Jan 1RandomGuyonthestreet13A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13164897/

You know, you’ve picked up the majority of what I’ve meant to portray through this one-shot, and I’m quite pleased about it. However, you seem to be missing a few key details about what I’ve specifically written. Too bad I’m not saying it though, it would ruin the fun.

I will say this though, spruce up the method you do commenting. Reading this was literally painful to me, and I don’t mean that I found it insulting. (Though, I can see how some may find it as such.

You’ve got block texts filled with comparisons to the original source which, I mind you, your reviewing fan work. There is also contradictions in your review (yah, that’s how long it is), where you first say [It’s not, though] to when I said the character was connected to the Pokémon world, then you say [If your OC is for a larger fanfic, then presumably some of her character has to do with pokemon themselves], (it just pains me to read that sentence by the way) which is just re-stating what I said in a different way.

All of that just to say that the way I portrayed it was meant to be generic. Ironically, it was suppose to be, this one-shot was just meant to show the oc at her most generic state. Before her adventure began, to show her moral compass, and how much two ocs will change in their future.

I’m not saying it’s not, I’ve got a lot of improvement to go through before I can say my writing is ‘good’, but you’ve also got to improve, in both your reviewing, and your logic. (Seriously, don’t contradict yourself, it makes you look bad.)

Sincerely,
That Idiot you Randomly find Walking Along the Street

Jan 1[Therefore, my advice is to take what connection she’s supposed to have to pokemon stuff and actually bother to show it.] There it is, I was looking for what you were actually meaning. In fact, simply saying to show a better connection to Pokémon would have been a much greater review, instead of saying how bland it all is.Also, you outright said that there is no connection, and then said make that connection you have stronger, that comes off as contradiction. You didn’t say, this is the problem, here’s a solution. You said this is missing, and then said, this thing you have, you should put it in more detail.

Also, the other detail is ironic because you talk about how it’s generic as a bad thing, while it actually serves a purpose.

A one-shot is exactly that, a moment that has no tie in with other stories, and this scene is exactly that in regards to the character, a moment with no tie in, nor connection to, any other story she will be involved in. Remember, this is a character one-shot, not solely a Pokémon one-shot.

You can review well, and with good points, just cut off all the excess stuff and you’ll be surprised with what’ll happen.

Jan 1Again, your writing too much, any points start getting caught up in the reading and it’s just annoying to read.[Again, there is a distinction between what is in your head and what is written. In much the same way there’s a distinction between what the review actually said and what you’re imagining it meant.] You can shorten this to your not explaining, nor understanding my review, enough, which is something I intend to improve on.

Also… you complain about me mis-understanding your comment while you mis-understand mine, isn’t that weird?

In terms of Irony, I was not referring to the story, I was referring your comment… but your right. The story being generic is a bad thing, something I plan to improve on in my own way, while still retaining that feeling of ‘this is just another day’ for the character.

Even if you think that it may not serve a purpose, it may be that you just don’t see it, again something I, as a writer, have to work on.

[it was super intentional how there’s no plot or change or even setting or /story/ to it because that all goes in the story it’s setup for but somehow, also, it’s totally stand-alone.] It’s stand alone, because Miriana’s not just in one story, there are multiple stories involving this character, and none of them have a connection with this moment.
(It would be just as fine to shove it at the end and call it a ‘bonus chapter’ or something. Which I did actually contemplate)

Your still missing a few key components here, and your writing isn’t helping me explain it at all. Please state your complaints in 25 words or less, excluding quoting and in-bracket comments that the reader can skip! Also, before I forget, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Jan 1distant millenniumA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13165150/

Farla,

re: “Instead, her parents'” I see your point there – I’ll keep that in mind as I continue writing.

re: “Nothing to do with pokemon” You are correct, this story takes place in an AU. To be honest, everything you mentioned are things I’m covering as the story progresses.

Thank you for reading and for your critiques!
distant millennium

Jan 1Vanquish MonsoonA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13165416/

Hey, just wanted to say I appreciate you taking the time to look through my story, it’s nice to have a fresh pair of eyes looking over something you’ve read about a million times.

You really do have quite the fan club, apparently. As soon as you reviewed I got a few people in my inbox and review thread yelling at me for being a ‘Farla Sympathizer’. I even got another review where someone only contradicted every point you made in your review. Noticed that was also on your page a few minute ago haha.

Anyway, I do agree that my first scene was a bit choppy and didn’t quite flow well, it’s something that I have a hard time putting together, as you could probably tell. Did you have any advice (or possibly other helpful sources) on writing an organic, plot-driven conversation without it sounding kind of forced?

Jan 2HushDon’tLetThemHearYouA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13165512/

Can you chill?

This is fanfiction, not a professional essay. As long as the grammar isn’t so bad that you can’t read it, it’s fine.

Don’t get so worked up, ok?

Jan 3Whoa, bro, Hakuna your Tatas. There’s no need to get so defensive.I’ve got no problem with you leaving reviews like this but can you try to be a little nicer in the way you word things? Makes you seem like your nitpicking just to be rude. If that’s not your intention then just try rewording your reviews. If you’re trying to help them, just say that (lol).

Like I said, chill out a little. It’s all for fun.

Jan 2FanaticLAguy06A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13165512/

Hi Farla! Its nice to meet you! :)

In regards to the proper dialogue part, may you please tell me which sentence was stylized as “Hello.” instead of “Hello,” ? It was most likely a typo. I went through the chapter and didnt see it and would like to correct it.

Cheers!
Fanaticlaguy06

Jan 3I completely agree with you on the part about the [spoke] bits. Thank you.However, I’m not quite sure where you were coming from on the double punctuation part. I don’t recall ever styling a sentence as “Awesome!,” with a comma after an already existing punctuation. If there was, it was by accident.

I will consent that i have used double puntuation with a “?” and a “!” a few times to emphasize an exclamation. When i want a character to scream a question like “What?”, using an exclamation mark after the question mark seems appropriate to convey to the reader that the question was being shouted instead of just said in a normal tone.

If you disagree with that, its totally okay, though.

Cheers!

Jan 3Thirst4ChickenA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13166758/

Thanks for the review! To clarify a few things:

The names of Pokemon are considered proper nouns in the games, and are capitalized as such. I have done the same, as does literally everyone else, even Nintendo and Game Freak. Sorry, you’re just gonna have to get used to that.

The smut is the primary purpose of the story, but perhaps the summary could be more specific. I’ll see what I can do.

19h agoA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13166781/Thank you for reading and I will take your input for chapter two.

11h agoAn Author’s PenA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13168394/

[Another perfect bit of misery!]

Oh dear, should I take that as a compliment?

Another reviewer was also troubled re the trainer’s license-maybe I’ll add a sentence of clarification to the story. Your last suggestion is about what I’m envisioning. Here’s my thinking:

Licenses aren’t cross regional, so to officially become a trainer in Unova (which would mean free servicing and lodging at Pokemon Centers, among other things), Moon would have to apply for a new one. However, most tournaments and scheduled events such as contests accept foreign licenses on a temporary basis, sort of like a tourist visa, on the understanding that trainers often make special trips for a particular event, without changing their region of operation. Long story short, Moon used her Alolan license for that initial tournament, but she can’t act as a Unovan trainer if she only has that.

The barrier to her getting an Unovan training license is her work — people who are “fully employed” ie working over forty hours a week — are ineligible for that variety of license under Unovan law. The assumption is that someone devoting that many hours to work cannot properly raise or train their pokemon, which is reasonable, but in practice acts as a pretty big socioeconomic barrier to training.

There’s a fic I have in the works that revolves all around problems of trainer’s licensing, and what happens to high level pokemon when their trainers decide not to go professional.

[even if that’s often little more than checking in and asking them if they want to do one thing or another.]
Yeah, she’s helpless in many ways, but she can at least show her pokemon that they matter and do small things to accommodate them.

As always, your reviews are a pleasure! The story is completed, so I’ll be updating every few days. I know you’ll obviously be busy with reviewing since it’s January, but I would really like to get your thoughts on the rest of the story. I’m happy to do the baker’s dozen review exchange thing, if you still use that.

1h agoNorthstar PokeshipperA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13166781/

Stop picking on newbie writers, bitch!