Lot of bad grammar and dubious Ash-sue decisions today. 

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12797533/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-Corrupted-Light

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You also have a ton of typos and grammar mistakes. You really need a beta reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12797690/1/A-series-of-odd-events

Capitalize your title properly.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

“Its” is the possessive form. “It’s” means “it is” only.

[ The little girl squeaked and ran faster, working on prying the spearow off the strange pokemon.]

Your sentences have problems that make them jarring and uncomfortable to read. Sometimes they’re fragments and other times, like here, you’re cramming together two different things and ending up with her apparently running faster while prying the spearow off. You should try reading aloud or something.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12797751/1/Pokemon-Gold-Nuzlocke

Try harder.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12797761/1/Unrightful-Infamy

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

There’s a difference between stupidity and humor. One’s funny, for one thing.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12797888/1/In-the-Near-Future

[The long blonde-haired trainer focused back on the birdlike pokémon only a few metres from her. Charcoal feathers downed his back until meeting with a splayed arrangement of blood-orange plumage, sporting a limp tail that twitched with impatience. The enormous striped beak erupting from the pokémon’s turned face parted slightly as a throaty rumble murmured through the air around it. Strong wings hung from the creature’s side, ready to expand at a moment’s notice.]

This is the kind of description that just makes visualizing the pokemon harder rather than easier. “Birdlike” means resembling but not actually a bird when this is actually a bird, “charcoal” makes me think you mean burns given this is in battle (plus…the dust is pure black, but the chunks aren’t, they’re more mottled silvery, which isn’t the color of toucannon at all), “erupting from” followed by an actual sound but not connected to it… And really, none of this sounds anything like “focus”. Instead it’s slowing the story to a crawl at what’s supposed to be a tense moment to pile on adjectives.

[She watched the psychic force collide with the invisible barrier protecting her from any incoming attacks, dissipating as the shield’s properties cancelled out any energy of pokémon origin.]

This is a bit similar, where it’s adding in detail that probably shouldn’t be there. An invisible barrier is more reasonable than an invisible barrier that’s somehow also able to sense “pokemon origin” energy and then is designed to let through any shrapnel that isn’t such – all the extra bit does is raise a lot of questions about how it does that and what counts as pokemon origin and what benefit there could possibly be to letting through dangerous things that aren’t of pokemon origin. If an attack hits the field and throws up rocks, wouldn’t those rocks not count as pokemon-origin-energy even as they potentially kill anyone they hit? Does it still somehow count even though it was a secondary effect, and if so, would another rock hit by those rocks count, and…

[the alakazam again turned to her small cube and took another quick nibble. With each bite, the woman knew the psychic type was regaining strength. She had to remove it.

“Get in closer, Ty, and take those damn leftovers!”]

Then there’s the issue of game mechanics, which are really at odds with trying to make this sound real. Yeah, the meta is full of substitute/leftovers. But the meta is full of all sorts of things that really don’t make sense actually happening, and further, the meta is the polar opposite of anything to do with actual bonds with pokemon or thoughts about their own feelings and struggles. A world with metagame items and a world where a trainer keeps a feather memento don’t fit well together.

Honestly, I’m not sure the big focus on the blow by blow of the battle was needed at all- you write the attacks getting traded pretty well, but it seems disconnected to the point of the rest of the fic. I think a part of that is because it’s treated as a puzzle, rather than getting inside her head and showing how she feels the whole time. The battle is supposed to be a big deal because her pokemon comes through for her, but the attention is on what the attacks look like or what move she should order next.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12798147/1/Pokemon-mysteries-of-shadow

Capitalize your title properly.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12793585/1/TPMJ-Trials-of-a-Pokemon-Trainer

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

“Your” is possessive, “you’re” is short for “you are”.

[Red became embarrassed, realising he’d never told his wife about that day. “You know how she had a crush on me, right?”

Delia nodded; how could she forget? She remembered all the times Misty became jealous because of the attention Red gave her. “She didn’t like me in the beginning.”]

…so, Red marries Delia instead of Misty, but then somehow Misty is still around to hang out with Red’s son Ash and given the togepi it sounds like the general anime sequence happened. Is one supposed to be the daughter of the other? Am I missing something?

[Ash’s Pokémon:

On Hand:

Pikachu (Electric) (Male)

Pidgeotto (Normal/Flying) (Male)

Ivysaur (Grass/Poison) (Male)

Charizard (Fire/Flying) (Male)

Wartortle (Water) (Male)

Rhydon (Ground/Rock) (Female)

Riolu (Fighting) (Male)

Dragonair (Dragon) (Female)

Ralts (Psychic/Fairy) (Male) (Shiny)

Grubbin (Bug) (Female) (Shiny)

At Oak’s Ranch:

Arcanine (Fire) (Male)

Nidorino (Poison) (Male) (Shiny)

Umbreon (Dark) (Male) (Shiny)

Raticate (Normal) (Female)

Butterfree (Bug/Flying) (Male)

Kingler (Water) (Female)

Absol (Dark) (Male)

Gengar (Ghost/Poison) (Male)

Primeape (Fighting) (Female)

Muk (Poison) (Male)

Tauros (Normal) (Male) (x23)

Ralts (Psychic/Fairy) (Male) (Shiny)

Grubbin (Bug) (Female) (Shiny)

Sandslash (Ground) (Male)

Gyarados (Water/Flying) (Male)]

As dubious as it is to be listing pokemon out like this in the first place, it’s just straight up absurd that you felt the need to load Ash up on shiny pokemon in particular.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12798007/1/Pangea-Conflict

Write out numbers with letters.

“Its” is the possessive form. “It’s” means “it is” only.

[That empire still stands today but from what I heard they are looking to expand their borders, which the possibility of discovering us is undeniable. Still they had old equipment that is modern military technology while ours is just thousand decades ahead of them.]

What? You desperately need a beta reader.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12798975/1/Pokémon-Mystery-Dungeon-Explorer-Team-Zeta

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[“And I don’t understand how you don’t burn yourself on all that spicy food.” Ren managed to retort in between bites of his food. “I thought grass-types were weak to burns.”]

The idea that fire types like spicy food because it’s “hot” by creating the sensation of heat with none of the actual temperature change is a lazy, shallow cliché, but going from there to the idea spices are like a fire attack moves it all the way into nonsense. Spices come from plants. Plants make stuff like hot peppers because it doesn’t bug them the way it does animals. And in game terms, grass-types are immune to all grass type powder moves. If anything, it’s the dry berries you say are Ren’s favorite that would make sense to describe as a weird thing for Sylvan to like, since plants stereotypically don’t appreciate desiccation.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12799213/1/The-Masters-Mountain

[A young man stood upon a hill to the west of Viridian city, the sun was still high in the sky and a few wisps of clouds lingered, the bright blue up above gleamed throughout the sky and the sun enhanced the beauty of everything it touched. The man upon the hill sat down and leaned back onto the grass, looking up at the sky and loosing himself to his thoughts, he was no older than twenty, his dark hair was cut short, his childlike features mixed with slight ruggedness and a small stubble of a beard. He placed his hands behind his head and closed his eyes, he was exhausted from his travels and figured a small rest wouldn’t hinder his plans, although, the sudden thought of his journey coming to an end sent euphoria throughout his body, his eyes shot open and he no longer felt the aches in his body that years of traveling had given him, his breathing increased and a grin formed across his face. He sat up and looked around him, the peaceful calm of nature before him felt homely and peaceful to him, it practically was his home with the amount of traveling he has done, but he paid that no mind, for he too believed the wilderness to be where his roots lie. Coming from a small town at the south of the kanto region he did not anticipate for something great to befall him, he had read stories of great trainers and people of influence that started the kanto region. He himself making his mark in the history books for becoming one of the youngest recognized pokemon champions in recorded history all while leaving the title behind to continue his travels.

He stood up and walked down the hill towards the west]

This is incredibly, incredibly boring. Also, names of places, like people, get capitalized, so it’s Kanto, and all of the name is capitalized, so it’s Viridian City.

This one has an incredibly bizarre review from an end-of-days Christian cultist.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12798379/1/Adrian-s-Amazing-Adventures

There are over ten thousand stories just on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their title. “New” features in almost two thousand. There are over six hundred “chronicles”, more if you include misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”, and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are a thousand with “legend”. There are two thousand with “journey”, eighteen hundred with “story”, three hundred fifty with “quest”, and almost three thousand with “adventure”. The different region names appear another thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and “champion” come in around a few hundred. You should try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about a pokemon trainer.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Write out numbers with letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[ There we go, there’s the first chapter of Adrian’s Amazing Adventures. I hope you liked it,]

I did not. Nothing happened in it. He already has a pokemon, but you just replace him getting his first pokemon at the professor’s with him getting a bunch of pokeballs – at least getting a starter, for all it’s overdone and boring, gives a reason for why the kid never left before. Here, he apparently is just some sort of robot with no desires of his own, so he never left before but goes as soon as someone tells him he should.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12798401/1/Pokedex-Holders-Vacation

Write out numbers with letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12798699/1/The-Ash-I-know

Already done them.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12798934/1/Snowball-One-Shot

And them!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12799264/1/Powder-of-love-6-the-legacy-of-the-darkheart

It’s especially important not to write as incoherently as a particularly unskilled elementary schooler when you’re posting porn.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12799331/1/Pokemon-Rise-of-the-Master

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[My take on how Season 1 of Pokemon should began.]

…is apparently to remove all the interesting twists they added to the basic being a pokemon trainer thing while not adding anything interesting of your own either? Why?

This story takes actual events and characterization like Ash breaking his alarm clock or struggling to get along with his pokemon or being the cause of the spearow attack, and yet he still finds a pikachu and then reenacts the ending of the first episode anyway, it just doesn’t mean anything because he only met Pikachu five minutes ago (and also makes no sense because this pikachu never made it clear it didn’t want to go in a pokeball, which carries over into the Officer Jenny bit where Ash is all indignant she thinks it’s weird he’s holding a pokemon just because he has absolutely no reason not to put it in a pokeball).

It’s like you think Ash having more total pokemon is all that matters and a substitute for the fact your version’s missing half the plot and the other half is just a disconnected, plothole-y repeat of the original.

This one mentions it’s a repost of something from two years ago that’s getting redone. I think I saw it and presumably gave it the same sort of review back then, but it’s possible I’m just thinking of another fic that did the same thing because these are all so formulaic.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12799352/1/Acerola-s-Farting-Sensation

Speaking of formulaic, I know I’ve reviewed this person before for this exact type of story and I don’t have anything to add.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12799407/1/Pokemon-Ranger-The-Fourth-Light

[“Brother clam down you are scaring Katherine” said Stanford while calming down Katherine. “It not your flaut it the darkness that father make a deal with not you.”]

This is a disaster. Try harder.