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pokesex12do u think u could help me with my stories because I kinda just write what comes to my mind and then when I get distracted I lose interest in it.
I will continue to do truth or dare, no matter what the dang admins or bans say.
W.S.V.LThank you for that comment, it really helps.
You’re not the boss of me! So, like, too bad for you. S-O-R-R-Y
Finally MovingA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10999886/
Thank you for the feedback! I mostly write via stream-of-consciousness and while I do my best to not mangle the English language too much and go back over what I write, I can’t catch everything and it’s been years (even forgot my old profile) since I’ve written anything so I’m still trying to regain an idea of basic structure and conveyance. I still struggle with POV. At any rate, the comments are much appreciated. :)
As for the final comments, the threat wasn’t actually directed at her, it was more of a general thing, as in anybody who would see it. As for having him come off as a bully, that was actually sort of my intention. I’ve always liked the fanon interpretation of Red (at least game-wise) as some unstoppable badass trainer so on and so forth, but it’s rather silly and seems to be entirely based on the fact that he doesn’t say anything and he was the last challenge in Gold/Silver. When I was writing it, I was trying to view it as a kid who grew up too fast, saw things no kid should have seen and almost as a way to compensate, started to buy into his own legend. I actually wanted to him to come off as an arrogant dick if only to see if anyone else would notice or just write it off.
I didn’t actually intend for this be a one-off, but any expansion I have right now are just free-form ideas and random bits, so when I do update (hopefully!) I want to rework it for sure. After letting it stew online for a couple days, I’m not satisfied with it and I know it could be better. I’m glad someone came along and pointed this kind of stuff out. While my intention was to make him kind of a jerk, I feel like I slipped too far into psychopath territory. D:
Thanks again!
Ah, thank you very much for this. I will take this into account and try to improve my writing. Again, thank you C:
Thank you for your review. I realised that I got semi-colons mixed up with just regular colons. I was wondering if using colons in writing comes across as pretentious, because that’s the last thing I want to do. I didn’t even know using semi-colons was a writing no-no, so I’ve learned something today. Thanks again for the feedback and I’m glad you found it creepy enough. :)
thanks a lot for the feedback, guess I have a lot to learn :)
Hey, thanks for the review!
I just wanted to know, what were the words that we’re not supposed to be capitalized? Was it just slip ups, or a pattern? I know the difference between the two it(‘)s and will go back to correct those once I spot them.
By chance was it the names of the pokémon mentioned? If so, do you know the capitalization protocol for them? I assumed that when referring to type of pokémon like an animal ie; raccoon, cat. But when it was a direct reference like Ash’s pikachu Pikachu. And legendaries are capitalized because they are viewed as deities, as you aren’t supposed to write God in lowercase. But if there is a formality to that, it would be amazing!
With the simile; “Giovanni only knew because any one who did not live under a rock would have been aware. The facts were shoved down everyone’s throats like a famished Snorlax at a buffet.”
It does not have to do with people being force fed the facts. It explains how everyone was scrambling for any information on what could have happened to Red. They were shoving any information they could possibly find down their throats. I suppose from Giovanni’s point of view, his denial of curiosity makes it seem like everyone is forced to know every last little detail about Red. Hmmm… Perhaps there’s a better way to reword that…
But once again, thanks for the review, and I’m glad that you liked the story!
-Evil-Ekat
Thank you so much for your review. I’ve actually learned a lot from you, both from Unoriginality and your other reviews over at Dragon Quill, so the fact that you enjoyed the first chapter means a lot to me.
Hi!
:D
That sure is a thing that just somehow happened.
I just started writing yesterday. Cut me some slack, please. In the future I won’t do this though. Thanks for the review.
Hmmm….
I appreciate the criticisms on the dialogue. i don’t have too much experience writing extended conversations, so thank you.
On the part with the roles in the relationship, I don’t agree with you.
While that single block of conversation may suggest something along
those lines, I think you might have missed the second half of the
fanfic. I get that a story is only as good as how the reader interprets
it, but in the author’s opinion, your interpretation is far from the
intentions. There’s a lot of conversation and feelings in later scenes
that refute what you’re saying there.
Thank you for the feedback though. I will certainly keep that in mind when writing in the future.
Gah! My eyes!
Well, OK, it’s not actually that bad. The formatting just looks weird without colored background. A bit hard to make out your lines from authors’, though.
“do u think u could help me with my stories because I kinda just write
what comes to my mind and then when I get distracted I lose interest in
it.”
Nothing can help you, I am afraid.
“I will continue to do truth or dare, no matter what the dang admins or bans say.”
“You’re not the boss of me! So, like, too bad for you. S-O-R-R-Y”
So, Farla, you are now officially The Man. How do you feel about it?
“That sure is a thing that just somehow happened.”
I’ve no idea what they were actually proposing, but I wish you say yes just to see what happens.
Yeah, that’s the perk of the colored background. It’d be even worse if I was trying to show any conversations.
I’ve no idea what they were actually proposing, but I wish you say yes just to see what happens.
I said I’d prefer any pejorative other than Nazi and to be inventive about it instead. Not only is the Nazi thing trivializing the whole Nazi thing, but there are so many other abusive regimes that are entirely forgotten and where trivializing them would be a tiny step up!