A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8898108/

Thanks for the advice. I’m currently fixing the dialog, capitalization, making sure it’s all past tense and I changed the discription of Dr. Namba and [She burst through the doors…etc], but I have some questions. What about if I use a question mark? Would I do the same thing as “Hello!” she said? Would the dialog advice count for thoughts also? What do you suggest I do for thoughts? What in the world is a “sue”? I’ve seen that word before and have no idea what defines a character as a sue. I’m not really sure how to use your advice with paragraphs.

With her running away instead of flying. She is panicing and she is new at flying, so if she flew she would be crashing into things and not get to far. Since you may not read the rest of my story I’ll let you know that since Jen has pokemon DNA in her she has those powers, pluse others later on, and that also counts her pokemon understanding abilities. She’s like Max from Maximum Ride, Max is part bird, Jen is part pokemon. Also if you do continue reading my story I have a discription of Ash and the others that’s pretty long. Just warning you now.

I’ll think about getting a beta reader, but I’m probably going to have my sister and dad read my stories. So they’ll be my beta readers. I am terrible at spelling and all those things that involve writting. Hopefully my “betas” can help me or other people who review like you do.
Again, thanks for the advice. I hope I get more like this in the future.

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8895380/

Thank you for the criticism. I was trying something different when I wrote this so I wasn’t sure if it would work or not. I cannot believe I spelled ‘barely’ wrong and thank you for the tip on the numbers. Ciao!

I have a few questions to ask you. First: Who died and made you queen? Second: Have you ever heard of Bulbapedia? They don’t have Pokemon names like normal nouns, unlike you. Third: Are you purposely TRYING to get me to stop posting altogether? Fourth: Why do you criticize me so? Is it because I have a different style than you? If that’s the case, go rant on to Bulbapedia and get THEM to change their articles first. Only THEN can you attack capitalized Pokemon names. Fifth: Where I come from, I have free speech, meaning I can do the flashback thing as much as I want, your Dictatorness.

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8901133/

It’s good to know some people are actually critical about their reviews theise days, instead of just saying “Oh yeah that’s great” and leaving the author thinking that they can carry on as-is.

Rest assured, I have taken note of your grammatical corrections, spending a bit of time on the train in to read through and turn them into a bulleted list notations, which I have on a little A5 card by my desk. As you can imagine, being autistic and writing up at 6 in the morning after 6 hours sleep as I do every day does not aid the learning process, and I have some following points which I still can’t understand:

‘Mac is an idiot, quarenteens and biological etc..’. I can’t help but feel you’re pre judging a bit there. If I explained everything in the first chapter, it’d ruin the rest of the story, so for now it’s just introducing the characters and basic situation. Don’t automatically assume someone is stupid because of a few statements. Remeber, it’s the fist chapter. You can’t know everything about the story yet. Although, for the record, if things like Latias existed anywhere that wasn’t isolated from the rest of the world, I think he’d – as well as the rest of the world – know.

‘Latias didn’t ask for food immidiatly’. Again with the not knowing everything. In chapter 4, she says that she thourght “all the food here was rubbish” because up until that point she’d only been fed chemicals by the people who’d kidnapped her. It’s reasonable to assume she thourght everything edible was chemicals, especially if she’s on the other side of the world and never seen a car before.

‘sympathy’ No. No she doesn’t. I think the technical word for that kind of thing is a characteristic.

‘dragging it out beyond reason’. That’s an opinion, not a fact. While the reviews are a place for your opinion, it’s not really backed up very well. One chapter in and we’re already at the police bashing down the door, having had the scene set and characters introduced. I’d say that’s progress, not dragging it out that much, really.

I have not been aware that it’s and its have been used incorrectly. I have used it’s to indicate it is and that something is the possession of ‘it’, as I have been taught that the apostrophe indicates a possessive. Apologies if I haven’t understood that correctly.

‘Pokemon’ is the name of a device owned by game freak. Legally (as specified by the intellectual property laws) I have to write it as the owner specified, regardless of context, and the device was registered in a capitalised format. I’m aware I’ve not capitalised it at other times, and that the inconsistency can be irritating, and will make an effort to correct language like this in the future.

Using numbers in the 0.8 format. I can’t see your issue. While I may have used both 1 and one without seemingly any rules, I don’t see why this makes the piece so dramatically difficult to read as you point out. The fact that the main character is meant to be stupidly pedantic is reflected in the description he provides.

As for your comments on dialouge: the rule about defining the speaker (“hello” she said, she said “hello”) has several exceptions in the fictional guidelines: If the speaker is not currently known, if it would interrupt a preexisting description… While you are technically correct again, if we were to follow it, we would have every story reading more like a political agenda or constitutional act than a work of fiction.

Read any modern fiction book, and you will see text written by computers or official people generally written in CAPITALS. The hunger games did it, pretty much every Anthony Horwitz did it, so if you got fault with me there I’m afraid I’m going to negate it on that particular point.

Anyway, that was just a few things but my station’s come up now so that’s all I have time for right now, since fan fiction doesn’t allow saving PMs. Your advice has been taken into consideration.

I was looking on your profile to see what kind of credentials you had to have such a detailed knowledge of the exact rules of English (I’m quite the networker and have contacts globally, but yet to have an English major or similar) , and was kind of disappointed that, your profile seems somewhat vengeful/spiteful in its wording. Perhaps I’m just reading the emotion wrong, but you say in several points that you essentially don’t give two cents about what people say about your stories. I therefore suggest that you either
A) stop assuming everyone also gives two cents about what you say about their’s.
B) stop sending people a ‘grammar guide’ who don’t request one (I. E. Beta reading requesters)
C) remove the stories you are receiving criticism for

As it is blatantly clear you have received criticism for this action before. It’s also seems you have a somewhat… Inflated… Opinion of yourself, because you have essentially said that you enjoy bringing people down a peg. The fact that you’ve received quite a lot of hate mail and not reviewed many stories past the first chapter shows that you also care little for the actual improvement of the author, since I’d at least expect someone who reviews so in depth to at least do another later on to say how the author has improved.

Like I said, I’m autistic, so I may have got the above completely wrong, but that’s the opinion of you that you project to people like us.

Oh, and the bit at the bottom about except work! Interesting actually!
I’m a computer programmer by past profession, and developed a language analyser that is able to take books (well, passages of text including ebooks) and break them down into their component passages and – from there – create a word list that drops into the standard mobile phone dictionary and is able to replace certain words the writer types with ones that the other book author was more likely to use. I tried it with my sister, it turned her writing (which is like a Jane aire (however it’s spelt)) into a Stephany Myers (much to her horror), with an 84pc comprehension rate. I’m getting that rate up and obtaining some distro licences from Microsoft, but if you’re interested in that kind of thing, I can put you on the notification list for when it is released.

Also, before you try twisting my words around:
Retransmission, duplication or replication of this message in part using electronic methods is prohibited by the sender, by request of the sender, enforced by the FictionPress TOS. This message may still be replicated, ensuring it is replicated in its entirety, including this message.

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8900774/

Thanks :) ! I’m going to improve on these in chapter 2. I was high on coffee when I was writing chapter so I didn’t get too copy read it. Anyway thanks for the tips. I don’t take it as a bad thing in anyway although you were a bit harsh. Either way I’m really thankful you just said the truth and didn’t sugarcoat it. With this, I can improve upon my stories and become a better writer. Before I joined Fanfiction, I already read some of your stories like Fox Games and Pokemon Revolution and I liked most of them which kind of inspired me to write. It’s nice to know that I got feedback from one of my most idolized writers. :)

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8900159/

Oh wow I didn’t even think about the Dragonite & dragon clan thing, you’re right, I was just writing it cause he didn’t want Ethan to know he was the champion. Idk. and as for the rest of it, I figure its sort of a little of both, maybe not Lance so much unbalanced as paranoid and a liar. I just re-read it and it does seem weird what his motivations are but I kind of like that and how it turned out. I wrote it just because I thought t was weird how in the first games it’s just Red doing all this stuff and then with the later ones, you have Lance the champion coming too help you, and then so on in Black and White you have a bunch of gym leadrs helping you and stuff so I wondered why no one helped Red, and if maybe they felt bad about it. Anyway, thanks for reviewing, you gave me a lot of to think about.

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8903312/

Oooh… I thought you were SUPPOSED to capitalize it, for whatever reason. Thanks for letting me know then.

She was more surprised about the fact that she was being forced into doing it, and was just trying to come up with excuses.

I was going to explain why she didn’t want to be one later, but I’m actually just going to delete it. I’m trying to get into the habit of completing my stories before actually posting them.

And yes… Asking for characters is pretty stupid. I should have learned that when I attempted to write a Total Drama story. More of a spur of the moment, kind if thing…

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8904040/

First of all I appreciate you pointing out my mistakes, but to be honest I don’t understand many of the stuff that you just said. I just try to follow what MS Word tells me is correct.

And Jhoto is correct if you follow the original Jap version. It’s different in the US version.

I included in the A/N that Ash was going to be an OC, it’s just that people prefer if they are more familiar with the character. Or at least, I prefer it that way.

And to be honest, it’s Pokemon there aren’t many ways that you can write a sensible character without appearing to be too Gary Sueish

Thanks though :)

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8902446/

Thank you for the review, but I’m afraid I have disagree with you on most of what you said.

Pokemon is its proper name, and it therefore needs to be capitalized. Chikorita is her proper name, so it needs to be capitalized.

Dialouge, I’m not very good at usually. But, you can say something while laughing. “Yeah, I’m pretty happy about it too,” Valent laughed”, is a perfectly acceptable way to write something.

And this is supposed to be like the anime. If I want to add filler to make it a little bit longer, I can add Team Rocket. I can have filler, and I’ll continue to use Team Rocket.

Again,thanks for the review

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8903194/

For the most part how’s the story I’m working in chapter 4.

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8902583/

I appreciate the critiques, I really do. But if your gonna review someone’s story, also try to review the story. Thanks so much for the review though.

I just wanted to say thank you for taking time out of your day for reviewing my story and for not leaving a “sugar-coated” review. I mean the only way to improve is to be told what you are doing wrong and how to fix it. I am going to take your advice on board and I will rework my story when I can as well as incorporating your advice into any future work I write so that I hopefully don’t keep making the same errors.

Thanks for being a great reviewer,

-FlameClawPhoenix

sorry i really don’t know how i should of wrote this. i never had to write stories in school so i didn’t know how to write the paragraphs with people talking. so thanks for the help. i will put it to use if i ever get around to writing again.

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8897882/

Thanks for the continued help, and about Tucker getting a Pokedex. In my mind the only way to get a Pokedex is from the professor, so he had to go there to receive one. Also, I’ve always wondered why you couldn’t choose your color.

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8901883/

Well, I did say the story wasn’t going to be that good. Also, there was no need to explain why Mei’s Pokemon was at Mom’s house or Professor Juniper’s, and the same goes for why the Roseila and Roserade was shiny. It was simple details; it was not a major part of the story, only adding the the scener. Also, you WOULD capitalize Gothorita or Lucario or Pikachu. You always should capitalize the name of Pokemon. Example: “The massive amounts of Magikarp and Pichu made fun of the irriated Xerneas, Yveltal, and Reshiram.” You just don’t capitalize it when it applies to the Pokemon’s name, i.e. “Ash’s Pikachu.”

The entire point of this story was to show Mei meeting a new Pokemon I’m excited about. Nothing “exciting” was supposed to happen, like Mei catching it or whatever. I had Xerneas run away because not much is known about it, therefore I couldn’t expand on it more than I would’ve liked to.

But, if you thought this story was pointless, than that is your opinion. I respect both your review and your opinion. I’m sorry you didn’t like it, but oh well. Have a good day, and thanks for the review.