[116] NaRe 2018 Romance

Romance fic! Most of this is just going to be copypasta, but there’s some weird stuff too, like someone being so committed to find-and-replace they give us “sweet zombie Arceus”. Also lots of pokescrewing, because fandom will always be terrible.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12781503/1/The-Love-of-a-Legendary

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon. However, I’m not too fond of using the term “legendaries” in fic. It’s very much a fandom term, as it’s a shorthand for the canon term “legendary pokemon”. It’s also much too general given the actual range of power of legendaries. Legendaries like Articuno seem to be merely rare beasts, while legendaries like Kyogre are gods.

Since you’ve already done so in the summary, you don’t need to declare this a oneshot in the story body itself.

[It was a cold day in November when Max, May’s little brother and Ash’s friend was returning from his pokemon school , “Saint Elmos Fire Academy”.]

This needs a comma after “May’s little brother and Ash’s friend”, to close the aside. You also don’t need quotes around building names, and you have an errant space before that comma.

[5 months had passed since Ash had left to the Sinnoh region and he was very lonely because his sister was always hanging out at her boyfriends place and his name was Drew.]

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters, and numbers are always written out when they begin a sentence.

You need a possessive apostrophe for “boyfriend’s”.

“and his name was Drew” makes this a run-on sentence. The sentence in general is quite breathless, and I think there’s too much information at once here. I recommend splitting this sentence up, and possibly rearranging the information.

[There were rumours that May and Drew were doing some 18+ stuff at Drew’s place but that doesnt suit the rating of this story so Im not going to talk about that.]

Including author’s notes in the middle of a story is not a good idea. Stories run on immersion and suspension of disbelief; interrupting the story and pointing to the wires shatters that, much like an actor breaking character in a theater production.

It is also really weird of you to claim this is off-limits when the story proceeds to get extremely sexual and porny later on. This story should be rated M, not T.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[(WHACK)]

This isn’t a comic book. Sound effects should be described in prose.

[his Majesty Arceus]

Any particular reason why Arceus is male in this?

[“Listen Max, are … you ready…? To be with me… Forever? I will give you pleasure that no single human girl will ever be able to give you… Just… Please… Accept my love… Thats all I ask for… I can retain the form of a beautiful girl if thats what you like… I can grant you immortality… I can literally make any your wish come true… Just…Be my husband…”]

Good grief this is an awful basis for a relationship. A real relationship involves an emotional connection, not just trophies, transactions, and material comforts. If you intended this to be a truly meaningful romance, this was the wrong route to take. A significant other should be valued by friendship and mutual connection, not by the things they can give you.

[Max suddenly broke into a cold sweat. To … become Jirachella’s , no , Jirachi’s husband… Was he ready? He was only a child!]

Also, if he’s a child this is statutory rape. Jirachi is an ancient, timeless god-like being. Why is she seducing children? You need to think harder about whether you want to write romance or porn and tag your story accordingly.

The academy name confuses me. It’s clearly referring to me, but I don’t recall reviewing this person before, and it doesn’t make any sense as a jab in the first place.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12781844/1/Love-for-a-Steel-Covered-Heart

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[There was a dark-skinned nineteen-year-old standing in the living room, along with another nineteen-year-old with pale skin.]

This is an awkward way to describe people. It’s not often you can determine someone’s exact age at a glance, and in a tense situation like this, their stance/equipment/behavior should be more immediately striking than their skin color – and more relevant, which is important. Description should tell us something relevant to the story, or else it’s unnecessary.

[Normal-Types, in gerneral, were seen as somewhat weak Pokémon that could tap into other Type Energies, making them very adaptable. Like other trainers who trained a certain Type of Pokémon, Norman was also rather adaptable to various situations: this one made his blood boil with rage. His precious wife was dead and his only daughter was scared out of her mind.]

I can sort of see what you’re going for here, but this is incredibly out-of-place and turns this into a farce. A tense, emotional situation is really not the time to write like a documentary narrator.

[The silver-haired challenger]

[the dark-skinned boy]

[the pale skinned boy]

These are really awkward epithets. Epithets are supposed to adequately substitute for names; i.e., they should be unique, simple, and short. Focusing on one incidental physical trait sounds awkward, as are these long descriptors for a scene where you keep using them over and over.

[Yes, that was a rather burtal way to kill of Caroline, but I need that.]

…Why, though. Caroline lives apart from Norman in canon, so having her be there in the first place is weird. Killing off the mom/wife for cheap drama is also really, really overdone and really, really trite. Is there any reason why Norman couldn’t have died instead?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12781946/1/Let-s-play-catch

Your title needs to be fully capitalized.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[“Well, the ball we were playing with is an experimental ball that my dad got me from his business trip to Sulfur Labs” Joey explained “Maybe these balls can be used to capture humans”

“No shit. Also, you sound like a shitty sci-fi author trying to explain a potential plothole”]

Pointing out bad writing doesn’t make it any less bad. If you think it’s a problem, fix it. This is particularly weird because that is actually a totally reasonable handwave.

[WARNING: This is seriously weird. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.]

This warning is so vague as to be completely useless. This story does contain potentially squicky or triggering elements (mind control, ownership, power dynamics, and dubious consent) that you should warn for more specifically. Put it in an author’s note if it doesn’t fit in the summary.

This story feels very flat. You don’t explain anything about these characters or their relationship, so there is no emotional investment in this situation.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12782231/1/Pokegirls-Johto-league

[I know, I know, everyone hates author’s notes before the story has even started, but just bear with me.]

Where did you hear that from? Pre-story author’s notes are standard. They’re particularly helpful for specific AUs such as this one, where not everyone in the fandom will be familiar with everything they need to know.

You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[Psi-Dykes]

This is incredibly messed up. Seriously?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12783154/1/Congrats-We-re-Not-Dead

This is the “Super Salty Edgelord” guy again.

We here at the Dickfart family wish you all a blessed and joyous New Year. Except for people who give long-winded and bad reviews about nitpicky grammatical preferences. Just ignore them from now on. You’ll be happier knowing you didn’t stroke some butthole’s ego. That’s the only reason they leave those reviews, you know. It has nothing to do with you. They’re full of themselves.”

This reads like self-parody, honestly.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12782281/1/Master-Quest-Kanto-Saga

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or region. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12782434/1/Girl-Talk

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[a magenta haired teenager moaned]

This is a really awkward epithet. Epithets are supposed to adequately substitute for names; i.e., they should be unique, simple, and short. Focusing on one incidental physical trait sounds awkward, as is a long descriptor.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12782861/1/Life-s-Ups-And-Downs

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12783036/1/Two-Fates-Under-the-Alolan-Night

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon. However, names such as “Ash” and “Alola” should always be capitalized.

[Ash and Lillie spent countless of moments during their travels.]

That “of” shouldn’t be there.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Your tenses are all over the place. Pick past or present tense and stick with it.

[“How can I go there anyway, and what if… she’s asleep?” Ash questioned.]

“Questioned” is what police do; it’s a synonym for “interrogated”, not “asked”.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12783231/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-Rescue-Team-Aquaspark

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[Northstar Pokeshipper: Hello, everyone, Norhtstar Pokeshipper here, and welcome to my first new project of 2018!

Ash Ketchum: What is it, Northstar?

NP: Ash? What are you doing here?! I don’t need you for this story.

AK: Sorry, I did not know. I might as well leave.

NP: Wait! Don’t, Ash. You can stay for the author notes.

AK: Really? Sweet! Anyways, what is this new story?

NP: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Rescue Team Aquaspark!

AK: Wait, don’t you already have a story with a similar title?

NP: Yeah, but as I mentioned back in Mew Take, I deleted it because I was not proud with it. So I decided to rewrite it!

AK: Will there be AquaSparkshipping in this like the last one?

NP: Yes, as it was the main reason why I wrote the original fic in the first place.

AK: Okay. Now before we begin, it is my job to tell you that Norhtstar does not own Pokemon! All rights go to Nintendo and Satoshi Tajiri!

NP: Now let’s begin the fun in chapter one!]

This is really tedious and unnecessary. Just convey this information in a regular author’s note.

[NORTHSTAR POKESHIPPER NORTHSTAR POKESHIPPER]

I believe you told me before you prefer using this to a horizontal line separator, but it really does not work well. It looks too much like regular story text, and does not cover the whole width of the page. The editor’s horizontal line overcomes both these problems.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[“What are you writing, you little shit?” she asked me.

“None of your business.” I responded.

“You can tell me.” the Amourshipper said to me.

“Alright. I am working on my own little Pokeshipping fic.” I said. That is when she got mad.

“But Ash does not love Misty, he loves Serena!” the Amourshipper said.

“Your opinion!” I responded.

“Ash loving Serena is not an opinion, Satoshi! It is a FACT!” she shouted. The Amourshipper then continued to shout reasons why her OTP was better than mine. As more and more kids came into the room, they continued to support the Amourshipper. Even the teacher made no effort to stop the fight and supported her.]

This is unbelievably silly, and completely annihilates any drama you may have been going for with this story. If you want to rant about fandom and shipping wars, do it in a blog or forum post. Stuff you include in a story should be relevant to the story.

Opening your story with the quiz is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point. It’s a game convention that serves no purpose in a fic, as it doesn’t actually tell us anything meaningful about the protagonist. Do you have a plot that makes your story unique and interesting? That is what your opening should be about, not something your readers have already seen before.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12783286/1/The-Far-Side-of-The-Ocean-Equator-Egoshipping-Gary-Oak-x-Misty

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12783840/1/High-School-Daze

[When you and the whole world are antho and half has pokerus it gets hetic follow Tyler in his High School Daze.]

You want “hectic”, and there should be a period after it, as “Follow Tyler in his high school daze” is a separate sentence.

[sorry for bad summary first timmer.]

If you know it’s bad, fix it instead of apologizing. Giving up and saying it’s bad only gives people less reason to read the story.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Not following this rule makes your story impossible to follow.

[Time Skip mating class]

This isn’t a video game; you can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12784090/1/United-Destiny-The-Hero-and-the-Hybrid

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or dream. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[Well everyone i have made a new story.]

Proofread.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[“No, oh Arceus please no…”]

Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to just use “God”. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/162324520/1/Pokeworld-Religion

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12784508/1/A-Tale-of-Two-Types

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[“Umbreon, wake up!” screamed Eevee.]

That makes as much sense as you being named “Human”. Yes, I know the Mystery Dungeon games do this. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s ridiculous and confusing. Your characters deserve actual names.

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context, and switching POVs this much is really jarring.

[“Heh, you thought you could get away from me, didn’t you,” smirked the pokemon poacher.]

You can’t say something by smirking, so the narration here is a separate sentence and should be punctuated accordingly.

This is far too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. This is just a really short scene that gives us very little idea of who the main characters are and what the greater plot will be. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12784530/1/The-Chesnaughty-s-Lust-An-Aster-the-Chesnaught-x-Lucario-Reader-smut

[I made this for 2 reasons: 1. To apologize for the Chapter 3 of Chronicles of Leben that’s taking so long. 2. There aren’t many Chesnaught x Reader fanfics here, so… DISCLAIMER: The character has yet to be introduced and this OneShot is not canon to the main storyline.]

This information should go in the author’s note, not the summary.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

Second-person fic is sometimes seen as interactive, and is therefore at risk of being taken down without warning. Use caution.

[I’m (yn) the Lucario]

This is the exact opposite of immersive. Write around mentioning the name if you want to do second-person.

This is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12783965/1/New-Life-And-A-Second-Chance

[This is a self insert it will mainly be an adventure but there will be romance from time to time rated m for swearing and possible smut maybe even some other themes if you don’t like this don’t read this]

Meta information such as this belongs in your author’s note. The summary should explain what your plot and story are about. Pertinently, “don’t like don’t read” is useless advice if you don’t tell us what it is we might not like.

Centering all your text makes it difficult to read. You can also insert horizontal lines from the in-site editor rather than using dashes.

I guarantee you do not need a speech key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong.

[(Dark area)]

This isn’t a video game; you can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

Generally, this is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12784719/1/one-shot-featuring-ash-x-lana-blueangelshipping

Your title needs to be fully capitalized.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Not using capital letters makes me not want to read your story. Try harder.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12785491/1/Notre-F%C3%A9tiche-Notre-Amour

[“Come in. Enjoy your night, sir”, said the guide]

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12785616/1/Burn

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[10 Minutes later]

This isn’t a video game; you can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

You need to learn how to use punctuation. All of your sentences are run-ons. You can get a beta reader to help you here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12785750/1/The-Boss-s-Lady

[a world where the ‘elite’ hide in plain sight, there are deals and whatnot that keep one out of trouble. The law not being a much of a worry next to the circle. In Unova the boss has few things he really wants mostly because of what he hides from his employees most don’t fear one that has long since been broken. Perhaps a wife could fix it, at least from what he’s been told.]

Looks like you dropped a word in the first sentence, and this is a jumble besides. All these sentences are awkward and breathless, and I’m unclear on exactly what they’re talking about. You need to rewrite this to be clearer. What is this story about and what do you want to convey to the reader?

You can separate your author notes with a horizontal line by going to the in-site editor; it looks nicer than other methods.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

Ellipses are always three dots, never more or less.

You need to read up on sentence structure and comma usage. Your prose is extremely jumbled and hard to follow. Try getting a beta reader here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12786906/1/Shining-Sapphire-Gardevoie

[Honestly dont know what to put here]

If you don’t know how to describe your own story, that doesn’t bode well for the story. Surely you can come up with at least one sentence describing your basic concept? People should not have to click through just to learn what the story’s about.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

I guarantee you do not need a speech key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong.

This is incoherent. Try harder and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12786576/1/Blast-Off

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12787026/1/Nate-and-Yancy

[Hi this is my first lemon]

Summaries should tell us more than just the genre.

Not capitalizing “I” makes me not want to read your story. Try harder.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12787657/1/Setting-up-for-an-adventure

Non-story chapters are banned on this site. Put this on a blog or something.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12788261/1/Phantom-Destiny-extras

[Extra from my Platinum Nuzlocke]

If this story doesn’t stand on its own, it should be posted as a chapter in the main story instead. Archive of Our Own is better at this if you’d like to crosspost.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

[Location: Loki and Celeste’s hotel room.]

[(Timeskip)]

This isn’t a video game. You can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

Script format is banned on this site, and for good reason. You’re an author, not a screenwriter.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12788465/1/The-Experiment

[And anyone who has been found have been acting strangely.]

This is a sentence fragment. You can append it to the preceding sentence with a comma.

[Taylor’s life soon take a turn for the worst when he was kidnapped by a group of scientists and is now transformed into a strange creature]

Your tenses are all over the place, which makes this impossible to follow. Keep your tenses consistent.

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

Starting somewhere interesting and then jumping back to boring mundane life is generally not very good storytelling. This early on, you should get straight to the action, but because you’ve spent time talking about his friends and home life the actual plot is compressed and the chapter ends too early. Is there anything here that you couldn’t bring up later or just have him mention offhandedly in narration? See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

Why is it so easy for him to break out? You say they’ve done this before, yet they haven’t figured out how to restrain the supermonsters effectively? Why are they so incompetent?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12788909/1/A-Nightmare-in-Kalos

[Greninja and Delphox]

Are you named “Human”? No? Then maybe your pokemon characters should get actual names. Yes, I know the Mystery Dungeon games do this. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s ridiculous and confusing.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[We see in the opening picture]

Except we don’t because there is no picture because this isn’t a screenplay. You are writing prose; you must accept the limitations of your medium. Describing how the story would look if it were a different thing is just really confusing.

[Serena laughed, “I’d say that some people are just easily spooked by a couple of ghost types and just run home claiming the area is haunted.”]

You understand basic dialogue formatting, but you’re getting tripped up on advanced stuff. The reason dialogue usually uses commas is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. However, there is an exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12789061/1/The-Champion-s-Tournament

[Basically an Ash!Betrayed story, but where Ash was being forced to hide his true potential and power by some being that he respected. He can use aura, and our story starts seven years later on Crescent Island in Sinnoh. Ash’s only old Pokemon is his Charizard, but he has five new ones that have all been trained to the max.]

At a certain point, you really need to ask yourself why you’re so uncomfortable admitting you want to write about an OC that you have to staple Ash’s face over theirs. Just write about your OC. Trying to force this to hit the same beats as canon to justify it being Ash will just cheapen the changes you’ve made and make the entire thing more boring as you take what could be an original plotline and hammer it back into the same shape as always.

[The figure was obviously male, evidenced by his muscular figure, and lack of a shirt.]

Those traits are not exclusive to men. This is generally a really awkward way to phrase it; unless there is an in-universe narrator noticing this or explaining it to someone else, it doesn’t matter how obvious or not obvious a thing is, you can just say it.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[-At the Camp-]

[Flashback]

This isn’t a video game. You can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12789645/1/The-Prince-of-Darkness

Your summary’s been cut off. There’s a rather strict character limit on them, so try to cut it down until it fits.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

A single sentence is not a story. Don’t post until you have actual story content.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12789833/1/one-sixth

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[and when they just want to relax , it is]

Extra space here. This happens sometimes with special formatting. Preview your story to catch these.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12789963/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-What-it-takes-to-be-a-Master

[What does it take to be a Master? Is it difficult to be one? Will there be a unique traits and characteristics to be in that level? Will there be many qualifications to be in that tier? A boy and his friends will find it out in a harsh way… New Allies, New enemies, and new feelings, this will surely gonna be a one heck of adventure of a lifetime!]

Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

Flooding the reader with information in an author’s note before the story even begins tends to be a turnoff. Most of this is stuff we already know, and if it’s at all relevant, it should come up in the story.

[Note: 10 Slots left… Any suggestions? All of them will be the main rivals Ash’s will face in his journey…]

And you really, really shouldn’t do this. Something this important isn’t something you can just add in midstream. You shouldn’t be posting until you have this basic stuff planned out in advance.

Look, you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. It might seem like it’s harder to think up characters than have someone else do it for you, but it’s actually far more work to try to figure out how to write a random batch of personalities and backstories, then figure out how you can make them fit into your story and get along with each other. If you make up characters based on what you need for your story, it’s not only a much better story for it, it’s easier to do. Almost all SYOC stories end up never updating, those that do often die after a chapter or two, and even the ones that continue a bit longer are plagued by meandering non-plots and characters who don’t seem to have any point to their scenes. If you have concerns about this, take them here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142912324/1/Stop-Asking-For-Ocs

[Wait, WTF?! 25 freakin girls in a harem?! Are you serious?! Are you a f*cking womanizer?! Do you have even a religion?!

– I admit, it will be very difficult to include 25 girls in a harem because well they will kill each other and might not get comfortable with that idea..]

If your first thought is that your self-insert is so important and desirable that 25 women will kill themselves over him, you might not be a womanizer but you sure are pretty misogynistic. Maybe if you write women as people with desires outside of the protagonist, people will stop accusing you of this.

Non-story chapters are banned on this site. This information belongs in a forum post, or in an author’s note above your actual first chapter.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12790422/1/Armourshipping-Kalosian-Rivalry

[This book is directly succeeding Armourshipping: Ash is Back!, so if you haven’t read it yet, go ahead to this link. s/12762613/1/Armourshipping-Ash-is-Back.]

Unfortunately, as you can see, FFN doesn’t play nice with links, even within its own domain. Archive of Our Own allows you to use direct hyperlinks and lets you group related stories into series, so you might want to consider crossposting to there.

[“Another lady friend?” “This is sure unexpected, considering you have never done this before with anyone you meet. *cough *cough Misty *cough May *COUGH Dawn”]

This seems to be the same person talking, so I’m not sure why you have a close and open quote after the first sentence. Also, you can’t put actions in dialogue like that; you have to describe it in prose, such as, [“Misty,” she barked, masking it with a loud cough.]

[“Okay, mom you can stop embarrassing me.”]

When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[Guys, I know Dedennite isn’t real. Yet…. I made it for the sake of the story.]

Including author’s notes in the middle of a story is not a good idea. Stories run on immersion and suspension of disbelief; interrupting the story and pointing to the wires shatters that, much like an actor breaking character in a theater production.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12790724/1/My-Superhero-Girlfriend

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Posting multiple chapters in the same chapter is banned on this site. The chaptering feature exists for a reason. Use it.

[Gary: “Cause you love me”]

Script format is banned on this site, and for good reason. You’re an author, not a screenwriter.

This is a mess. Try harder and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12790069/1/The-House-Of-Love-pokespe

Non-story chapters are banned on this site. Don’t post until you have story content.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12791782/1/Fateful-Encounter

Second-person fic can be considered interactive, and is thus at risk of takedown. Make sure you have a backup of this. (I also have to say that giving You established character traits and gender rather defeats the purpose.)

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12791862/1/Spring-Festival

A drabble is a word for something written and edited to be precisely 100 words. It’s a writing exercise, not a word for any kind of short story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12791952/1/Can-time-heal-regret

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

Your title needs to be fully capitalized.

[A monferno has been regretting the day he faded from existance, leaving a heartbroken riolu behind in the process. Will he be able to put it behind him and move forward, even if it involves some help from an unlikely ally?]

This is a bit vague for a summary. It tells us the premise but not much of where the story will go with it. Who is this unlikely ally, and why are they significant?

[“Hey, Dante,” I heard a voice from behind me.]

The narration here doesn’t describe what’s being said, so it should be a separate sentence.

[she says as she come out of the entrance]

“Comes”. You have a lot of little errors like this, and they add up to become very distracting. You should proofread more thoroughly, and maybe get a beta reader to help you. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12792304/1/Let-Me-Love-You

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[Flashback]

This isn’t a video game. You can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

[sorry if I really don’t remember all the cities in the Kanto region so I’m just making them real life cities like London, New York, Tokyo, Rio and etc.]

If you can’t be bothered to do a single Google search, why should anyone be bothered to read your story?

And indeed, your story is an incoherent mess. Try harder and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12792393/1/The-Roseland-Queen

You seem to have lost all your line breaks. This happens sometimes when converting from Word. Preview your story before posting it to catch these things.

Even outside of that, however, this is full of typos and other errors. You need to proofread more thoroughly.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12792394/1/Honeymoon

[the young brunette man]

You want “brunet”. “Brunette” is the feminine form. Identifying people by hair color is also a bit awkward; descriptors should be relevant, unique identifiers, and hair color is actually one of the most generic things about someone.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[listened to the distant sound of Wingulls and Pelippers sing along to the crashing waves.]

That should be “singing along”, I believe.

A new speaker requires a new paragraph. It’s very hard to follow dialogue if you don’t do this.

[“I suppose it doesn’t matter what you wear anyway,” Blue spoke as he turned, “The party is more of a gathering, it’s casual.]

“Spoke” also doesn’t work this way, as it doesn’t describe how dialogue is said. It’s a non-speaking verb and should be punctuated accordingly. It’s fine to just use “said” here.

[He reiterated]

[Blue queried]

You’re overusing uncommon speech verbs in general. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever fancy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.

You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12792540/1/Buneary-s-Unrequited-Love

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[“Pika!” [Yay!]]

Listing both pokespeech and translation isn’t necessary and just introduces clutter. Just show the translation if it’s important, or just show the cry if it’s not, as in this case.

[“Bibarel is unable to battle. Pikachu wins, and the victory goes to Ash,” Brock stated.]

“Stated” is not a synonym for “said”. You’re overusing uncommon speech verbs and adverbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever fancy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.

[“Wow you’re Pikachu is the strongest I’ve ever seen!” The trainer said]

You’re also formatting dialogue inconsistently. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[“Well, you were ko’d”]

Proofread.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12793343/1/An-Unexpected-Gift

[“A Vulpix,”]

While I appreciate that you aren’t capitalizing the word “pokemon” itself, species shouldn’t be capitalized either, for the same reasons.

Using the same symbol for scene breaks and author note separations can be a little confusing. The horizontal line, which you can add in the in-site editor, makes for a clearer distinction.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12793634/1/Growing-up-Loving-you

Your title needs to be fully capitalized.

[Gladion has left without letting anyone know making Moon heartbroken. Hiding her sadness from everyone around her, she distance herself from her friends especially Lillie who reminds her too much of Gladion. Many years will pass before Gladion decides he had enough of travelling to other regions and take over as Aether Foundation President. ]

This is full of tense and punctuation errors. You need to read up on comma usage and proofread more thoroughly.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or champion. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[Viridian city]

However, all parts of a name are capitalized, so this should be “Viridian City”.

[If you ever come to Aether Foundation for a visit, you will never find me. I have decided to leave Alola because I am not getting stronger as I would have liked.]

Gladion doesn’t care about getting stronger. He only wanted strength to accomplish a specific goal, and he’s accomplished it.

Script format is banned on this site, and for good reason. You’re an author, not a screenwriter.

When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

So grammatically, this is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

This also doesn’t make much sense from a character perspective. Gladion has no reason to do any of this and certainly not to leave without even telling his beloved sister. Furthermore, this raises the question of just who is running Aether now. He has actual responsibilities towards the pokemon that were hurt by Lusamine; he can’t just abandon that on a whim. I also have to roll my eyes at how the girl who faced down alien god monsters is reduced to a pathetic sobbing mess over this. He didn’t say that he hated her or even that they could never talk. He even said exactly where he was going, so even if she doesn’t have his number she can just take a plane trip to meet him. Heck, you then go on to say that her mom is going back to Kanto anyway, so Moon has absolutely no reason to stay in Alola! Why is she just wringing her hands hopelessly? Where’s the industriousness that made her champion?

I am really baffled by how many people characterize the PCs as fragile weaklings. And it’s always the girls, too. The closest equivalent might be those angsty Touya/N fics, but there it’s always manly stoic angst and vows to do anything he can to find N again.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12794419/1/Cinderella-in-Pokemon

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[~5 years later~]

This isn’t a video game. You can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context. It’s also really jarring to switch POVs in the middle of a chapter.

Generally, this is a mess. You need to read up on comma usage and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12794589/1/New-beginnings-are-better-anyways

[This is what happens when a young Flareon moves over to brand new region.]

What is what happens? Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Not doing this makes me not want to read your story.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12794642/1/Not-Just-a-Regular-Woman

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or kahuna. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12794646/1/Academy-of-Heroes-National-Championship

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

This is a mess. All sentences need to end in punctuation, not just when you feel like it. Try harder and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12794648/1/OPPOSITES-ATTRACT-The-Real

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

This is a mess. Try harder and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12795432/1/Pillow-Talk

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or champion. Or region. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[I mean, getting there was fun. The Gym battles, fighting off Team Plasma and (my favorite part) catching a freaking Zekrom for myself was a total blast.]

Wow, she’s shallow. She did not catch Zekrom, Zekrom let her catch it because it believed her to be a hero with strong ideals who cared about saving people. A shame that it seems to have chosen wrong.

[*SHATTER*]

This isn’t a comic book. Sound effects should be described in prose.

You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[Oh, sweet zombie Arceus.]

Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to just use “God”. This is particularly stupid because “sweet zombie Jesus” is a reference to the specific details of Jesus’ story that don’t carry over into other religions. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/162324520/1/Pokeworld-Religion

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12795674/1/Safe

[The author is too tired to write a decent summary right now.]

Then wait until you’re less tired. You aren’t on a deadline.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12795801/1/A-collection-of-Pokemon-one-shots-SHIPPING-EDITION

Non-story chapters, as well as asking for suggestions in reviews, are banned on this site. Don’t post until you have story content. If you want suggestions, you should make a thread in the forums.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12796003/1/The-HighSchool-Years-of-His-Life

[Chris is a high school kid living his life as a loner in class. in his sophomore years he meets someone who became his first friend. I suck at making summaries]

Then get better instead of apologizing. If making a summary is hard, that doesn’t bode well for your story. You also need to capitalize your second sentence. Proofread.

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[Nassata town ]

However, all parts of a name are capitalized, so this should be “Nassata Town”.

Even by the standards of AUs, this doesn’t really have anything to do with Pokemon. If your pokemon characters are acting exactly like humans, why not write them as humans? I strongly recommend publishing this as original fiction with an “inspired by” label on the top instead. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165030563/1/Original-Fiction

This is also far too short for a first chapter, and grammatically a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12796162/1/Legend-Descendants

[In the Hall of Legends]

This isn’t a video game. You can establish time and place through context or narration.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

This is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12796231/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Years-of-Highschool

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[After School….]

This isn’t a video game. You can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12796606/1/Speak-Now

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[The young girl slouched in her chair, “He made his decision.”]

The narration here doesn’t describe how the dialogue is said, so it’s a separate sentence and should be punctuated accordingly.

[5 Years Ago…]

This isn’t a video game. You can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[The trainer shrugged. “I was training with Torterra”]

Proofread.

[“I assumed you and Ash are together?” Paul questioned]

“Questioned” is what police do; it’s a synonym for “interrogated”, not “asked”.

[“I mean, after everything, I shouldn’t be right?” The young bride joked, Maylene hugged her and started to cry.]

Dialogue formatting rules remain constant regardless of punctuation, so this should be [the young bride joked]. This is also a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition. You may want to get a beta reader to help you with these errors.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12797231/1/It-ll-be-all-right

Your title needs to be fully capitalized.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or champion. Or kahuna. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Generally, this is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12797937/1/Logan-s-Pok%C3%A8mon-Journey

[This story is not Canon to my first Fictional Story. This is one of the AUs (alternate universes) That Logan saw at the end of his trial.]

Then it doesn’t stand on its own and should be added as a side chapter in your main story. Also, stop capitalizing random words.

Non-story chapters are banned on this site. Elaborate character bios aren’t necessary and don’t actually tell us that much in the first place. Just get to the story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12798214/1/When-We-Cross-Paths

[YO! 4th story, you need to read The Gallade and his Gardevoir and The Difference Between Destiny and Choice to even understand anything in this story. I decided to make a crossover of my 2 existing FanFictions, making them cross to become one giant one. And by God its going to be good.]

If this doesn’t stand on its own, why are you posting it as a separate story? You should move to Archive of Our Own, where you can connect these into a series. Also, this kind of information belongs in your author’s note. The summary is for explaining what the story itself is about.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[Somewhere else in Lavender Town]

This isn’t a video game. You can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

[He’s got 2 boys]

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

Even by the standards of AUs, this doesn’t really have anything to do with Pokemon. If your pokemon characters are acting exactly like humans, why not write them as humans? I strongly recommend publishing this as original fiction with an “inspired by” label on the top instead. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165030563/1/Original-Fiction

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12798232/1/Nate-x-Rosa-Ferris-Wheel-Ride

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon. However, you should extend the same reasoning to other words that shouldn’t be capitalized, like champion and ferris wheel.

[“Duh.” the brunette said]

You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12798511/1/Mixed-Feelings

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[Try harder next time ok?]

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[I was new about 4 months ago]

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

You also need to learn how to use commas. Study some grammar help websites and get a beta reader to help you. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12799712/1/Pokemon-Fun-in-Alola

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[“I can’t believe they are here, mom probably told them I was here]

When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12800813/1/What-I-Want-to-Give-You

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[-Next Day-]

This isn’t a video game. You can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12801017/1/Bump

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12801121/1/A-Simple-Call-Between-Friends

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12801191/1/Dawn-s-journey-in-Sinnoh

Your title needs to be fully capitalized.

[It was just another day in Twinleaf Town in the Sinnoh region, Dawn was already awake and going through her clothes.]

This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition.

[said Johanna from down stairs]

You want “downstairs”, one word.

[“Ok,” said Dawn]

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

[her Umbreon]

You’re generally good about not capitalizing pokemon, but you did so here.

[Oh wow, mom was right]

When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12801327/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-All-Stars

Please make a summary that actually says what your story is about.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You also shouldn’t need a massive cast list. It’s just distracting. You should just get to the story.

[Ash and co. are seen heading to the Indigo Plateau.]

Seen by whom? This isn’t a TV show with camera angles. You should describe what they’re doing from their perspective.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[“Pika-Pika!(Brock!)” Pikachu shouted]

This looks really weird and awkward. Just show the pokespeech or the translation, not both.

[So, if you want this to get the focus for this year, tell me in the review section, or wait for the other stories to come out with a first look.]

Encouraging reviews that do not relate to story content is banned on this site. Do this through a forum or profile poll.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12801673/1/Dad-and-Daughter-Love

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You shouldn’t need to open the story with a list of character ages. Just get to the story.

[Maple’s House]

This isn’t a video game. You can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12802212/1/World-of-Glass

[Saying goodbye is tough. It’s hard to watch on television when your favourite character leaves town or when watching people saying goodbye to the ones they loved. Sad music plays in the background only making that goodbye tougher to bear.]

This is really over-the-top. Comparing a real situation to a fictional one makes this character look extremely sheltered and weird, especially when the sad music part doesn’t happen in real life. I could see this working if it was rephrased to say that the reason sad music plays in goodbye scenes is because writers are so in touch with the human condition, but that’s still a weird thing to focus on unless you are purposefully trying to show Lyra is a nerdy shut-in who sees things through the lens of TV or doing some kind of meta thing.

[You watch their grief, their pain, and you feel something inside you also weep. I guess it’s just a human thing to feel emotion even if you’re not directly involved.

But it’s even tougher when you are the one saying goodbye.]

And if this is what it’s building to, the whole paragraph feels unnecessarily melodramatic. Yes, we all know saying goodbyes are hard. We’ll understand she’s sad if you just skip straight to what’s actually happening; there’s no need for a preamble about Human Emotions 101 in an unrelated circumstance. From this, I would expect the story have a strong navel-gazey theme about emotional reactions and the nuance of different emotional states, but that doesn’t seem what you’re going for given the rest of this chapter.

[You’re probably thinking dating your best friend is a bad idea]

No? Childhood friend romances are extremely common. What circles are you running in where this is a common sentiment?

[but how I could I find the right words]

Extra “I” here.

[“I know, dad,” she teased.]

When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one. You also seem to have slipped into third-person here.

[Lyra breaks up with long-term boyfriend Ethan to pursue a new life in Kanto’s prestigious university. She moves in with two housemates, but little does she know, she’s about to be pulled into an ancient feud between wolf and vampire.]

Even by the standards of AUs, this doesn’t really have anything to do with Pokemon. The Pokemon characters are already pretty much blank slates, yet you’ve thrown out what few character traits they already have. If you’re also going to be doing a plot about generic fantasy monsters instead of pokemon, I really have no idea why you’re saying this is Pokemon fanfic. I strongly recommend publishing this as original fiction with an “inspired by” label on the top instead. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165030563/1/Original-Fiction

Got blocked for this! Didn’t get any response, unfortunately.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12802790/1/A-Safe-Place-Expanded

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[…

…]

Is this meant to show a time skip? Using two uncentered lines looks a bit strange, and it’s also odd when you’re also using horizontal lines for scene breaks. You should try to standardize these.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12801861/1/The-City

[he spends his nights sat by the sleepy marina]

I believe you mean “sitting” here.

[void of any humans or Pokémon alike.]

“Alike” requires an explicit grouping, so it would have to be [void of humans and Pokémon alike.]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[the neon lights of the shopping mall and beachfront catching the emerald green hue of his shimmering orbs.]

Don’t call eyes orbs, it sounds ridiculous.

[Everyone was so happy there, and he absolutely loathed it. It was as if the city was in a perpetual state of festivity, with each of its citizens living only for the fun of it, as if they didn’t know or didn’t care about the hardships that life brought with it.]

I really don’t get this impression from canon Gladion.

You seem to be characterizing Gladion here as a generic edgy teen, the rebel without a cause. But that’s not Gladion. Gladion had a cause, and he fulfilled it. Afterwards, in the postgame, he’s a lot more relaxed and is even willing to work at Aether despite all the awful memories he has there. I can definitely see him still being withdrawn and prickly due to his trauma, but thinking HOW DARE OTHER PEOPLE BE HAPPY seems a bit much.

[He had no real friends]

Wow, I hope Silvally doesn’t hear that. Gladion totally does rely on his pokemon for friendship, and he has Wicke taking care of him too. He’s not as totally isolated as this implies.

[all the cruelty and misfortunate of the world]

“misfortune”

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[He wished that he had someone, someone close… someone who wouldn’t ever leave him. Someone who would always be there for him, no matter what, just like his Pokémon were.]

This is totally counter to everything Gladion stands for. So much of Lusamine’s abuse was obsessively keeping everyone trapped, and Gladion’s big act of heroism was liberating a pokemon who did want to leave her. He should know better than anyone else how selfish this wish is. At the very least, he should wish for someone who WANTS to stay with him.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12803003/1/Project-Pokken

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

I guarantee you do not need a speech key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

Not using paragraphs makes me not want to read your story. Try harder.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12803507/1/Pokemon-Anubis-The-Lucario-Revised-version

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

You don’t need a list of characters before the story starts. If readers can’t keep track of your characters, you have bigger problems.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

[One day in a Pokemon governed region known as Kosmos. In an isolated part of the forest near a small town known as Florence. A Riolu is seen sound asleep in this bed.]

These are all sentence fragments.

Even by the standards of AUs, this doesn’t really have anything to do with Pokemon. If your pokemon characters are acting exactly like humans, why not write them as humans? I strongly recommend publishing this as original fiction with an “inspired by” label on the top instead. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165030563/1/Original-Fiction

Generally, this story is a mess grammatically. You need to read up on proper grammar and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12803761/1/The-Love-Of-Art

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12804037/1/Cinders-Confusing-Day

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[Its ok master.]

You want “it’s”, and when a title (such as “master”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one. It’s also written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

Furthermore, screwing something that calls you “Master” is immensely creepy and raises a ton of consent issues. If she’s not his slave, why is she calling him this? If this is an ownership kink thing, then alright, but maybe label your story as such?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12804371/1/The-Life-of-Ash-and-May

[Join Ash Ketchum and May Maple as they go thourgh life together, But what will happen when they both fall for each other.]

Yes, what, indeed? Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot? (Also, it’s “through”. Spellcheck.)

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You don’t need a list of character ages before the story. If it’s relevant, it should be clear in the story.

[Pallet Town]

This isn’t a video game. You can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12804691/1/I-thought-love-meant-never-having-to-say-shut-up

A drabble is a word for something written and edited to be precisely 100 words. It’s a writing exercise, not a term for any kind of short story.

[“Its 4 am Gold.” “Yeah! And im gonna smoke this fool!]

Not capitalizing “I” makes me not want to read your story. Try harder.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12805024/1/Pokemon-Cinderella-Contestshipping-May-x-Drew

[A fanfiction between May and Drew.]

Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

Non-story chapters are banned on this site. If you want to include a longer summary, put it as an author’s note above your first chapter.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12805024/2/Pokemon-Cinderella-Contestshipping-May-x-Drew

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Songfic is also banned on this site, and for good reason. You’re not writing a musical. Accept the limitations of your medium.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12805319/1/Sun-X-Lillie-Pokemon-Sun

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Script format is banned on this site, and for good reason. You’re an author, not a screenwriter.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12805762/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-mystery-dungeon-lovers-of-time

Your title needs to be fully capitalized.

[a PMD2 AU romance story. If you would like to know more, just read it. I’m not going to spoil it.]

No. If you can’t say anything about the story without spoiling it, it’s not worth reading. You’ve seen the blurbs on the backs of books, yes? Just do that. People need to know whether the story will be of interest to them.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

This is too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. This isn’t even a complete scene. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12805986/1/Plane-of-Desire

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[he complemented her]

You want “compliment”. “Complement” means to complete.

You’re overusing uncommon speech verbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever fancy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.

[“Ah, yes…” the Kalos Queen blushed slightly]

Also, this sentence lacks a period. You have similar errors throughout, and they’re distracting. Proofread, and consider getting a beta reader to help you if you have trouble with this.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12806136/1/The-Miracle-that-is-Ash-Ketchum

[Ash was a normal kid from Pallet town, but a disastrous event in his life causes a change in him that he never expected. A change that nobody expected, not even the beings who caused it.]

This could describe literally hundreds of stories on this site. If you want to inspire interest, you need to say what makes your story unique. What is this change, and why is it important? A summary this vague is, quite frankly, manipulative. We should not have to read the whole first chapter just to learn what the story is about.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

I guarantee you do not need a speech key. If basic actions aren’t obvious from context, you’re doing something wrong.

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[‘DO YOU THINK ARCEUS GAVE ME A “HOW TO REVIVE HUMANS” BOOK WHEN I WAS BORN?]

Arceus went MIA long before Mew could have been born. Just because you’re familiar with a Christian culture doesn’t mean every religion has to revolve around the creator god.

Grammatically, this is a mess. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12806930/1/Sexual-Pok%C3%A9mon-Study

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12807401/1/King-Pokemon-Mutation

[Being just someone in the crowd, always wearing a mask to survive in the meritocracy and never finding happiness. Here he was, slowly rotting away in this so called life. Death came unexpected, but who would reject a way out of this torture. But what awaited him was not what he expected.]

This is word salad. Tell us what your story is actually about.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You comma placement is odd, and very distracting. I’d recommend reading up on proper comma usage.

[I want to be my own God.]

“God” is only capitalized when it refers to the name of the Judeo-Christian one.

What does this have to do with Pokemon?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12807429/1/It-s-be-ok

Stories require story content. Don’t do this.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12807475/1/Like-the-Stars-at-Night

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

It’s written “okay”, four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.

[Somewhere, up an unknown tower…]

This isn’t a video game. You can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

[“This is…” the Pokemon stands alert.]

When narration doesn’t describe how dialogue is said, it’s a separate sentence and is capitalized accordingly. So this should be [“This is…” The Pokemon stands alert.]

[the Pokemon’s tentacle – like appendages]

You shouldn’t have spaces around hyphens; otherwise, they look like dashes.

You’re shifting between past and present tense, which is very disorienting. Pick one and stick with it.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12807741/1/You-Say-It-Best-When-You-Say-Nothing-At-All

[“Iris, for Arceus sake, tell me what’s wrong!”]

Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to just use “God”. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/162324520/1/Pokeworld-Religion

[“I’m not letting you go home like this, Iris,” Cilan frowned.]

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12808142/1/What-Do-You-Do-On-Your-Days-Off

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

Relatedly, it’s odd and confusing to name specific pokemon by their species name. You aren’t named “Human”, after all.

[“My days off?” He confirmed.]

Dialogue formatting rules stay consistent regardless of punctuation, so this should be [“My days off?” he confirmed.] “Confirmed” is also an odd speech verb to use here.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12808708/1/Jane-s-Sexy-Adventures

Why did you delete the old one? You can edit stories without deleting them, you know.

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing the word “pokemon” itself. However, other terms such as “champion” and “pokeball” shouldn’t be capitalized either, for the same reasons.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12809018/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Fusionstorm-Birth-of-the-Chimeraborns

[This story takes place in wonderous region of Novabloom an area where science has advanced such scales that machines capable of slowing and speeding up time exist for commercial purposes. This story is about the Evil Team Chimera who set forth to create new Pokémon through genetic splicing and breeding and the revenge and life of these newly created Pokémon.]

This may seem like a good summary, but it’s actually deceptively empty. It says what the story is about in terms of the literal premise, but doesn’t say anything about the characters or stakes or anything that really engages people who read stories. Summaries need to tell us more than just the genre. What’s your plot?

[Author’s note: Firstly this is only an introduction of the actual story and simply shows an idea of what it is about.]

That’s not allowed. Don’t post until you have a complete chapter. If you want to do previews, do it on a blog or forum post.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[The Novabloom Region, Spring]

This isn’t a video game. You can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12809658/1/The-Legend-of-Kaida-Lance-Volume-1-Inheritance

[The Legend of Kaida Lance is actually an original work of fiction inspired from my Pokémon fan fic The Kair Yu Chronicles.]

Then you shouldn’t be posting it to FanFiction net. Original fiction goes on Fictionpress.

[“Shh,” his whisper sent an involuntary chill down my spine.]

Also, when narration doesn’t describe how dialogue is said, it’s a separate sentence and is punctuated accordingly. So this should be [“Shh.” His whisper sent an involuntary chill down my spine.]

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12810675/1/Are-you-real

Your title needs to be fully capitalized.

[(flashback)]

This isn’t a video game. You can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

[“I just want to make sure this is real… I mean… you are real.” – White explained]

Are you not a native speaker? In English, dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12810805/1/We-are-the-%C3%89ntrepreneurs

Are you sure you don’t mean to call this “Prologue”? An epilogue goes at the end of a story.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

This is a mess. Try harder and get a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

[Well this was small but that’s an epilogue, so don’t judge me.]

This wasn’t a prologue, and a prologue isn’t an excuse for a short opening. This is explained here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12811063/1/Pearlshipping-the-farewell-gift

Your title needs to be fully capitalized.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

This is increasingly incoherent the further I read. You need to try harder – seriously, you should not need to be told that all sentences need to end in punctuation. If you’re having trouble, you can get a beta reader to help you. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12811148/1/Rebirth-of-a-Hero

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

[“Kingdra use hydro pump!”]

[The Dragon Pulse]

You should be consistent about whether or not you capitalize attack names, however. (You also need a comma after “Kingdra” in that first quote.)

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

I like the detail you’re putting into the battle.

[“I was made to kill humanity. I am going to kill humanity. Anyone who stands in my way shall disappear, disappear forever!” Mewtwo yelled]

No, Mewtwo was made to serve Team Rocket. Killing humanity is what he chose to do, not what he was made to do.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12811330/1/Angelus-Aqua

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

Having her constantly refer to her trainer as “master” makes this a little creepy. If you want to do a master/servant kink, very well, but please tag for it.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12812351/1/Mimikyu-x-Pikachu

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Not using paragraphs makes me not want to read your story. Try harder.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12813633/1/Regret-times-ten

Your title needs to be fully capitalized.

[Your glad to know that y=x2 creates a parabola.]

This site doesn’t allow superscripts, so this ends up not making sense. Say “X squared” perhaps. Also, you want “you’re”. “Your” is a possessive.

[You had just struggled through 8 and a half periods]

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

You have a lot of sloppy and careless errors like these, and they’re very distracting. Put a bare minimum of effort into this.

[Kogutorra, the Incineroar]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

If you’re going to show chat messages, you should put them in a different format, such as italics, to make it clear they’re not part of narration. Currently, this is very confusing.

This has nothing to do with Pokemon. If you care deeply about love interests looking like pokemon, draw a comic where appearance actually matters. This is a completely standard human high school romance, and saying the love interest is an incineroar doesn’t change that.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12814181/1/Dark-Desire

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12814230/1/The-Master-s-Return

Ellipses are always three dots, never more or less.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[Well that’s all for the prologue]

That wasn’t a prologue. That was a first chapter, and a very insubstantial one. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12814577/1/Flaring-Love

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or kahuna. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[Brooklet hill]

Also, all parts of a name are capitalized, so this should be “Brooklet Hill”.

[oooooooooooooooooooooFLASHBACKoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo]

This isn’t a video game. You can establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Not doing this makes your dialogue impossible to follow, and therefore makes me not want to read your story.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12814703/1/Ario-s-fairytale

Your title needs to be fully capitalized.

[ok so this is my first story, it will be a MA rating but for some reason I can’t select it so…for warning if your not 18 don’t read…if you do your fault, it is for he most part a Lemon]

Technical information such as this belongs in your author’s note. The summary is for saying what the story is actually about.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

Not using capital letters makes me not want to read your story. Try harder.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12814818/1/Love-Story

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[Thanks for reading R&R please I know I suck at grammar and spelling so if that’s something you were going to point out don’t bother. :)]

If you know you suck, get better. Grammar and spelling are not optional.

Songfic is banned on this site, and for good reason. Post this elsewhere.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12815067/1/A-Chance-Mating

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

This is riddled with spelling errors that make it a chore to follow. Spellcheck and proofread.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12815436/1/Camp-Poke

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing pokemon.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

[“I’ll go sign you in.” Toby said]

You’re formatting dialogue inconsistently. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12815927/1/Love-Never-Fades-A-Pokemon-Love-Story

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

I appreciate that you’re not capitalizing the word “pokemon” itself, though you shouldn’t capitalize species names either, for the same reasons.

[N had arrived with his Reshiram]

[the sage commanded Kyurem to capture Reshiram]

Similarly, you should decide whether the dragon is a member of the reshiram species or a singular entity named Reshiram.

[Not only was it’s mountain environment offered no protection from the harsh sun with it’s rough terrain]

You want “its”. “It’s” always means “it is”. That should also be “not only did…”

[(LOL videos game? That would be something I do.)]

Including author’s notes in the middle of a story is not a good idea. Stories run on immersion and suspension of disbelief; interrupting the story and pointing to the wires shatters that, much like an actor breaking character in a theater production.

[a more worse problem]

You can’t do this in English, it just doesn’t sound right. “Far worse” is what would typically be used here.

You don’t need to recap the plot of the games. This is fanfic, everyone already knows what happened in the original. Similarly, there is not much point in retreading a canon scene if you aren’t going to add anything significant to it. Rosa doesn’t have any unusual reactions to N’s words or behavior; it just feels like they’re going through the motions of a script.

[“The things he gave me were… the name “Harmonia”]

When you quote inside a quote, you use single quotes instead of double quotes; otherwise, the reader will be confused about where the dialogue ends. (If you quote inside a quote inside a quote, you go back to double quotes.)

[An hour passes…]

This isn’t a video game. You can establish time and place through context or narration. A symbol or line break would have been fine here.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

[N only spoke “And that’s why I fell in love with you” before]

In particular, here – “spoke” actually isn’t a speech verb, so this doesn’t make grammatical sense. This would work as [N only said, “And that’s why I fell in love with you,” before].

[I love you N]

This needs a comma after “you”, as it’s a direct address.

You’re overusing epithets. When you are writing a story and refer to a character by a physical trait, occupation, age, or any other attribute, rather than that character’s name, you are bringing the reader’s attention to that particular attribute. That can be used quite effectively to help your reader to focus on key details with just a few words. However, if the fact that the character is “the brunette,” “the trainer,” “the older man,” etc. is not relevant to that moment in the story, this will only distract the reader from the purpose of the scene. If your only reason for referring to a character this way is to avoid using his or her name or a pronoun too much, don’t do it. You’re fixing a problem that actually isn’t one. Just go ahead and use the name or pronoun again. It’ll be good.

[the greenette]

Also, don’t make up new words like this, it just sounds awkward.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12816292/1/Ash-s-Lustful-Desires

Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[We come to a large mansion in Kanto surrounded by the forest where we see]

This isn’t a TV show. You shouldn’t be describing scenes like there’s a camera viewpoint. Just describe what’s happening.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

This is riddled with spelling errors, and they’re very distracting. Spellcheck and proofread more thoroughly.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12817021/1/Alolan-love

Your title needs to be fully capitalized. There also exists a fic with the exact same title, which is a sign you should come up with a more original one.

[It has been 4 years]

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters.

[”It’s been 4 years since last saw each other. I hope she remembers me,” Sun thought to himself]

If he’s only thinking it, it shouldn’t be in quotes. Quotes are only for spoken dialogue.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[”Ahahahaha! I have missed you too, Incineroar!”, she said]

You don’t need the comma after the quote here.

[to which he always enjoys.]

The rest of the story is in past tense, so this should be as well.

[Sun called back his Incineroar into his Poké Ball ran towards her]

Missing period here. In general, you need to proofread more thoroughly, and get a beta reader to help you if you’re having trouble. You can start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12817130/1/Worst-Betrayal-Pokemon

Don’t post until you have story content.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12817955/1/PMD-The-Society

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.

You need spaces after punctuation.

Script format is banned on this site, and for good reason. You’re an author, not a screenwriter.

Generally, try harder.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12817949/1/a-wish-for-a-life

[He wants what he wants, and this time, he gets it.]

Your summary should really tell us a bit more. Say who this is about, at least.

[Moreover, /you’ve/ gone]

You can use HTML here.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12818683/1/Eternity

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

Second-person is a very strange choice for this story, as the main character seems like an OC with their own distinct history and personality rather than a blank slate the readers can easily project onto.

Are you named “Human”? No? Then maybe your pokemon characters should get actual names. Yes, I know the Mystery Dungeon games do this. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s ridiculous and confusing, and especially glaring in a romance story. If you’re not trying to shamelessly objectify the pokemon, don’t give them object names.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12819371/1/Ash-and-Serena-at-the-mall

Your title needs to be fully capitalized.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph. Not doing this makes your dialogue a chore to follow.

[Oh my Arceus]

Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It’s fine to just use “God”. See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/162324520/1/Pokeworld-Religion

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12819395/1/The-Proposal

Script format is banned on this site, and for good reason. You’re an author, not a screenwriter.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12819877/1/An-Unlikely-Rivalry

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.

[“Fletchling!” The bird called back.]

Dialogue rules remain constant regardless of punctuation, so this should be [“Fletchling!” the bird called back.]

[“Guys, it’s like 6:15. We need to get up for that new girl.” Miette said sleepily.]

You should also end the dialogue with a comma here.

[“I hope so,” Serena relied.]

Typo.

[Bye mom!]

When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12820628/1/Playing-With-Fire

[A story between a Pangaro and an Houndoom]

The word count is 5000, so I’m assuming there is more to the story than that. Your summary should give details.

Also, while I appreciate you are not capitalizing pokemon in the story, you capitalized them here.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.

The choice of mythological names for the pokemon strikes me as strange. If these are wild pokemon, it’s odd that they would have knowledge of human myths, let alone that they would attribute such significance to them.

[Persephone volleyed]

[Persephone erupted]

[“Whoa, jackpot!” Chao remarked]

You’re overusing uncommon speech verbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever fancy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.

[“I know how your kind works, Chao. You just want to use me so you can evolve, just like Lu used Hera! I’d sooner burn you to a crisp!”]

Ooh, that’s an interesting detail. I love it when authors reflect on how pokemon traits could affect their culture.

[there’s only so much you can burn down before we have a forest fire on our hands]

[Whole swaths of the forest can be reduced to ash by even the smallest fire]

This, though, strikes me as unreasonable. An ecosystem that contains walking fire hazards as a substantial group has to be more resilient than this if it’s to have survived any period of time. I imagine pokeworld environments must have evolved to deal with fire-types; even in our world, forests have adapted for the occurrence of naturally-occurring forest fires.

(Likewise, fire-types drinking water makes no sense to me.)

[“Five times, Reed? You don’t say,” The luxray responded]

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello”, she said] or [“Hello” she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.)

[“Good,” replied Hedron, “Persephone, is it true that there have been six fires in the forest?”]

Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

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