A pretty good fic that’s still weirdly dismissive of pokemon and a nuzlocke that has talking ones. Also, yet another disturbingly childish bit of porn.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12804591/1/What-the-Water-Gave-Me
Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Once again, she pulled the snippy Corphish off the bait line and threw it towards her Blaziken, who was waiting on standby to send it sailing back into the water with a scorching Blaze Kick. ]
[“That’s because Magikarp are at least meant to be here; Corphish are an introduced species,”]
[“Gah! Is there anything in this river that isn’t a ruddy Corphish!” She shouted, grabbing the offending crustacean around its thorax, wrenching it off her rod and, this time forgoing her trusty Pokémon, punting the small crayfish into the air herself.]
So her being bothered by it, and the detailed lecture on ecology, those are great. The fact she’s torturing random corphish is less so.
If they’re decimating the ecosystem in general and all other pokemon in particular, then I could see her saying that’s why any she catches get turned into supper instead of released. But they didn’t choose to be born there, and their parents didn’t choose to be abandoned in the wrong region by their trainers, so just pointless cruelty seems a bit much. Just because rabbits are invasive doesn’t mean it’s okay to drop kick them or have your giant fire chicken do the same.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” fShe said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Also, just use said. Dancing around with really elaborate speech tags is a thousand times more distracting than repeating the word a couple times.
[“Alright bud, we’re going after a Gyarados,” he began to explain, doing his best to ignore the wide-eyed stare of incredulity the powerful amphibian was fixing him with. “I just need you to get it to show itself above water, then Magneton can do the rest.”]
[Swampert was holding out pretty well, but Brendan was quite aware of how quickly that would change if Gyarados ever caught his loyal partner in its jaws, and Swampert couldn’t keep that speed up forever.
“Magneton, let’s go!” he called as the powerful electro-magnetic Pokémon materialised.]
Why wasn’t his pokemon out as soon as he made this plan? Brendan was smart enough to plan this out to take advantage of a double weakness and type immunity, how could he not be smart enough to have his pokemon waiting for the moment the gyarados broke the surface?
[Brendan didn’t even have time to react by the time his brain connected the glowing ball forming in the Gyarados’ mouth with an impending Hyper Beam, as the searing beam of energy lanced out from the great serpent and engulfed Magneton right before his eyes, going on to destroy a half-dozen trees immediately behind it and leaving a sizable, blackened crater in the ground.]
I know hyper beam’s the iconic move, but given the gyarados seems to know what it’s doing in a battle and steel resists that move, and the core of what’s wrong with his magneton turns out to be overheating, it seems flamethrower’s a better fit.
[Brendan didn’t even realise he’d begun moving; he just threw himself in front of Kirlia, hoping to offer some protection to his Pokémon from the energy blast about to hit them.]
…but a recalling her to her pokeball would’ve perfectly protected her, while his body probably wouldn’t even block enough energy to let her survive. I get that you need this to happen so the gyarados can see it, but you need some reason why pokeballs are no longer an option, especially when May just saved her skarmory with a quick recall. Maybe the rain gets too heavy or something, maybe Brendan’s had her pokeball ready the whole time but got knocked over by the shockwave of the tail and dropped it, etc.
I do like the battle overall – raging godmons are fun, your description of the moves sounds terribly intimidating, and it’s great to see a dynamic, multi-pokemon brawl.
[“Oh no,” she whispered as she realised what had happened, “please don’t let this happen to him, he doesn’t deserve that, he cares about them so much…”]
Uh…but does she? Why isn’t she concerned about the magneton itself? She even goes on to sear her hands trying to reassemble it, is that just supposed to be about the lengths she’ll go for Brendan?
[The first few layers melted on contact with the ground and particularly with Magneton’s steel body, but soon the snow began to accumulate and the steam that had been rising from the crater turned into a dense haze as it settled, its heat lost.]
Also, while the idea the heat’s the real problem is clever, cooling the outside fast risks something even worse happening. Using icy wind or something just to chill the air seems a lot safer than letting anything frozen, or even just cool water, touch super hot metal directly.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12804866/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Reset-Bloodlines-Red-Two-Island-Interlude
Blocked! Also, seriously, that’s three of these damn things and the month isn’t even over yet.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12804984/1/pokemon-mystery-dungeon-destiny-adventure
Capitalize your title properly.
There are just shy of ten thousand stories just on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their title. “New” features in almost two thousand. There are over six hundred “chronicles”, more if you include misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”, and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are a thousand with “legend”. There are two thousand with “journey”, seventeen hundred with “story”, three hundred fifty with “quest”, and almost three thousand with “adventure”. The different region names appear another thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and “champion” come in around a few hundred. In sum, you should try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12805132/1/Strength-Surpasses-Megalomania
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[They were known originally as the Knights of the Arceus order. Their task was to protect Arceus’s children at all costs. ]
Arceus is really not the center of everyone’s universe. It’s an obscure pokemon from one region.
You also shouldn’t need to open your story explain the secret guardian lore. Bring it up as it comes up in the story and characters find out about it. It’s really dull to be told all the answers then sit around waiting for the characters to catch up.
Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.
[Right now, the legendaries are bringing a lot of attention to themselves; it looks too suspicious to anyone much less the idiots from Orre. If the weather gets any more chaotic, the enemy will go in to investigate shadow Pokémon ablaze the last thing they need is a controlled Lugia vs. Groudon but what do we do about Marigold, Lily, Violet, and Misty”?]
Also, just generally use more periods. You don’t need to cram as much as possible into every sentence.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12805553/1/Awakening-Shadow-s-Child-A-Platinum-Nuzlocke
[This is actually my first real attempt at creating a story. I have been a pokemon fan since I can remember (My brother gave me his copy of Pokemon Blue when I was two). There is nothing better then writing about what you love, right?]
Picking the nuzlocke route in particular tends to end badly. It makes sense as a game challenge because the regular games are such a bad combination of terribly easy and impossible to lose. It doesn’t make sense as an actual system anyone would agree to – stuff like being forced to nickname your pokemon so you have to feel emotionally attached is because they’re just pixels and people have to work at feeling like it’s real. If it’s actually real, if you actually just watched one pokemon tear the belly of the other open and get tangled in the guts just so you could brag about winning, you wouldn’t have to work at feeling something.
…and apparently in your version the pokemon talk, so you get to listen to them scream actual words while this is happening.
If you want a dramatic story where death is on the table, just do that when it serves the story. Don’t tie it to random and pointless game battles.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12805723/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-Being-of-Darkness-Rewrite
Nothing to say about this. Someone capable of having opinions about PMD chattering, jump in.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12805841/1/Ash-goes-crazy-after-losing-the-Kalos-league
Capitalize your title properly.
Also, use capital letters in your story correctly.
Also, if you’re too young to write out swear words and stick asterisks in the middle of them, you’re too young to write swears. Similarly, if you want to write about Ash raping Serena, you need to sound like you’re older than twelve.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12805957/1/Alola-to-the-Champion-Rewrite
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12805975/1/Pokemon-XD-Fall-to-Darkness
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[You’re probably thinking :where does this trivia of yours come into play we will find out…two chapters from now. ]
Why? Why are you recapping basic points from Pokemon XD’s opening instead of starting at whatever point you actually have something worth writing about?