Pokemon and Homestuck Author Responses

Let’s wallow in the inevitable!

wontbejudged | re: Your review to Early

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/9775456/

If you don’t like it don’t read it and if I want to be edited i’d ask.
Still i appreciate the constructive criticism, Just don’t post all my
grammatical errors on the review. It’s fan fiction, everything isn’t
going to be perfect or the way you want it.

Parajuvenilis-Stephanie | Hi Farla!

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8951101/

Hey man, thanks for reading. I’m not going to lie, this sounds entirely
bitter and rude for an expressed criticism – although I can see where
you’re coming from with some of it.
I wrote this a few years ago, perhaps when I was around 14/15, and it
has a lot of flaws such as character accuracy, canon accuracy and
character development. Its evident you’ve taken a mindset that this
chapter is incredibly false in realistic perspective and probably adopts
shallow character values that don’t do your personal values any
justice.

However, while I also see problems, I suppose I’d like to give you a little run down of my intentions.
First of all, I definitely see the issue with description of her
appearance. You see a writer that has portrayed a character who takes
pride in her beauty… but hell if she ever acts like those other sluts!
But that wasn’t the case. CC’s qualities were supposed to reflect on
her proffession – a sweetmaker. In essence she is to be outwardly sweet,
and physically (not by no means erotically) sweet. And with that I
wanted her to have innocence, naivety, and above all gullibility. The
description of the male dersites is no more than her established
viewpoint from reading those news stories, completely moulded by
exaggerated murders. Another point here is that CC grew up very lonely,
with her main interactions being with our 4 notorious dersites. Her
middle class home stands on an aristocrat street, leading the other
homeowners to look down on her. All in all, these influences gave her
very negative views of society, even if her customers may have been
nicer people. Its also worth mentioning that at this point she was a
teenager, and like a small handful of teenagers she can have the
tendency to be “against” girls in her own league. Its an ignorant and
corrupt attitude to have, but hopefully you’ve known girls from school
that perhaps had that attitude?

Now, back to her ‘impossible beauty’. I’d really like to go re-edit that
paragraph for the reason I now recognise the problem. However just
because someone sees themselves as beautiful and hopes for a lovely
partner, DOES NOT mean she has the confidence to pursue her desires.
Again, her biased viewpoint manipulates her confidence in other people
as well as her own. There is a percieved lack of continuity here,
however because she is aware of her effect on males (which is a noun,
and while it sounds crude and ungrammatical it can be used as such) but
she somehow wouldn’t dare to act on it. I do see that.
Furthermore she expects Jack to respond to her like the other dersites
do, and she thinks he does momentarily when he appears to look her up
and down. Until he quickly loses interest and she becomes very confused.
Also being a teen, her hormones are wired to attract and in fact its
more likely that the cadress subconsciously adores him. Not the other
way round.

Oh man, I see it. But how does it make her extra good in comparison to
“evil dersites” if you can clearly see how biased she is? Perhaps I
wrote it badly (scratch that, I did write it badly)
Also, I know it doesn’t make any mention of female soldiers but that
doesn’t mean there wasn’t any. Like yourself I am a feminist, but that
section was referring to husbands abusing their wives, which Cadress
notices as SHE does not want to be the wife of an abuser. Perhaps there
were stories of female soldiers abusing their wives! But the cadress is
supposedly straight in sexuality and therefore the danger does not
associate with her as strongly. This is prose, not a politically-correct
report on society.

I suppose you concluded that she is Jack’s love interest because I
discontinued this. A character that was not yet introduced, Vagrer Serf
was in fact due to be her love interest. Jack is incapable of love,
which is quite evident in his hatred. No, Jack was not supposed to be in
the picture at all. The chapter that was going to follow this was that
CC would find jack downstairs in her home, where his bloodlust has been
stalled by his memory of the place. Eventually, he would remember her
sweet-making abilities and have her serve in the palace to – basically –
make him liquorice Scotty dogs. That was the plot. Vagrer Serf was a
homeless character who took interest in her when she was selling in the
town square, in which she acquired a love interest. But after a while he
disappeared and she assumed she was abandoned.
This story was supposed to have the semantics of darkness and cruelty,
as she finds herself being disappointed and oppressed every time she
gets her hopes up. Jack coming back to haunt her house and order her to
work for him was going to be the catalyst to her final demise, and this
chapter was meant to forebode how she thought things would get better
(as she learns a reassuring weakness in Jack) but her hopes are quickly
discarded (as Jack throws away her gesture of kindness). Of course, even
as a drunken Jack, he was out of character.

The harlequin robes do only appear after the prototyping, but remember
that the queen was still in power and will have had the prototypings –
Jack essentially kills her not long after this chapter and assumes
leadership. In the present tense of this story, Jack has been in power
for quite a few years, although his only recent dealings with the
aristocrats doesn’t really suggest that. So I give you that one.

But on top of all that, I think you spent too long putting this single
chapter at face value and assuming that there was no more to it than a
petty love story told horrifically. Its appreciable that you took the
time to review this. I do understand that obviously these other chapters
are missing and the writing is inaccurate.
But personally, I feel imposed on and offended, and I’d say that this
sounded too full of bile, making your points sound more like
anger-induced nitpicking than any structural support. You seem to be way
more interested in your own assumptions than considering there was ever
any more depth past your own nose.

Can I just say I’m proud of fandom for the fact that, while they do put this stuff in their stories, the responses have consistently been “I’m a feminist!” and not “What the hell’s wrong with you, you some kind of feminist?!”

Parajuvenilis-Stephanie | whoops!

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8951101/

Agh hang on dude I’m sorry, being on mobile I’ve just discovered you
gave more feedback on other chapters. Thought it was just the one! Ill
have a read now, as that incredibly lengthy drawl I just posted does in
fact render itself a little innaccurate. I mean I see bitterness in that
other reply of yours but there’s probably a reason for it. Ill be back
to you in a few!

Parajuvenilis-Stephanie | damn son

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8951101/

Congrats, you actually got me psyched up with annoyance. You do this
shit to everyone. I thought you were targeting me, but no I see it. I
don’t mean to sound bitter myself but I can laugh a bit at this and
shake my head in shame. You clearly have a keen eye for criticism and
slipping in a deal of abuse to irritate people. It sure worked on me so
hey, I doff my hat to you. My opinion still stands that you’re a total
prick, but you’re a crafty one!

VibraKnife | Lullaby

[10/31 c1 113Farla
Creepypasta are styled after urban legends. They’re not just any horror story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t
capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you
should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie,
Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize
when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things.
Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking
of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

“Its” is possessive, as in “its story”, and “it’s” means “it is”.

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even
when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons
sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are
inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences
because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you
look pretentious.

[That’s when I noticed that the Hex Maniac was floating. Rather, she was
hanging by her neck. A long, pink arm was extended from the treetops,
holding up the Hex Maniac by her throat. I didn’t ask if she was
alright; she was dead for certain, and I didn’t want to share her fate. ]

Not…really. Being strangled isn’t exactly instantly fatal, and it’s
not a situation where the character’s able to tell she’s been hanging
there for some time now. If the idea is your character has no way to
actually intervene anyway, then sure, she’s effectively dead either way,
but a “there was nothing I could do” would be better here.

Anyway, that was certainly creepy – a good slow build, explaining enough
to follow without ruining it by having someone exploit every last
detail, and an understated ending rather than some explosive fight and
lots of gore.]
Pardon? I’m not sure you understand…

Creepypastas are not just urban legends. Last I checked, BEN Drowned is no urban legend.

Pokémon and species are always capitalized. Ash’s Pikachu doesn’t have a
name, he just calls it Pikachu. It’s a species. It’s technically a
scientific name, and that makes it the proper way of saying so. You
don’t capitalize professor, but Pokémon is a trademarked topic, and
thus, all names of Pokémon are capitalized to show copyright.

I never used “its” as “it’s”. If you saw it and I didn’t, please, by all means, tell me where.

This is where, while I was not being arrogant, you instantly assumed
that it was my being a pompous jacka**. I write in British English. In
Britain, using a semicolon is acceptable, as long as it’s used properly,
which it was. It was not arrogance, it was proper grammar.

She was hanging for quite a while at this point. I do plan on adding a
picture of some sort, I just have to draw it. Her collarbone is
dislodged at this point; if she had been hanging for that long, it would
have happened eventually.

Thank you. I was avoiding gore (hence the lack of devastated collarbone
on the Hex Maniac), mostly because the forum I primarily write for is
swarmed with gory creepypasta that have no reason whatsoever to exist.

Your advice was not helpful in the least, although it was quite
annoying. If people on the other forum that i mentioned think that this
was bad advice, than you surely would have caught this too.

Grimm Disease | re: Your review to PoliceForcestuck: Election

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8832277/

You should really calm down before writing crazy reviews. I can handle a
few grammar/spelling corrections if handled appropriately, but I don’t
need a whole lesson (even if you think I do). I don’t refer trolls as
women or men since those terms are used to address humans. If Jade was
in the mix she would still be considered part of the females. Jade is
permanently moving into Skaia and Vriska is short on money and Jade
knows that. You are looking for too many details that don’t necessarily
matter. When you start nitpicking a story (especially fanfiction) then
you’ll lose enjoyment out of it. Besides, looking for an apartment with
another room isn’t a bad/crazy idea.

Grimm Disease | re: Your review to PoliceForcestuck: Election

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8832277/

Did you read Suffocating? That goes into Feferi’s POV and how she feels
treated by the town. Also Feferi’s blood type is the same as the
Condesce, a troll who ruled the species. The trolls and humans don’t
want to risk any chance of that type of leader returning.

Grimm Disease | re: Your review to PoliceForcestuck: Election

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8832277/

Karkat looks at Jade (at this point of the story line) differently than
anyone else, and no it’s not romantic. Jade was sent to him to be
trained under his guidance, Karkat essentially took on an instructors
role and feels responsible for her. Jade just recently became and
‘independent’ woman, and Karkat doesn’t want her to get knocked down.

Karkat doesn’t like/trust Vriska, but he knows she can handle herself.
He also knows Sollux well enough that he could protect himself.

Grimm Disease | re: Your review to PoliceForcestuck: Election

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8832277/

Scratch knows Feferi. He knows her anxiety through this election and how
at any moment she could start crumbling (all Feferi wants is to be
accepted by the city, but that isn’t going easy for her). Scratch is
bullying her. Feferi is at such a low point that she’ll believe and do
whatever she is told to do because she doubts herself.

No, this isn’t the same Feferi from the comic, this Feferi has been on the verge of a mental break down.

The name is because Scratch likes to control people in even the smallest ways; even if he’s the only one that knows.

Ah, there’s the quality point-missing you just can’t get anywhere else.

GreyWolfHowl | Droog’s Nightmare – Reply

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/8772004/

I know the whole thing isn’t gold, and does have some very obvious
blemishes, but it was nothing really serious – just me writing to write
with no serious sense in it.

In any case, I’ll be rewriting it to clean it all up, and might continue
on with a little idea I’ve been keeping in mind. In the meantime,
however, this old thing is just going to sit and collect dust like it
has been.

But thank you for that bit of information. :)

I think this may be the only time someone’s explained since they’re planning to fix the story up,  pointing out areas that need fixing is a waste of time.

3 Comments

  1. cecamire says:
    I personally like semi-colons. I feel like they can add an extra dimension of rhythm/tone, since they’re halfway between a comma and full stop in terms of pause length.
    1. Eilonwy_has_an_aardvark says:
      If I were writing a character (or a narrative voice) who’s supposed to be intellectual, poetic, wise in a pondering-and-information-weighing way, or pretentious, I’d include semi-colons. The resulting rhythm goes with the narrative voice.

      I usually end up sighing and taking my semi-colons out, as I would communicate that way, but my characters wouldn’t.

    2. Farla says:
      To continue that point, I just hate it because it’s everywhere and it’s obvious no one knows what they’re doing.They’re getting jammed in because people are using grammarcheck and the current version suggests semicolons a lot. There should not be multiple semicolons in a story that’s a few hundred words long that’s otherwise written really crudely.

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