People seem to be actually responding in a way identifiable as human thought this year! It confuses and frightens me.
Thanks for your criticism. You’ve helped me with something that i should think abut when i write my essays for school that’s for sure. Except I got confused when you were talking about the hellos, did i put that in my story? Any way, I always thought you capitalize Pokemon and their species, seems natural. But you’re right about when they speak, it shouldn’t be capitalized. I’ll be glad to fix this and the other parts as well. And yes, I even got bored with all of the dialouge. But the action’s coming soon, promise. I just need my revised story back.
Dayum you were ready for that hate. I’m deleting the story now..
But I’ll try again and make it better with your advice.
Thanks a lot for the corrections, I’ll go fix them as soon as I get a computer. My usual editor is actually on holidays so my friend voluteered to edit it for me, I’ll contact my editor as soon as possible. I don’t know any beta readers here but I’ll try find one!
I kinda wrote this on a whim so it isn’t really my best work.
Again, Thanks a lot for the corrections! I apologise for any unpleasant experience you had during reading.
Pokemon was always written with P rather then P so don’t give me that bs -.-
And if you are only going to leave a review based on my grammar, might as well review the stories that you can barely understand much less review -.-
I think that is fair. Farla thanks for the opinion but if you didn’t like it…and don’t like the way it is going then don’t read it…it’s my imagination and my brain…as long as it’s readable to readers and its not a mess that’s all that matters at the end of the day, because making people happy makes me happy too…I’m sorry that it wasn’t as correct as you hoped but that’s the way I work… I mean if you have read other fan fictions I have done they are quite random in ways and that’s the way I like it!
This is one of those multi-chapter ones where I only reviewed the first chapter. For some reason, it’s when it’s blindingly obvious I stopped reading there out that people are most likely to inform me that I shouldn’t keep reading.
Thanks for your review! I know about the second part, just gonna add that in real quick. I’m using the school busses because I’m uncreative xD. And I have to add the science part, because otherwise the story would make 0 sense.
Thanks for reading as well!
Spartan5271A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10937739/
I’m sorry that you feel this way, but I am glad that you have told me this. I will try to do a better job next time. Happy New Years Farla.
to answer a few points you put out, the reason i keep [‘Thought, Aura speech or Telepathy’] together is because one they are almost never grouped together, (as far as i can recall) and second they are used sometimes very little in the chapter. maybe 5-10 lines but usually not mush more than that.
the reason behind the initial rant was because the original author liked to get his readers involved in the story allowing for as much input as possible without it being to out there. that’s what i’m trying to keep.
as far as punctuation, that aspect i really am trying to make sure everything is properly punctuated but sometimes i miss things and even when i go over it to make sure nothing was missed, well i don’t see it, cause my brain thinks it already there when in reality its not. but that is a work in progress.
nonchantly i have looked that work up so many times it is sourced both ways that i have seen, and MS Word thinks its wrong put together. but thank you for the correction, i will add it to the dictionary.
the last point i’m not even gonna cover because i will say some things i’d rather not.
but anyway thanks for the tips and i’m already looking over your grammar forum and will start hitting points as best as i can. oh and if you get frustrated easily about some mistakes in this short chapter i wouldn’t even both with my longer ones, because i know they are filled with them. but nonetheless i shall be working even more diligently on improving. thanks to you. also what pointed you in its direction?
Wow….I didn’t realise how dull, uncreative, and terrible my story is. Thank You for pointing out that my writing skills are crappy and that I rush through chapters without reviewing them. :/ :(
I’m just doing it the way I do :)
And there could be some people that have yet to play the game who have only seen the shows
Well I suppose I should thank you for reading this despite the problems you found with it.
However, I am only following what a prompt and the person requesting the prompt asked me to write. Do I condone this behaviour in reality? Of course not, but I had assumed that this would be quite obvious and I would not need to say it.
This is fiction, and it wasn’t meant to be a depiction of a real life, healthy relationship. I was following a prompt. Please do not make the mistake of assuming that I think Steven’s thoughts are in any way healthy or would lead to a positive relationship, because I don’t. This was a one-shot, done in humour, and is not serious at all.
I had also written this hoping that it would be obvious that there was already some sort of tension and chemistry between Steven and May and so I am sorry if I didn’t get that across. I was making a short prompt, not a long story and therefore had to be concise and leave out some details.
This is fanfiction and a one-shot. I did not write this considering what a long term relationship between Steven and May would be in this context because I hadn’t thought of a long-term relationship between them because this is a one-shot and I did not think it was necessary. I think it is wonderful that you take the time to analyse a story and these characters to such a degree, but as this was a short, 900 word answer to a prompt that I wrote in an hour, I wasn’t going to bother to do the same.
I thank you for reading it regardless, however, and for leaving a review to try and tell me what your issues were. I do appreciate that and your honesty.
If you were going for humorous exaggeration, you failed to exaggerate to the point it was a joke rather than serious and you should’ve branched out rather than having Steven stay laser focused on soon-to-be-murderous jealousy.
Also, the fact it’s short isn’t the problem. I mean, making it shorter (like taking out Steven’s not funny and just incredibly creepy bit of imagining May having sex) would’ve only improved things.
I’m sorry that you don’t find it funny; you are entitled to your own opinions and its wonderful that you’re passionate about this but other readers have found it funny and the person who requested for me to write this is happy with it. I repeat: I do not tolerate the unhealthy behaviour Steven exhibits in this fic- that should go without saying- but this is fiction, and I wrote this for fictional purposes. Its highly exaggerated, not realistic and it’s not meant to be taken seriously.
But thank you for being passionate about this issue and speaking to me about this. I do appreciate it.
Fucking tumblr boilerplate responses.
I wrote it within a few weeks in-between doing a Secret Santa for something else on Serebii, so I admit that it started getting rushed when I quickly came upon the due date that all the fics needed to be in. Based on the prompts I had gotten, I had decided to combine a few at once, and one of them I had wanted to do dealt with Lance loving his dragons–which I didn’t know what to do as something other than maybe a joke. I came up with the basic idea almost immediately, but over time was adding more to it while also changing things. Another of the prompts was “Mewtwo meeting female Mewtwo”, but I didn’t want to write that as is, although I had Mew give the suggestion even though he wasn’t thrilled with the idea. Thinking on it, perhaps it would’ve been better if I did, but one of the other prompts was “Mew bugs Mewtwo”, and I wanted to write that more while also trying to not make it shippy like I normally would’ve. I can’t think of the last time I wrote a story (or tried to) where it was just Mew being her mischievous, but naïve self, so I wanted to try it here.
So the story’s not a favorite of mine, but at least the person I was writing it for liked it, and I care about that outcome more. Perhaps I may write a one-shot about Mew transforming into Mewtwo and have hijinks or whatever ensue since I kinda do like that idea, just not at the moment.
ScriptressA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10939551/
ok but what if i envisioned them smiling or smirking?
dilemma.
Hollystar122A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10939731/
The capitalization of Pokemon and each Pokemon species is correct, as can be seen on resources such as Bulbapedia and in the games. Same with the Professor thing, as it is a title.
Thanks for the grammar clarification. I heard the it’s and it is thing before, but since I never heard it again, I assumed that the person was incorrect or I misunderstood them.
As for the whole Legendary thing, I’ve already planned out what is to happen in terms of that, and it will not be an occurrence at the end of the story.
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10939731/The reason his father didn’t give him a Pokemon was because, as stated in the prologue, all his father had left after the war was his Eevee. As for why his father didn’t catch any Pokemon, the reason behind that will be explained later on.
As for the whole Philip battle, I’ll go back and do some editing on that to show a bit more of the reasoning behind Philip ordering Ralts to do what he did. When Philip said that Manectric wasn’t amazing, he was referring to the fact that an impressive Pokemon is both strong and possesses a respect for their Trainer.
The reason for his mom quitting the government will be elaborated on later.
As for the whole grandfather thing, another thing that will be elaborated on later.
Why must all my hope be dashed.
Someone needs to write an OT story where a kid has a powerful pokemon that isn’t listening to them while they’re just YAY I WON AGAIN rather than the usual huff.
Neo Rabbit Keeper Of NeoVerseHey, how are you doing? Listen, thanks for the review. A little bit harsh, but thanks nonetheless. I may have an explanation for the mistakes. You see, I’m a fast typer so it should be no surprise. Plus, I was pressured to update one of my previous stories and then this got in my head a couple of days ago. But you did have a point. I should have wrote petty officer instead of lieutenant as well as other mistakes I’ve made. To tell you the truth, I was debating on whether or not I should continue this not only because of your review pointing out my mistakes, but also because I have little knowledge of pokemon. It’s kinda difficult to accurately describe a pokemon other than pikachu, least of all, those I was planning to use in the story. I don’t know. Maybe I haven’t thought this through yet. Anyway, thanks for the heads-up. Maybe I can get a beta reader or something. Ciao!
Firstly thank you for taking the time to review, secondly stop being a grammer nazi its not plewsnt and not everyone has perfect grammer, I will be the first to confirm this for myself, and I agree on the length which is why I rewriting it currently.
The Incomplete NightmareA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10938141/
Thanks for the compliments. On the subject of capitalization, in the various Pokémon media, it is always written with a capital ‘P’, along with individual Pokémon having a capitalized first letter to name the species.
Thank you for your opinion, and thank you for taking the time to review. I have to say, though, that I disagree with you. This is a pokémon fanfic, as it ties in with others stories that I am writing on here. I also mention pokémon in the fic, namely the dolls that they play with. I understand though why you think this. I ask you though, please do not review any of my pieces again if you don’t have a constructive review. I just do not want to be exposed to that sort of negativity online, as all of my fanfiction experiences have been wonderful. I do not blame you for this at all, because it is your right to review, and I went on your profile and saw that this month, you review pokémon stories. Please though, in the future, do not flame me again.
Thank you!
-RareAmpharos
“The dad was there when her daughter was born. That just makes sense.”
Oh, God. I’ve had a reviewer with the same conviction that paternity disputes mean “somebody replaced the baby that actually came out of the mother with a different one”. I never found out how old they were. So awkward.
I doubt it’s really youth here, just not thinking about it.
Come to think of it, pokemon are born from eggs. Either parent could swap the egg after it was laid so seeing the kid born tells you nothing about parentage at all.
You know, I wonder if you should post other gramatically incorrect mistakes, like that capitalized “Pilot” crap or the repeated usage of “Dragon-type Pokemon” in Pokemon Black, and see what they say.
There’s an actual ‘it’s’ used for ‘its’ somewhere in BW 2. Obviously that’s a mistake and not consistent stylistic suckage, but still, Pokemon is not a grammar resource. But it doesn’t matter if Farla points that out to people. At best they’ll just say ‘oh, well, you’re totally right but I’m going to stick with the game’s wrong way of doing things because, kthnxbai’ and usually they’ll just say she’s wrong because the world of Pokemon is a special place that defies grammatical rules as well as the laws of physics blah blah blah it’s my story and I’ll do what I want.
I’ve set all that up on the thread now, going to link it in place of arguing and see how that works out.
“Dayum you were ready for that hate. I’m deleting the story now..”
“But I’ll try again and make it better with your advice.”
What a twiiiist.
“For some reason, it’s when it’s blindingly obvious I stopped reading there out that people are most likely to inform me that I shouldn’t keep reading.”
Well, at least it’s nice being told you should do what you were going to do anyway?
“Thanks for the grammar clarification. I
heard the it’s and it is thing before, but since I never heard it again,
I assumed that the person was incorrect or I misunderstood them.”
…Did that person assume that their teacher was wrong? Or is grammar not taught anymore in whatever country they are from?
My English teacher gently asked if anyone knew what an adjective was in my last year of high school. National standards have been implemented since then, but there are a lot of places in the world where you cannot guarantee anyone having been taught the basics of anything.
Grammar’s not taught in my local area and probably not my state at all.