The point of the story was to tell the game through the point of view as someone with a sort of personality. That said, to your first point: that’s how the game started, so that’s how I started the story. I realize now that this was a lame idea anyway, but I wanted to try it out anyway.

Second: That’s how they do it in the game (and the anime I think as well) so that’s how I did it in the story. I thought of that too and I checked to make sure. So I was aware of this grammatical issue.

Third: I rarely make grammatical or spelling mistakes. I think I did pretty well, compared to the rest of the population on this website. One mistake isn’t going to kill anyone.

Fourth: My response to this is the very first sentence of this message. There wasn’t supposed to be any plot aside from the game, I just decided to give the character a personality. That was all this was supposed to accomplish. I’m going to delete it anyway.

I’ll end this by saying thanks for actually taking the time to review and giving me a reason why you don’t like it, instead of just saying you don’t. So thanks for that. I have ideas for other fanfictions that do have a plot, so maybe you’ll like those, but anyway, thanks for the criticism.

Of course it was, Farla. It obviously was.

You had to expect melodrama, what with my summary. I, particularly, enjoy melodrama – it appeals to your emotions. Those who read stories such as mine expect and often want for melodrama. And as for cliché… I did tell you the basic idea of the one-shot in my summary, now, didn’t I? Stories like this are pretty much cliché to the core, but does it take away from the writing and the emotion? In a one-shot that is focused solely on bringing out emotion, is cliché that bad?

The real question: was it written well or not? Did I express emotion well enough or not? Was it something one might enjoy reading or not? What did you like or not like? That is what people want to hear in reviews. I know it is melodramatic cliché, Farla. I know. There is no need to tell me. So please, don’t just find all you can hate about my story and others. Please, don’t just go around looking for things to correct.

As they say, stop and smell the roses. ;)

“So your character is throwing a temper tantrum that the whole town isn’t paying attention to them and only the people who actually know them seem to care. How hard their life must be.”

Is this supposed to be critique of my writing? My character? Yeah, she’s whiny. That’s her whole ‘thing’.

“You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.”

I’ve seen you write this on all of my fanfics and a lot of others. Firstly, it’s a stylistic choice, Pokemon aren’t animals. Second, the game itself now uses Pokemon names as proper nouns, so accept that it’s proper to write it that way and move on. It’s really annoying.

“Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.”

Yeah… I’m pretentious for using a semicolon correctly ONCE? Lmao. Sorry for trying to shake up my grammar occasionally. Do you just spot one specific thing that you dislike being used then paste your default criticism into your review without thinking?

“No, because abra start off with no attacking moves and are glass cannons even when they finally learn some, making them a terrible, terrible starter.”

The Abra could have come breeded with an attacking move, and regardless that’s an awfully specific thing to complain about. Really, let the kid live his dream.

“Machop are found in many areas, jigglypuff is found in one. Plus they’re used for construction, so there’s likely a decent captured population.

It’s nice that your character wants a reasonable starter, but the idea getting one is a huge production makes no sense and seems like it’s just there so you could cram more whining in.”

It’s more that her mom didn’t want her getting something that could evolve to something big and scary, and tried to push her taste for cuter Pokemon on her young daughter, who she thinks would like the same thing considering the demographic she falls into.

“And now random ransom letter.”

It’s not random?

“This doesn’t even make sense outside of RPGs where the act of walking into someone’s house means you can steal everything not nailed down.”

She’s a kid, she’s not perfect. She stole something. It obviously did belong to Oak but in the spur of the moment, she didn’t think about that.

“No, I have to say that even for a kid this is total bullshit. Plenty of people may daydream about getting a chance to be a hero, but no, even people who are assholes at least have a decent enough grasp of reality to not hide a ransom note so they’ll get to save the day at something they’ve never even done before.

Your character doesn’t look prideful before a fall, you just look like you can’t plot properly.”

I can’t plot properly because my character does something stupid? I think you’re REALLY grasping for stupid things to point out just to discredit others. It’s kind of hilarious.

[Similarly, this continues to be nonsense. Machop is impossible but happiny is no problem? Worthless in battle insanely hard to get happiny, really?

If their mom’s poor, she might only be able to get a rattata or pidgey, and that would make sense for someone, especially a whiner like your main character, to be unhappy about.]

It’s not a money issue at all. Again, see what I wrote earlier.

[Again: if it’s not a mistake it makes any sense for a person to make, you aren’t writing a flawed character, you’re just plotting very badly. This story is just your character lurching about to your whims, so there’s really no suspense. You’ve made it clear that whatever happens next will be whatever you feel like regardless of if it makes sense.]

How can someone not make mistakes like she has?

She picked up an empty Pokeball without thinking about it, and ran off. Again, she was caught up in the moment, probably wanted to get away asap and assumed that, considering where she got the pokemon from, it would be a cool Pokemon she had never seen before.

Gale is stupid, kind of mean, and irresponsible. She let’s her emotions get the best of her, and doesn’t think things over well. I don’t know how else I’m supposed to put that across than to have her make a few obvious mistakes, and here is one of the consequences.

And yeah, what happens next will be whatever I think up because it’s my story. She’ll march herself back home when she gets scared. It makes sense to me, maybe I’m not getting it across properly, maybe I’m not being direct enough, or maybe you’re trying way too hard to keep up that (kind of annoying) shtick of yours where you nitpick tiny details acceptable to everyone but you. Speaking personally, I’ve never minded your feedback even if I disagreed with some of it, but this time your feedback was just completely useless to me. Thank you for taking your time to do so, but I can’t agree with anything you’ve pointed out this time.

First off, an apology. I’m sorry for the misunderstanding and defensiveness I showed when you first reviewed. I just got the impression that you’re trying to insult me because in my culture being straightforward like that is thought of as disrespect. So I’m sorry for anything I’ve said. I checked out your other reviews on other stories so I think I should be considering myself lucky for only getting corrections, although I would have preferred a more unique and natural response (just saying, no offense or malicious feelings). The things I said about your story being horrible was just based off the flames I saw in it, but then I found out that people just do that to annoy you, so what I said isn’t event valid in the slightest.

Second, I closer look at your review, and I finally understood what you meant. I can’t follow your opinion of capitalization because majority of the readers prefer the capitalized names. But I finally understand what you’re trying to say when you talked about dialogue. I used both Alphinia and your reviews as guides to help me change the story, so for that I have you and her to thank. No joke, really, thanks.

Third, I guess I was looking at things wrong. I was so proud of the time I devoted in learning English as a third language that I thought what my teachers taught me were absolute (well, I kinda forgot I live in a country that isn’t so good with English). So I looked at it in a new perspective, that perspective was, BECAUSE English is my third language, I should listen to advice pros and “senior authors” like you give me, after all, I’m still new to this.

Lastly, I would really appreciate it if you could help me and check if the new revision I’ve posted of the story you’ve reviewed reached your standards. I tripled my efforts and I’m willing to keep an open mind now and listen to anything people say.

Thank you very much!

First off, thanks for the tips, I’m still learning this sort of thing. Now I did notice that your review is much harsher than the one you gave me for my other story. I’m not sure why that is, maybe my writing’s been getting worse… or maybe it’s because you know I’m more experienced now and feel more comfortable telling me off. Either way, it’s good to learn my mistakes (and Lane’s) so that I can correct them for later chapters.

Thank you for the grammatical review that you posted to my story. It was very helpful and it did teach me new things that I didn’t know about grammar.
I also may check out the grammar guide.
Again, thank you for taking the time to correct my incorrect grammar.
-Sniv

lol i appreciate you helping me correct my grammar usage, but i don’t appreciate being called pretentious for it. it makes it sound like you’re above me and i must adhere to your perfect standards – and i’m not one for being patronized. so thank you, but maybe try wording things better in the future

I didn’t even notice that mistake! Thank you!

Oh, and I explain later about the training. I’ve been working a lot this weekend so I will add a new chapter soon!