“But we are not alone in these mistakes, nor are we alone in playing the games, yet how often do we discuss our mistakes with each other? With rookies? They wouldn’t think to ask the questions, and we wouldn’t-necessarily-think to depart the knowledge.”
Hi Farla. So I see you have reviewed my story. While I must say your points are indeed correct, your review was quite vague. Can you please specify what you want in my fanfictions? Thanks a lot.
PS. I don’t know if I should remove it, it being a songfic and all…
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11755335/
Thanks for the review!
I wrote this after taking some night-time cold medicine. So after I re-read it I was shocked at my own poor grammar!
I’ll do what you recommended and get a beta reader, since my grammar is horrible.
When I can, I’ll re-update chapter one with the grammar fixes. Again, thanks for pointing out the mistakes!
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11713683/
Thanks for your help. My grammar is not the greatest, good to know that you’re glad to help. Lemme know if you’re enjoying it!
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11755759/
Okay, the “capitalization errors” aren’t errors. Pokemon names are supposed to be capitalized. The introductory monologue thing was a joke. It’s not my fault you have no sense of humor. The OCD and not getting the starter are unrelated issues. Also, I myself have OCD, and I would appreciate it if you didn’t mock it. It’s a serious problem. You are entitled to your opinion, but you’re being a total jerk about it, so f*** you.
I find this really interesting because it’s the second person this month (first being the “misogyny what misogyny” one) to think they’re just depicting neutral events. It’s completely normal for someone to lock up and be unable to do something because of one minor detail! Why would you by complete coincidence mention OCD? What a mystery.
Also interesting is the insistence their writing was a hilarious joke while my statement was a mocking joke. Do people not understand jokes these days? Is that why all the humor fic is terrible?
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11756210/
Ahaha, yeah! I know I misuse that word a lot. I should go find an alternate word to describe short stories ve~ ( = ヮ= )೨
Actually, despite the fact that they’re nameless, Pokemon to me are still proper nouns. Technically it’s the name of a creature, and yes, they don’t exactly have nicknames, but I’ve always seen Pokemon as Pokemon and Lugia as Lugia and Aromatisse as Aromatisse. Having them not capitalized is just… weird. Because officially, that’s how they’re spelt. Not every Pokemon has a nickname, but that doesn’t make their “name” any less proper.
And aiyaaa, that was just a little confusing to me but I’m really glad for the tips! (☞≧ヮ≦)☞ Would you please point out the specific parts of my story that needs editing, because I’m looking at it now and I don’t understand what I’m supposed to change. Thanks for the feedback though! I appreciate it! :)
Thanks for taking the time to review the first chapter of my pokemon story.
I agree that wake up opening are overdone and I had played around with other ways to start it but nothing seemed to work so I went with it. I think I have a new way to open it now and hope to have it changed soon.
Yes, I see my grammatical mistakes. I have written and read it so many times that my eyes must have begun to glaze over them but I’ll get them corrected.
As for their ages, in the first conversation they have they mention that the legal age to become a trainer is 16. I know this is not canon and Ash/Gary ect… started when they were 10 but it’s my story so why can’t I change the rules a bit? Besides some of the things I have planned fit better with an older character in my mind.
As for the fact that they all did run from the Spearow and not just Blue: Green and Red weren’t saying that they would have been able to handle going out when they were younger any better than Blue would. As for the running making them seem weak…if you were attacked by an angry hawk or eagle and had no way to protect yourself what would you do? My guess is run.
I hope that this might settle some of the problems you have with my story and you can see some of it from my point of view. If not then I still thank you for taking the time to give me feedback.
You recently reviewed my story, To Outlive Mayhem. Even though I was too scared to read it, or the other person’s review to an extent, thank you for taking your time to do so! I’ve seen you around before, and I’ve always saw you as harsh… but even so, seeing all the flames you get, I’m shocked how you can continue writing. If I was in your position, I’d be terrified!
I feel bad now for deleting that story after two people have taken the time to read and review with good constructive criticism, but I’m still quite shaken up about the whole thing. After re-reading it, I decided it just wasn’t worth anyone’s time and needed a LOT more thinking and planning. So I just wanted to thank you for helping me with that review I never was able to find the courage to look at. I’ve read a little of your guide, and I hope to do better in the future.
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11757140/
Thankyou so much Farla, you are exactly the kind of person I need to improve on writing my stories. Please stick around for when I update my other chapters. That would really be amazing thanks.
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11757488/
Thanks for taking your time to analyse and dissect my story. :) Granted this is my first story I’m publishing here… But I mainly write because it’s fun! So I’m not too fussed either way. :D
And I’ll make sure to edit that bit, thanks! :3
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11756250/
Well, true though that may be, they do it in the games. Pokemon names are always capitalized, so I figured I’d keep it consistent. That’s also why Poke Ball and stuff like that are capitalized. It just looks weird to me otherwise.
I’ll keep that in mind.
As for the rest of it, I’m the first to admit that I’m really not that great of a writer, and that I definitely could’ve handled that a lot better.
Actually, I just read through it again, and realized how bad I really am! Excuse me whilst I take it down.
Thanks for the review!
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11749466/
Also, I reread the part with the first battle and realized you’re right. Something felt off about it (and while I am planning to delve into the question of trusting trainers, this isn’t the place for it). I was able to find a better way to write it, playing off your suggestion. It now reads something like [ ‘Hitting it now is a bad idea. What do I do?’ Tracy glanced at her Trainer, looking for ideas. ] Thanks for taking the time to really look at these.
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11748252/
Thank you so much for your suggestions, this will help me become a better at writing. Sorry my fan fiction was incredibly crappy, it was a test run and my first story but now that I know how to fix it I can work harder. :D
Subject: re: Your review to One Winter Awakening (long message)
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11757372/
First things first, thank you for your review.
For some time I’ve been debating with myself how to word this review response, and then
gave up because I had a gut feeling that however I worded the review response, it was not
going to end well for either of us. I might as well say everything I need to say in the
nicest way possible right now, because I try to be nice and I personally think that a
little niceness never hurt anyone. Despite this, I still have a bad feeling that this
won’t end well. It may end with one of us blocking the other, and that might as well suit
us perfectly. We’ll see, though.
The biggest issue I’ll address is the pronouns. I’ll admit right now that using the
“xe” and “xir” pronouns was a terrible, horrible, and not
well-thought-out idea on my part. I was going for a gender-neutral pronoun that also
showed the valid sapience of the Pokemon in question. A few years back I learned of the
existence of the gender-neutral Spivak pronouns, and I was 100% sure and certain that the
Spivak pronouns in question were “xe” and “xir”. Therefore, I went
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Sadly, we can’t see the whole of it because they’re the one that showed up, argued with people, and then decided they’d be happier with me blocked so we’d never interact again, and it didn’t occur to me to try to preemptively copy the PM.
So yeah, next time I’ll definitely try to keep up.
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11758540/
I normally reply to my reviews in the following chapter, but that would hardly seem just when faced with such a comprehensive response. First, I wish to thank you for taking the time to both read my fic, and to compose such a critique. I am never adverse to having any, and all, flaws noted and pointed out to me. As that is the only way to improve. In regards to the specifics of your review, I have this to say:
+ Thank you for pointing that out to me, I was unaware of the syntactic rules of a “drabble.” I will remove the faulty advertising at once.
+ This is debatable, while it is true one does not capitalize ‘animal’ or ‘cat’ etc. It is equally true that the media sets a precedent for capitalizing ‘Pokemon’ and every sub-type there-of. And while ‘trainer’ or ‘professor’ would not, in and of themselves, merit capitalization, they should be capitalized when referencing a title; i.e. Professor Oak, or Ace Trainer.
+ I see your argument. However, the information he would’ve researched-what moves will be learned, and at what level. When to reasonably expect evolution. etc.-wouldn’t, necessarily, touch on practical knowledge. And there is no guarantee that the members of his club would have made a similar faux pas, or if they had that they would have shared the knowledge with him at all. Not out of malicious intent, but only because they wouldn’t think to impart such things. After all, you put it best when you said; “Most mistakes people make playing the games are because that’s our first encounter.” But we are not alone in these mistakes, nor are we alone in playing the games, yet how often do we discuss our mistakes with each other? With rookies? They wouldn’t think to ask the questions, and we wouldn’t-necessarily-think to depart the knowledge. That being said, I shall definitely endeavor to have a more polished set-up as I march on.
+ Thank you very much! Honestly, thank you for the time and effort it took to break down dialogue as you did. I found myself learning some concepts that I hadn’t even been aware existed. My grammar education is sorely lacking, and largely self-taught, as my state decided to remove grammar from the education syllabus around when I was entering third grade. While I have since studied up on it, I am far from a master of the liberal arts. And, as I’ve found, so few people are actually well-grounded in grammar, I rarely learn where I make mistakes. So, again, thank you.
+ Lol, this one is just a simple missunderstanding, although I can clearly see why you read that as such. Yes, Harden does something, and it can be a deadly move in its own right (I have a special hatred for Geodude in RB who used Harden to make my Charmeleon’s already pitiful moves even less damaging than usual.) That being said, even if you used Harden until you maxed out your PP and then started on Stuggle, chances are you would’ve succumbed to your opponent (assuming no Potions etc. were used) as they slowly chipped at your health. Especially as Struggle hits with recoil.
“…it evolves at ten and then learns confusion at L12…” Our missunderstanding arises from this. You were comparing the two level-by-level, and were rightly confused why I would believe a L15 Butterfree w/ Confusion would have any trouble against a L15 Magikarp w/ Tackle. I, however, wasn’t speaking of a L15 Butterfree, but, rather, a L15 Metapod. One that still only knew Harden. For I was comparing them by evolutionary states. The second Metapod ceased to be “Metapod” my argument would become moot. Since my statement was made in the context of one training their Pokemon until they evolve.
+ Thank you for catching that. My spellcheck fails me in this case, I’m afraid, as younger siblings have added incorrectly spelled words to my software’s dictionary. That being said I’ll be sure to go back and edit the chapter, and keep a better eye out for future mistakes.
Thank you again for the time and effort that went into your review. I hope that you won’t be too critical with this response as it is rather late on my end, so it is entirely possible I’ve missed a few errors despite any attempt otherwise.
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11756187/
Well, at least is THAT part.
“That part” being the opening lines of the fic. Another hint people need to learn to take: if I obviously stopped reading, it’s probably because I thought you suck.
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11756636/
I know, I’m having trouble…. My first fanfic “Ash’s Ultimate Quest” is probably far better than both newer fanfics….
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11756864/
If you believe my story grammar to be terrible, I suggest you could keep it to yourself, because I know I make mistakes. You shouldn’t be writing this since you could be making the same mistakes as well.
Subject: Review – Reply
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11759571/
Kk, thanks for the review, will take into consideration. Appreciate the time and effort
you did to actually take apart what i wrote. Have a lovely day ~
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11758897/
Thank you! Hearing that means a lot to me.
Haha, whoops. Sorry.
In general, thanks for the review!
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11725049/
There’s definitely a lot I need to work on improving on, wow. I appreciate you taking the time to pointing these things out to me!
I wasn’t planning on capitalising telephone or trainer but uh, thanks for the pointer. As for professor, it’s often capitalised when used as a title here, I’m not sure how it applies elsewhere though.
The idea was that they would still be a vague concept given that it’s still only the prologue. The numen aren’t fully understood by the people within the story so going into depth about what they are right off the bat would be amiss. I plan on an explanation that spans the story as a whole, since coming to an understanding of the numen is a planned central theme for the story.
Thanks again for taking the time to address some of the issues, I appreciate the effort. I’ll do my best to improve for the next chapter!
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11760446/
You’re right about the not capitalizing animal, but on Bulbapedia they use the Pokémon species name in capital no matter what(plus I’m a capitalization freak). And the Pidgey were rogue Pokémon, when RaRa was a former rogue Pokémon. And the rogue Pokémon don’t really matter to the human village Pokémon.
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11759985/
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11759865/
I get what your saying. I really should have checked more for consistency and I didn’t quite know how dialogue was supposed to look I suppose. I can try to think of another way to start it as well. Thanks for the feedback. I’ll edit it and repost it sometime later. This was really the first time I had tried writing a story with dialogue and everything. Usually I just make poetry and stuff. Thank’s for the help
Hello there. I have a friend who wrote a Pokemon story and published it yesterday, January 30th, yet it did not receive a review from you. I’m just wondering why you skipped that story. She worked very hard to write it because she’s better than you and wanted to show you what she could do. You review so many Pokemon stories yet have never reviewed hers, and this time she even published one in January, and you still ignored it. Is it because you think she’s so out of your league? Or did you simply pass over it?
The story is titled “The Middleground” by I Am Lu, for your information.
Why, another person has just happened to mention this story!
Thank god they did because I’d forgotten the penname and wouldn’t have known it was THE AUTHOR but because I was warned I knew to skip over it until the very last.
But more on that later.
Subject: Your review and a few words
Hey, I’ve noticed your review on my story, and I just wanted to say kindly, that everyone
has their own writing styles, even if the grammar is wrong. Not everyone is perfect, and
being nitpicky about the way a person wants to write their story is just wrong. This is
for the fun of the community. If you are going to make comments about it, please make it
into a PM and not a review. Yes, I understand that is the whole purpose of a review.
However, some people look at reviews to decide if they should read a story or not and
reviews like yours turn people off. Maybe some people like the way certain people write.
If you have anything else to say, feel free to reply to this message. Thank you.
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11759291/
Thanks for the feedback, I’ll consider what you’ve said. I capitalized words like Pokemon and Zorua and Fennekin because they are species names, which are proper nouns.
Reply link: https://www.fanfiction.net/pm2/post.php?rid=174285251#new
Subject: Your Review
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11761181/
First off, thank you for taking the time to not only PM, but to do so at such length.
Secondly, I apologize. I never fully grasped all of the rules of grammar. I wrote this
fic, to add to the Kris/Red fandom. I never intended for it to do more than entertain.
Also I wish to add this was written in the wee hours of one to six am. I have periods of
insomnia and reading and writing seems to help. I also meant to cause no offence and was
unaware using the word female was either offense or wrong. Seeing as I am one, I will
keep this most especially in mind in the future. I will take the information you’ve given
me and try to do better moving forward. On another note, however poorly done, I intended
to show animosity between the two females, caused purely by jealousy. One at being
forgotten in lue of the younger trainer. The other feeling they live in the shadow of the
elder trainer. It was not meant to be the main plot of the fan fiction. It was meant to
be the stepping point to push
Kris to accepting Red’s offer. Had I ever intended to make this more than a one shot
perhaps this would have come across better. Either way, I do thank yo…
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A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11762166/
Well um thanks for all the negativity. Will certainly be helpful later on I am sure. And I don’t make a habit of giving away everything in the beginning. Things sometimes are best left to letting it play out over the course of the story. Not everyone likes to jump on in with both feet. I tend to not give away everything in the beginning.
Also. The point of this stone is a mystery. Rumours aren’t always true. And I like to leave things up to the reader’s guesses of what happens next. How else are most novels written? If every author gave away the exact details in the beginning, it would be too fast paced.
Anyway. Thanks for the review and reading the prologue.
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11762875/
Thanks for the review, I’ll work on fixing these for the next chapter.
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11762574/
Hello, thanks for reading my story and giving me your input!
I’m aware of the difference between “It’s” and “Its”, but I am not perfect and will make mistakes. Thanks for reminding me, though. :)
That information about dialogue was very helpful! Thank you. I wasn’t aware that ‘she said’ was supposed to be lower case. But I will keep that in mind when I’m writing. The more that you know!
To my knowledge, I thought that thoughts could be indicated by quotation marks, and it was left primarily for the author to decide which format they choose to present said thoughts. Regardless, I will keep that in mind, as well as the part about breaking up two complete sentences.
Semicolons are my worst enemy (as you probably saw). I’m the best at creating run-on sentences and throwing them in where ever; so, I appreciate the fine tooth comb that you’ve taken to the story. I can’t promise that I will edit obsessively, as this is a hobby, not my profession, but I will keep a look out for the suggestions that you’ve made! I really appreciate the help wherever I can get it. So really, thank you. :)
Regarding the part where they pay… I was essentially asking where they get money, because in the games they make money from battling, but it is never really addressed in the anime where the money comes from. That’s how I view it, but maybe I should have suggested where they got the money to pay for it, rather than suggesting that they never have to pay…Oh well. I guess I missed the parts in the anime where they tell the group that it’s free. -shrugs-
Furthermore, coma theory, to my knowledge, starts the moment that Ash is electrocuted when fleeing from the Sparrow, so I didn’t think I needed to include that he was still in the pokemon world. I figured it was implied. (bad, bad author, shame on me! implying is horrible!)
Personally I like cliffhangers(even though it clearly says he wakes up, I know), so the ending was a total preference thing, but I’m sorry you didn’t enjoy it. With the way chapter two starts, the cliffhanger in chapter one works….At least I think so….
Any who! Thanks again for the help, I will keep an eye out for all of those things you pointed out, but I make no promises to improve 110% right away! Baby steps are all I can hope for, as well as the motivation to try a little bit harder!
Again, thank you so much. :) It means a lot to have someone help me with all of these things. I may even go back and re-edit the chapter to fix the mistakes you have pointed out. :D
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11761470/
Nope, I got exactly what I wanted. Thank you for gracing me with one of your copy-pasted reviews. The wait was worth it.
This might actually be true! Such is the tangled web they wove. But more on that later.
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11761470/
They were all so absurdly pleased they’d tricked me, with the help of intensely clever subterfuge, into reviewing something by posting something during the month I review things as I explain you should do if you want me to review it.
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11763115/
I’m just trying to embody the original Pokemon games. The Pokemon’s names were in all caps up until Gen 5 rolled around, so I don’t see the issue with writing about the Gen 2 storyline using the format of the game itself. I realize that I used the semicolons incorrectly a few times in this chapter, and have fixed. However, I’m curious. What’s with the whole paragraph on dialogue? I’m not sure I understand why you decided to put that there. It’s kind of just…there. The information is there, but the reason is not.
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11764252/
Alright…thanks for pointing this out I guess…I’ve always written my stories this way and never gotten something like this before…I guess there’s room for improvement. I was actually expecting your thoughts on the chapter over all, not a Language Arts lesson, but that’s cool too.
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11761609/
Honestly, your review hit the nail on the head. I was too excited and clearly rushed this chapter out, and it shows in the flaws you pointed out. I was already considering a re-write and your review pushed me over the edge.
I pushed the whole “bleak world” thing way too far, and didn’t really think it all the way through. You’re completely right and it’s one of the many changes I’ve already made in the process of re-writing.
I’ve never actually known how to properly format dialogue, so thank you. I’ll try my best to format it properly, but I doubt the transition will be smooth.
I was hoping my description of Ghestis would work, he’s always creeped me out and I’m glad I got the point across in the story.
What I wasn’t happy to hear was that Hilbert’s response fell on its face. Admittedly, it was intended to sound like standard dogma to try and get across a little bit of grey-on-grey morality. It might’ve been too early in the story for it to be effective in any way though. I’ll stand by that decision though because I don’t want to mirror the game and countless other fics.
Originally I wanted to go in a completely different direction with Ghestis’ speech, particularly Hilbert’s response. I wanted to have to have doubt appear in his mind while he’s speaking up, but couldn’t find the right words for it so I ended up scrapping it.
Your last point really stuck with me because it was the main doubt I had about releasing the story. I’ve already re-written that part and I hope you’ll enjoy how I handled it. I feel like I’ve kept to N’s character much better in the re-write.
I’ve sorely needed a review like yours, thank you. Here’s hoping you enjoy the rest of the story more than you enjoyed this one.
Subject: re: Your review to Pokemon: Lore And Legend
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11764018/
Lucifer is the name of the fallen angel who became satan/the devil. As it is a plot
device for later in the story, Lucifer is more appropriate here and using that instead of
‘devil’ was intentional.
I appreciate the critique (though most of what you said has already been mentioned by
another reviewer in case you noticed) but if you are going to critique grammar/spelling
mistakes please do so via PM rather than as part of the reviews. I would prefer the
content of the review to focus on the story/characters as opposed to any grammatical
errors. Not that grammatical/spelling advice isn’t useful or doesn’t have it’s place in
an honest review, I just feel story/characters are much more important content wise.
I am actually in desperate need of a beta(mostly for SPAG and Structure as those are not
my forte, I am not ashamed to admit my faults) so if you know of someone who would be
interested please let me know.