A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8862090/That’s great and all that you go about reviewing people’s works but I didn’t really ask for a beta readers help nor do I find much help in your review. I do admit that there are things that could be touched on and I went back and touched on those places. However, seeing some of the other things that you had gone about mentioning, I view it more as nit picking than anything else.

It seems more that you want others to write the way /you/ what a fan fiction to be written. It doesn’t work that way.

I understand where you’re coming from on some of the issues. However, being as I’ve found that you’re a rather…’infamous beta reader’, and I’m using that term rather lightly, it seems to me that you’re going about any Pokemon fan fiction you can find and tear into them.

Once again, some of the things I did attempt to touch on a little more. But I don’t feel that you’ve respected me (nor other authors, it seems) and I don’t think that’s right. Consider that the things you’re saying actually do hurt a little. Nit picking is not a review anyone like to see. It comes off more as flaming like and it gives a lot of people the wrong idea.

If you’re really going about beta reading, I’d read up on actually /helping/ people more than /telling/ them that they should write in the way you see fit.
2 days ago

I’m not a beta reader. A beta reader sees stuff before it’s posted. I’m a reviewer.

[It seems more that you want others to write the way /you/ what a fan fiction to be written. It doesn’t work that way. ]

No, that’s pretty much the whole idea. I say what I think would make it better. You then decide if you agree or not. In your case half the review was grammar corrections, so it’s not particularly subjective anyway.
Yesterday 3:48PM

You know what? This is my hobby, not my life. I will admit to flaws but I don’t have the time to fix every little thing so every little grammar mistake is corrected, shiny, and perfect. I don’t want this to be a job, I enjoy doing what I do because I can do it.

I didn’t ask for a beta readers help. I don’t need told what to do in my fan fiction. If you have your own way of going about your fan fiction, go for it. But leave my own out of it. Because your opinion was unwanted and rather pretensions.
Yesterday 4:56PM

I’m not a beta reader. A beta reader sees stuff before it’s posted. I’m a reviewer.
Yesterday 5:09PM

Please do continue to ignore my own statements so that you may prove yourself right. Because obviously, you don’t think yourself in the wrong anywhere near here.

So, I suppose I can point out the issues with the review. Because you so /kindly/ attempted to tear apart my fan fiction.

“[Mew had seen it change through so many years but this; this was the worst change of all. Humans fought against humans; Pokemon forced to slaughter not only each other but people as well. ]

Why on earth would it be so much worse for pokemon to kill humans than to kill their own kind? Also, really, like humans fighting against humans is some strange new thing.”

Think of it this way, what if someone captured you, and forced you to kill another one of their kind. They’re just using you for murder. Animals killing Animals is natural, but Animals being trained to kill humans, and later being executed because of it, is unnatural. And really, who hears of war in the Pokemon world? It’s like, nonexistent (conquest notwithstanding) outside the traditional “Team” conflicts with the player characters.

“You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.”

Wrong. Pokemon is a proper noun, as it detonates the name for a species. Pikachu and Charazard are also proper nouns as it is a species name, as well as a given name. Trainer is a profession as is Professor, so they’re both capitalized, and telephone would depend on the context.

“[The legendary Pokemon was not sure of how to go about protecting the humans that she had called friend for so long. ]

What about protecting the pokemon who seem to be in as bad or worse of a position?”

Legendary Pokemon are credited with creating the world. And everything in it. So people and Pokemon are equal in the eyes of their creators. They would want to protect one just as much as the other. And since people are using Pokemon as tools to commit crimes, they would want to stop the criminals using them. Thus protecting both.

“Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.”

It makes perfect grammatical and literal sense to simply have a quotation of “Hello” instead of a “Hello.” (She said.) Book Authors do it, other fanfiction authors do it, it’s quite common.

Example: Tyriant looked behind her and smiled.

“Hello there!”

Because of the sentence before hand, one can naturally assume that Tyriant is the one saying the following phrase. If it were another person saying that, the other person would usually be clarified with the quote.

2) Breaking up your quote mid-sentence is NOT treated like making two sentences.

Example: “I’d love to,” Tyriant started, “but I really have to get going now.”

As anyone with any sense of writing skill could tell, you’re basically adding an interjection in to the sentence. You don’t treat the following quote like a new sentence.

“I’d love to.” Tyriant started, “But I really have to get going now.”

This would be incorrect

“…and for some reason she’s saving these people by turning them into pokemon, instead of attacking the people after them or teleporting them or something. Even though it seems like a pokemon’s lot in life now is worse, so it’s not like they’ll be safe for long.”

It’s giving them a taste of their own medicine, turning the people in to Pokemon. Also, if they were never released by their trainer, they can’t be recaptured.

“If you want to do a people-turned-into-pokemon thing, you really should think a bit more about your explanation. And which legendary to involve – Jirachi stumbling on them while they’re wishing for some way to hide seems a lot more reasonable, for example.”

Jirachi stumbling in on them while wishing? You do realize that this Pokemon is only animated for three days, every 1000 years, and lands randomly on earth, in a comet right? The odds of it just ‘stumbling’ in on a character wishing are almost impossible. Having a legendary sympathize with a human wishing to stop violence against people and Pokemon, and giving them the ability to change people in to Pokemon is MUCH more believable. Stumbling upon a Jirachi with so little of a chance when it only shows up every 1000 years? That would be very Mary-Sueish. Also, randomly wishing to ‘become a Pokemon’ would also be a Sue trait. The rational wishing would be that the world could go back to the way it was, even if it was a simple passing thought. More people would wish upon that rather than attempt to wish themselves into Pokemon so they might escape.