Today, being a charizard cannot outweigh the need for women to be helpless victims, someone wanting cookies for only mildly neglecting their pet, and yet more of everyone hating on Darkrai.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13468250/1/Charkonian-s-A-Charizard-Tale (0)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
This depiction of rape is deeply childish, which is about the worst possible combination. Among other things, it’s particularly questionable to have a fully evolved and mature pokemon completely helpless and unable to do so much as nick her assailant.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13468309/1/Aura-Awakening (4)
[No One’s P.O.V ]
That’s really not how this works. I’d really suggest looking at some basic writing advice sites.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[“So Grass beats Water but Water beats Fire and Fire beats Grass.” Ash said slowly as he carefully listened to the professor.]
I really don’t know why you felt it was a good idea to have a large portion of your opening chapter involve repeating basic facts your readers already know.
[it’s life. ]
Its. “It’s” means “it is”.
[It never sit well with me that a 10 year old was supposed to be mature enough to not only take care of themselves while traveling a country, but super animals as well. I have a 10 year old brother, he forgets to give water to our spider all the time. So the starting age for a Pokémon trainer is 14, not 10. ]
…because stories are more interesting with things going wrong. Ten year olds running around with super animals works great for that.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13468318/1/Pokemon-The-Blooming-Demon (0)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, thousands upon thousands of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
[He sighed, shaking his head as he looked through his closet, trying to decide what he wanted to wear. He decided on a green t-shirt and a light black hoodie. His pants were khaki, and his sneaker were black, as he felt that black shoes went with any outfit. He pulled his necklace off his desk, throwing it on and sighing.]
Like, seriously. If there’s a point to your story, you need to start there, not fifty paragraphs earlier.
[ it’s huge eyes ]
“Its” is possessive. “It’s” means “it is”.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13468495/1/Becoming-Friends-Again (0) Interesting note on this one, Hybrid fucked up accounts once again and did the Warhammer spam talking in third person under their main account.
[But she was even going to go above and beyond that today, and take Torchic on a walk. Yes, a walk.]
So, I’m pretty sure the intent of everything you’re saying is that May actually does care about her pokemon and is taking good care of them, but that’s not what you’re actually saying. Imagine a dog owner arguing they’re such a great person because today, they’re going above and beyond and actually bothering to let their pet outside one entire time.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13468536/1/Dark-Winter-Night (6)
[ “Ohh… you mean Moon Lady! Yes, yes, flock leader mention Moon Lady much times. Say she’s good and you’re bad… but lots of flock mates have Insomnia, too, so we safe from spooky dreams.”]
So, the whole everyone hates Darkrai except for one single nice person thing is already terribly common, and stuff like this just makes the lack of anything else stand out more.
Darkrai’s hardly the only dark type, and you have the idea some pokemon’s abilities mean they don’t even experience bad dreams, and even the ones that do, well, wouldn’t there be different opinions among all the varied kinds of pokemon there are? If this murkrow thinks he’s playing with/learning from Darkrai already, maybe some kinds of pokemon could view nightmares as strengthening experiences, particularly when there’s a couple dark moves that talk about being powered by negative feelings.
I really think this would be stronger if there were more to this than that one particular murkrow who’s immune and doesn’t even really get what’s going on doesn’t personally hate Darkrai. Hearing about an actual cultural distinction where there’s species of pokemon that have no opinion or even like what Darkrai does would mean more. And at the least, Cresselia and her psychic dream abilities should be utterly irrelevant to a murkrow flock.
Also, while I do think having the murkrow have simplified speech works for drawing a distinction between the two, it didn’t seem consistent and I don’t think the implication the murkrow is dim really adds anything. It might work better in both respects to have it function closer to someone speaking a foreign language with difficulty.
This is far too brief for a single chapter. You really should have had the “abstract” above the rest of it instead of separated, and you also really should look up actual abstracts to get a better idea of how they’re written.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13468969/1/Dull-Sword-Cracked-Shield (1)
Dull is a lot weaker than cracked, so the pair doesn’t work right. Something like “bent” or “twisted” or “notched”, maybe?
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13469290/1/Communism-in-the-Sylveon-Union (0)
Try harder.