and see me personally. I hoped that I might actually know someone and that I might actually have a friend. I could’ve been expecting her and got all hyped up and she would have just let me down.]
Wow, your character is such an asshole. All she can think is that her friend didn’t contact her and she could’ve hypothetically been disappointed, not how disappointed her friend probably was to not get in. Hopefully poor Victoria will make new friends who aren’t self-centered jerks at whatever school she’ll be attending now.
Don’t jump around in first person POV. If you want to do several different characters, write it in third person. Otherwise, pick a character and stick to them.
[I’m not looking forward to school. Not at all. I don’t like the thought of socialising and dressing up all sexy-schoolgirl-like ]
What sort of school encourages their female students to dress up in sexy schoolgirl outfits and what sort of families would possibly let their kids attend it?
This all seems to be playing out exactly as if these are regular human girls, so what’s the point of saying they’re pokemon?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8863338/1/Sinnoh-Story
[Barry lived in the sleepy village of Twinleaf town ]
A town and a village are different things. Also, capitalize both parts of the name.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[ Although overtime he gradually got over this fear and began to look to them as a source of entertainment and friendship. ]
This is a fragment that should be part of the previous sentence.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
[Barry Replied. ]
Don’t capitalize random words.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8863415/1/100-Emotions-Prompts-Fiamma-Style
[Piercing screams filled the white room as there was a rush of men and women dressed in green scrubs with white coats and face masks. The atmosphere was tense as the screams continued to surface at top volume. ]
That’s not exactly normal for childbirth. Why aren’t they giving her any painkillers?
[More screams called out in response as Mrs. Leonhart tried her best to control herself. That wouldn’t be possible, however, as she was experiencing the most crucial kind of pain she would ever face in her entire life. Mrs. Leonhart’s face was written in pain as she felt herself losing her voice, her throat begging her to stop the strain. ]
Crucial doesn’t have anything to do how much. Your wording in general is a terrible muddle. You really, really need a beta reader.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
Two reviews.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8863434/1/Dragonspiral-dreams
Learn to proofread your work before you post it.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8863543/1/Unity
Eh, this seems pointless. By the second or third line it’s obvious how all the rest will go, and all of this could easily have been shown when you actually start your story and show the two of them doing things, rather than listing it all off now.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8863707/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Ranger-Guardians-of-Light
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
Use said. It generally fits better than whatever alternative you’re trying to shove in its place. And never use stated.
[“Logic won’t help you through everything.” She stated pointedly.
“Logic alone has gotten me this far-“
“Can your logic explain why Tailow fly? Can they explain why the sky’s blue instead of rainbow? Hm? Can they?”]
Yes, it can.
[ Think of it as a Hero/Lancer relationship, with the roles constantly alternating. ]
It’s more a manic pixie dreamgirl setup.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8863857/1/My-Friend-Eve
[She couldn’t talk so I ended up telling all my secrets to her. Little did I know that she could talk… ]
Okay, the first sentence is stated as a fact. It needs to be phrased to indicate this is what the character thinks. For example, “She never spoke” would establish that we’re just talking about what the character’s seen. “Everyone knew she couldn’t talk” would work to say that it’s common knowledge but not necessarily correct. And this avoids the repetition you have currently with both sentences using almost exactly the same phrase.
Also, just because someone can’t talk doesn’t mean they can’t communicate. She can write, can’t she? I mean, she’s going to school.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Anyway, this didn’t really go anywhere. It might work as an opening scene to a longer chapter, but it really doesn’t work as a single chapter itself.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8863926/1/Lighters-and-Candles
[ She saw a girl with shoulder length creamy blond hair with long bangs parted all the way to the left. She was moderately pretty, but she didn’t stand out from a crowd. She was very ordinary, but she looked like the average fourteen year old. She also had a very deep blue eye color, very much different from her mom or dad. Apparently she had gotten it from her grandmother on her father’s side. ]
There is never any need for this much description. You say she’s regular looking three times here! Why on earth did you think you needed to say she’s exactly normal three times over, what made you think it was so fascinating to hear?
Use said. It generally fits better than whatever alternative you’re trying to shove in its place.
Never have two people speaking in the same paragraph and do keep people’s actions together with their speech rather than breaking it up weirdly.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8863952/1/Pokevolution
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
[“Yes mother?” ]
If it’s used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like a name.
[“You didn’t do your chores.” I waved my homework in the air.
“You’re the one who said that education comes first.”
“Ugh!” She stomped out of my room and slammed the door. I smiled to myself. I loved outsmarting my mom.]
A character’s actions should go with their dialogue, not that of another character. Also, this is stupid and sounds like your personal fantasy – no, this little idiot didn’t outsmart anyone, their mother is completely capable of ordering them to do their chores anyway.
Write out numbers with letters.
Your character is amazingly unlikable.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8863973/1/You-Mad-Razz-Head
[Bellesprout ]
It’s bellsprout. Look up the names if you’re not sure how to spell them.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
Anyway, nice to see a capture attempt going badly and the sense there’s actual danger from screwing up around wild pokemon.
[In all honesty, he really didn’t care which meowth he caught. He was just mad that a girl had not only caught the strongestmeowth out of the group, but saved his butt in the process. ]
Not everything needs sexism added to it. Also, proofread.
[“You’re mad because I told that Leo kid I got you from Blackthorn, aren’t ya?”
He nodded and brought his tail closer to his body, as if waiting for an explanation.
“What? I wasn’t going to tell him that I won you at the slots! That whole story was just to get him off my back about Meowth. We’ve done this before, remember? Every time you’re too weak to battle or you just need to save time, bring up Dragon’s Den and people leave you alone.]
Well, that’s a clever little twist.
[The trainer knew for a fact that nearly all dratini spent most of their first evolution lives in the water, and a lot of particular trainers from the Pokemon Fan Club would consider a dratini on land to be some form of abuse. However, this pokemon was received from the prize exchange, making it a lot tougher. ]
I don’t see why the slot exchange pokemon would be unusually tough. They’re just pokemon captured in bulk based on their species.
One review.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8864050/1/Sinnoh-League-Academy-Dawn-s-New-Life
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8864070/1/A-Feud-of-Four-Fight
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, never have two people speaking in the same paragraph and do keep people’s actions together with their speech rather than breaking it up weirdly.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
One review.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8864154/1/New-Year-Same-Old-Story
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
Well, that was an empty little tale. Write less filler.
Two reviews.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8864200/1/TRAPPED
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[After the boy scared and chased off the Mightyena, the Kirlia was extremely thankful, when suddenly a Poke Ball came of the young boy’s belt and rolled down in front of the little Kirlia. The Kirlia knew what it was and pressed the button on the front of it to enlarge it, then again to open it, turning her into a red glow and sucking her inside, the ball then shok three times and went ‘ding’, meaning that she was captured and now belonged to her knew master, the young boy named Jack. ]
Awful. You have a pokeball just happening to fall off, instead of something reasonable like the kirlia walking up and taking an empty one. You then describe every bit of it even though it’s not important. And you haven’t bothered to spellcheck, it’s “new” not “knew”, and pokemon thinking about how they ~belong to their master~ is creepy enough when it’s not in a fic about fucking them.
Also, please look up what a hymen is.
…one review.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8864251/1/Pikachu-and-Mountains
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
This seems like it’s mostly filler – there’s a lot of chatter and narration that doesn’t serve any purpose.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8864290/1/Snow
[Outside, the snow softly flew down to the ground, each individual snowflake. ]
Each individual snowflake what?
[However, it looked Japanese but acted like an American suburb ]
However…but… is a terrible construction. Generally, your sentences have major problems with them, get a beta reader.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
[My Father ]
If it’s not being used as a name, it’s not capitalized.
Introducing a character by talking about her long and melodramatic angsty life is not a good move.
Also, this really doesn’t seem to have anything to do with pokemon.
One review.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8864377/1/Death-Can-Save-Lives
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8864497/1/Lavender-Town-the-death-of-an-innocent-Pokemon
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, never have two people speaking in the same paragraph and do keep people’s actions together with their speech rather than breaking it up weirdly.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
One review.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8864542/1/Legends-Collide
[She looked no older then four, she had brown hair. ]
What do these two pieces of information have to do with each other?
Stop capitalizing random words.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
Spellcheck.
Get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8864654/1/The-Love-of-the-Created
[She sat on the side of her favorite chair. “Why do you want to change the world? Sure there is stuff that’s bad, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t good. I once read that wherever there is order and purity, there will be chaos and darkness.” ]
God, that’s one horribly fucked up way of looking at it. “Why should we do anything to try to help? Things will probably just be like this forever and there’s nothing you can do to improve them.” Who’s telling a little girl this stuff?
Why is Giovanni claiming to be a scientist?
[ Don’t even bother trying to escape. We have found someone with psychic abilities far stronger than yours. We built these machines based off of her blood. ]
So…if they have someone stronger than him, why do they want him back so badly? I guess it could just be an ego thing.
Why did Giovanni raise his daughter to hold beliefs he thinks are stupid and will lead to her opposing him?
Oh god she’s the super powerful psychic, isn’t she? Because of course a human can be a stronger psychic than the genetically engineered super-psychic legendary pokemon.
Why did Giovanni raise his superpowered daughter to hold beliefs he thinks are stupid and will lead to her opposing him? Why didn’t he just take his gun and spend all those years shooting himself in the foot instead, it seems like it’d take less effort.
And now it’s the thing where she’s possessed by something else which is older and gives directions. Your character is a ridiculous sue.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8864676/1/Christmas-Wrapping
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[christmas ]
Does need to be capitalized, in contrast.
Anyway, this seemed like plotless fluff about OCs with the same names.
Has a review.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8864746/1/Cheryl-s-Monologue
A drabble is the term for a writing exercise where you tell a story in exactly a hundred words.
[Cheryl’s heart was strong. She would not surrender in most occasions. It did not take a lot for her to think strong.]
This is repetitive.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[had strong HP. ]
You meant high. Strong would work with defense.
[ It wasn’t allowed to stay weak anymore. She was strong enough to do things allowed. ]
What?
[ alley ]
Ally.
[wansn’t ]
SPELLCHECK.
Get a beta reader, this is a mess.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8864826/1/the-lost-legendary
Capitalize your title properly.
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Zapados Moltress ]
Check the spelling of words you aren’t familiar with. Also, commas.
[ Oxide embodying knowledge ]
Nope.
Anyway, most of this was repeating information everyone knows. Cut out the excess and don’t post it as an individual chapter, get on with the actual story.
And with that, I complete the new year’s day stories. Holy shit people stop posting.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8865175/1/The-3-kings
Capitalize your title properly.
Write out numbers with letters.
Stop capitalizing random words.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
Your formatting is a mess.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8865179/1/A-Christmas-Romance
Terrible, get a beta reader.
Reviews for this story include some dumbfuck saying it’s “technically a drabble” and then saying “Now of course, if it’s a drabble than it can be a short as you like xD ” I hope they’re hit by a meteor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8865184/1/Together
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
Just because in real life people stand around bored waiting for someone else to get there doesn’t mean it’s interesting when you write that into your story.
[its Dawn’s birthday ]
“Its” is possessive. “It’s” is short for “it is”.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8865255/1/The-Beginning-of-the-Universe
This fic isn’t any more interesting than the hundreds exactly like it that have already been written.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8865311/1/Unliquified
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Anyway this doesn’t seem to have any point beyond you just listing Kyurem eating things.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8865366/1/The-Next-Generation
Write out numbers with letters.
[On his cheek was a worn out plaster ]
What?
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
This is all a lot of pointless filler. Do you have a plot? Then start when that starts, not before.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8865481/1/Red-Vendetta
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Out of nowhere, the sound of music came. The strange creature had gotten hold of a radio and turned it on.]
Seriously?
[”V-Vine Whip,” he nervously said as a piano joined the music coming out of the radio.
Please allow me to introduce myself; I’m a man of wealth and taste.
A vine shot out of Bulbasaur’s bulb. The creature grabbed the vine with his claw; he now had complete control over Bulbasaur’s body.
I’ve been around for a long, long year, stole many a man’s soul and faith.]
Jesus christ how did this seem like a good idea.
[Quiz: What was the song that played during the battle? It is pretty popular. Hint: it’s not new ;)]
Don’t do this.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8865613/1/Origins
[Some time in the 24th century, scientists had discovered a way to make use of nuclear power safely.]
This is already true.
[They made use of special equipment that would allow a human being near a reactor without even a scratch ]
This is already true.
Anyway, this is a lot of words with none of them needed. The pokeworld is in the future, they have high technology, they went through some disasters, pokemon are weird mutant creatures from science, that’s all you need, you don’t need a blow by blow about how also they cured diseases and also did this and also did that.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8865613/2/Origins
See, this is why explaining everything last chapter was a bad idea. The events you described weren’t bad enough to lose all record of what happened and you didn’t give any reason why it’d be deliberately forgotten. And it’s also boring, because you spend this chapter on Red learning and figuring out the stuff you just explained last chapter. You should have made this the start of your story. It’s also a lot more interesting hearing it from a character instead of just telling everything in the narration.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8865629/1/Pokemon-The-story-of-light-and-darkness
Capitalize your title properly.
This is way too short to be posted alone. It belongs on top of a much longer chapter.
[I had to call for help, I had to get someone to help my father. I knew I was powerless, even at that age, to be of any use to him.
I ignored the bustling of people, the sounds of pick axes colliding with the ground, the drill of the jackhammers, the cries of busy pokemon helping their trainers out]
So the character wants to call for help and find someone to help, therefore they’re ignoring all the people and pokemon around them?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8865629/2/Pokemon-The-story-of-light-and-darkness
You say she’s deaf, but she seems to have supernaturally perfect lip reading powers, so it doesn’t seem like it’s a trait that actually matters.
[She seemed to think that the girl was a burden due to her inability to hear and speak. ]
People who are deaf can speak, especially people who originally had hearing.
[ by youths ]
Don’t use “youths”, it sounds ridiculous.
[PS. Stella, enclosed is a special device which uses frequency waves to communicate with your pokemon. ]
You mean…sound? Because all she needs is something to squawk out the orders.
Also, it isn’t actually going to let her act like a regular pokemon trainer. That’s obvious just from the battle, you gave her a gameboy style interface when regular trainers can say things like “Dodge!” It’d make a lot more sense for her to have something she could type into. Or at least give options other than the basic attacks. Or realize that being deaf doesn’t mean your throat stops working.
[“Of course… of course I’d be the greatest trainer of all time! There’s no way a handicap can even think of holding a candle to me!” Cheren thought to himself ]
First, never use quotation marks for thoughts. Second, Cheren is OOC. Third, “a handicap”? Pay attention.
[“If only she could communicate with me…” the professor thought to herself.]
Your character is entirely capable of writing.
[Stella’s mother doubted her capabilities, but after seeing her high exam marks, and hearing about her first pokemon battle, she allowed her to go. Since she wasn’t her biological child, her safety didn’t really matter. ]
This is not how people behave.
So anyway, your character seems like an annoyingly angsty sue.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8865725/1/Fixing-a-Shattered-Soul
[ I know many of my readers are pissed at me because I haven’t update in the speed they wanted and the fact their favourite stories from me haven’t been updated in a while, but isn’t fanifc suppose to be freedom of how you want the story to go. ]
Opening your story with an author’s note full of errors really doesn’t make you look very good.
[One day Mr. and Mrs. Oak’s house was in flames, killing all three of them all of who were in the house. The only evidence the police have found was a footprint of a fire type Pokemon known as Charizard. Everyone in pallet knew the only person in Pallet that had a Charizard was Ash, so ash was charged for murder. ]
This is stupid.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Conversely, something like “Pallet” needs to always be capitalized, not just when you feel like it.
And now Ash’s friends hate him even though it’s proven he couldn’t have done it, because the plot says so.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, never have two people speaking in the same paragraph and do keep people’s actions together with their speech rather than breaking it up weirdly.
[Charles House]
Don’t announce new locations, work it into the narration.
Anyway, this is a mess, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8865727/1/The-Story-Of-Zelkova
Learn to troll properly.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8865798/1/Larrell-s-Life-as-A-Trainer
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, never have two people speaking in the same paragraph and do keep people’s actions together with their speech rather than breaking it up weirdly.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8865943/1/The-Minus-and-Plus-Show
Pointless, idiotic, and typo-ridden. Try harder.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8866338/1/All-s-fair-in-love-and-war
Capitalize your title properly.
[Dawn berlitz ]
Both parts of her name need to be capitalized.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8866356/1/Challenge-Become-a-Gym-Leader
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[ “I love Pokémon more. They should be partners in battle, and friends all the time. If I had decided to take a League Challenge, I would’ve loved to travel and make good friends with Pokémon.” ]
Yet despite this and all the talk about pokemon generally, they don’t feature at all in this story. You don’t mention what pokemon your character has, let alone show them. Their own desires don’t come up.
[“Well…my parents always wanted me to finish school, and since Pokémon battling is newer around here and my parents are old-fashioned…I just knew it wasn’t something I was allowed to do. ]
There’s no sign that anywhere lacks that tradition. By all appearances, areas can’t even survive without pokemon for protection and travel.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8866557/1/Two-Ashes-Combined
Write out numbers with letters.
Spellcheck is not optional.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[When I was 12 my parents died in a car crash once I got the news I was crushed. I had to go live with my only living family my grandparents. Many time they have said they hate me, but after awhile it doesn’t sting it’s just a numb feeling I guess. ]
Is there any point to this beyond emoing?
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
[” Can you crack this riddle for me. When destiny twines fire with fire, the world will turn to ashes,” ]
Oh god prophesies too?
How on earth did you confuse “yay” and “yeah”?
Get a beta reader, this is a mess.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8866665/1/A-Legend-in-Black
Your setup is incoherent. A kid asking about you doesn’t mean you have to tell them your life story, and if you’re that upset by the idea of telling the truth you can always lie.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
While I’m not a fan of older trainers I like the fact he’s getting his pokemon now and it’s just the traveling he has to wait on.
…a magikarp starter and then the kid bitches about it, like every other magikarp starter. No, the idea they’re strapped for cash doesn’t make much sense – magikarp at least require a fishing rod to get, unlike caterpie that you can get by just walking over and throwing a pokeball. What’s particularly annoying here is this should actually be a really good pokemon for him to have, since he has four years to get it ready to evolve before he actually leaves to try to get badges, but that doesn’t seem to be a factor in the actual decision-making. He shouldn’t be saying he’d rather have a caterpie that’d be practically as useless and evolve into something that’d never be competitive, his parents shouldn’t be defending the choice as being because they can’t afford anything else. It’d have been a nice change of pace for him to be excited about it since it does evolve into gyarados and plenty of people do like fish.
[“Maybe you two should go upstairs and get to know each other,” my father suggested. I didn’t see the point since the fish seemed oblivious to, well, everything,]
This is kind of creepy given the magikarp does seem to be reacting – it’s flopping about because it’s outside of water, then flailing more because he’s touching it and probably removing its slime coat and scraping it. Then he puts it in tap water. This is basically a list of the exact opposite of how to take care of a goldfish. It’d be nice to have some sense he knows what he’s doing, or failing that, make it clearer that magikarp don’t mind this sort of treatment.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8866710/1/Second-Ride
[my trusted Superior by my side ]
Sometimes, spellcheck is wrong.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, never have two people speaking in the same paragraph and do keep people’s actions together with their speech rather than breaking it up weirdly.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
Write out numbers with letters.
Currently high on page 2. People just won’t stop posting.