secs agoFor future reference, this is easier if you quote the sections you’re referring to.

If you have trouble with grammar, you can get a beta reader to handle it for you. That’s what they’re for. Several have offered their services here: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

[I tell the point of view because I want to be sure everyone knows.]

Everyone should already know; as I said, it’s obvious from context. If it isn’t, that’s a bigger problem that needs fixing.

[My descriptions suck]

Not what I said. I said your specific choice of what to describe and when was a bad idea. It’s specifically overlong physical description so early in the story that is the problem here. You’ve heard of conservation of detail, right? You shouldn’t mention things that aren’t relevant. Unless his physical description is relevant to the story, it is perfectly valid to skip over it and get on with the plot.

[As for pokemon, I don’t believe humans would logically be able to capture pokemon in tiny balls, in a realistic viewpoint.]

…Because sapient ice cream cones that can shoot magic beams are so realistic? Pokemon is a fantasy story, dude. Pokeballs are the least unrealistic thing about the setting.

[If they can read minds, see the future, warp apace, and be god, I’m pretty sure, they wouldn’t let humans develop pokeballs.]

But they wouldn’t hunt humans to extinction because…?

I think you’re really overstating the power level of the average pokemon here, too. Only the strongest, top-tier evolutions can do things like that, most of which do not exist in the wild. (The god pokemon have also repeatedly shown that they are strictly hands-off.) Most pokemon are not much more deadly than real-world animals, and those couldn’t stop us from developing spears, cages, and guns.

[Plus, I like the society’s daily struggles between humans and pokemon. It’s far more exciting than the political struggles our world is faced today. Not to memtion, the pokemon are meant to be depicted as cruel, overconfident monsters in many regards.]

Except your portrayal is completely divorced from canon pokemon behavior, so again, you might as well just make up your own fantasy races for this.

[As for my dialogue, I grow tired of this notion that dialogue is strictly meant for he said, she said, that’s why I like saying what the person is doing before they speak.]

What are you talking about? I never said anything about this.

[He gets it from the abuse he’s received and just doesn’t want to stoop to their level.]

Okay, but why is everyone else enabling that abuse? Where are the therapists? Guidance counselors? Child protective services? Schools are legally obligated to provide medical care for their students, and that includes psychological care. Rui is really obviously messed up, he should not need to actively seek out help.

[Silvia’s description… I get it, my description is equivalent to the smell of a Garbodor caught in a grease fire… I get it.]

No, I really don’t think you do. Read what I said more thoroughly. There is something very specific I was objecting to.

[I don’t want to both them by saying, go on fiction press to all 178 of my followers to read my stuff.]

You’re already bothering everyone who comes to this website to read fanfiction and instead finds themselves having to skim through original fiction. This isn’t even a huge imposition. You can link to your other accounts on your profile; plenty of authors already do that for their AO3 accounts. If they really want to read your stories, they will not mind clicking one extra link.

secs ago[So you greatly dislike it because it’s high school drama.]

I still don’t think we’re communicating. I don’t dislike it because it’s high school drama. I just think it should be in the high school drama section and not the Pokemon section.

secs ago[Alright, the reason I put it as pokemon is because I am using pokemon, they do have their attacks, they have their own language as well, I just humanized them for the story.]

How is that functionally different from any fantasy race? You’ve just described magic-using elves, pretty much.

Humanizing pokemon alters a fundamental component of what makes the Pokemon franchise what it is. There are hundreds of stories about humans coexisting with independent human-like creatures with magic powers. Pokemon’s trainer setup is what makes it unique. If you’re going to write a story based on, and thus constrained by, an existing work, you should ask yourself why. What can you do with Pokemon that you can’t do with a totally free, unconstrained setting of your own making? I’m not arguing that your story isn’t valid in and of itself, but what is added by filtering it through a Pokemon lens? If anything, I think your story would reach a lot more people on Fictionpress, as you’re dealing with general themes that resonate with a lot of people, not just Pokemon fans.

secs ago[I feel like the games work hard to get it in our heads that they were made to fight for our entertainment. That… they’re supposed to die for us no matter who we are.]

Yes, the games’ portrayal is messed up. But I don’t see how you’re engaging with that by removing the offending issue (pokemon being treated as nonpersons). I only skimmed first chapter of My Unwanted Life just now, but it looks like you could replace “psychic pokemon” with “elves” and the story would still work. You even have them using weapons.

secs ago[I wanted to free that dark aspect of pokemon most ignore.]

Except that the things in that fic aren’t in Pokemon at all. There’s a difference between emphasizing a dark aspect of canon and making up your own dark aspects wholesale. Honestly, making them elves would have been more meaningful, as elves do actually have dark aspects that most people ignore.

[I guess I don’t really count as an author either…]

What are you talking about?

secs ago[Also… I love fem pokemon with human males. Not elves x human. Elves and humans are too normal, too accepted.]

Except your fem pokemon act a lot like elves and very little like pokemon. I don’t see how your fetishes couldn’t be satisfied by werewolves or vampires or some other exotic fantasy creature with mind control powers. Or demons! Demons are such a general category you can really interpret them however you want. Or aliens, if you don’t like magic! There are many options. It could be fun for you to branch out a little.

[The guy who made me quit was a lot like you, except he was saying the exact opposite. That fanfiction is about originality, not copying the formula already established. He said, “How can you even consider yourself to be an author if you can’t even write them out of context?”]

That sounds like he just hates fanfiction. Why was he even reading fanfiction if he hates that “context” so much? You can’t please people like that by writing original fiction and sticking fandom names on it, and doing so will just make the people who are looking for fanfiction angry at you too.