…I’m caught up?
Huh. How’d that happen?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7767819/1/Sweet_Dreams
[Ages:
Ash – 19
Misty – 18]
First, don’t start off listing ages, it should be clear from how you’re writing them. Second, Misty isn’t younger than Ash, deal with it.
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7767923/1/Glacial_Breath
[Monochrome-shipping (BlackxWhitexN), One-sided Chantilly-shipping (ChilixWhite); Minor Duelrival-shipping (CherenxBel). ]
If you have to put an explanation after each, you might as well just say NamexName directly.
[she made sure not to jostle the sleeping adolescent in her arms too much. ]
…She’s carrying around a sleeping teenager?
[After all, it wouldn’t do her any good if the young one were to wake up and start crying.]
A sleeping teenager who’s described as if a baby. There’s an important moral here, and it’s to not use words if you have only the foggiest guess of what they might mean.
[wild Pokemon ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[She bit her lip and got up. “HEY! OVER HERE!” She yelled, waving her arms erratically and attracting the goons’ attention. ]
So she’s pretty much shouting “Hello I am a decoy!” Subtlety is important. What she could have done is blundered noisily into a bush and pretended it was an accident. Or even started shouting for help, it’s still stupid but it’s not quite as stupid.
Also, dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7768102/1/Just_In_Movies
Spellcheck is not optional. This is terrible. Look up a basic grammar guide before you post.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7768534/1/To_Pass_the_Time
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Someday, I hope people figure out battles are about more than two pokemon exchanging blows.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7768938/1/Every_Queen
[Bring your own food, though,” Lucy stretches ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
[two Pokémon; Her Blaziken and her Mightyena ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or, apparently, “her”.
Also, don’t abuse semicolons.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7768986/1/Pokemon_Mind_Bronze
[15 year old ]
Write out numbers with letters.
[about 5’7 ]
If you’re giving the height down to the inches, there’s no “about” about it. Also, you never need to tell your character’s height down to the inches.
[He wore a brown leather jacket, green t shirt beneath, dark blue jeans, black blazer tennis shoes, and a brown baseball cap and had his pokégear on his left arm. ]
Listing off what someone’s wearing is boring and pointless.
[a wild Pokémon ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Repeating the opening of the games is boring. Everyone’s already done it to death.
[Professor Elm’s Lab ]
Don’t label your new scenes this sort of thing should be clear from the narration.
[I wasn’t supposed to get my Pokémon till next week! You really are going to give me cyndaquil?” ]
Just to be absolutely clear – “pokemon” shouldn’t be capitalized, but when you’re using it as its name, Cyndaquil should.
[“Thank you professor Elm,” said Bronze. “I promise you I won’t fail!”
“Let go cyndaquil!” yelled Bronze as he runs outside of lab with his new partner.]
PROOFREAD.
Look, you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right. You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7769126/1/The_lost_legendary
This is terrible. Look up a basic grammar guide before you post.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7769211/1/Mays_Special_Expedition_Pilot
[Ryan, the Banette ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[“But it’s looks like it’s only a rumor,” Bryan sighed in defeat. ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7769618/1/Someday_Soon
[very first Pokémon ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[“We were hoping you’d stay a while after the Unova league, but we should’ve guessed that you’d have wanted to return home as soon as possible.” Cilan says with a scratch of his neck. ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
[Ash puts his hands in his pockets and looks anywhere but at Cilan and Iris, feeling a little hurt that his friends seem so eager to return home. ]
Wow Ash is an enormous dick, isn’t he? He doesn’t bother saying he’s decided to go home, he just starts on his way, then when he bothers to tell them, they’re upset, but the fact they decide that they guess they’ll go home too since he’s leaving is hurtful and them being eager to ditch him?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7769631/1/Pokemon_Next_Generation
There needs to be more to your story than listing off who your characters’ parents were.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
[Moments Later ]
Don’t label your scene breaks.
Write out numbers with letters.
You’re overrelying on dialogue. You need more narration to balance things out.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7769849/1/mewborn
This is terrible. Look up a basic grammar guide before you post.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7769854/1/Senior_Year_Play_Somoa_Academy
[“Ok, ]
It’s okay, four letters.
[show’s gonna start in five minutes!” She yelled. ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
Also, stop avoiding said. It’s generally better than whatever alternate word you’re trying to force into the sentence.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7769967/1/Eternal_Flower
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
And this really seems to have nothing to do with pokemon or the characters. There’s just a very tenuous connection with roses.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7770188/1/Journey_of_A_Lifetime
[“Follow your dreams son; don’t let my mistakes get in the way.” Flint, who was now revealed to be Brock’s father, emotionally stated. ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
Speaking of said, use it. It’s usually better than whatever other word you’re forcing into the sentence trying to avoid it, always better than “stated”, and infinitely better than the eye-bleeding abomination of “emotionally stated”.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Huh. That’s an interesting idea for a divergence, although I don’t think you really need to spend so much focus on the gym battle part.
…but then I notice the author’s name is the same as the character joining Ash who secretly works for Team Rocket, and my hopes go back down.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7770491/1/The_Villain
[his famed starter Pokemon ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[“And so, with that in mind, I,” she paused to press her hand against her chest and giggle, ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
Not really sure what to make of this. The main character is just as much of a sue, possibly more given how much everything’s revolving around her, just an angsty whiner one, and it comes off as misogynistic the way you’re so furiously bashing Mary Sue but the stu gets a complete pass and is treated as a genuinely nice guy (who’s gay so the sue can’t have him and can get bashed more for not realizing) and joins in on making fun of the sue.
I generally disagree with the idea that mary sue hatred is just stealth bashing of female characters, but it’s hard to see how else to view this.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7770536/1/PokeSpec_High
This is terrible. Look up a basic grammar guide before you post.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7770752/1/Different_Eyes
[Fingers.
She had always wanted fingers.]
Hm. That’s a very different direction to take this.
[“Sorry about the surprise,” the human said, sheepishly. “You’ll get used to it pretty quickly. Think of it as evolving, but a different form to the one you were expecting.” ]
Also hm. Is he just making an analogy to calm her down, or is it actually true that she’d adjust to her new body quickly in the same way as a pokemon adjusts to a new form they get from evolution?
[It’s mainly changed your stature and possibly your mind, so you’re still mostly meowth. And yeah, it’s permanent. ]
So she can’t evolve again, or just that her evolution wouldn’t reset her back to a full persian? I’m assuming it’s the former.
[There was plenty that hadn’t changed, she thought to herself. The charm was untouched, perched on her brow (thank goodness). Her eyes retained their slit-pupils and remained extremely large in proportion to her face, her whiskers had grown if anything, and her ears remained triangular and furry, positioned high on her head, just as they should be.
The changes were mainly proportional. She felt like she’d been stretched on a rack; she was so tall now. At least, taller than before. Her limbs looked – and felt – much more substantial, and her torso, she realised, had nothing like the flexibility she was used to. A more major change was the… enlargement of her chest area. ]
I really don’t see why it’d give her breasts. Breasts are a minor quirk of human evolution, not found in anything else close to us. If she’s keeping all that major stuff, why wouldn’t she also keep the standard system of being flatchested unless nursing?
[Unsurprisingly, there was no footwear, for her hindpaws had remained largely unchanged. ]
Shoes are actually pretty awesome things. It’s not that humans have different feet than everything else and need shoes to function, it’s that wearing shoes was so much of an improvement it became widespread.
If the clothing thing is just a modesty issue, there’s not reason to give her full covering and long pants instead of a short skirt. If it’s a practical issue as well, shoes are very practical.
[We picked you up off the streets of Saffron City, and you opted to go through the process to make you what you are now. ]
That sounds very interesting. How’d they manage that – are humans able to communicate with pokemon to some degree, or do they have first-gen pokemorphs doing the questioning? Is it their own choice or do pokemon have legal rights protecting them from things like this unless they consent?
[There was something else, behind the fatigue. Something wrong. Something her failing memory could not fathom, but that she felt was there. She could not remember why she had chosen to become a ‘pokémorph,’ to become a hybrid, to become something – someone – entirely different to her old self. A self which she could not even remember… ]
Really? It seems kind of clear when she’s thinking about always wanting fingers or [Salem felt a tiny shuddering thrill run up her spine at having spoken. She’d spoken, in human tongue, clearly and without awkwardness. She grinned. ] and such. Or does it just mean she thinks there’s some additional reason?
[The thought like white-rapids hurt ]
You’ve got some minor proofreading errors, and then this, where I’m not even sure what you were trying to say.
This brings up interesting questions of what cross species body dysphoria would look like, and also, what would happen if people who think they’re really an X could actually change themselves (I would guess very bad things).
Also, the bit about evolution makes me think of a setup where all unevolved pokemon are morphs, but if they evolve they’ll end up regular pokemon. That might be an interesting mythic setting – ordinary, low-powered basic morphs, and godly evolved pure pokemon.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7770912/1/Long_Lost_Friend
Write out numbers with letters.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7771242/1/A_Glass_Rose
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
[walked forward and caught the now glass rose that had fire dancing inside of it. ]
You can’t make ice into glass.
What the hell.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7771382/1/Save_the_legendaries
Capitalize your title properly.
[put a short-tempered Darkrai, a Mary Sue wannabe Azelf, a super-posh Latias, and a Sadistic Mawile on ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Also, what you get is a terrible story that manages to make characters that basically have no character OOC.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
And use spellcheck.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7771608/1/Listen
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[“I miss you, Steven.” She whispered into the phone. “I miss you so much more.” came his quick reply. Maylene smiled, “When are you coming again? I wanna make sure I have my surprise face ready.” ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7771688/1/National_School_Of_Battle
[the 13yr old ]
USE WORDS
[He was Sam, he was nice, smart and always kind. Plus he was a top notch battler.
He headed towards his locker. The halls were empty, since he had been kept late after class for maing a smart remark about the teacher being a stuck.
“Meh…” He shrugged it off, bitch deserved it. ]
Aside from your terrible grammar and the fact you didn’t even bother to spellcheck, you seem to not know what words mean and used “nice”, “smart” and “always kind” when you apparently meant “nasty”, “stupid”, “always an asshole”.
[“Help!” A voice called out ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
[Electrode stood infront of a helpless ninetails, as she hid behind him. ]
It’s “ninetales”, and I don’t see why an electrode would be protecting one given ninetales are the stronger pokemon, unless in your world girls get all their abilities halved.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7771882/1/How_to_flirt_with_Guys
Capitalize your title properly.
Nonstory chapters are banned.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7772087/1/Reshape_the_Past
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Repeating the opening of the game has been done to death. If you have a plot, skip to it.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7772174/1/Red_Come_Home
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7772417/1/Nothing_lasts_forever
Capitalize your title properly.
[I think it’s worth making a note about the characterisation in this fic. Everybody is miserable. The explanation for this is long and tedious, so I’ll just leave it at this being based off an RP that had turned really tragically dark. ]
Look, if something has altered to the point it’s original fiction, it’s original fiction, not fanfic. You’re welcome to write it up if it makes a good story, but don’t try to shoehorn it back in as having to do with the pokemon cast.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7772431/1/Pokemon_The_Next_Generation
[Out of the cavern – exiting Mount Silver – a man, riding a Charizard, burst through the shadows of the cave, and out to the mountainside. ]
This is crazy redundant. Out of the cave out of the cave onto the mountain a man on a character came out of the cave onto the mountain. Your writing is all like this, like you’ve lost track of what you were actually trying to say among all the words. You really need a beta reader to help clean this up.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7772513/1/Letters
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7772545/1/Team_Rocket_meets_Team_Twerp
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7772700/1/Champion_X
Chapters should be posted individually and be longer than a paragraph each.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7772706/1/Relighting_the_Path
[I’m not a kid!” He yelled back. ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
[A/N:you neva (never) have a bad time in Unova ]
Never stick author’s notes in your story.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7772806/1/World_of_Secrets
[I leaned back into the seat,”Why did we have to leave? ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks.
[your Pokemon ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[bye mom ]
When used in place of a name, it’s capitalized.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7772860/1/Pokemon_Adamantine
[Each of them was in a crisis, their regions have an overload of powerful trainers, and these trainers are getting out of control. They already made all of the gym leaders only use their strongest Pokémon for gym battles, therefore cutting the wins of opponents by over 75 percent.
At least they stopped new masters from coming in and beating the elite four and the champion for their region at alarming rates.]
I don’t see how it would. The elite four are supposed to be stronger than the gym leaders, so anyone who only won a badge because the gym leader wasn’t going all out shouldn’t beat the elite four.
Also, I don’t see how making badges harder to get would do anything to reduce the overall strength of trainers. If anything it’d just make people improve faster.
[“Oak, we can’t just keep all these trainers sitting around. What if they all decide that they want to take over the regions? ]
Why would all of them decide that at once? Presumably, if anyone decided that other trainers of similar skill would fight them.
Also, if the problem is too many trainers, why are they trying to deal with it at the top end of controlling the strongest instead of just preventing new people from becoming trainers and encouraging current trainers to quit?
[There are too many Pokémon masters.” Rowan gravely stated ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
[yes, a new land. Uninhabited and full of wonders and new challenges. They have already asked for permission for a new program they wish to start.” The other professors waited for Oak to tell them, “A program to pioneer a trainer’s heaven.”
“Trainer’s heaven?” Birch cocked his head inquisitively, “elaborate Professor Oak.”
“Gladly.” He stood and came to the white board behind him, “they have named the region, Outpherm. It is an island filled to the brim with Pokémon, minerals, and temples.” He sketched out a mountain on an island, with beaches, forests, caves, and smaller island around it. It looked as if it was a tiny world rolled into one spot on the planet.
“Outpherm Island is large and can hold many towns. It can be used so trainers, who are the best of the best, can go and really test their strength against each other.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out three poke balls, “inside are the starters for this region. The pioneer program can also reach out o trainers just starting, so they can be raised in an environment full of other trainers, full and accomplished.”]
So their solution to there being too many trainers and the trainers all being too powerful is a new area that’ll make even more powerful trainers. I can see why everything’s falling apart in their home regions if this is their typical level of problem-solving skill.
[Masters and Champions will be required to stay here on the island at all times unless there is an emergency. ]
While this at least makes an attempt at containment, it’s not like it’d actually work. There’s nothing preventing someone from becoming that skilled but not challenging the existing top people so they remain a regular trainer and can leave to go level cities or whatever. And by the time someone does make it up to champion rank, what good are “requirements”? If they decide to leave, what’s stopping them? The other champions? Because that’s no different than the current system having only other trainers around to keep any potential rogue trainers in check.
Look, you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right. You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess.
Such a disappointment. The question of how the regions function with all this kids running around with mountain-leveling monsters is a great one, and this is just using that as background to rip off a Yugioh setting.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7772890/1/Stacked_Deck
[In the twenty-four years I’ve lived, I’ve learned something about humanity. It’s not our intelligence that makes us human. It’s not our emotions either. What makes us human is how inhumanely we treat people that are different from us. If someone does something that differs from the status quo, the holier-than-thou, never-do-wrong angels in the media and the public will tear the person to shreds, even if the transgression isn’t entirely their fault.]
Actually animals totally do that too, except when they decide to tear someone to shreds, it’s not a metaphor. Anyone who’s a trainer dealing with pokemon should have had the idea only humans can be mean beaten out of them years ago.
[a Pokemon ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[“Well, we gotta stamp out them Sandshrew burrows, fer one,” he said calmly. Seeing my horrified look, he quickly added, “Not to kill ’em, Mandi, but to make ’em feel unwelcome here. I ain’t in the business of killin’ Pokemon, okay?” ]
He’s likely killing them still, just indirectly. There’s only limited territory available. Forcing pokemon out of their current homes doesn’t create new areas for them to live, it just means the same number of pokemon are now competing for less space. Either they fail to find new homes and die or they kick another pokemon out of its home to die.
This is a different opening than the usual, but it’s frustratingly vague. I’m sure that was intended but think it’s going too far – I have little sense of where this story’s going, if the next chapter will be interesting or tiresome. Having characters have some background they don’t want to talk about but is going to be important is great, but having that be the only plotline of your first chapter is less of a great idea.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7772946/1/Beyond_the_Pages
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
This is hard to follow because you have very little description, so it’s almost all relying on the dialogue to explain what’s going on.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7773036/1/Change_of_heart
Capitalize your title properly.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Flashback Start]
Don’t label flashbacks.
[Back then it wasn’t only the other Dunsparce who bullied me other pokemon such as geodude and shellder. ]
geodude and shellder…what? Your grammar is a mess.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7773215/1/Brotherhood
Your story is incoherent. Get a beta reader.