NaRe 2020 Day 7

Vlogging story that’s quite nice except for how the character has every reason not do so, a reminder of the failings of sex ed, yet more older trainers, and a return to my old favorite of people being completely unprepared for the journey part of pokemon journeys. (Snow: that literally does mean it’s freezing cold people, put on a damn jacket.)

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13472467/1/Blue-s-Vlogs (2) Possibly one and a half given the second is partly a response to Hybrid, and so might only have been posted because of that.

[The video starts with a selfie of Blue grinning at the camera. He’s walking through Pallet Town in the middle of the afternoon with the sun shining brightly on him, one of the few places he could go without being bothered and pestered by fans. ]

So, the thing that jumps out to me is that

1) he evidently doesn’t like the level of fan interaction he’s already got

2) it’s not going to stay somewhere he can hide from fans once he posts this and they track down the location

So the question throughout is why is he doing this? Recording your daily life is outwardly popular but it’s generally being done with a purpose – people want to get attention and/or money out of it. It’s a very specific outgrowth of our already very specific relationship with celebrity culture. And while there’s definitely been fan speculation that gym positions have some element of popularity or favoritism to them, for the most part getting them seems to be about being objectively strong enough to hold the position and there’s even less evidence you can get kicked out again by anything short of objectively doing badly as a trainer.

If Blue isn’t getting pushed into this by a manager who needs him to move merchandise and is hoping this will be a workable compromise between “constant fan events in person” and “fuck off to the top of a mountain to never speak again”, then that leaves Blue himself wanting to get more attention than he’s already got. And perhaps he loves attention so long as it’s at a distance, but if all you say on the matter is that he’s here to avoid fan harassment, it’s pretty inexplicable he’d be recording something for those fans which will only serve to up their stalking game. Why is he opening telling everyone that yes, this is the face of the guy running Viridian Gym, so if you didn’t already recognize me on the street now you too can run over and bug me!

Honestly, it’d make more sense to me if he wasn’t popular for being a gym leader, didn’t have to worry about dodging fans, and originally made this with the intended audience of his own circle of family and friends only – possibly with some idea random people might stumble over it, so he’s giving basic context about himself, but no expectations most of them would care. Where mostly the point really is just the bet, he’s getting video proof so Ethan will admit he won it and going to brag a bit to his other friends too. (And while the comments are pitch-perfect internet comments, “this person is cute” and “they should have dares for their bets” go from innocuous to predatory so fast with teen youtubers…and that’s not too concerning if it’s by someone who doesn’t care about views and popularity and is just doing this for fun, so they’re not going to be taking audience input, but the opening seems to match the typical vlogger behavior where however chipper they sound, they’re very much concerned with their fans’ reactions and wants.)

That aside, I do love the majority of the fic – you write the character interactions nicely, the detail is enough to visualize clearly what’s happening without going overboard and does so while keeping in line with the conceit it’s all being seen through a literal camera lens, Pikachu is perfectly nailing the entertainingly troublesome pet bit, and I particularly love how you’ve characterized Red and given him something nicely in line with his canon level of dialogue by having him be incredibly terse rather than outright mute.

Really can’t get over how normalized this kind of thing is to everyone. Every year that goes by makes Youtube disturb me more.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13472494/1/Predator-and-Prey (0)

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Furthermore, you generally want to put narration regarding speech in the same paragraph. So

[“Look I’m sorry we are really busy at the… Oh Agni thank Arceus you are here.”

She said looking up at the male] should be [“Look I’m sorry we are really busy at the… Oh Agni thank Arceus you are here,” she said looking up at the male.]

[With a sigh Agni went down to the lower level. As he did the Delphox began to hear a strange noise as he searched for the electric sheep Pokemon. He followed the sound and entered a room with no door to find the Flaaffy in question on his knees and a toy shoved deep down his throat. It took every ounce of Agni’s restraint to not replace that toy himself. ]

Well that escalated quickly. And confusingly. I mean, people are into all sorts of stuff but that’s not generally how those are used solo. This reads like you’re relying solely on particularly inaccurate porn videos.

And this I assume is because most of America doesn’t have sex ed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13472600/1/Pokemon-Learning-League-The-Ultra-Trainers-Club-Extravaganza (1)

Script format’s banned on this site.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13472676/1/Flames-Shadows (1)

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

“Its” is possessive. “It’s” means “it is”.

[Fire roared all around him, rising up through the void it left behind. The only thing left of their childhood home, collapsing by the second. Sturdy bricks crumbling like ancient clay. Metal popping, wood crackling. Memories fading along with the house. Memories of a peaceful life in a loving home.]

So, there’s something off to me about the whole burning house thing, where it’s more remote than it should be, and I think it may be that your narrator is describing too cleanly. Like, roaring fires tend to produce an awful lot of smoke, and even heat itself makes it hard to keep your eyes open, and they’re also loud enough you’re unlikely to be able to pinpoint distinct materials reacting differently to the heat. He’s not half as disoriented as I’d think he should be, and he probably shouldn’t be even capable of standing, as crawling is both physically easier and lets you breath cooler and less smoky air.

[ A couple of years ago, the three friends had promised one another that, once they all turned eighteen, they would venture out together to take on the Kleidos gym challenge. ]

Aging up trainers really, really doesn’t work right. You’re taking something ten year olds canonically handle fine and trying to present it like it’ll be any sort of challenge to people almost twice their age, and if it were that much more difficult, then it beggars belief that the rest of the system, like getting their first pokemon right as before wandering into the wilderness, would remain the same.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13472871/1/Unbeatable (5) It’s a smarter Ash thing.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[Ms. Ketchum put her hands together and smiled. “I’m so glad you decided to start training, fifteen isn’t a bad age to start at all.”

“I know I have what it takes.” Ash nodded as he tapped his notebook in his pocket. “After watching so many Pokémon battles on TV for so many years and taking notes, it’s only time I can use my knowledge of competitive Pokémon battling.”]

This is a terribly self-centered way of looking at it, where the actual raising of the pokemon is unimportant and of course a fifteen year old with a brand-new starter and a bunch of notes will do fine against an eleven year old who’s raised the pokemon for a year and actually has a year’s worth of experience working with it in battles. It reads very much like you expect this to play out like the videogame, where a few days worth of effort will be enough to beat everyone else in the world.

[Received five |Pokéballs| from Professor Oak]

And speaking of videogamey, I don’t know what on earth made you think your fanfic would be improved by having item boxes pop up.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13473041/1/To-Be-A-Master

[ my Metagross ]

You’re mostly capitalizing correctly but here there’s a capital where there shouldn’t be.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

[His pokedex had apparently recorded an image, and that man had called it Ho-Oh. It had saved him and Pikachu as well ]

I mean, unless something very differently went down than the events in the canon episode, Pikachu saved him by singlehandedly defeating the entire flock and then they happened to notice a particularly rare shiny bird.

[“I would like to iterate once again that you are very lucky. Not many people get chased by hundreds of spearow and live to tell the day,” Steven said seriously. He also reprimanded Ash for being foolish enough to challenge a pokemon without Pikachu.]

Similarly…technically, throwing the rock didn’t cause the problem. The angry spearow then picked a fight with Pikachu, got thundershocked, then called for the rest of the flock over that. Ash challenging pokemon on his own actually went better than it did with Pikachu involved. If there’s a moral here it’s just to avoid challenging pokemon that flock/herd/etc entirely because they’ll call for backup, or, given Ash thought he was aiming at a pidgey, to only mess with pokemon you’ve got a clear line of sight on and are completely sure of their identity and that they’re not a visually similar but significantly more social pokemon.

[“I already said I won’t hold it against you. A younger me would’ve yelled at you until my face turned blue, threatening you to pay me back, but that isn’t necessary,” Misty said, her voice dipping at the end. ]

And this really illustrates why aging everyone up and trying to make it play out right makes for boring tales.

Well, with a side of you guys really hold a bigger grudge than Misty to always be going on about how she shouldn’t be mad about any of it.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13473085/1/Frosted-Steel (1)

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[Unlike the other professors in other regions, the one in this region gave out Pokémon that were caught in the wild and tamed.  ]

So I have no issue with her getting a local pokemon instead of one of the rare starter sets, but in that case, you realize you don’t need to invoke the professor thing at all. Local pokemon as starter could be done by anyone, including her parents.

[The only things with her were the black hoodie, a thick black long-sleeved shirt, a pair of dark grey cargo pants, and short black snow boots designed purely for utility.  ]

Really not appropriate dress for traveling in the snow. Unless that hoodie’s made of unusual material, it’ll get wet easily, and even dry it wouldn’t be thick enough to actually handle freezing weather all day, and they’re also usually of the solid type when it’s important to be able to open and shut coverings to regulate temperature. Cargo pants similarly get wet, and /short/ boots are not going to cut it anywhere people aren’t plowing.

I mean, if her parents are trying to kill her, this works, though I feel even rather sheltered sixteen year olds should probably be able to figure out they ought to wear a jacket when walking between towns.

[Sandshrew saw a finger extend from the overly long sleeve of the hoodie and start writing in the snow.

It read “Let’s set up camp for tonight.” Seika studied Sandshrew’s face as he looked at what was written on the ground. She wondered if he understood her or not. He looked up and nodded, seemingly understanding.

Well, that’s convenient.]

Ridiculously so, yeah.

Putting aside the question of when and how this sandshrew learned to read, the even bigger issue is that if pokemon can read then they should be able to write, and if they can write than they should be able to communicate just like she did, which means humans are keeping intelligent creatures as property and not caring what they have to say and using terms like “tamed” for them.

…also, I’m pretty sure she dies if she tries to camp given you say she’s carrying basically nothing. Even if that included basic firestarting utensils, they require you know how to build a fire while she doesn’t even know how to put a jacket on.

[he walked over to some fallen branches that Seika hadn’t noticed before. ]

…yeah, he’s getting branches off wet ground, neither of them have the first idea how to start a fire and she’s doomed.

I’d really suggest doing camping research, it’s both interesting and possibly useful in real life.

[Sandshrew observed his trainer. For a human, she was attractive. Although her hoodie hid a lot of her, since it was oversized and Seika constantly had her hood up, she was still attractive. ]

…well, I did not see that coming.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

13 Comments

  1. illhousen says:

    I admire your effort to educate people on proper camping in what looks like impending pokeporn.

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    1. Act says:

      This could be the blog’s tagline, honestly.

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      1. illhousen says:

        It’s definitely a nice callback to Hunger Games.

        Suzanne Collins: Will Katniss ever be together with Peeta? Or will she elope with Gale?

        Farla: You won’t find water on the high ground, dumbass.

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        1. CrazyEd says:

          It’s a good thing Katniss is the Girl On Fire, because she apparently still can’t make fire from nothing despite years of being a professional outdoorsman.

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        2. Hyatt says:
          Every time someone praises that series for realistic depictions of wilderness survival or starvation-level poverty I think back to this blog.
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          1. CrazyEd says:

            I’m pretty sure I found this blog because I was reading The Hunger Games, and I got to the scene in the third book where they shoot down a bomber with fucking bows, and I wanted to see what people on the internet had to say about that, and I eventually found this blog through that.

          2. CrazyEd says:

            “It’s such an accurate depiction of starvation level poverty.”

            Farla: THEY HAVE ADULTS PIGS IN THE SPRING AND A WINDOW FULL OF CAKES ON DISPLAY.

            The Hunger Games is such an accurate depiction of what someone who has never lived in poverty thinks poverty is like.

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            1. Farla says:

              You know, in retrospect I wonder how much of the weirdness was that as an American it’s ingrained in us that there’s always a 1% there for the economy to revolve around? That you may not be able to walk across the street without stumbling over emaciated children but it’s inconceivable there won’t be someone around to buy gold-leafed cake.

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            2. CrazyEd says:

              Eeeeh, I don’t think it’s really so much that, as it is that the author had no clue what a bakery would look like outside the context of a modern capitalist economy. I don’t remember Peeta’s bakery being that inaccurate a depiction of a bakery in and of tself… except for the fact that it’s not my local downtown cakeshop and is actually situated in an extremely poor poverty stricken post-apocalyptic coal mining town.

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    2. Farla says:

      Well it’s an ice/steel type, so if you’re going to successfully fuck it in the middle of winter you’d really better know your camping skills.

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      1. illhousen says:

        Ouch. Well, at least she would try but once. Live and learn!

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        1. CrazyEd says:

          If you try that, I don’t think you’re gonna live long enough to learn…

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  2. CrazyEd says:

    Vlogging story that’s quite nice except for how the character has every reason not do so

    Huh. This is interesting, because I’ve actually made characters who have done things like making videos for the internet before, but I never actually specifically featured it, because I didn’t know how I could convert basically watching a video to the medium of text (except for, like, writing a story about them making a video, I guess? But even then…). I guess I was kinda turned away from the idea because of all the people who basically write stories like they’re writing TV shows instead of books (with characters in fanfic “turning to the camera” and stuff like that), and that kinda felt like the inverse of this. It’s interesting to actually see someone (from what I skimmed) who managed to more or less capture the right mix.

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