Caught up and nearing the end.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7775876/1/Pokemon_Technical_Institute
[sone]
Spellcheck.
[his Pokémon journey ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[5 years ]
Write out numbers with letters.
…stop repeating “the boy” over and over.
[I’ll be a year ahead of you once you get accepted,” she giggled. ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
[“Geeze, kid! You’re pretty good with the “dumb luck” strategy! As much as I’d love to continue this, I’ve got LOTS of others kids to test, so I don’t have time for these silly games any more.”
“Wait, what!” Brooks started inflecting his voice with much more intensity. “You think I’m using “Dumb Luck?” “Silly Games?” Do you think that this battle, this school, means nothing to me! Well guess who just stepped into your ring! That’s right, me: Brooks! And guess what else, you puffed up, arrogant old man! Not only am I gonna win this fight and get into your school, I’m gonna do it by mopping the floor of this stadium with your ugly face! Are you beginning to understand now? Do you realize the sheer magnitude of who you’re facing! I’m Brooks! I’m gonna beat you and waltz out of here without a single DROP OF SWEAT on my face! Do you know why? Can you even comprehend it? It’s because I have to be stronger! I have to best my enemies, my friends, and even myself! With the very fiber of my being, and with my friends at my side, I will always win! Now! Tauros! Use FISSURE!”]
This is stupid. The administrator shouldn’t be acting like a dick, and he shouldn’t be going a tldr generic shonen rant.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7775962/1/Azurism_Story_of_the_Pokemon_World
[oppisited ]
Spellcheck.
Also, creation myths aren’t inherently fascinating, it’s all in how they’re told. Just saying “first this, and then this” and going over ground other fanfics have covered many times before isn’t interesting.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7776222/1/Broken
[shunned himself ]
You can’t, shunning is a thing you do to others.
[The boy didn’t even peak out to check who it was. ]
Peek. You need a beta reader.
And this isn’t much of a story – it’s sort of a snapshot of things, but there’s no real setup or explanation, which makes it hard to care much about the ending.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7776418/1/Oh_My_Darling_Valentine
[“The Ugly Spearow,” he sighed, ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
[ “Can I say goodnight to dad?” ]
When used in place of a name, it’s capitalized.
[“That wouldn’t be wise, sweetheart. He’s working,” she said faintly, licking her lips. It was obvious to eight year old Silver how much those words pained her.
“Please.” He didn’t ask often. Contempt had replaced any real love he felt for that man. ]
…so why’s he asking, and why does he then get upset Giovanni leaves?
Songfic = still banned.
[He’d left home two years after. He’d rejected his mother, his friends, even his mother’s Meowth- any form of love. ]
WHY. You say he already hates his father, and you never explain what his issue is with his mother. It’s not that this is impossible, but you need to give some reason.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7776512/1/That_One_Fic_With_No_Epic_Battle_of_Epic_Destiny
[“No,” he shook his head. ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7776545/1/Kiras_Johto_Nuzlocke
[For anyone that has heard of Nuzlocke, I don’ need to explain, but for those who don’, there will be no fainting of Kira’s pokemon for when they “faint”,…they die instead… ]
And that’s why it’s a terrible idea. Your character has to win almost every fight of every battle. They can’t ever actually lose because that’s the game over condition. And it makes no sense that anyone halfway decent would be trying to be a pokemon trainer when battles are a meat grinder.
Don’t center your story, it’s annoying to read.
Starting a story with your character waking up is terribly overdone and was boring the first time.
[Shadow was my very first pokemon. He’s this oddly colored Sneasel that I found hurt about a week before my birthday. ]
So, sue. Right off the start. I would honestly give you finding a random sneasel, but there’s no reason for odd coloring but to make your character more special.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[inseperable]
Spellcheck.
Don’t jump between first person POV. If you want that, write in third.
And that all seemed like filler. People already know what the opening of the game looks like, having it happen to a different character doesn’t matter if nothing major changes.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7776732/1/MissingNo_A_pokemon_story
This doesn’t seem like a story so much as you just telling characters to do x and y because you say so.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7776939/1/What_about_home
Capitalize your title properly.
This doesn’t actually have anything going on in it. You don’t say why anything’s happening, and it’s all summarized anyway. The story of whatever this is about might have been interesting, but not just the rough overview of one chunk of it.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7777097/1/A_new_journey
Capitalize your title properly.
[Red watched his Snorlax fall to the ground in defeat. The trainer across from him had used a brilliant strategy with his umbreon. As he returned snorlax ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[ok ]
It’s okay, four letters.
[“Uh, hello?” The trainer yelled. ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
[they’re first Pokemon ]
Their. Your story is riddled with basic errors like this.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7777252/1/Pokemon_XD_Gale_of_Shadows
[“The haze has cleared and there are no sign of any animals. Or, normal animals, I should say. We have seen many strange monsters just outside of Jubilife city. Reports are coming in of sightings of these strange monsters all over the world.”]
And what about all the animals that would have been inside? Or people who didn’t get inside and were stuck in the haze?
Also, if it’s part of a name, it’s capitalized like a name, so it’s Jubilife City.
[my Zoroark ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[I didn’t need my Pokédex’s built in translator talk to Zoroark; in fact ever since I was little I had the ability to communicate with Pokémon naturally. ]
Aside from that being quite sueish, what’s the point of even saying there’s a translator in that case?
…and you don’t actually give any clue as to what your story’s about from this. There’s some haze, and then something no one bothers explaining afterward, and then they’re hanging out in a desert, and then you cut off on the “cliffhanger” of explaining, except without the explanation, there’s nothing to care about. You can’t get people to come back by dangling reasons to read your story out of their reach.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7777464/1/The_Chusen_one
This is terrible. Look up a basic grammar guide before you post.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7777763/1/The_Domino_Effect
[The Sadermen family is known for their impressive output of sucessful contest coordinators over the past few generations, they are also known for their snobby attitude, idiotic sense of dress, ]
They obviously can’t be dressing that badly if they’re also winning contests. Also, use spellcheck.
Don’t jump between first and third person. If you mean that to be written, you need to do something to indicate that, like put it in italics.
[Don’t you have judges to kiss up to!” He hollered back ]
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” he said or “Hello!” he said, never “Hello.” He said or “Hello.” he said or “Hello,” He said or “Hello” he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” He grinned, never “Hello,” he grinned or “Hello,” He grinned or “Hello.” he grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” he said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” he said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” he said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” he said, “is it.” If there’s no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like “Hi. This – ” He looked around. “- is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.
[his Umbreon ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[it’s pokeball ]
“It’s” is short for “it is”. “Its” is the possessive.
Look, you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right. You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess.