plus when I meant review and feedback I only meant did people like the store so far
Thanks for taking the time to post a review, I appreciate it.
Yes, I do think I blocked it too much, and it should have more separation. I’ll try to fix that in the future.
I added an endnote separation for the next chap. I mainly put them in there to help myself keep track of what I’m doing, and because I’m practicing literary elements for when I write a fully original story one day.
I didn’t really explain well beforehand, and I probably should have in the endnotes, that this is supposed to be a little more realistic than pokemon games or anime in that a high degree of a pokemon’s ability is also determined by its physiology; skarm and noctowl are both around the same size (I put them at a wingspan of near 12 ft, so they’re larger than pokedex references), skarm is not actually made of metal, though his feathers are more durable than that of other birds. Therefore, there isn’t as much of a disadvantage, though there is still some. I have some references for the general rules for my pokemon AU here:
/art/Fundamental-Issues-with-Pokemon-446079341 (the link may not display properly in private messages, so if it doesn’t show up, check the chapter)
I’ll add it to the endnotes, it might help clear up some details.
Your point about criminals is valid, but I will say (minor spoiler alert) that they are not petty thieves or even just experienced criminals. This is going to escalate to a small-scale guerilla war, and the people like the noctowl rider are more like terrorists or soldiers than criminals. Also it isn’t so much like regular society: there’s so much of a divide between League and Non-League trainers that it’s almost like they’re from different planets. It’s kind of like further education past High School (in the U.S. anyway): the jobs and lives of college grads are extremely different than those of people without degrees, and they make way more money.
I do intend to use death sparingly and to maximum effect.
Calcine is an unreliable narrator, if this helps explain some of the other discrepancies. She often gets lost in emotion or figurative language, and doesn’t always mean exactly what she says. She relies more heavily on the feelings her words evoke than the words themselves.
Again, thank you, the feedback is very useful to me.
Mad
Thank you for the advice. I’ll try to keep that in mind.
However, regarding the magic powers…
This story is based off of a story made by Cats12812 where several of the characters known as “Untouchables” have magic powers. My two OCs I used in this story also appeared in her story. I based the idea off of her story because that’s what she requested for me to do.
Why? I have seen you copy and paste pretty much 75% of this review on other stories. The Mysterious Pokefan, is a good writer, except he is not from America and isn’t fluent in English. You are basing it off of what he is writing, you are not taking into consideration his surroundings and such.
You may be asking why I am telling you this, when this isn’t my story. The Mysterious Pokefan is a really good friend of mine, and I wasn’t able to beta read and help him with this story. As both of us have been busy, I have been unable to beta read his chapters and he hasn’t been able to re-write his stories.
He will reupload a better version of this story, don’t be harsh on him
Actually didn’t even notice it was supposed to involve new pokemon because who the hell would read to the end of that mess? They’ve updated it and the second chapter now has line breaks, but the first chapter remains a blob.
ive been looking at reviews for storys I like and just going to ask you to stop with the hate mail your being very rude. just let them be ok
Huh, well since I’m what you can call a new member I thank you for taking the time to read and to tell me this.
SongstreakerA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10942002/
Thank you for all of your thoughts and advice! I’ll try to fix my grammar to the best of my abilities, but to be honest, I probably won’t change all of my descriptions for my OC. I do understand where you are coming from scientifically (seeing how a lot that I wrote is very impossible) and I very well may change a decent bit of my writing here. I do have some reasoning behind a few of her abnormal physical aspects, namely Arceus’s concern for her, but I admit that I completely overlooked several issues with my character. Once again, thank you very much for the help. I truly apprieciate it.
Maximillion McMaximusA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10960351/
Ok, thanks. I will try to use this information to become a better writer. I appreciate it! :)
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10960618/Was that last paragraph hard to write? Because my head is spinning trying to read it.
OverlordMiles
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5090837/
——————–
Subject: Response to Your Review About ‘Shards’
Look, I know you’re trying to help, but posting this as a review is really a dick move
and you could’ve just PM’ed me if you honestly cared. Even then, the internet isn’t
grammar school, so if I’m happy with the state of my story then so be it. And, if I
recall correctly, I never violated your ‘omg pokemanz naims r no supost 2 be capitul’
rule, even if I do personally disagree. If you want less people to choose the ‘I don’t
care, I hate you’ option on your poll, PM people first. Or just continue being sedate
about all of the haters. Just know that your impact on the community is more negative
than positive.
——————–
For some reason they also left on their story:
OverlordMiles chapter 1 . 10h ago
Response to Seal Person Below VVV Look, I know you’re trying to help, but posting this as a review is really a dick move and you could’ve just PM’ed me if you honestly cared. Even then, the internet isn’t grammar school, so if I’m happy with the state of my story then so be it. And your capitalization rules are even incorrect because Pokemon are characters, even if they aren’t humans. Pokemon names are trademarked and can therefore be capitalized. As an example, take a Magic card like, I don’t know, Rootwalla. Even though it’s a giant lizard, an animal, it’s properly capitalized. Same applies here. I’m not going to deny that the paragraph and dialogue rules are true, they just don’t impact the story enough for me to go through and filter out. I doubt any reader that isn’t a total prick won’t read my story because my paragraphs are inappropriate and/or my dialogues end in periods.
I was mainly pinning my logic on the fact that Deoxys’ little shell didn’t move at all until it willed it to do so, but I guess you’ve got a point. In all due fairness, though, the G-force from riding Rayquaza as it left the atmosphere probably would have knocked out (or possibly done worse to) an untrained astronaut… Not to mention that there’s no way they would have been able to hang on. Pokémon isn’t known for its scientific accuracy. XD
I plan on updating it really soon with some longer chapters. I really just wanted to get something up here before I decided against throwing it out to the world.
Anyways, thanks for the review!
Hi there. I am Kit the Pokémaniac, one of the authors to the story “Ash Ketchum & The Lost One’s Return,” which you reviewed on. I am, quite honestly, not getting mad at you in any way – just read this the whole way through. That’s all I ask.
First of all, I believe you are wrong. You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, that’s true, but Pokémon are different than that. In the books and mini novelizations that are officially published by the Pokémon Company International, a Pokémon’s name is always capitalized. That’s just the way it is, Farla, and if you disagree with it, that’s fine – but on the subject of Pokémon, I honestly think the Pokémon Company International are the experts. ;)
And, as for the grammar corrections… well, I have seen you review on a couple other stories before, and I just have to say that nobody likes a stickler. And NOBODY wants their English teacher to be on this site. Nobody can be perfect at grammar! (And nobody really wants to see a review that corrects them, because at that point, “constuctive criticism” becomes annoying.) I mean, what you posted in your review can honestly be considered rude. Neither Typhlosion8 nor myself asked for anyone to correct us on grammar. It’s not something we want to see. We understand that the story isn’t grammatically perfect, but dos that really matter? It isn’t TERRIBLE. Are you too busy checking the grammar and spelling, and searching the archives for more stories to correct, to really enjoy the QUALITY of anyone’s story?
That’s all I have to say. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and please take my opinions – and probably the opinions of nearly EVERYONE on the site – into consideration.
The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pcokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
When, in reality, it SHOULD be:
The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name; i.e., Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
Is that really something you want to hear or care about hearing? No. Because you wanted me to get the message of what you were talking about. In my case, I DID get the message and I ALSO corrected your grammar, but in your case, you didn’t. You didn’t even get the message or the idea of the story. You completely ignored that.
And THAT is why people don’t want reviews like that. They feel like their words and their story were wasted on you. Now, isn’t that nice?
Haha, you were writing one too? On the one hand I’m curious now, but on the other hand maybe this means more time for you to work on the stories I’m already invested in!
Oops, that’s an unfortunate typo. Fixed!
The capitals are because the POV character is a transplant from our world. I’ll admit I’m not 100% sure about them — they look kind of distracting to my eye, though they probably won’t be to most readers who aren’t you. Sorry they made you weep.
Still only has two non-me reviews. I’m judging all of you.
Lol I knew I got something wrong with those darn “its” and “it’s.” always trip me up. Thanks for your review!
| Reviews for Ice |
|---|
 Guest chapter 17 . 4h ago
farla should get raped by a pervert that’d knock the brains out of her head dear perverts please rape farla and rip her panties out of her body force her to fap
|
| Guest chapter 17 . 19h ago
farla really likes to stir up drama dosen’t she?once a dumbass, always a dumbass. farla will forever be a dumbass.
|
| Guest chapter 17 . 20h ago
hey people let’s hit falra’s stories down with her own lazy copypaste review.Dialogue is never written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she did not said, always “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She did say or “Hello” she says. There’s no exception to this is if the next sentence does contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello dumbbitch.” farla grinned like an idiot, always “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned. Do not note that something is a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is not in any category. Not Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said” is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated” is no.
shall we kick farla’s ass some more? |
| Guest chapter 17 . 20h ago
you sick SLUT! why are you even alive in this world?i wish someone will rape you, cut your touge with a knife, stomp on your groin and spit on your eyes.
|
 Rokudosatoshi chapter 1 . 20h ago
Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts. |
It’s funny, at first this made sense but the longer the unsigned reviews go, the more I wonder what’s up. I thought it was just to say things in the hopes it’d upset me, but trying to spam it seems weird because you can just delete unsigned reviews. Do they not know that? Do they think I don’t know that because I’m leaving them up? Am I overthinking this?
| Reviews for Amnesia |
|---|
| Rokudosatoshi chapter 1 . 20h ago
Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts. Stop |
The first quote is in white text.
Responses by OverlordMiles as well as your text between them is white-on-white.
Will comment about the content later probably.
Do you think any of the people you review know about this blog? Are they even attentive enough?
A small number have mentioned it, but mostly no.
Yes, threatening to rape and injure someone is a totally proportional response to telling someone about their bad grammar. *blinks*
I doubt these people would even have the guts to say something like that to a person’s face.
I appreciate it for helping me illustrate what actual mean reviews look like.
I cannot understand Kit the Pokemaniac’s attitude. Grammar mistakes are easy to fix. It takes a few minutes of effort (now, continuing writing correctly is another matter), maybe an hour if it’s a persistent error like dialogue punctuation. And fixing them makes the story cleaner and more accessible to the readers. Why would you shun such reviews when you know you don’t write perfectly?
On anonymous reviews… I don’t think rational thought was involved. That person just want to say something nasty to you, but they don’t want to do it with their name being seen, so they go for anonymous reviews. That’s most likely the limit of their reasoning ability.
Though I wouldn’t put it past them to not know that you can delete such reviews.
Also, I am honestly impressive by your ability to ignore those idiots and make fun of them.
Eh, it’s shocking the first time it happens but after that it’s pretty easy to shrug off. You know exactly why it’s being said, which removes a lot of the sting.
Why be disappointed in the people here when you haven’t even posted your reviews from yesterday yet?
damn it
I was trying to backdate and forgot to change the day.