January Romance Pokeauthors, Week 2

In which I track down multiple PDFs of published books to supplement a painstaking explanation of how dialogue is written only to get told that while they agree I’m totally right, their reviewers don’t care so they’re not going to bother changing it.

re: Your review to Alola High- Where Lifetime Changes Await!

Jan 7TicciWorkQueenJeanne
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12311991/

I’ll write dialogue how I read dialogue. Canon sources captialize Pokemon’s names. This is a crossover between Anime world and Game world. So please stop trying to act high and mighty.

Jan 7Please read an actual book sometime.
Jan 7I read the entire Harry Potter series in a month in the second grade so please for the love of Arceus lighten up you’re annoying everyone.
Jan 7Then you should probably read it again and pay attention to how it formats dialogue.
Jan 7And currently I’m reading Arabian Nights. You know, the one where it has a hundred stories? Generally when you put “Bla bla,” it means you’re going to continue that sentence. I take pride in my writing as I’m sure other writers on this site do, and to have you copy paste the same “advice” on every story over and over and over like you’re some god that can do no wrong? Yeah. It’s annoying and makes people not want to pay attention to you.

Jan 7[And currently I’m reading Arabian Nights. You know, the one where it has a hundred stories?]

And how do they format dialogue?

[Generally when you put “Bla bla,” it means you’re going to continue that sentence.]

I genuinely have no idea what you mean by this.

Jan 7They format like how I do, thanks. Some sentences end with commas instead of periods in dialouge. And if you can’t realize what I mean I probably shouldn’t even be arguing with you. It’s pretty obvious.

Jan 7[Some sentences end with commas instead of periods in dialouge.]

Yes, just like I said in the paragraph. Can you tell me which sentences, specifically, end in commas and which end with periods?

Jan 7Dude, it’s got a hundred stories and it’s in my mom’s cat RN. I can’t pull proof out of nowhere. You’ll have to take my word for it. A example if like this-

Leaf fidgeted. “Whatever.”
“Whatever,” Leaf fidgeted.

Jan 7[“Whatever,” Leaf fidgeted.]

That sentence does not make sense, for the reasons I explained in the paragraph. It is a comma splice.

You can take as much time as you need, but I would like to see direct quotes from the book using both speaking and non-speaking verbs.

Jan 7The soonest you’ll get it is monday tbh
and with all honesty i do mean it in the context like.
“Whatever,” Leaf fidgeted, “It doesn’t even matter anyway.”
A lot of fics I read did this so that’s how I do it. .n.
I’d much rather get commentary on how to improve plot points and personality. You do seem good at reviews so why not just do that instead?

Jan 7[“Whatever,” Leaf fidgeted, “It doesn’t even matter anyway.”]

That is a quote from the Arabian Nights?

[A lot of fics I read did this]

That means little. A lot of fics make mistakes, as they are not proofread by professional editors like published books are. If you are in doubt, you should look to published books for examples, not fics.

[I’d much rather get commentary on how to improve plot points and personality.]

I do, when I can understand what’s going on. Asking me to examine the plot in a story full of errors is like saying “So I know my house is falling apart because I built it on a swamp, but would it kill you to appreciate the architecture?” Grammar is not optional; it is the foundation you need before anything else.

Jan 7This is from Richard Burton’s translation of the Nights:

[when the King had fully comprehended its import,
he said, “I hear and I obey the commands of the beloved brother!”
adding to the Wazir, “But we will not march till after the third day’s
hospitality.”]

Note that this still makes sense if we remove the quotes: [when the King had fully comprehended its import, he said, I hear and I obey the commands of the beloved brother! adding to the Wazir, But we will not march till after the third day’s hospitality.] But this is only because “said” and “added” are speaking verbs; as in, they can be used to describe how words are spoken. The King says “I hear and I obey the commands of the beloved brother!” then immediately adds “But we will not march till after the third day’s hospitality.”

Here is a different example:

[Now, when Shah Zaman saw this conduct of his sister-in-law he
said in himself, “By Allah, my calamity is lighter than this! My brother
is a greater King among the kings than I am, yet this infamy goeth on in
his very palace, and his wife is in love with that filthiest of filthy slaves.
But this only showeth that they all do it and that there is no woman but
who cuckoldeth her husband, then the curse of Allah upon one and all
and upon the fools who lean against them for support or who place the
reins of conduct in their hands.” So he put away his melancholy and
despondency, regret and repine, and allayed his sorrow by constantly
repeating those words, adding, “‘Tis my conviction that no man in this
world is safe from their malice!”]

Note that this time, the first part of dialogue ends with a period, and then the next sentence is capitalized. That’s because [So he put away his melancholy…] does not describe the preceding dialogue, and instead starts a new sentence.

I can’t find a specific example of dialogue being directly paired with a non-speaking verb from my quick skim of the PDF, but there are examples out there.

Jan 7Ah, here we go:westeros . ir/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/A-Feast-for-Crows-George-R.-R.-Martin . pdf

[ “Often. And this”—Petyr gestured at the parchment—”is the proof of it.”]

This — interrupting dialogue mid-sentence with a non-speaking verb — is the most complicated dialogue rule in English, and there isn’t a full consensus on it. However, publishers all agree that using commas like you do for speaking verbs doesn’t make sense — usually a dash, like here, is used instead, to note an interruption that’s distinct from the normal ending of a spoken sentence. Sometimes, an ellipses may be used instead, to denote a longer or unhurried pause.

And only a few lines below, we have this:

[ “I see.” Lord Nestor rolled the parchment. “You are… dutiful, my lord. Aye, and not without
courage. Some will call this grant unseemly, and fault you for making it. The Keeper’s post has never been hereditary. The Arryns raised the Gates, in the days when they still wore the Falcon Crown and ruled the Vale as kings. The Eyrie was their summer seat, but when the snows began to fall the court would make its descent. Some would say the Gates were as royal as the Eyrie.”]

“Lord Nestor rolled the parchment” is not a mid-sentence interruption, so it is separated from the dialogue cleanly. However, it doesn’t describe how he’s saying his dialogue, so a period is used for the dialogue to show that it’s a separate action.

What I’m getting at here is that these rules don’t exist for a reason. They convey important and often subtle information, and it’s therefore helpful to your readers if you make sure to use them.

Jan 7When more than one person complains about it, I will change it. But thank you for the advice, anyway.
Jan 8Multiple people have already complained about it: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/21887406/1/Writing-Guide-Part-One-Grammar
Jan 8I mean in my reviews -_- If my readers have no problem right now, then I will not change it. I like my writing the way it is anyway.
re: Your review to Pokemon Xtra Dimension: Army of Shadows
Jan 8TheLoZKing
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12312662/

I appreciate your criticisms, and after consulting a handful of grammar books, I can conclude that most of your tips are correct. Only one is actually wrong, and that is your statement about single quotes. In all my research, single quotes were consistently said to be used for character thoughts, especially when writing something by hand as italicizing is not possible in said situation. I understand that some people might mistake single quotes for double quotes, but that is a moot point due to the fact that most everyone follows dialogue inside single quotes with [(X) thought] or [thought (X)], so any confusion from then on cannot be made the fault of the writer. Many thanks for the review, and I will try to remember your tips for correct formatting of written dialogue. Happy trails.

I looked this up and they actually are correct… for archaic usage. Modern works don’t format thoughts this way and all the sources I saw were quick to note this, so I’m not sure where they’re getting this from.

Your Review to heartbeats and chance meets
Jan 9purpleprincess1147
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12314389/

Ah, thank you! I hadn’t realized that I had forgotten to specify the world. And thank you for the tip! I’ll try out your suggestion and see what I can do to make it all a bit less awkward. Thanks for taking the time to give me a few tips. It is most appreciated.~purpleprincess1147

re: Your review to Stimulation
Jan 6Jiro Uchiha
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12309187/

thanks for reminding me. I must have forgotten to proofread it since I was having a hard time getting a proper flow lol.

I sometimes capitalize words referring to specific Pokémon out of habit, but I see your point, but if I’m referring to a Pokémon by it’s species name, I usually capitalize it since it is the proper name of the species, but I understand what your saying. I’m not very knowledgeable about the ins and outs of grammar since I’ve actually never heard terms like ‘speech verb’ before.

And I actually have no idea how to separate Author’s Notes with a horizontal line actually. Been wondering for a while, so I’ve always spaced out paragraphs in italics more than usual to symbolize that it’s something different.

As for a new speaker equaling a new paragraph, I’ve never actually heard that before. I always tried to keep my paragraphs a bit smaller so they don’t run on, but a new one every time someone speaks doesn’t really make much sense to me, especially if the conversation is going to last for a thousand words or more. I’d actually like to know the reasoning behind it if you’re aware of it.

I appreciate your criticism honestly, and I’ll make sure to keep what you said in mind for the future. Thanks

Jan 6You can add horizontal lines by editing your chapter in the Document Manager. It’s a button at the top, with the other text formatting buttons.
Jan 9thanks a lot homie, I appreciate that
re: Your review to Pokemon Amourshipping: Battle your Way Through it!
Jan 8HotSpicy
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12271815/

Might I recommend you a psychologist?
What in hell is actually wrong with your brain. Reviews are called reviews for a reason, not the ‘correct the writer on every single problem with their fanfiction’ section
People use genuine reviews unlike yours to see what others think of the story. They don’t want to see your useless words rambling about which section the story belongs in.
Now onto your capitalisation things. This is actually a matter of opinion, whether you like it or not. To hardcore Pokemon fans like us writers (not you, you’re 100% irrelevant in this world), we spell Pokemon with capital letters. We feel strongly about them as Pokemon fans. You and Ms. Farla are NOT serious fans of Pokemon. I doubt you’ve even played the games. You’re honestly here just to take the piss out of people. Anyway, to the point. You DO NOT feel strongly about Pokemon, and therefore DO NOT feel the need to capitalise their names.
As I say, it’s a matter of opinion. Also, if you’re here on fanfiction to read Pokemon fanfictions, you won’t be finding any that do not capitalise Pokemon names except from your teacher Farla and her friends. I hope you die correcting people. Good day to you, dumb sir, and I drink to your short life.

Jan 8[Reviews are called reviews for a reason, not the ‘correct the writer on every single problem with their fanfiction’ section]

That is, in fact, what reviews are for. Reviews are called reviews and not ‘uncritical praise’ for a reason.

[You and Ms. Farla are NOT serious fans of Pokemon.]

That is a hilarious accusation. Do you actually know anything about Farla? Pokemon was the first video game she ever played, and she has likely been on this site longer than you’ve been alive. Do a little research, child.

Jan 8Oh might I ask you how you know anything about Farla? Are you some creepy freaking stalker?

Again, you misunderstand. Telling people which World their story belongs in IS NOT a review. My, my, you should really pay attention. I wasn’t referring to you talking about capitalisation. I was talking about you being a prick about catergory business.

Hilarious accusation is it? Do a little research? Give me a link to a well-known page that contains a biography of Farla. Even so, biographies would never mention their first game. You didn’t even mention that Farla actually enjoyed playing it.

Oh? And what about you? What do you know about Pokemon? Forget about Farla for now. What do you know? Don’t say she played it as her first video game. YOU are the big problem here. Was it yours? Evidently not, as you would have said that rather than only mention Farla!

Final point: You are the one assuming right now. Just as bad as accusing. You are assuming Farla’s account is older than me as a person and I am a child. Oh my, you a a real hypocrite. I can’t wait to get the whole Pokemon community on Twitter against you.

Jan 9[Telling people which World their story belongs in IS NOT a review.]

It is, actually. But if you don’t want to be told how to take ten seconds to fix a minor error that will help your readers, you can block me and you’ll never have to hear from me again.

Jan 9Most people don’t even select the ‘game’ or ‘anime’ or ‘manga’ setting when they search for Pokemon (the franchise needs a capital) fanfiction.
That aside, I want to say sorry for being angry at you. I’m quite the perfectionist myself but when I see someone even more of a prick about everything being the way it should than I do, I flip. Sorry for that. I won’t block you as it would help me to control these emotions if I saw more and more of your ‘reviews’.

Jan 9[Most people don’t even select the ‘game’ or ‘anime’ or ‘manga’ setting when they search for Pokemon (the franchise needs a capital) fanfiction.]

Are you sure about that? I am totally unfamiliar with the anime and manga, and I imagine many other people are as well. I always filter out anime fic.

Jan 10Okay you know what forget that please read the second part of the message I sent.

Reported them for the death threat, haven’t gotten a response back yet. The moderators move in mysterious and likely backlogged ways.

re: Your review to Into the City
Jan 10Littleluc
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12311246/

Thanks for the pointer, I’ll make sure to do that in the future!!!

re: Your review to In the Snow
Jan 10Theendofthestart
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12315809/

Thanks for the proper grammar lesson, but I’m just doing this for fun, and if it’s no fun for you to read a story that has a lot of grammar errors, in sorry ;(But I’m only trying to get the point across, thanks anyway

re: Your review to In the Snow

Jan 10A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12315809/

Oh, and thanks for the tip on the anime world thing, I didn’t notice! :D

You have received a message from:

Fanphasegirl
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/7354758/

Reply link: https://www.fanfiction.net/pm2/post.php?rid=203322490#new
——————–

Subject: re: Your review to Marry Me

A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12316864/

I’m glad you enjoyed it and have time to comment please have a good day and enjoy whatever else you do from here. Thank you again

——————–

Not only did they block me and repost the story after this, they deleted and reposted the story again with a weird passive-aggressive message. Is there another person bothering them, I wonder?

re: Your review to Ribbons that tie us
Jan 10SylveonSays
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12314541/

Thanks for the feedback! I’m new to writing on this site, so the interface is still pretty unfamiliar. I really appreciate the review, and I hope I can improve on my stories in the future. I hope you have a nice day!

re: Your review to Pokemon High School Rebellion
Jan 10Crusherboy93
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12299506/

Thank you for that advice and I did go in and fix it up

re: Your review to Pokemon Love Story: Agencyshipping
Jan 11POKE2k3
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12314447/

Thank you for the help. I’ll try to implement this in my future stories. I thank you for showimg me my mistakes. And though it hurts, I know you were just trying to help so thanks anyway.

re: Your review to Nights on Lanakili
Jan 11Vidyaboy567
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12317350/

I see your reasoning and I will adjust accordingly, thank you for the information. Also, apologies on the disregard of paragraphs, I worked on this using only my phone and now that I have a laptop for usage I shall fix that up, thank you for the feedback.

why do so many people write on their phones why would you do that why do you hate yourself that much

Fair
Jan 11SinkheadStinkhead
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12317789/

Thank you very much for your feedback, perhaps I’ll hold back on updating to revise this chapter. This is my first continuous “story” and it makes me happy to see an objective critique instead of… Well, anything else to be honest, good reviews aren’t always helpful.

Also on the Arceus thing, I feel that is subjective, and it may not change. Please understand if it does not.

re: Your review to I’m Here Now
Jan 11Rosethethief
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12318339/

Thank you, I really do appreciate the feedback and constructive criticism.

However, when it comes to proper capitalization of Pokemon names, I don’t apply this rule because a couple years back, another author on here kept shoving that stuff down my throat. But that’s all I’m going to say about that for now.

Your Review
Jan 12NaturalDreamer
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12319767/

Thank you very much for pointing out the grammar mistakes. I’ll make sure to remember them in my future chapters/stories.

I hope you have a great day!

re: Your review to To Ignite a Blossoming Flower
Jan 13Zurinnya
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12319910/

Hello, Elmo’s Fire.

I greatly appreciate the feedback and advice you have presented to me. I have not written very much in the past, as you can see the results. Unfortunately around the time I started this small project, I had no real reliable beta-readers on hand, just a few friends. Until I can find one, I will keep thoroughly looking with my works for any future mistake! However, I am taking what you stated before into account, as its very helpful! Thanks again.

re: Your review to Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Spirits Of Radiance
Jan 14DreamCrawler
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12320716/

Thank you for the review. I̶f̶ ̶o̶n̶l̶y̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶a̶n̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶F̶a̶r̶l̶a̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶o̶n̶l̶y̶ ̶r̶e̶v̶i̶e̶w̶s̶ ̶f̶i̶r̶s̶t̶ ̶c̶h̶a̶p̶t̶e̶r̶s̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶s̶e̶e̶n̶ ̶a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶.̶

re: Your review to Sweater Weather
Jan 14Torrencee
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12320989/

THANK YOU. Truly… I love feedback. It’s so needed. I am definitely looking towards improving, so this helps!
I will definitely look into it today.

re: Your review to Sweater Weather

Jan 14A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12320989/

Okay, sorry I wrote the last message half asleep, but thanks for the help. Dialog can be tough on me.
In fact writing overall is tough, but I mean I am trying to improve.
Still thanks for taking the time to post that because I will try to be more careful about it next time I do write. ^^

Well I don’t listen erll
23h agonarutoniue
Wow, you have nothing better to do, do you? Feel free to do it your way, and I’ll do it my way. Do not bother me again with your useless reviews.And I do know how to write and actually have published works, so yeah.
re: Your review to Oceans Away – Palletshipping
21h agoReggiePalletshipping
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12321131/

Hey! I really appreciate this because I didn’t expect anyone to say anything, and just let me go through this writing it all wrong. I’m gonna try to finish the changes that you pointed out and try to execute them in further chapters, but knowing me I’m going to slip up somewhere, so if you do decide to continue reading, I hope that you point them out. Thanks again for telling me this – it’s really going to help me with the rest of the story. 3

11 Comments

  1. Roarke says:

    In which I track down multiple PDFs of published books to supplement a painstaking explanation of how dialogue is written only to get told that while they agree I’m totally right, their reviewers don’t care so they’re not going to bother changing it.

    I’d actually be interested in getting a hold of this for my own betterment.




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  2. GoldenFalls says:

    Many a paragraph is white.

     

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    1. Agggghhhh. I thought I fixed them earlier but touching the post must have collapsed the line breaks again and wrecked the code. There has to be a better way to do this.




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      1. Septentrion says:

        I would think there would be a 100% method of fixing it using a stylesheet, but HTML and CSS  is my worst coding subject




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        1. Farla says:

          What’s going on is the text has no set color. FFN’s no-set-color is black in its stylesheet, like most of the internet. The no-set-color here is white. The fix is to highlight the text and set the color to something dark, but WordPress has a weird little quirk where paragraph breaks sometimes also reset formatting, which means it defaults back to white.




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      2. Anonymous says:
        I have to ask, why use all the fancy formatting with boxes and colours and all that? Why not just put all the review replies into a plain-text format like the reviews?

        (This might be explained somewhere else already; apologies if it is, I’m still a fairly new visitor to this blog.)




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        1. Act says:

          It’d be extra work — this is how it copies from FFN.




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          1. Ah, well, actually, this was true on Blogger, but not anymore. I did this by pasting in Blogger, then copying the source code over. For some reason WordPress will replicate everything except the line breaks. (Pasting it directly into WordPress looks even worse, though.)




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            1. Act says:

              I stand corrected!




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              Reply
            2. Farla says:

              It’s not exactly all line breaks, it’s something about the control+shift breaks we add.




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              Reply
        2. Farla says:

          If you’re familiar with it, copy/pasting FFN’s formatting means not having to do much formatting yourself.

          If you’re not familiar with it, the fact it’s a mess of code that really wasn’t supposed to be copied can result in some problems.




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