thank you for your review.

I have noted many times I am trying to work on my grammar, so thank you for that part.

However I researched whether or not I should capitalize pokemon, and I’ve seen arguments for both sides. So I just stuck with capitalizing them.

You’re not the boss of me! So, like, too bad for you. S-O-R-R-Y

Wow, you’ve got a grammar thread; good for you. I was being sarcastic.
1. First off, the ampersand (&) used to be a part of the alphabet. There are people who use it and the article itself. I’m one of those people.
2. The same can be said with letters and numbers. Have you ever thought that some people like math and seeing numbers? Have you ever thought that not everyone likes to spell things out? Not everyone can spell.
3. Semicolons can be used in different ways. Not everyone is pretentious.
4. Okay, is everyone going to know the Kanto gym leaders by heart? Forrest replaced Brock in the anime. Blaine wasn’t replaced; his gym was relocated. For his gym, I decided to use Egan; Egan being a character of the day from the episode, “Some Like it Hot”.
5. Capitalize the beginning of a sentence.
6. Unless you’re an English teacher who has had me as a student, then you don’t know how my style is.
7. Unless you know me, you don’t know what I go through on a daily basis.
8. I saw your profile. I’m surprised that you’re warning people about the jerk you’re being.
9. I think and say you’re a jerk (despite us having not met, unless there’s the case of numbers 6 or 7, even then, you could still be a jerk) because of the way you came off.
10. If you can say that you’re happy to help people, then you likely have issues. Let me tell you this: you just flamed a writer who has a form of autism called Asperger’s Syndrome; disabled. The same writer has depression and PTSD. “I just flamed someone who is recovering from trauma. I got a lengthy message, but I don’t care. Someone who has PTSD will get over it.” No, people with PTSD don’t “get over it”. “I just flamed someone who has depression. They told me and I don’t care. They can be depressed about it. They can think suicidal thoughts. Heck, they can commit suicide. I don’t care.” People get depressed for reasons. Not all people who are depressed think suicidal thoughts; however, those thoughts can worsen. Someone may commit suicide. “I just flamed someone who has a form of autism called Asperger’s Syndrome. I don’t know what either of those are and they’re disabled. They’re too dumb to understand. I’m not being a jerk. I bet someone is typing this for them because they couldn’t understand what I said.” If you can say all of that and be happy with yourself, then you have serious issues. I may be autistic, but I’m also human. I typed this up by myself. I had to look up the definition of pretentious because I haven’t seen the word in a while. By the way, in your poll, last time I checked, the word “again” doesn’t have a “q” in it.

THAT’S YOUR OPINION!

THAT’S YOUR OPINION! Thanks for the help, just please try not to put me down. I am new here, after all. Also read the other chapters.

Thank you for the criticism!

I have to say out of all the people to get a review from, I didn’t expect it from an author I actually respected. I think it’s actually extremely fortunate that I get someone like you to help critique my writing at the beginning so it doesn’t continue to be a problem in the future.

I will say though it’s really hard to understand how you’re trying to explain it all, but I think I should be able to work through it. I knew I was going to have a lot of issues with trying to write dialogue properly, having done nothing but formal writing in the past and never informal, it was definitely awkward (I tried referring to another novel while writing) for me trying to figure out the formula. I think I should be able to sort this kink out now though thanks to you, albeit it will take some time so if you notice me still messing it up in the future, feel free to hit me over the head again to remind me what I’m doing wrong.

I know that right now it might seem jarring to jump from one place and time to another, but the idea is that the events of the story won’t be taking place in the PMD world until much much much much later in the story, and I didn’t want the readers wondering “Why the hell is the author giving this character so many super powers?” Playing the story roughly through my mind, I couldn’t really think of a place to mention putting the story without it just seeming so sudden and out of left-field; because that just wouldn’t feel right to me in this case.

I understand that the whole back story of the Hallowed One is kind of iffy too, I’ll admit that at that point, I had more or less been writing for a few hours then and my brain was tired and I was becoming complacent and lazy. Not all of the story is true, and parts of it are fabricated (hopefully made obvious by the previous half of the chapter, but I suppose it wasn’t) and that made it seem even more rushed although this time not on purpose. I’ll have a second go through with it and try to clean it up and make it more cohesive.

I’m guessing you had the same problem with the explanation behind why Nova and the other humans are leaving too? That part I had planned on making more clear through bits of details thrown throughout the story, but thinking back on it now, I think I could make it more clear by better explaining why Arceus was sending them back to their own times, and maybe explaining why the legendaries are evacuating.

Any ways, thanks again for the help! I didn’t mention it on here, but I really appreciate having someone telling me what I do wrong. I’ve actually spent months planning the story, and ended up with 80 pages of notes before I felt ready enough to start writing, and because of that I want this story to be good, and my worst fear is that my shoddy writing style will end up ruining the storytelling.
I know you’re the type of person who likes to tell authors what they’re doing wrong, so I encourage you, even if this story ends up not being your cup of tea, to at least keep your eye on it enough to help prevent me from doing more stupid stuff.

Thanks again for the help!

Thank you, this message will be my reminder and my lesson. I shall save it on my document. And… uh… I hope i’ll be getting more from you.

Because its the name of their species. you wouldn’t capitalize “dragon” but you’d capitalize Kimono Dragon because that’s the name of the species

are you sure? where did you learn that from, because majority of the authors I read off do the same thing.

but remember Ash attracts trouble like a main character and since Team Rocket is the most prominent of the villainous teams he would be running into Team Rocket more than anyone else, right? so it would make sense for Ash to intervene because that’s what he does. and surely Giovanni notices the reasons behind the failures but doesn’t think it matters too much because his mindset would be “how much trouble could this kid and his Pikachu cause?” but this operation that was being run by elite members was the last straw

James was wrong, you’ll see later on Giovanni went looking to be sure for quite a while

he believes his dream to be ruined and over, that’s not the first thing he would think of

actually, Team Rocket DID decide to kill Ash. that’s what the whole ambush was about. Meowth said they were going to “give him the hook” so that’s why he decides to do it himself the “stopping him from getting badges” was just the catalyst, like this mission was for Giovanni

where did i make THAT mistake?

I’m a first-year university student taking economics courses, but I didn’t have experience beforehand, so I suppose he has the right to say I have the grasp of a middle-schooler. I’m just applying what I’ve learned in the story. Besides, have you taken economics?
How do I know your English is better than mine? Maybe I’ve just misunderstood what he was saying. It’s not like you yourself can understand everything, right?
Watch your mouth, or your words. I’m not ‘vomiting junk’ but making theories, never seriously taking canon into account, and I’m learning the course as I go. In short, I’ve already started learning it five months ago.

i know that my grammar is horrible, language arts is my worst subject

There is something of a debate about the capitalization of Pokemon names, with people pulling in trademarks, common animal names (like wolf or mouse), and generic names (like Canis or Tyrannosaurus, which are capitalized) to argue over proper format. I had to make a decision whether to capitalize or not, and I based my decision on two factors: first, familiarity, as I most commonly see on Pokemon fan-pages and wikis that I visit that the names are capitalized; and second, the treatment of Pokemon names as proper nouns. They are used as the specific names of the Pokemon, and less often generally to refer to the group of animals as a whole. Consider this: “Go, pikachu, I choose you!” vs “Go, Pikachu, I choose you!”
Here, even though the animal is a pikachu (if you were to not treat it as a generic name), this specific pikachu’s name is “Pikachu.” It is the same as naming a dog “Dog.”
I spent little time writing the first chapter. I kept it brief so it would not consume much time to read, but I felt inclined to have it as the opening as a way of following the original storyline more accurately, especially because I always appreciated the opening when I first played through Black and White. It, to me, was a good way of introducing the player to N and Team Plasma without elaborating so early on. I hope you are not mistaken that this is the only chapter of the story; though progress is temporarily slow due to my current workload and other stressors, Wally’s Legacy will cover essentially all of the major events of Pokemon Black and Pokemon White.
Thank you for taking the time to read and critique my work. I encourage you to continue to provide input so I can improve my writing. I will take your criticism of the opening into consideration when I write the beginnings of future stories.

Alright, thank you for your criticism.

Just a question I’ve been wondering about.

Bye.