In which pokemon continue to call their trainers “Master~~” but it’s totally not because anyone’s making them, Nate is an asshole and Plasma was totally right to steal his pokemon, and apparently loony toons are the newest fetish to slither into the category.

Time to do the bunch of romance stuff…

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12811148/1/Rebirth-of-a-Hero

Already reviewed this person, although apparently they keep deleting.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12809964/1/Return-of-the-Hero

[MAY ARCEUS WATCH OVER HIM]

You can’t just take generic Christianity and paste the word “Arceus” on top.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“Please, Gardevoir. I’ve asked you to stop calling me Master, and Pikachu isn’t your Brother. How many times have we been over this?”

{I cannot recall… Master.}]

You can say he’s not the one asking to be called this, but we also all know you personally are the one making sure she’s referring to him like that and that this is totally your self-insert, so, not really working. If you’re aware this is a fucked up dynamic, either don’t include it or admit it’s a kink thing and move along without trying to justify it.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12809473/1/A-Journey-to-Remember

[~ Fifteen years ago, Saffron City Main Train Station ~]

[~ One week ago ~]

Just write proper scene transitions. This isn’t a script.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

[Then, she saw in the corner of her eye a medicine bottle in the opened cabinet. She picked it up and saw Jennifer labeled on the bottle. Her womanly instincts were telling her that Ethan might be cheating.]

It’s really misogynistic to have someone see a bunch of objective facts they’re using reason to put together and have the narration shrug and go “lol women instincts” like she’s a dog or something.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12806427/1/A-Gamer-s-Journey

There are just shy of ten thousand stories just on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their title. “New” features in almost two thousand. There are over six hundred “chronicles”, more if you include misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”, and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are a thousand with “legend”. There are two thousand with “journey”, seventeen hundred with “story”, three hundred fifty with “quest”, and almost three thousand with “adventure”. The different region names appear another thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and “champion” come in around a few hundred. In sum, you should try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about a pokemon trainer.

Write out numbers with letters.

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, thousands upon thousands of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Also, as far as I know it, there isn’t another Pokemon fic that does it]

There’s been a bunch. They don’t tend to go anywhere after the first chapter or so, probably because this isn’t that interesting a concept. The games are already packed full of stats and as a million fics before this particular subgenre proved, focusing on the game stats makes for a boring story. Taking something completely different and adding game mechanics might make for an interesting contrast but taking something that already is a mechanics-heavy game and adding slightly more numbers isn’t going to do much.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12805546/1/Misty-Eyes-Misty-Hearts

Already reviewed this person.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12805174/1/Love-Shines-Brighter-In-Enemies-A-Pokemon-Love-Story

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[He tried to search for his pokeballs on him, only to curse silently when he couldn’t locate them on his belt. The Plasma members had confiscated them while he had fought to get away.]

Why didn’t he let them out to defend him?

[ “Let me out! You can’t do this me! I have a right to have my pokemon!”]

For that matter, why didn’t he just keep them out? N can easily order his people to go after anyone with pokeballs and grabbing those pokeballs is an easy way to remove the pokemon, but it’d be physically difficult and morally suspect to try to manhandle away pokemon themselves. If he couldn’t keep his pokemon without keeping them in pokeballs…well, I guess that sort of attitude is why he’s shouting he has a right to his ownership of them rather than that they’re taking his friends.

[They didn’t know to survive in the wild. Especially his Stoutland, who grew up with him since childhood. How would his partners survive in the cold world if they didn’t know about predators or the type of food to eat or not eat?]

Also not the best argument. Plenty of people who keep exotic pets can’t care for them properly but have also ruined their ability to survive on their own. Plus Team Plasma was established to take people’s pokemon and care for them during the transition. I see no reason that’d be undone when Ghetsis is secretly planning to steal everyone’s pokemon anyway.

[The brunet got up and sat down next to a teen boy, who was crying hysterically about his Pidove that the grunts took away from him. ]

This kid sounds nicer than Nate. Showing strong emotions, single pokemon that reasonably could’ve been out but still overpowered by Team Plasma.

[He felt anger and injustice rolling around in his head, promising that if he ever got out, he would make Team Plasma pay for what they did to him.]

Meanwhile Nate is just whining about how hard it is being him. I’d really rather follow pidove kid. He probably has thoughts other than “but my property rights!” and “how dare you touch my august person!”

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12802895/1/Tournament-Gone-Wrong

Write out numbers with letters.

[“Pika Pika!” (Heck ya I’m excited!)]

There’s no point in writing the nonsense if you’re just going to translate it.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[All right guys, this is the perfect time for a MONTAGE. All we’re missing is some tunes. Hit it!

Playing “Victorious” by Panic At The Disco.*]

No.

[Snorlax unrolled poor Pika, but when he did, he put a paw on Pikachu’s head, and a paw under his feet. Then he pushed his paws and squashed him until he became the shape of an accordian. Then, of course Snorlax started playing him, but surprisingly music came from Pikachu each time he was compressed and stretched. Snorlax jammed out to him, and Machamp danced along to the music. Pikachu groaned and blushed deeply in embarrassment. His dignity was leaving him.

Buneary felt less sad, and more anger as she watched her boyfriend being Toon Tortured.]

This is incredibly stupid and also sounds creepily like it’s a fetish.

[Machamp grabbed Pikachu, and stretched him out like rubber. He stretched him as far as Machamp could reach. Pikachu grunted and groaned in discomfort and more humiliation. All his dignity was long forgotten. Machamp then, used Pikachu as a jump rope.]

…well then. Yeah, don’t post fetish stuff as K.

And on that note, back to hopefully less creepy non-romance!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12810407/1/An-Amethyst-Shining-in-the-Sky

[But this was a serious situation. Her father was very sick and in need of some medicine. But, his medical assistance is all the way in Cyan Town, a place that was too far away from their home. The pilot who was originally his servant, Marcus, had died in a crash due to a plane failure. Veronica really liked Marcus, as he was really nice to her, and hearing him pass away was dreadful to her. She’d have to walk all the way to Cyan Town. Now, of course, when you propose a 14 year old teenager to walk that distance, they’re going to be annoying and really reluctant at first. But if she wanted to help her father, you would find out she would be the only one in the entire family capable of doing it. She had already lost Marcus. She can’t lose her father too. Today is the day she would wake up first thing in the morning, get ready, and go out. Or at least that was the plan…

“Veronica! You hit the snooze button 2 times! How can you forget this is the day we planned out to be the one where you would wake up early and no more reluctant whining!”]

I am baffled by how you could think this works. This is just tone whiplash atop tone whiplash.

If you want a reluctant character who doesn’t want to be doing this, then you need something where it isn’t monstrous for her to be dragging her heels and monstrous for everyone else to rely on her instead of contacting someone else who can actually get it done. And really – why do you want a reluctant character so badly? Nine times out of ten they’re a chore to read about, and it’s obvious it’s not because you have a plot that works with it.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12810511/1/Pokemon-Ultra-Mystery-Dungeon

Your title manages to be more generic and boring than “Untitled Mystery Dungeon Fic”. A title should involve something specific to your story rather than a shrug in the general direction of canon.

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, thousands upon thousands of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12810527/1/Pokken-Tournament

Names, “I”, and the beginning of sentences are capitalized.

“Its” is the possessive form. “It’s” means “it is” only.

Write out numbers with letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12810610/1/Taking-Care-of-Shiron

[Ash’s room.]

[Dining Room]

Write proper scene transitions. This isn’t a script.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12810840/1/Pokémon-Sky

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Even those who disliked the Championships whispered about it. Hushed and quiet, the disgust in their voices hinted at something they would never admit to having: admiration.]

Are there seriously no people who honestly don’t like it instead of a sour grapes thing? Lots of people don’t like sports without secretly admiring athletes.

There’s a lot of busy detail to this, but I just keep waiting for it to get to the point. I feel like this would’ve made an okay chapter in the middle of a story, but a first chapter is supposed to focus on introducing plot and story hook, not painstakingly establishing your city setting.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12810880/1/The-Dexholder-Saga-Kanto

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Master, your mental health is deteriorating.

I’m fine, Vee. And we talked about the ‘Master’ thing almost a thousand times now. I’m your trainer, friend, not your fricking Master. Drop it.]

See, this just makes it sound like he’s going to fuck the espeon, because that’s usually the context for this sort of tortured “he’s so nice for saying no but I the author say yes yes yes” thing. If he’s the nice trainer who doesn’t make his pokemon call him master, you show that by his pokemon not calling him master.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12810894/1/The-Dead-Rises

Reviewed them before.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12810933/1/The-New-Team-Galactic-Will-Rise

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Write out numbers with letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[“C…Commander, sir?” Shadow asked, still startled by the title. He expected to begin as a scientist and maybe work his way up over the years, but never thought such a high rank would be handed to him like this.]

Sometimes, you should consider if maybe your characters are right about their objections.

Why is Cyrus thinking that a sixteen year old’s very first job should be “commander of the Science and Technology division”? This is even a flashback to two years back, so you were entirely capable of him being hired for a more reasonable position and saying that he’s now been in charge of that division for a year after he proved himself in his previous job.

[Shadow was roused from his trance-like state when Oakland, his talking Torterra, walked over to the kitchen. ]

Talking pokemon are an enormous can of worms even when you don’t have a character working for an enemy team.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12811191/1/The-Wysteria-Files

[She begins the interview before I even get a chance to ask her a question.]

Have you ever had trouble recalling your own past? They say it’s quite uncommon; most people have the ability to remember key moments of their life from after they’re four or five years old.

For me… well, everything before I turned nine is a blur. I never had a chance to discover why, considering what happened, but I have my theories and suspicions. None of them are happy, in fact I’d say each one is more depressing than the next, but I doubt someone like you would have a problem with that, considering your line of work.

“Would you like to expand on these theories?”

Absolutely not. Besides being too personal I doubt your readers would care about something so mundane. They’re here for what happened after, am I wrong?]

Okay, so this sounds very dramatic, but why is she saying this in the first place? You’re clear it wasn’t in response to anything your interviewer said, and it’s apparently not because she thinks it’s necessary context, and it’s also not because she’d rather talk about that, so she brings it up because…?

[This story I’m telling is a gift to you and your readers, not something for you to pick apart as you please. These are painful memories, and the least you could do in retribution is humor me and allow me to weave this narrative the way I see fit. It’s one of the few pleasures I have left.]

While this explains why this sounds so unnatural as an actual interview, it just raises the new question of why you thought that was a good frame to go with. Either your interviewees should act like they’re being interviewed or you should figure out another way to connect the narratives If this is the only one like this, having it be an account published independently that kicks off the interviews could work.

As to the concept – the addictive eggs thing is creepy, though them going rotten seems a touch too far. If the emotional whatever that’s in the eggs can’t be disposed of by just throwing them out, then there’d be no way to keep the pokemon and it doesn’t make sense as an adaption, even a fumbled one, in the same way. Plus, it’s the mind-altering that the story hinges on. Having the blissey get frustrated and kidnap kids to forcefeed them their eggs only for them to end up completely happy and fine with being kept in a basement, then going through the withdrawal and murdering each other when the blissey’s removed, would be less obviously gross but far more horrifying in implication.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12811249/1/A-Series-of-Unfortunate-Events

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Write out numbers with letters.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Stop bolding when you introduce something. A story about a murdering rapist feraligatr shouldn’t be written with the level of skill found in something for first graders.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12811513/1/Cabin-Five

Blocked!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12811561/1/Parasect-s-Pizza-Olivine-Beach

Already got them.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12811714/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-Cataclysm

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12811925/1/Kanto-Starter-Dilemma

Your formatting is messed up.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

You really don’t need to spend a chapter on the fact Ash is planning to visit home and traveling there. If he shows up at home, people can figure out that it’s because he decided to visit home and then traveled to the place.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12812334/1/Shooting-Stars

[This is a story based on my OC from my Nuzlocke run of the hack of Polished Crystal version.]

Nuzlockes really don’t work as a fic conceit.

Taken literally, the world just won’t function – pokemon die too fast for there to be established trainers. If you apply it as a curse for only the main character, it means every battle is either a victory or a catastrophe, so it’s pretty obvious they’re going to win almost every one. Even just using the shape of your own game to determine when deaths occur while letting wins and losses happen normally the other times means that your pacing is shot because the deaths are now random as opposed to fitting with the flow of the rest of the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“Don’t worry about her. Eventually, she won’t be our problem anymore. On a kid’s tenth birthday, they all leave to go be Pokemon trainers, and Lucia’s is coming up very soon. We ship her off to New Bark, and there you go. She’s gone. No more morality pet for us.”[

This is incredibly unnatural dialogue. It reads like it was written by a neural net who was only allowed to read TvTropes.

I do like that things are at least happening. The bit with her and the sentret is pretty nice, and I hope that sort of thing is reflective of how things will keep being even now that she’s officially a pokemon trainer.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12812398/1/Journey-Within-The-Unova-Region-Pokemon-SYOC

There are just shy of ten thousand stories just on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their title. “New” features in almost two thousand. There are over six hundred “chronicles”, more if you include misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”, and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are a thousand with “legend”. There are two thousand with “journey”, seventeen hundred with “story”, three hundred fifty with “quest”, and almost three thousand with “adventure”. The different region names appear another thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and “champion” come in around a few hundred. In sum, you should try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about a pokemon trainer.

[With a slight AU where most that begin their journey are 16]

What’s the point of an AU where everything’s easier for the protagonists?

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Characters sitting around whining about how much they don’t want to do anything is boring as hell.

[And that’s just the prologue for the story, and I promise that the chapters will be a lot longer that]

The problem isn’t length, the problem is nothing is interesting. If you have anything unique or special about this story planned, you should start there.

Look, you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. It might seem like it’s harder to think up characters than have someone else do it for you, but it’s actually far more work to try to figure out how to write a random batch of personalities and backstories, then figure out how you can make them fit into your story and get along with each other. If you make up characters based on what you need for your story, it’s not only a much better story for it, it’s easier to do. Almost all SYOC stories end up never updating, those that do often die after a chapter or two, and even the ones that continue a bit longer are plagued by meandering non-plots and characters who don’t seem to have any point to their scenes.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12812449/1/Pokémon-Kanto-Journies

Your title is misspelled.

There are just shy of ten thousand stories just on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their title. “New” features in almost two thousand. There are over six hundred “chronicles”, more if you include misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”, and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are a thousand with “legend”. There are two thousand with “journey”, seventeen hundred with “story”, three hundred fifty with “quest”, and almost three thousand with “adventure”. The different region names appear another thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and “champion” come in around a few hundred. In sum, you should try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about a pokemon trainer.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12812559/1/The-Orphan-s-Journey

Blocked!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12812728/1/Chosen-by-the-Moon

[Key:

Normal human speech/Pokémon cry (Dialogue when alone)

‘Human/Pokémon Thoughts’

[Pokémon Translation] (When with humans)

Telepathic communication]

If you actually need an elaborate key for people to follow your writing, you have bigger problems than can be fixed by giving a key.

[Over the course of time, it is possible for the human to show similar physical characteristics. Unfortunately, the chosen humans are often in danger of possible kidnapping and experimentation. Thus, the champions were never picked again.]

How long has your pokeworld even had a concept of experimentation? This sounds incredibly modern, yet somehow it was going on long enough in the past for the legendaries to get sick of it and stop for another long period.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

And with that I am actually fully caught up! Wow. I believe I will celebrate by going to sleep at a somewhat normal time.