“Also, try telling the whole typo thing to every author in the world, see if they would recall all their books to fix ‘incredibly simple errors’ for you.”
re: Your review to Genocide
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12707758/
Are you my teacher? XD
About my story
Oct 31Sans the Inkling
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12708656/
I know it’s bad but my teacher said to write fiction story so I thought I might as well make a fanfic. My teacher told us to write a what if story. The only part that is not going to be canon is after when Henry beats Omega Flowey. He gets to meet gaster and stuff when he finds out he can’t leave the game. Also this is my first story.
re: Your review to Warning the King
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12708705/
Okay, I see what you’re talking about. The part where Sans warns Asgore about Frisk is because Frisk will erase the timeline with his determination. Now if Papyrus was spared then Sans wouldn’t have warned Asgore since it would be a Neutral route if Papyrus was spared. And when you asked why Asgore “Didn’t do it already” is because he is a cold hearted Tyrant who has killed many in the past, so hearing something about a killer human would be childs play to him. And Underfell is community owned, anyone’s interpretation can matter to it. And the canon really has not much effect on the au.
re: Your review to Warning the King
9h agoA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12708705/
And other monsters would’ve had a hard time with the skeletons. Papyrus because he’s not afraid to kill and Sans because…you know.
re: Your review to Warning the King
9h agoA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12708705/
And when Sans ran into Asgore’s throne room, he was trying to quickly warn Asgore that Frisk was close. And I’m not sure that in a Genocide Route, A polite greeting would be necessary at the moment since I don’t know…A deranged killer is coming your way!
8h agoBut thanks for the advice. I even updated the story with fixed grammar.
2h agoFor future reference, you can continue a PM chain by selecting it in your outbox instead of sending repeated messages.
[The part where Sans warns Asgore about Frisk is because Frisk will erase the timeline with his determination.]
Why does he think Asgore will be able to stop Frisk? Sans is stronger than Asgore in canon already, and we see here that Asgore is staggeringly incompetent. Why is he bothering with this when he could just intercept Frisk directly?
[And when you asked why Asgore “Didn’t do it already” is because he is a cold hearted Tyrant who has killed many in the past, so hearing something about a killer human would be childs play to him.]
Yes, so why hasn’t he absorbed the souls already? If all he cares about is power, why has he left himself so vulnerable?
[And Underfell is community owned, anyone’s interpretation can matter to it. And the canon really has not much effect on the au.]
Yes, that’s kind of the problem. If everyone’s interpretation is different, the label is meaningless. If you’re working in an AU, we need to know exactly how and where you diverge from canon if we’re to have any hope of following the story. The idea behind a shared AU is supposed to be that you can just say the name and people will know what you’re talking about — but if that’s not possible, you need to explain what’s going on yourself.
13m ago1.) Remember how difficult the Omega Flowey fight was in the game? The souls helped you defeat the boss around the end, so imagine if the souls in a genocide route didn’t want to help you due to your crimes. If Underfell Asgore absorbed the souls then the souls will most likely help Frisk. But if Underfell Flowey absorbed the souls then the souls wouldn’t help Frisk. And true, Sans is stronger than Asgore but I doubt Sans knows where the souls are kept and I don’t think Sans will get far against Asgore without Karmic Retribution(Karmic Retribution only activates in a Genocide Run, though in Fell, Sans might still have it.
2.) I see it because he’s killed 6 humans in the past that he doesn’t feel the need to waste such power on them. Plus, maybe he wants to absorb all seven souls at once to feel the power of the absolute.
3.)I see what you mean. Some people make Underfell practically Hell, Others make Underfell seem like an Emo gathering, and most make them brats. There is one comic series out there that I think really balances the Underfell Universe. There was a cancelled Underfell game by ManiaKnight that went more in depth with their world. It showed that Fell!Sans doesn’t want Asgore to get the human and Papyrus has a heart tucked deep into his dark shell. That’s where I mainly based this story on. There’s a few videos on YouTube about the game.
secs ago[If Underfell Asgore absorbed the souls then the souls will most likely help Frisk. ]
That is not obvious in the slightest. Besides, if he knows this tactic is worse than useless, why is he bothering to gather souls in the first place?
This is exactly what I’m talking about. Your story operates on a ton of assumptions, and you can’t assume the reader is on the same page as you. You need to declare explicitly everything that’s changed from canon and exactly how all the characters work, or else we’re lost at sea without a map. Given that you’re effectively creating a whole new story and characters, I would also argue that you shouldn’t make standalone snippets like this at all — you need to have a full story that establishes all the characters, their personalities, and their motivations before this will mean anything to us.
I don’t like to toot my own horn, but since I haven’t seen anything like what I’ve described I have to — my own Underfell story, “Do No Harm”, is an example of what I’m talking about. I declare the basic concept I’m operating on in the author’s note at the start, and I depict a full narrative that characterizes every character individually. I’d very much like to know what you think of that approach.
15m agoIn Undertale, Flowey didn’t know that the souls woul rebel against him. The same for Underfell Asgore.
12m agoI get it, you’ve been doing this for 10 years already but remember. I’ve been doing this for five months. I’m still a beginner and have a lot to learn. Don’t get me wrong, I accept that you’re trying to help.
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12703906/
Alright. Then dont read. Simple as that. People write for fun, if I wanted to write a book professionally then I would. I write to relax and have fun.
If you don’t know what something is it’s called looking it up. Otherwise why would you bother reading a story about characters you dont know?
And to your ‘points’ AU is alternate universe. Any fanfic reader would know what those mean. Every fanfic is an AU. Otherwise they’re canon.
Yes they are titles. Like Queen of England or President of the United States. You dont lower case those so I dont lower case mine.
Ill give you the grammar one. Can’t be perfect even professional authors have typos.
And again if you don’t like Sans fandom then why the beck are you reading mine when it clearly has Sans listed as a main character
Grow up and stop being a flamer. And dont bother replying.
secs ago[Grow up and stop being a flamer.]
If you think that was a flame, you’re the one who needs to grow up. This is a public website with a public review feature. People are allowed to express their views on your story. If you can’t handle that, move to a site where you have greater control over comments, like Archive of Our Own.
[Can’t be perfect even professional authors have typos.]
Yes, and when people point them out, they fix them instead of acting like someone accused them of murder. Stop acting like this is some grave moral insult. I’m not expecting you to be perfect, I’m expecting you to take five seconds to fix an incredibly simple error when it’s pointed out.
You have received a message from:
Reply link: https://www.fanfiction.net/pm2/post.php?rid=224557067#new
And you could have done it so much better than being rude about it. You could have been nicer in your review instead of with an attitude about the whole thing. If so this conversation would have taken a very different turn. But nope, you weren’t. Instead of saying ‘Hey I noticed that this was like this…’ Or ‘Hey this type of writing is confusing/hectic/etc.’ You say things ‘I don’t like it because of…’
I’m not saying ‘sugar coat it’ or ‘make a crappy writer feel better’ whatever you wish to call it. Just more polite will get you further in life. Let that be a lesson to you. You were rude and snippy to me, I am rude and snippy back.
Also, try telling the whole typo thing to every author in the world, see if they would recall all their books to fix ‘incredibly simple errors’ for you. Deal?
It feels so bizarre to talk to authors so strongly segregated from what actual books and publishing look like.
re: Your review to Captain Of The Guard
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12705868/
Thank you for your review, all feedback is appreciated. I will be sure to correct my grammar mistakes.
Now to answer your story-related concerns, the broad answer is that I am filling in some of the gaps of information that the game leaves and that this involves some level of world building. I see that I was not clear enough in some things, so I will need to correct that as well.
As for Alphys, I can guarantee she will be important in this story. I also hope to write a story centered on her in the Near-Genocide Ending (both on her evacuation of the monsters and on her rule of the Underground after the fact).
re: Your review to In for the Long Run
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12703827/
Thank you so much for Your feed back, I Will be sure to fix that in my other fanfic (since this one is finished and I’ve already started another one) but since I’m Half way through the second one, sudden changes might look weird…I can still make them if they bother you though. Its up to you.
re: Your review to Try to Play Nice
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12705010/
Oh, I’m sorry…I just prefer to write in a different perspective…but I can try being more descriptive! It might take longer to upload though…I’ll see what I can do.
re: Your review to Try to Play Nice
4h agoA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12705010/
It might look like I didn’t listen to you at all in this most recent chapter…but I didn’t read your reviews until after😅. I’m working on a chapter now, and doing my best to work in you critique, tell me if its any better!
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12705462/
I’ve seen other people do this, you know. It was never complained about then. Where did you find this information? And why did everyone ignore it until now?
secs agoThe guidelines you were supposed to read before you posted.
10m agoYou still haven’t answered me. I’ve seen many other people do this, and no one cared.
secs agoWell, they should have. The archive is for stories. It’s really inconsiderate of you to throw non-stories into the mix. Please make this site a little easier to use.
It’s interesting how this person is using almost identical arguments to the last author of this genre I reviewed. I suspect they’re effectively their own fandom, and have well-rehearsed party lines for this eventuality. Seems doubtful that anything short of actual takedowns will get through to them.
Nov 1Crystal Tempest
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12706896/
The summary does tell what it’s about. It says and I quote”It’s Dadster stuff with hints of KingDings” It also saysI’m”up doing this at ungodly hours of the night” So please excuse my tiredness and lack of a beta reader.
There are spaces in between the punctuation unless you are talking about contractions which aren’t supposed to have spaces with the apostrophes. I chose not to separate the Author’s notes,however,on this piece I forgot to bold my A/N. My apologies.
I have noticed the incoherence spots (not all of it was incoherent) And was already working to fix them. I just don’t have as much time as I would like.
I’ve also noticed the grammar areas I need to fix. Thank you telling me how to do my job. This was a rough draft I had put out at three am.
Thank you for the constructive criticism… It is much appreciated.
secs ago[The summary does tell what it’s about. It says and I quote”It’s Dadster stuff with hints of KingDings”]
No, that just tells us the genre. What is the plot/setting/circumstance? What makes this story unique?
[It also saysI’m”up doing this at ungodly hours of the night” So please excuse my tiredness and lack of a beta reader. ]
You’re not on a deadline. If you know you’re not capable of making a good product at the present time, wait until you can.
[There are spaces in between the punctuation unless you are talking about contractions which aren’t supposed to have spaces with the apostrophes.]
I’m talking about after commas. You do it here too.
1h agoWhile I´m not on a dead line, I am inclined to update when I can. 3 am is just the regular time. The plot is going to be all over the place as it says in my back story/information chapter. This story is unique in it´s randomness and lack of planning. Half of this is stuff I wrote at 2 am.
Don´t tell me that that is a bad way to write, as I find that with other writers,I like it that way. This is kind of a mango or chocolate situation. If you don´t like that type of writing style, then don´t read. Don´t get chocolate if you don´t like chocolate. If you´re a mango person, get mango. It´s that simple.
Thank you for the advice…
re: Your review to Eccentricity
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12706174/
Yeah, my English teacher just finished going over dialogue in class, so hopefully that’ll get better.
Anyway, I just threw that headcannon in there since it was part of the request.
Thank you for your advice. I don’t get a lot of grammar criticism here. Thanks for reading, too.
Re: Your Review
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12704594/
Explaining the backstory shouldn’t simply be dumped at the very beginning of a tale, it should be interwoven naturally through the story. Which is what I’m trying to do. Also…really? You’re going to complain about SENTENCE STRUCTURE and how I form dialogue? Also, I don’t know how to tell you this, but there’s plenty of people who DO use dialogue on this site just like that. A period after “hello” isn’t really that big of a deal. The fact you chose to focus on THAT kind of comes across as nitpicking.
secs ago[Also, I don’t know how to tell you this, but there’s plenty of people who DO use dialogue on this site just like that.]
Yes, and they’re wrong. Go to Grammar Girl, please. Grammar is not optional, it’s necessary to understand the story. I’m not going to compliment your architecture if you built your house on a swamp, I’m going to point out your house is sinking.
3m agoMost people really don’t care if there’s a period after something like “Hello”. They care about the characters, the setting, the environment, the detail. They care about the humor or the way you can be invested in a world. You’re missing the forest for the trees.
secs agoMost people do care, but can’t be bothered to say anything because reviewing is dead. And, once again, I don’t care how pretty your architecture is if your house is a pile of rubble because you built it on a swamp.
6m agoYou keep using that allegory, when really, it’s not the architecture that a story is built on, but more like PART of the architecture. The foundation of a story isn’t grammar, but plot. Grammar’s just one aspect of how the plot is told along with detail and the like. Now you’re coming across as somewhat elitist.
They are right, it is an awkward metaphor — I kind of came up with it on the spot. Anyone have any better ideas?
re: Your review to It wasn\’t my fault!
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12706520/
Thank you for reading and reviewing my story. I find it pleasing to see that my writing isn’t going unnoticed on this website. While I am thankful for the advice, I would like to point out that I was not trying to remain canonical while writing this, and I stated at the end of the story that “This is my own headcanon”.
I understand your issue with the grammatical errors, and will correct them as soon as possible. My mistake with the title was only because I originally had it in quotation marks. I’m fairly new to the site, so I was not aware that they would not transfer.
Lastly, this was not meant to be a seriously canonical story. I sacrificed accuracy canon-wise for humor, for example, when I have Frisk make a ridiculous comment about their soul matching Chara’s eyes. This oneshot was meant to make fun of the fandom, not tell a serious story. If it were, I would remain much closer to known concepts.
Thank you for the feedback.
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12705763/
I’m sorry about the mistakes, its my first fabric on this site and I’m still getting the hang of it, also there is punctuation, even though you said all that, did you read it? Did you like it? Tell me when you get this
P.S., I have over 107 chapters left and am about to upload 3 and 4, also I’m still writing it
They wrote a reply-review before this: “To all douches who say it has no punctuation, it has punctuation, you’re just criticizing a 15 year olds prized labor, oh and BTW, I have over 105 chapters left, and I’m still writing it, I’m sorry if there is no line between my work and my title, I’m typing this on my computer, even though the layout sucks, the story is quite nice, see you all in the next chapter, Garden of Spiders”
secs ago[there is punctuation]
Not enough. All sentences need to end in punctuation, not just some of them.
[did you read it?]
I already answered this in the review.
6m agoDid you enjoy the story so far, even with the mistakes?
secs agoWhen someone says “This makes me not want to read your story”, that is typically a hint that they did not read your story.
Incidentally, the review section is not a comment section. People do not get notifications for your reply-reviews, so don’t waste your time.
re: Your review to She\’s All I See
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12704186/
that’s no a quote from the story, those lines never actually happen in the story. i figured this summed up the story perfectly without spoilers. papyrus has been dreaming about a woman for months, and started to become obsessed with her, thinking she’s real. that’s the story’s summery, but just saying that is kinda boring, so i decided to make it the way it is here. i think summaries like this are more interesting, and it gives you the plot, as well as show the writer’s writing style.
edit: after looking at the summery again, it seems fucked with me and cut my summery off. when i posted this story, it showed that the entire summery was posted, though obviously not. i redid the summery, though it is a bit more boring, in my opinion, than the one i have on AO3.
I understand what you mean by this, though personally, i like seeing the chapter’s name in the text. i will take this into consideration, though.
i’m not sure how those slipped past me when proof reading. thanks.
i did this not in past tense because that hasn’t changed, it’s still broken, and they still have to take the stairs. i’m not sure how to explain why i did that, though if this bothers more than one person, i’ll change it.
i’ve seen a lot of people use more than three dots for ellipses, including Undertale its self. (Napstablook talks with way more ellipses than anyone i’ve seen, IE “……….oh no………………..”)to me, it conveys how long that person pauses for in a sentence, or how low they are talking. in terms of the reader, using a lot of ellipses before and after they talk conveys that they pause for a long time before and after they speak, and that they are talking very low. ellipses may be three dots, but you can have more than one ellipses beside each other. people do it all the time.
i’m not sure what you mean by weird errors that make the story hard to follow. can you elaborate for me?
secs agoRe: ellipses, video games do that because they have no better way to denote pauses of different length. In prose, you do. Different mediums have different ways of doing things.
[i’m not sure what you mean by weird errors that make the story hard to follow.]
Grammatical errors, like the ones I pointed out in the review. If you can’t see them, you need to find someone who does. Check these threads:
re: Your review to Johanna VS Errortale
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12705970/
This is not an AU. Well, not one I created. And if someone decided to read this without knowing what Error tale is, that’s on them. Also, not every one is perfect in every way.
36m agoAlso, if you have something negative to say about a story, please PM the author of the story. Putting the criticisms in the reviews actually does turn away readers.
secs ago[Also, if you have something negative to say about a story, please PM the author of the story.]
No. The purpose of reviews is to let readers express their views on the story.
[And if someone decided to read this without knowing what Error tale is, that’s on them.]
Yes, but you’ll get more readers if you explain what the AU is. It’s to your benefit.
[Also, not every one is perfect in every way.]
This is true, but I fail to see how it is relevant to this conversation in any way.
1m agoHmm, as I do not wish to debate this, I will end this…. Conversation here. Farewell.
secs agoIf you don’t want to debate this, why did you respond in the first place?
2h agoI just wanted to let you know